Last Wishes I

G, that’s terrible. Both my mom and friends were so paranoid they had it displayed in 5 places and hospice required it to be taped to the living room wall.
 
Teacher Terry said:
G, that’s terrible. Both my mom and friends were so paranoid they had it displayed in 5 places and hospice required it to be taped to the living room wall.
Click to expand...

Yes, and what you say makes perfect sense.

Maybe rules have changed. Maybe some things depend on local policies. When my grandfather died in his home after going to sleep in '98, he hadn't been under a doctor's care. My grandmother called 911. I was told that the EMTs took one look at him, shook their heads, and didn't attempt to work on him. I think he would have wanted it that way.

My mother died at home in '91, after a long battle with cancer. She wasn't under any sort of hospice care. When we found her gone, her body was already growing cold. She'd suffered for so long and was in terrible shape. It would have been a travesty and ridiculous to call 911. We just called the funeral home. The prior year, my mother had been in the hospital for several weeks and a nurse told us that she had a DNR, which they actually expected to implement.

My husband and I have living wills and POAs for each other. We're fine, that we know of, but you never know. He has said that, if necessary someday, I should produce his living will first, so I don't feel I'm having to make the difficult decisions, and rely on the POA second. He would do the same for me.
 
Red Badger said:
No, you got that wrong, amigo.... My soul belongs to God. He has no use for this carcass I'm carrying around.
Click to expand...


" My life belongs to me, including the end of it."


Notice that the statement was quoted and was not mine. I was trying to illustrate my disagreement with same.

One's Life is given to them. The end of it will be determined by those who bestowed it. We only have control over our decisions. The results of those decisions are determined...elsewhere.

When that "Eagle" comes swooping down for you ( that's a collective "you" )... I would suggest welcoming it with a smile and open arms.

That's what I did and the results have been more than favorable.


:)
 
Last edited:
My life may or may not belong to God, but it damn sure does not belong to any other human being. Those who would seek to control my decisions as to the ending of my life are kindly invited to attend to their own affairs.
 
My father was in hospice care at home dying from cancer that had metastasized to his brain. We had called the fire department to move him from the upstairs to a hospital bed downstairs. (The fire departments will do this in their down time.) A young fireman noticed some blood stains on the carpet and when we informed him it was from a fall the day prior he wanted to rush my father to the ER. We had to forcefully comment that he was in hospice and there was no need for emergency care.
 
I guess I'll be adding my unpopular opinion ...

My dad told me he filed a DNR during our last telephone call, and said he wanted to go "quickly." I was a bit upset with him and said it would be "nice for him, but not us!" He told me not to worry because he wasn't sick and all his check-ups were looking good. He was only 72. His dad lived to 87 and mom till 92.

He died from cardiac arrest, while in the emergency room, exactly 1 month later. I had not seen or talked to him since that last call.

For 6 weeks, I was a wreck because I imagined doctors stood around and watched him flat-line. They could have saved him, but they just watched him die instead ... because of that stupid DNR!

Then I finally got the courage to ask Kaiser for a copy of his last 2 years of his medical record, and the records from the emergency. Since I'm his daughter, they sent them to me.

What I learned is that, yes, they did ignore his DNR. For over 1 hour, they gave him CPR, they defib'd him at least twice, they intubated him, they gave him IV fluids to get his blood pressure back up, painkillers, other heart meds. He still died 2 and a half hours after he arrived at the emergency room.

Ever since I learned they ignored the DNR did *everything* they could to save him, I've felt more at peace.
 
Most people don’t get a DNR unless they have a terminal illness.
 
Teacher Terry said:
Most people don’t get a DNR unless they have a terminal illness.
Click to expand...

Just before they admitted me into hospital in April with sepsis, they asked DW about DNR.
 
My husband is adamant about having a DNR - and there is nothing wrong with him, at least not that I know of since he never goes to the doctor. He has posted on the wall. You would think he is going to drop dead tomorrow. :facepalm: Anytime I have gone to the hospital for surgery they have asked about my DNR. Saying most people don't have one is your opinion but not likely a fact.
 
It has been my experience that people don’t get one until they are terminally ill.
 
Teacher Terry said:
It has been my experience that people don’t get one until they are terminally ill.
Click to expand...

DH and I have them. We set them up two years ago when we redid our will and POAs etc. They are on file with our hospital and doctors' offices, with our lawyer, with our children, in our lock box at the bank. What is your experience is definitely not true for everyone.
 
Red Badger said:
I am just starting, but even the introduction was profound. The author is a well renowned surgeon with other best sellers previously penned.

Upon completion, I'll update this thread.
Click to expand...

Haven't read the book, but caught the PBS/FRONTLINE treatment of it by accident a couple years ago.
VERY compelling, and well worth the 1 hr watch -- you can view it here:
https://www.pbs.org/video/frontline-being-mortal/

Also noticed there's taped live appearance by Dr Gawande on his promo tour for the book ( 1/2 hr talk, 1/2 hr Q&A ) available online ...extremely informative and you can view it here:
https://www.pbs.org/video/university-place-being-mortal-medicine-and-what-matters-end/
 
Bestwifeever said:
DH and I have them. We set them up two years ago when we redid our will and POAs etc. They are on file with our hospital and doctors' offices, with our lawyer, with our children, in our lock box at the bank. What is your experience is definitely not true for everyone.
Click to expand...

This sounds a lot like what my dad did. He was putting his house into a new trust account, and mentioned you could do all this stuff (trust, poa, dnr) at once. No big deal.

I understand that nobody wants to be brain dead and kept alive by machines for years and years -- I don't begrudge him that. But lots of "young" and otherwise healthy men have heart attacks and survive them and live normal lives afterward. But a do-not-resuscitate order is a medical order that instructs health care providers not to do cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if a patient's breathing stops or if the patient's heart stops beating. This sounds like a highly survivable event to me.

Personally, I'm glad the doctors ignored it.

I would be happier, though, if my dad had asked all of us kids/family whether we had anything we wanted to tell him before he died. Really try to have some heart-to-heart talk, where I could thank him and tell him I love him. Look at old photos and remember old times. Instead, he was just gone. Seems like filling a DNR is a good time to initiate such a conversation with your loved ones -- instead of putting it on us to always live our lives like it might be your last day with someone. I hope some of you with DNRs will give your kids that chance before it's too late.
 
If I am ever terminal my kids will know that I have a DNR. I am shocked that people have them absent that part of the equation. As far as the brain dead scenario we have paperwork that covers those situations.
 
DNRs cover only some specific situations, which is why everyone should also have a health care POA where you've made sure your agent understands your wishes for the grayer areas.
 
My mother, who is in her mid 80s and in perfect health, has a DNR. She has lived a good life and does not want to poked, prodded and have tubes put in her. CPR can break ribs especially in the elderly. When it is time to go she doesn't want to linger.
 
Teacher Terry said:
If I am ever terminal my kids will know that I have a DNR. I am shocked that people have them absent that part of the equation. As far as the brain dead scenario we have paperwork that covers those situations.
Click to expand...
Every time you go to a hospital they ask about them . I have had one for years .I also have a health care Power of Attorney.
 
I have never been asked at the hospital.
 
A big party with lots of people at my celebration laughing and remembering how silly I was and all the ridiculous things I did over the years. My goal is to go quickly. I may have to make that decision depending on the circumstances. Do not plan to linger or suffer (it's not worth it).
 
"Last Wishes" for jeanie and I are to be like Kelly and Helen, who will celebrate 100 years in October. Kelly has a walker, but they both around to play cards 6 times a week, he still drives every day, and both are very sharp. They get along well, as Kelly agrees to whatever Helen says. Verge is 101, still beautiful, and smarter than me. Milo and Floyd are both 94. They go out for food or entertainment three times a week with their kids (age in their 70's).

At age 83, we're in no rush, but are covered legally and emotionally. When it happens, it will be with understanding. Yeah... and tears... but with appreciation for the time we've spent together.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

J
Revisiting Self-funded LTC
Replies
12
Views
1K
joesxm3
J
B
I might be retired now...
2
Replies
25
Views
5K
street
street
B
Am I ready?
Replies
21
Views
4K
Koolau
Koolau
M
Kids and Career Paths
2 3
Replies
51
Views
3K
indiajust
I
clifp
The mechanics of managing your money as we age
2
Replies
36
Views
4K
SecondCor521
SecondCor521

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom