Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Good NYT personal exploration on end-of-life care/aging parents
Old 07-08-2008, 12:02 PM   #1
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
ladelfina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,713
Good NYT personal exploration on end-of-life care/aging parents

What I Wish Id Done Differently - Caring for Elderly Parents – The New Old Age blog – NYTimes.com
ladelfina is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 07-08-2008, 02:20 PM   #2
Gone but not forgotten
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 11,447
Thanks Ladelfina , Interesting article !
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2008, 05:22 PM   #3
Moderator Emeritus
CuppaJoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: At The Cafe
Posts: 6,873
I just finished reading Dennis McCullough's book, "My Mother, Your Mother." Very good, although it has some slow spots; wish I had such a reference when we were dealing with mom's 20 years of decline.
CuppaJoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2008, 01:33 PM   #4
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
lazygood4nothinbum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,895
even though i already knew i did everything right, it's nice to have confirmation.

the article contradicts itself as the author seeks absolution by summarizing:
Quote:
that trajectory, alas, is unknown and unknowable but for its certain ending. So every decision we made — residential, medical, financial — was a crapshoot
yet the author had previously stated that...
Quote:
many of our crises might have been avoided. Those include unnecessary trips to the emergency room that left her in worse shape than she had been beforehand...told me that no doctor familiar with the physiology and psychology of the elderly would have operated on her without at least a discussion of the special risks to the aged
so crapshoot or improper research and lack of effort? didn't know an operation is risky in old age? i wouldn't be surprised to learn that the author put more time and effort and research into her child's daycare center.

one of the many difficult things about geriatric care is that the parent becomes the child who is not growing up but who is dying. so there is deprogramming to be done yet not much time to relearn and assume a reversed role.

this is not the child into whom you put lots of effort so that they might go off and live a long and fruitful life. this is not even the child who might be dying and into whom you would breathe your last breath in a last hope that the child might live beyond these days.

rather, this is the child who will only deteriorate further so that even with all of your efforts this person winds up in the grave and not even your last breath has a prayer of a chance to stop that. yet this is not your child; but your parent.

you give and give and give into the abyss. it is more difficult than raising a child because you get nothing back. there is no hope of cure; this is the end of life. you can only take comfort knowing that you've done all you can to palliate suffering. if only you had hope; you poor child, because knowledge isn't enough.
__________________
"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin

"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
lazygood4nothinbum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2008, 02:32 PM   #5
Gone but not forgotten
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,924
Send a message via AIM to Khan
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post

one of the many difficult things about geriatric care is that the parent becomes the child who is not growing up but who is dying. so there is deprogramming to be done yet not much time to relearn and assume a reversed role.

this is not the child into whom you put lots of effort so that they might go off and live a long and fruitful life. this is not even the child who might be dying and into whom you would breathe your last breath in a last hope that the child might live beyond these days.

rather, this is the child who will only deteriorate further so that even with all of your efforts this person winds up in the grave and not even your last breath has a prayer of a chance to stop that. yet this is not your child; but your parent.

you give and give and give into the abyss. it is more difficult than raising a child because you get nothing back. there is no hope of cure; this is the end of life. you can only take comfort knowing that you've done all you can to palliate suffering. if only you had hope; you poor child, because knowledge isn't enough.
And that is partly why there is a shortage of geriatricians: your patients (for the most part) aren't going to get much better. One can only hope to ease the inevitable.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
balancing end of life care lazygood4nothinbum Health and Early Retirement 2 10-09-2007 10:31 AM
Anyone expecting to take care of aging parents? SingleMomDreamer Young Dreamers 38 03-11-2007 02:19 PM
End of life health care lets-retire Health and Early Retirement 34 01-31-2007 01:24 PM
supporting / subsidizing aging parents WM FIRE and Money 48 01-13-2007 04:49 AM
Aging parents - What to do? John Galt Other topics 53 12-15-2004 06:50 PM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:53 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.