A fascinating thread to read, as I'm in uncharted waters since being widowed in January. Because DH had been ill for many years-- and because he surpassed any dreams of what I had hoped for in a spouse--this transition time seems less momentous than I would have expected. But, everybody says, "Don't make any major decisions for a year," so I don't.
What is unexpected is this sense that," Glad I had those 35 years with a great guy, even though through most of those years we knew our time together was limited." Actually, neither one of us expected we'd even get those 35. Probably at least 5-10 of them were a bonus.
So, I enjoyed marriage, loved DH, and was obviously sad to lose him.......but I feel like it's time to look forward and live life. He certainly would expect no less. (Nor would I have expected any less of him.)
It was a blessing that he passed before I did, as his disability would have made life extra hard for him if I were not around to help.
So, since I'm healthy, FIRED, and have a very long bucket list, my girlfriends and I have lots of plans for the years ahead. Would I remarry? Not looking, as I can't imagine a better marriage than the one DH shared with me. There are so many other things I'd like to do in life, and the years are waning. I'm hoping for at least another 25, if I can stay in decent shape.
So, yeah, as earlier post-ers noted, I'm probably one of those widows who have no interest in re-visiting what makes a good marriage: patience, accommodation, selflessness, making your place look good before people show up.
To me-- at least for now-- domesticity is done. I'll be a good grandma when that day comes. And I'll "be there" for DS and his dear wife whenever they need me. But when DH was dying, he encouraged me to live a full life after he was gone. He basically said, "You go for it!"
I'd like to.