Little by little sliding into mild depression.

[vicente solano]

I´m embarrassed to admit that boredom, bordering in something like mild depression, is, slowily but relentlessly, encroaching on me. I don´t believe too much in therapists, so I resort to you, real ERed peopole for help and advice.
I´m convinced that I am the only one to blame for my apathy, as I lack enough interests and hobbies to fill all the free time. Reading and cycling have proved not to be enough, even in summer.
I live in the countryside in a small village that is sparsely populated, no amenities, and most of the people still work. Including my wife. Add to all this bad transportation (I can´t drive) and you have the whole picture.
I suspect that whatever is to be done in the line of hobbies will have to be indoors, bad weather and short days being the reasons.
Could it be that what I need is a passion/enthusiasm like the one I get with a good film/book/conversation?

I´m counting on you, to help me out. For the moment I haven´t told my wife about this, but she´ll eventually notice it. it´ll upset her and she doesn´t deserve it. She is a darling.

Thanks for reading this post.

 

[donheff]

It could simply be boredom. I have noticed some other threads you have been involved in that touch on hobbies/activities to get past boredom and I don't have any suggestions to add to them. But I do recommend that you don't assume the only possible conclusion is that you are "at fault" and can just add an activity to get past this. If you are sliding into a depression it may be a physical disease process and meds can provide significant relief. They can help kick you back onto a more updeat cycle where you can fall back on your own resources.

 

[cardude]

..........most of the people still work. Including my wife.

Does she have plans to retire soon?

I'm also retired and my wife still works, and I do get bored from time to time doing the routine chores around the house, grocery shopping, etc. I try to combat this by doing something different, just for myself, like taking a quick little local surf trip and just chilling at the beach, or sometimes I take a longer guy trip to a better surf location (like Costa Rica). My point is, do something for yourself from time to time. Don't forget to live.

Also, I'm kind of a loner but when I get out and talk to other people I find it does recharge my battery and gets my mind going again. I really have to MAKE myself get out and talk to people these days, but when I do it makes me feel better afterwards.

Exercise, if you are able, also helps. Also, don't drink too much alcohol. That can get you down after awhile.

Keep working on it! Life is good!

 

[Sarah in SC]

You still need goals, even if you aren't paid for them. Only you can develop and sustain these goals, so putting some time and thought into what is meaningful and what you are willing to work towards will be time well spent.
Being responsible for your own entertainment is scary stuff, for sure. I think DH will have these same problems at FIRE, as he's not done the hard work of figuring out what he wants to do with his time, either.

 

[Purron]

Vincente,

You mentioned two activities you enjoy - reading and cycling. Since most of the people you know work, I'm assuming these are solitary activities. You impress me as the kind of person who is social and enjoys being around people. I would try to find some activities involving other people. Are there any clubs or social groups in your area? Is there a library in your village? If there isn't a library, is there a need to organize an effort to establish one?

Just some thoughts....

 

[Moscyn]

Indoor hobby? How about cooking or baking. Cooking is for both men and women. There's so much about cooking that is likeable. Preparing the food brings out great smell and tasting it is such a delight. Just try a dish or two and see how it goes. Time passes very fast when one has to plan the ingredients and prepare and cook. Your brain is working and so are your hands, taste buds, nose etc.

 

[Tigger]

I agree with Sarah. If you get bored and down, goals can probably help a lot.

Did you have any dreams in the past that you haven't realized yet? Any hobbies that you want to join or create a local club for? Any things you can do to get out of your confort zone? Do you have a garden where you'd like to grow your own organic food? (gardening is hard work, but good for the soul, or so I hear)

If you really can't find anything to do, you could always put your time to good use and do research into slowing down the subjective speed of time (by other means than boredom). I need information about that!

 

[dex]

I´m embarrassed to admit that boredom, bordering in something like mild depression, is, slowily but relentlessly, encroaching on me. I don´t believe too much in therapists, so I resort to you, real ERed peopole for help and advice.

A couple of suggestions.
First, research the different types of depression and their symptoms to help identify if you have it.
Second, talking about how you are feeling and interacting with other people helps. Talk with your wife about it. You are fortunate you are not alone.
Third, remember there is hope of change. You felt happy before and with some change/help you will again.
Fourth, talk about it with your doctor.
Fifth, write down the changes in your behavior and thoughts
Understanding Depression: Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Help

A couple of thoughts to get started.
1 - Monitor and reduce the amount of time spent on the internet and watching TV
2 - Get into a regular routine of exercise - nothing extraordinary - just walking every day

What do you think?

 

[vicente solano]

It could simply But I do recommend that you don't assume the only possible conclusion is that you are "at fault" and can just add an activity to get past this.

Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but I´m the only one to blame for not having illusions, interests, aspirations....etc

 

[vicente solano]

Does she have plans to retire soon?

!

I don´t know. She´s got at least 13 years left of work.

 

[vicente solano]

Being responsible for your own entertainment is scary stuff, for sure. I think DH will have these same problems at FIRE, as he's not done the hard work of figuring out what he wants to do with his time, either.

I didn´t expect to ER. I was mandatory laid off with thre month´s notice. But after 5 years of retirement....shouldn´t I know what to do with myself?

 

[vicente solano]

Vincente,

You impress me as the kind of person who is social and enjoys being around people. I would try to find some activities involving other people. ....

Your impression is correct as long as those people are amusing and entertaining....... I am afraid that sounds presumptuous and pedantic. But I can assure you that I am far from that. quite the opposite, although not gregarious

 

[vicente solano]

Indoor hobby? How about cooking or baking. Cooking is for both men and women.

I don´t mind helping my wife in those chores. But frankly i don´t see them appealing to me

 

[vicente solano]

If you really can't find anything to do, you could always put your time to good use and do research into slowing down the subjective speed of time (by other means than boredom). I need information about that!

I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking what I would want to do. Doesn´t this amount to more or less the same thing?

 

[bbbamI]

Vicente....get a job. After a while feeling bored won't be so bad after all....you'll be happy to return to it.

 

[freebird5825]

I´m embarrassed to admit that boredom, bordering in something like mild depression, is, slowily but relentlessly, encroaching on me. I don´t believe too much in therapists, so I resort to you, real ERed peopole for help and advice.
I´m convinced that I am the only one to blame for my apathy, as I lack enough interests and hobbies to fill all the free time. Reading and cycling have proved not to be enough, even in summer.
I live in the countryside in a small village that is sparsely populated, no amenities, and most of the people still work. Including my wife. Add to all this bad transportation (I can´t drive) and you have the whole picture.
I suspect that whatever is to be done in the line of hobbies will have to be indoors, bad weather and short days being the reasons.
Could it be that what I need is a passion/enthusiasm like the one I get with a good film/book/conversation?

I´m counting on you, to help me out. For the moment I haven´t told my wife about this, but she´ll eventually notice it. it´ll upset her and she doesn´t deserve it. She is a darling.

Thanks for reading this post.

First of all, try not to feel embarrassed. I give you a lot of credit for putting your thoughts together. Awareness is the first part of any solution.

I also live in a rural area, which I kiddingly refer to as "East Nowhere" because it is east of the middle of nowhere, wherever that is. My cultural opportunites are slim to nonexistent. So I travel.

I understand the bad weather and short days problem. Winters here are pretty bad and "cabin fever" is a real issue.

I would suggest a few things...

1. Work on the transporation issue. Learn to drive.
2. Make a list of things you always wanted to do but didn't have or make the time. Be creative.
3. See your physician and discuss how you feel without holding anything back.
4. Pick 1 activity each day that you can start and complete within a few days. Plant some seeds indoors. Stain some worn furniture. Do laundry. Organize a room.
5. See if there is something you can do to help out the neighbors who still work. Do it for free. Do it for pay. The people contact and setting a schedule to perform favors or work tasks will do you good.

 

[vicente solano]

?

I´m sorry, but one thing I´m not gonna do is talk about my banal problem with anyone! What would people think? That I should look around and see what are real reasons to feel melancholic and apathetic. And to stop whining!

 

[vicente solano]

Vicente....get a job. After a while feeling bored won't be so bad after all....you'll be happy to return to it.

You won´t believe me if I tell you that that is just the thought that ultimately conforts me when I´m down with my stupid wondering if I was better off working!
And talking about wondering......I wonder if having such a great time in this forum with some of you is a foolproof evidence of my absolute lack of intellectual or vital substance!

 

[dex]

I´m sorry, but one thing I´m not gonna do is talk about my banal problem with anyone! What would people think? That I should look around and see what are real reasons to feel melancholic and apathetic. And to stop whining!

Generally, men have that issue. It is one of the reasons men have a higher death rate than women for some medical problems. That women generally have a larger social support system than men is also a help for them.

I fully understand that it is difficult to as for help; I am very similar to you in that regard.

I wish you all the best with what you are going through.

 

[bbbamI]

You won´t believe me if I tell you that that is just the thought that ultimately conforts me when I´m down with my stupid wondering if I was better off working!

Well, I know it works for me darlin'.

And talking about wondering......I wonder if having such a great time in this forum with some of you is a foolproof evidence of my absolute lack of intellectual or vital substance!

Hey...no doubt.

Lord knows I don't provide anything substantial here....and everyone has come to accept that.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

I´m sorry, but one thing I´m not gonna do is talk about my banal problem with anyone! What would people think?

Well, I don't claim to know anything about the cultural norms outside of America, but they might empathize, respect your willingness to share it with them, and it might make you more "human" in their eyes. That can start friendships. Not saying you should take a full page ad in the newspaper, but when the time is right, take a chance, like "how did you adjust to being retired?" or whatever words fit you.

As an aside, IMHO new depression that is not entirely situational deserves a very basic medical evaluation to be sure your thyroid, B12, and a few other simple conditions are not contributing.

As another aside, besides English and Spanish, what other languages do you speak? I have a patient who is multilingual (Spanish, English, German [her native tongue]). She swears that each language she speaks has a separate mood for her, and if she is feeling anxious/sad/cranky in English, a quick reset in her brain to bring out her Spanish side works wonders (or vice versa). Just an interesting anecdote.

 

[vicente solano]

First of all, try not to feel embarrassed. I give you a lot of credit for putting your thoughts together. Awareness is the first part of any solution.

I also live in a rural area, which I kiddingly refer to as "East Nowhere" because it is east of the middle of nowhere, wherever that is. My cultural opportunites are slim to nonexistent. So I travel.

I understand the bad weather and short days problem. Winters here are pretty bad and "cabin fever" is a real issue.

I would suggest a few things...

1. Work on the transporation issue. Learn to drive.
2. Make a list of things you always wanted to do but didn't have or make the time. Be creative.
3. See your physician and discuss how you feel without holding anything back.
4. Pick 1 activity each day that you can start and complete within a few days. Plant some seeds indoors. Stain some worn furniture. Do laundry. Organize a room.
5. See if there is something you can do to help out the neighbors who still work. Do it for free. Do it for pay. The people contact and setting a schedule to perform favors or work tasks will do you good.

1. I can´t drive: too poor eyesight. That´s why I cycle.
2. that´s the summation of my problem
3. Sorry but I don´t see myself discussing this banal thing with a doc.
4. See 1.
5. Tried teaching English for free ot boys. Helping them with teir homework. Ungrateful brats: they didn´t pay attention and played hookey!

 

[vicente solano]

Rich: There might be something there with languages. One thing is certain: I feel great when I´m posting here. Don´t know if it´s the language or the comunication. Probably both. Maybe the anonymity in the posting (does this word exist?) contributes to my well being, too

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

Rich: There might be something there with languages. One thing is certain: I feel great when I´m posting here. Don´t know if it´s the language or the comunication. Probably both. Maybe the anonymity in the posting (does this word exist?) contributes to my well being, too

Well just remember your signature line ...

 

[CuppaJoe]

....
Could it be that what I need is a passion/enthusiasm like the one I get with a good film/book/conversation?

....

That would be ideal, IMO. When my back was giving me a lot of trouble just after I retired and I couldn't walk very far, I took an online class in American Art History and got obsessed with it. I've been taking art history classes for years but as a retiree, I can give it a lot more time. Now that my back is good, I just started one in person at a museum and am totally obsessed, no time for depression; it is three hours in class once a week and takes up the whole day, including a long commute, lunch out and some time in the galleries. Not to mention reading the textbook, writing papers and preparing for exams.

Maybe someone here knows of a good online bookclub as I know you love reading, Vicente. The couple of forums I've seen are not very active. You might also enjoy taking an online film class, I loved doing that while stuck at work all day.