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Old 11-22-2015, 10:33 AM   #61
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I'm seriously considering this too, mainly because the idea of living in a continual care place is pretty repulsive to some INTJs like me. I could hire someone to come in and care for me once I can't care for myself, and then I wouldn't have to be in a community setting like that. But, the caretaker could rob me blind, too. (sigh)

Like you, I simply refuse to be a burden on my daughter at all. It's just not something I would consider. My very few relatives and F are not young.
MIL enjoyed her time as a dependent while still living on her own place 45 minutes drive away. In spite of all our efforts, she achieved her objective of leaving her TH feet first. She said it was "payback time".

I said to DW, don't worry about it. Just think of your new "job" as 3x a week for the day doing whatever she wants. That made it a whole lot better for my precious type A DW. She enjoyed the final years with her mom, who passed at 93 of lung cancer.
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Old 11-22-2015, 11:36 AM   #62
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Life expectancy in the US is 78. For men, it is 76 and women it is 81. So, if you are able to survive until 75 without getting sick or have alzheimer, you may still have budget for long term care till you croak.
If you need to stretch your budget, there are countries that have cheaper long-term care like the Philippines.



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Old 11-22-2015, 06:04 PM   #63
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I have enough money to make some choices so will hire as much help as I need or move to a easier housing like a condo or apartment. If my mind fails my nephew can deal with money for me, if my body fails my niece works for a caregiver agency and can send me 24/7 caregivers.
My nephew and a cousin have offered to live together but cousin is flaky so maybe nephew if it works out right for both of us we could buy a duplex together or a house with a double master or MIL unit. My brother has the perfect house he got when mom was old. Two bedrooms, living room and bath on one side of kitchen then the other half has 3 upstairs bedrooms, family room and two more baths. Four generations have lived there so far my niece had it first and her kids born there then sold to her parents, mom lived there then niece and kids moved back for a while so now 5 bedroom house for two people. It was perfect for mom since she didn't cook or do stairs they made dinner and she kept extra salads in the fridge and bowl of fruit on the counter so great two generation house.
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Old 11-22-2015, 10:28 PM   #64
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I have a SO and a daughter but I also have a lot of friends . I have watched these friends boost each other up and help when needed .My ultimate plan is to move near my daughter into continuing care facility after my SO dies but not until I have tried other solutions . I am not a big fan of home health care unless it is for minimal needs . I have seen too many people robed by home care .
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Old 11-23-2015, 01:47 PM   #65
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Life expectancy in the US is 78. For men, it is 76 and women it is 81. So, if you are able to survive until 75 without getting sick or have alzheimer, you may still have budget for long term care till you croak.
If you need to stretch your budget, there are countries that have cheaper long-term care like the Philippines.

These figures likely represent life expectancy at birth, for recent cohort.

More relevant is life expectancy at the age when you are doing the planning.

For example, in the US all race all sex life expectancy at age 75 is 11.7 additional years, or a total of 86.7. For men only it is 10.6 years, for women 12.5 years.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/2010/022.pdf

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Old 11-24-2015, 09:40 AM   #66
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No kids, no spouse here. My notional plan is similar to W2R - a decent and progressive continuing care facility. As I'm at the tail end of the Boomers, I figure that by the time I need that situation, space won't be quite so tight as it is now.

I had one grandmother that stayed in her house until she died at 95, but she had a great network of neighbors as well as a local sister and brother that helped out a lot. We did worry about her quite a bit, though, being on her own in a two story house with a basement.

My other grandmother made the move to a continuing care facility at 91 (moving from Arizona to Chicago to be closer to two of her granddaughters). She didn't love it ("too many old people there"), but found out six weeks later she had cancer and she was gone within 3 months, mostly with hospice care in her apartment. But thank goodness she made that move, as I'm not sure what we would have done had she been on her own in Arizona at the end.

For now, I'm downsizing the big house next year, and will find out how well I do back in apartment/condo type of living. Then figure out the next move.

As for people, I have three young adult nieces and nephews that are local. I would trust any of them with my finances and/or decision making. I absolutely will not be a burden to them if I can help it. But who knows which if any of them will still be local in 20-30 years when I may need the help?

I think my best option is to have options - who knows what life will bring!
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Old 11-24-2015, 11:00 AM   #67
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We hear this over and over and over. What do old people have against other old people?

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My other grandmother made the move to a continuing care facility at 91 (moving from Arizona to Chicago to be closer to two of her granddaughters). She didn't love it ("too many old people there"),
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Old 11-24-2015, 11:52 AM   #68
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Reading this makes me want to create a residential community specially designed for us, a real-life extension of what we have at E-R.org. If it were doable, which I highly doubt, it could be a decent solution for many of us in our later years.
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Old 11-24-2015, 11:59 AM   #69
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Reading this makes me want to create a residential community specially designed for us, a real-life extension of what we have at E-R.org. If it were doable, which I highly doubt, it could be a decent solution for many of us in our later years.
A good idea, but I think most of us are spread to the four corners of the world! But creating communes for older/single/childfree (or childless) could be a great idea.
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Old 11-24-2015, 01:15 PM   #70
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But would we like it? Too many old people!

I mean...when did you ever hear a child say they didn't want to live someplace because there are "too many kids my age there"?

It doesn't make sense...why don't old people want to be around others who are going through the same things and will understand?

Cancer victims, alcoholics, people of every description seek out the support of others who are going through the same stuff. Why should old people be different?

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A good idea, but I think most of us are spread to the four corners of the world! But creating communes for older/single/childfree (or childless) could be a great idea.
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Old 11-24-2015, 01:31 PM   #71
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We hear this over and over and over. What do old people have against other old people?

My dad and my mom checked out a very nice place in Newport Beach, CA, where they still live, it was the type of place where you buy in and pay a monthly fee. Great place. Ocean view, town car service to anywhere, the whole thing.
He was horrified at all "the old people". And as you can imagine these were the pretty damn healthy and good looking old people, but he, at 86 does not relate to them.

Of course this is a guy who despite being 86 has been working with a bunch of other "not old" old guys for the last 5 years to develop, successfully, technology that can ID cancer markers in blood about 200x earlier than current technology.




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Old 11-24-2015, 01:40 PM   #72
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Because if you "think" you are in better shape than those "old people", then seeing them (and your future) is too depressing to contemplate.
This is why I hang out with younger people!
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Old 11-24-2015, 01:43 PM   #73
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Because if you "think" you are in better shape than those "old people", then seeing them (and your future) is too depressing to contemplate.
This is why I hang out with younger people!
I think my strategy might be to hang out with old but active and fun old people so I can be the youngster in the group.
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Old 11-24-2015, 02:20 PM   #74
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We hear this over and over and over. What do old people have against other old people?
I think for my grandmother, anyway, she wasn't admitting to herself that she was that old. But being around other folks her age (many who were more infirm than she was, for sure), it made her feel every year.
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Old 11-24-2015, 02:55 PM   #75
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I imagine people are wondering why I harped on this topic in this way, but it really is relevant to the OP. The OP has to do with the dilemma of not having close family members or friends to count on when you are very old.

In addition, it would appear that when you are very old, even people your own age won't want to have anything to do with you. Am I the only one who finds this rather distressing?
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Old 11-24-2015, 06:38 PM   #76
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We hear this over and over and over. What do old people have against other old people?
Death.
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For the small minority, no kids, no spouse, what's your plan?
Old 11-24-2015, 09:51 PM   #77
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For the small minority, no kids, no spouse, what's your plan?

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I imagine people are wondering why I harped on this topic in this way, but it really is relevant to the OP. The OP has to do with the dilemma of not having close family members or friends to count on when you are very old.

In addition, it would appear that when you are very old, even people your own age won't want to have anything to do with you. Am I the only one who finds this rather distressing?

I don't believe I said I had no friends, I do have many but I would not expect any of them to help me unless they were being paid.

To your other question, no, I don't find the fact that when I'm super old people won't want to be around me. That's the beauty of being an introvert.


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Old 11-25-2015, 11:36 AM   #78
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<snip>
It doesn't make sense...why don't old people want to be around others who are going through the same things and will understand?

Cancer victims, alcoholics, people of every description seek out the support of others who are going through the same stuff. Why should old people be different?
It's complicated.
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Old 11-25-2015, 11:50 AM   #79
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Perhaps many of us just don't want to be around people who are all in the same age group, even our own, whether all old or all young. And maybe it's like being around kids--we might like some kids but not all of them.
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:16 PM   #80
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It doesn't make sense...why don't old people want to be around others who are going through the same things and will understand?

Cancer victims, alcoholics, people of every description seek out the support of others who are going through the same stuff. Why should old people be different?
From my perspective it's because I know that today's "old people" are the same people I went to high school with, the same people I lived in a barracks with, the same peer group I had to earn a living with all those years. I didn't exactly groove to their nonsense then. The last thing I want to do is finish out my life with the same people/monkeys talking the same crapolla.


True story:

Happened to me just a
few months ago. Was talking to a guy who said he was 40. He was very
surprised when I told him I was about to turn 58. I said: “What?
You mean I don't look 58”? He says: “It's not just the way you
look. It's the way you act and talk. You don't sound like all these
other old, slow, dumb m***-f**'s.”

Half of me felt really good about
someone almost 20 yrs younger thinking I come across so much
younger than I am. The other half of me said: “Nice way to talk
about old people.

I figure if I come across that youthful to somebody almost 20 yrs younger, I don't stand much chance living among the old, the slow, the ........
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