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Little by little sliding into mild depression.
Old 08-23-2010, 03:38 AM   #1
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Little by little sliding into mild depression.

Iīm embarrassed to admit that boredom, bordering in something like mild depression, is, slowily but relentlessly, encroaching on me. I donīt believe too much in therapists, so I resort to you, real ERed peopole for help and advice.
Iīm convinced that I am the only one to blame for my apathy, as I lack enough interests and hobbies to fill all the free time. Reading and cycling have proved not to be enough, even in summer.
I live in the countryside in a small village that is sparsely populated, no amenities, and most of the people still work. Including my wife. Add to all this bad transportation (I canīt drive) and you have the whole picture.
I suspect that whatever is to be done in the line of hobbies will have to be indoors, bad weather and short days being the reasons.
Could it be that what I need is a passion/enthusiasm like the one I get with a good film/book/conversation?

Iīm counting on you, to help me out. For the moment I havenīt told my wife about this, but sheīll eventually notice it. itīll upset her and she doesnīt deserve it. She is a darling.

Thanks for reading this post.
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Old 08-23-2010, 07:26 AM   #2
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It could simply be boredom. I have noticed some other threads you have been involved in that touch on hobbies/activities to get past boredom and I don't have any suggestions to add to them. But I do recommend that you don't assume the only possible conclusion is that you are "at fault" and can just add an activity to get past this. If you are sliding into a depression it may be a physical disease process and meds can provide significant relief. They can help kick you back onto a more updeat cycle where you can fall back on your own resources.
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Old 08-23-2010, 08:17 AM   #3
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..........most of the people still work. Including my wife.
Does she have plans to retire soon?

I'm also retired and my wife still works, and I do get bored from time to time doing the routine chores around the house, grocery shopping, etc. I try to combat this by doing something different, just for myself, like taking a quick little local surf trip and just chilling at the beach, or sometimes I take a longer guy trip to a better surf location (like Costa Rica). My point is, do something for yourself from time to time. Don't forget to live.

Also, I'm kind of a loner but when I get out and talk to other people I find it does recharge my battery and gets my mind going again. I really have to MAKE myself get out and talk to people these days, but when I do it makes me feel better afterwards.

Exercise, if you are able, also helps. Also, don't drink too much alcohol. That can get you down after awhile.

Keep working on it! Life is good!
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Old 08-23-2010, 08:29 AM   #4
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You still need goals, even if you aren't paid for them. Only you can develop and sustain these goals, so putting some time and thought into what is meaningful and what you are willing to work towards will be time well spent.
Being responsible for your own entertainment is scary stuff, for sure. I think DH will have these same problems at FIRE, as he's not done the hard work of figuring out what he wants to do with his time, either.
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Old 08-23-2010, 08:40 AM   #5
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Vincente,

You mentioned two activities you enjoy - reading and cycling. Since most of the people you know work, I'm assuming these are solitary activities. You impress me as the kind of person who is social and enjoys being around people. I would try to find some activities involving other people. Are there any clubs or social groups in your area? Is there a library in your village? If there isn't a library, is there a need to organize an effort to establish one?

Just some thoughts....
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Old 08-23-2010, 08:42 AM   #6
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Indoor hobby? How about cooking or baking. Cooking is for both men and women. There's so much about cooking that is likeable. Preparing the food brings out great smell and tasting it is such a delight. Just try a dish or two and see how it goes. Time passes very fast when one has to plan the ingredients and prepare and cook. Your brain is working and so are your hands, taste buds, nose etc.
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Old 08-23-2010, 08:44 AM   #7
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I agree with Sarah. If you get bored and down, goals can probably help a lot.

Did you have any dreams in the past that you haven't realized yet? Any hobbies that you want to join or create a local club for? Any things you can do to get out of your confort zone? Do you have a garden where you'd like to grow your own organic food? (gardening is hard work, but good for the soul, or so I hear)

If you really can't find anything to do, you could always put your time to good use and do research into slowing down the subjective speed of time (by other means than boredom). I need information about that!
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Old 08-23-2010, 09:07 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by vicente solano View Post
Iīm embarrassed to admit that boredom, bordering in something like mild depression, is, slowily but relentlessly, encroaching on me. I donīt believe too much in therapists, so I resort to you, real ERed peopole for help and advice.
A couple of suggestions.
First, research the different types of depression and their symptoms to help identify if you have it.
Second, talking about how you are feeling and interacting with other people helps. Talk with your wife about it. You are fortunate you are not alone.
Third, remember there is hope of change. You felt happy before and with some change/help you will again.
Fourth, talk about it with your doctor.
Fifth, write down the changes in your behavior and thoughts
Understanding Depression: Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Help

A couple of thoughts to get started.
1 - Monitor and reduce the amount of time spent on the internet and watching TV
2 - Get into a regular routine of exercise - nothing extraordinary - just walking every day

What do you think?
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:26 AM   #9
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It could simply But I do recommend that you don't assume the only possible conclusion is that you are "at fault" and can just add an activity to get past this.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but Iīm the only one to blame for not having illusions, interests, aspirations....etc
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:29 AM   #10
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Does she have plans to retire soon?

!
I donīt know. Sheīs got at least 13 years left of work.
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:34 AM   #11
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Being responsible for your own entertainment is scary stuff, for sure. I think DH will have these same problems at FIRE, as he's not done the hard work of figuring out what he wants to do with his time, either.
I didnīt expect to ER. I was mandatory laid off with thre monthīs notice. But after 5 years of retirement....shouldnīt I know what to do with myself?
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:39 AM   #12
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Vincente,

You impress me as the kind of person who is social and enjoys being around people. I would try to find some activities involving other people. ....
Your impression is correct as long as those people are amusing and entertaining....... I am afraid that sounds presumptuous and pedantic. But I can assure you that I am far from that. quite the opposite, although not gregarious
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:42 AM   #13
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Indoor hobby? How about cooking or baking. Cooking is for both men and women.
I donīt mind helping my wife in those chores. But frankly i donīt see them appealing to me
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:44 AM   #14
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If you really can't find anything to do, you could always put your time to good use and do research into slowing down the subjective speed of time (by other means than boredom). I need information about that!
I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking what I would want to do. Doesnīt this amount to more or less the same thing?
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:47 AM   #15
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Vicente....get a job. After a while feeling bored won't be so bad after all....you'll be happy to return to it.
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:48 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by vicente solano View Post
Iīm embarrassed to admit that boredom, bordering in something like mild depression, is, slowily but relentlessly, encroaching on me. I donīt believe too much in therapists, so I resort to you, real ERed peopole for help and advice.
Iīm convinced that I am the only one to blame for my apathy, as I lack enough interests and hobbies to fill all the free time. Reading and cycling have proved not to be enough, even in summer.
I live in the countryside in a small village that is sparsely populated, no amenities, and most of the people still work. Including my wife. Add to all this bad transportation (I canīt drive) and you have the whole picture.
I suspect that whatever is to be done in the line of hobbies will have to be indoors, bad weather and short days being the reasons.
Could it be that what I need is a passion/enthusiasm like the one I get with a good film/book/conversation?

Iīm counting on you, to help me out. For the moment I havenīt told my wife about this, but sheīll eventually notice it. itīll upset her and she doesnīt deserve it. She is a darling.

Thanks for reading this post.
First of all, try not to feel embarrassed. I give you a lot of credit for putting your thoughts together. Awareness is the first part of any solution.

I also live in a rural area, which I kiddingly refer to as "East Nowhere" because it is east of the middle of nowhere, wherever that is. My cultural opportunites are slim to nonexistent. So I travel.

I understand the bad weather and short days problem. Winters here are pretty bad and "cabin fever" is a real issue.

I would suggest a few things...

1. Work on the transporation issue. Learn to drive.
2. Make a list of things you always wanted to do but didn't have or make the time. Be creative.
3. See your physician and discuss how you feel without holding anything back.
4. Pick 1 activity each day that you can start and complete within a few days. Plant some seeds indoors. Stain some worn furniture. Do laundry. Organize a room.
5. See if there is something you can do to help out the neighbors who still work. Do it for free. Do it for pay. The people contact and setting a schedule to perform favors or work tasks will do you good.

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Old 08-23-2010, 10:51 AM   #17
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?
Iīm sorry, but one thing Iīm not gonna do is talk about my banal problem with anyone! What would people think? That I should look around and see what are real reasons to feel melancholic and apathetic. And to stop whining!
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:02 AM   #18
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Vicente....get a job. After a while feeling bored won't be so bad after all....you'll be happy to return to it.
You wonīt believe me if I tell you that that is just the thought that ultimately conforts me when Iīm down with my stupid wondering if I was better off working!
And talking about wondering......I wonder if having such a great time in this forum with some of you is a foolproof evidence of my absolute lack of intellectual or vital substance!
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:06 AM   #19
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Iīm sorry, but one thing Iīm not gonna do is talk about my banal problem with anyone! What would people think? That I should look around and see what are real reasons to feel melancholic and apathetic. And to stop whining!
Generally, men have that issue. It is one of the reasons men have a higher death rate than women for some medical problems. That women generally have a larger social support system than men is also a help for them.

I fully understand that it is difficult to as for help; I am very similar to you in that regard.

I wish you all the best with what you are going through.
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:13 AM   #20
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You wonīt believe me if I tell you that that is just the thought that ultimately conforts me when Iīm down with my stupid wondering if I was better off working!
Well, I know it works for me darlin'.
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And talking about wondering......I wonder if having such a great time in this forum with some of you is a foolproof evidence of my absolute lack of intellectual or vital substance!
Hey...no doubt.

Lord knows I don't provide anything substantial here....and everyone has come to accept that.
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