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Old 08-23-2010, 11:14 AM   #21
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Iīm sorry, but one thing Iīm not gonna do is talk about my banal problem with anyone! What would people think?
Well, I don't claim to know anything about the cultural norms outside of America, but they might empathize, respect your willingness to share it with them, and it might make you more "human" in their eyes. That can start friendships. Not saying you should take a full page ad in the newspaper, but when the time is right, take a chance, like "how did you adjust to being retired?" or whatever words fit you.

As an aside, IMHO new depression that is not entirely situational deserves a very basic medical evaluation to be sure your thyroid, B12, and a few other simple conditions are not contributing.

As another aside, besides English and Spanish, what other languages do you speak? I have a patient who is multilingual (Spanish, English, German [her native tongue]). She swears that each language she speaks has a separate mood for her, and if she is feeling anxious/sad/cranky in English, a quick reset in her brain to bring out her Spanish side works wonders (or vice versa). Just an interesting anecdote.
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:20 AM   #22
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First of all, try not to feel embarrassed. I give you a lot of credit for putting your thoughts together. Awareness is the first part of any solution.

I also live in a rural area, which I kiddingly refer to as "East Nowhere" because it is east of the middle of nowhere, wherever that is. My cultural opportunites are slim to nonexistent. So I travel.

I understand the bad weather and short days problem. Winters here are pretty bad and "cabin fever" is a real issue.

I would suggest a few things...

1. Work on the transporation issue. Learn to drive.
2. Make a list of things you always wanted to do but didn't have or make the time. Be creative.
3. See your physician and discuss how you feel without holding anything back.
4. Pick 1 activity each day that you can start and complete within a few days. Plant some seeds indoors. Stain some worn furniture. Do laundry. Organize a room.
5. See if there is something you can do to help out the neighbors who still work. Do it for free. Do it for pay. The people contact and setting a schedule to perform favors or work tasks will do you good.

1. I canīt drive: too poor eyesight. Thatīs why I cycle.
2. thatīs the summation of my problem
3. Sorry but I donīt see myself discussing this banal thing with a doc.
4. See 1.
5. Tried teaching English for free ot boys. Helping them with teir homework. Ungrateful brats: they didnīt pay attention and played hookey!
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:27 AM   #23
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Rich: There might be something there with languages. One thing is certain: I feel great when Iīm posting here. Donīt know if itīs the language or the comunication. Probably both. Maybe the anonymity in the posting (does this word exist?) contributes to my well being, too
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:43 AM   #24
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Rich: There might be something there with languages. One thing is certain: I feel great when Iīm posting here. Donīt know if itīs the language or the comunication. Probably both. Maybe the anonymity in the posting (does this word exist?) contributes to my well being, too
Well just remember your signature line ...
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:59 AM   #25
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....
Could it be that what I need is a passion/enthusiasm like the one I get with a good film/book/conversation?

....
That would be ideal, IMO. When my back was giving me a lot of trouble just after I retired and I couldn't walk very far, I took an online class in American Art History and got obsessed with it. I've been taking art history classes for years but as a retiree, I can give it a lot more time. Now that my back is good, I just started one in person at a museum and am totally obsessed, no time for depression; it is three hours in class once a week and takes up the whole day, including a long commute, lunch out and some time in the galleries. Not to mention reading the textbook, writing papers and preparing for exams.

Maybe someone here knows of a good online bookclub as I know you love reading, Vicente. The couple of forums I've seen are not very active. You might also enjoy taking an online film class, I loved doing that while stuck at work all day.
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Old 08-23-2010, 12:39 PM   #26
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Vicente, a lot of kind and helpful suggestions here. Taking just one of them and giving it a try would likely help.

What is less likely to help is continuing on the exact same path as before.

Is your village close enough to your house that you can walk or bike down there easily? How about buses or trains? Where I live there are many coffee houses, bars and other places where people gather. Usually one coffee house will be most popular for the older men. It is pretty easy to just sit down and join in. Now I would not try to suggest that these will be entertaining, enlightening or stimulating conversations. More just typically cranky old men. But these guys are breathing, and you might find that to be enough.

I lived out on an island in a very pretty spot. Once my kids were up and out, and my wife took off it became a tomb for me. I quickly realized that I am not one of the guys who could happily tinker away alone, going to town occasionally for nails or groceries. Didn't take me long to realize that my salvation lay in Seattle. I commuted back and forth for awhile, going to dances, parties, etc. but then I got whacked on the road and I decided my life as a pleasure commuter was over and moved.

Ultimately you too may need a more urban situation.

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Old 08-23-2010, 01:02 PM   #27
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A part time job might get you out of your funk. Maybe working in a library, news stand/book store, or any kind of fun shop. Join a fitness center for a place to go a few hours a week. There are lot's of things you can do that will add up and take care of most of your day. But if all these things are out of your reach because of you not driving, I'm not sure how to overcome that. Going to have to bum a ride if you can't cycle there.

I do wish you the best of luck.
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Old 08-23-2010, 01:10 PM   #28
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When I am feeling blue I try to remember or create something to look forward to, or to have hope about. If you are becoming clinically depressed, however, that sort of remedy likely will not be enough and a doctor can be very helpful in identifying symptoms and treating you.

I imagine it is harder in a small town or isolated area to identify others who share your interests--you already know everyone, probably.

I think you have had cats in the past? Do you still have pets? They make us smile without even trying to.

But like I said, a doctor can help (and will be happy to do so) if your spirits don't lift on their own.
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Old 08-23-2010, 01:11 PM   #29
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This is all great advice folks, I'm feeling much better already

oops, wait a minute, this is Vicente's thread is it not

Vicente,

You say that you like posting on this site, and we enjoy reading your posts. You once told me the area you lived in and I had look on Google Maps to see the region. It looks really beautiful.

May be you would consider starting some threads giving a little description of some of the lovely towns and villages where you live on the Travel Information forum (we don't need to know which one you actually live in). It would be good practice for your english writing skills and be very useful information for us travelers looking for places to visit or even just imagine being there. You may even have to visit some of them to check out good places to eat etc.

Hopefully there are means to get about on public transportation for such a project. We just got back from 10 weeks in England where we traveled to quite a number of places, using bus and rail and staying in student dorms, Bed and Breakfast spots etc.

just a thought .....
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Old 08-23-2010, 01:12 PM   #30
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Old 08-23-2010, 01:49 PM   #31
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Sounds to me like isolation is a lot of the issue. Is it possible to move into town where you can more easily be around people to join a hobby group or book club or bridge games or go to coffee shops or whatever? It may be a major change to you and your wife's plans and lifestyle, but then again it sounds like you really need a change. It might help to explain to your wife why you want to move, but you can also probably come up with excuses for it that may be good enough.

Alternatively, there are more online activities like book clubs, game sites, forums (like this) etc, that could take the place of doing those things locally in person.

I somewhat understand your position not to share your feelings with your wife or a therapist, but I bet it would go better to get it out in the open. Creating this thread was a good start and it's a good sign that you recognize what you're going through. I hope you'll consider taking it further. I really don't think your wife will feel burdened, but of course I really don't know you or her.

Good luck!
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:00 PM   #32
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Here's one for the ladies. . Vicente, you say your wife is a darling. How about taking one workday/week and making her your hobby/obsession. Figure out something to have ready when she arrives home that would make her very happy. Could be something different every week.
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:09 PM   #33
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Here's one for the ladies. . Vicente, you say your wife is a darling. How about taking one workday/week and making her your hobby/obsession. Figure out something to have ready when she arrives home that would make her very happy. Could be something different every week.
ooooooooo...I like that!

I could make a long list of things I'd like! ....(to help out Vicente of course)..
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:53 PM   #34
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Here's one for the ladies. . Vicente, you say your wife is a darling. How about taking one workday/week and making her your hobby/obsession. Figure out something to have ready when she arrives home that would make her very happy. Could be something different every week.
Now Joe, let's not get too extreme. It may be that less taxing measures would suffice..

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Old 08-23-2010, 06:39 PM   #35
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Vicente, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling blue. I have long thought that if I were in your area, I would like to walk the Camino de Santiago. I understand that one can meet a variety of interesting people from all over the world. But perhaps you have already done this.
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Old 08-23-2010, 07:16 PM   #36
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As an aside, IMHO new depression that is not entirely situational deserves a very basic medical evaluation to be sure your thyroid, B12, and a few other simple conditions are not contributing.
I'd add to that magnesium and vitamin D.

Vincente, if volunteer work with kids didn't work out, maybe something helping animals would work better for you. I know when I quit work the first time and was home with the kids I checked out a lot of different clubs and groups and then just cut back to the few I really liked. Maybe some other type of volunteer work than the one you described in your post would suit you better.
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:36 PM   #37
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Any way to get your eyes fixed?
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:08 AM   #38
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How about an Au pair, who comes in only during the day on weekdays? And with your poor eyesight, interviewing candidates should be quick

Just trying to be helpful
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Old 08-24-2010, 02:51 AM   #39
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Well just remember your signature line ...
Thatīs exactly what Iīve done starting this thread. And grateful for all the answers. Sadly they are better suited to positive and proactive personalities
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Old 08-24-2010, 02:59 AM   #40
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Maybe someone here knows of a good online bookclub as I know you love reading, Vicente. The couple of forums I've seen are not very active. You might also enjoy taking an online film class, I loved doing that while stuck at work all day.
No more book forums for me, thank you, Cuppa. As forums go, this one is very comprehensive, down to earth, entertaining..... At the risk of overdoing it, Iīll say again that it meet my online demands.
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