Missing Link - Companion Care

[RobbieB]

I'll just pay a licensed and bonded firm.

[Koolau]

This subject is yet one more train wreck facing 21st Century 1st world nations. We can now keep folks alive well past their "sell-by" date (been waiting a long time to use that term, heh, heh. ) But seriously, "rich" folks can hire good (bonded, trained, etc.) assistants when they can no longer care for themselves fully. The "poor" will become dependent on "some" gummint program (yet to be determined?) paid by the rest of us (or our kids.) The idea of finding a symbiotic relationship (I think that's what imoldernu is suggesting) COULD work, but is fraught with so many possibilities for abuse that the gummint almost certainly will eventually make such relationships illegal or else regulate them out of existence - especially if any money changes hands.

For the past year, we have sort of adopted a 90 year old lady in our building. She is in very good shape for her age, but lacks companionship. Additionally, she gets a bit confused. She's also a bit unstable on her feet - but refuses to routinely use her cane. She fell into a stucco wall and tore the skin on her arm, so I took her to the urgent care and watched them clean the wound and super-glue her skin back (cool!) While she was visiting on the mainland, pigeons moved into her lanai and the landlord refused to have it cleaned (and put in screens). We found a guy who had worked for us to do the work - cheap by HI standards. We take her out to lunch (either dutch or she might pay occasionally as a thank-you - Costco hot dogs/drink are $1.50!). We have become a significant part of her support system without any remuneration BUT without any liability or official responsibility. It's just enough help to make her existence more fulfilling. On our part, we enjoy her company and the WEALTH of stories she has to tell about the generation before ours. I DO consider this relationship symbiotic though it is occasionally inconvenient to us.

One of the reasons at (pushing 70) we don't spend 5 or 6% is because we "fear" needing to pay for home care (to avoid a "facility") and not being able to afford the equivalent $25/hour to get good reliable (bonded) help. When the time comes we need help, I would be surprised if we have a neighbor willing to assist us as we have our new (old) friend. Actually, I guess I'm hoping to just wake up dead some fine sunny morning and bypass the whole business. YMMV

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Koolau The "poor" will become dependent on "some" gummint program (yet to be determined?) paid by the rest of us (or our kids.) <snip> One of the reasons at (pushing 70) we don't spend 5 or 6% is because we "fear" needing to pay for home care (to avoid a "facility") and not being able to afford the equivalent $25/hour to get good reliable (bonded) help. When the time comes we need help, I would be surprised if we have a neighbor willing to assist us as we have our new (old) friend. Actually, I guess I'm hoping to just wake up dead some fine sunny morning and bypass the whole business. YMMV

We've already got Medicaid for people who haven't saved (or couldn't) but I fear that it's going to be way over-stressed in the future and nursing homes that accept Medicaid are going to be bare-bones warehouses. No Wi-Fi. No exercise classes or craft rooms. No pools. No access to dentists (already a problem in some facilities).

They're experimenting in France with group living- the podcast I saw was a mix of younger and older women. I can see why the older women would want it, but as they age and become less able to do household tasks such as cooking and cleaning (which might have been a motivator for the younger women to live there), it might be less desirable for the younger ones.

[splitwdw]

Like Koolau, I help an elderly neighbor but it can be a problem at times. He has no family close by. He's getting to the point where he needs a cane to get around. I worry about him going up and down his steep basement steps for laundry or even going down his driveway which is short but steep. He's always been a good neighbor so I don't mind helping when I can. BUT he's always been a talker and it's hard to get away when you do stop over. It's even harder now that his wife just passed because he's lonesome. I mow his lawn and shovel snow and about once a week will take over cake or fruit and sit with him while we "eat dessert". I help him because that's how I was raised, to help your neighbor. I don't know his finances and don't know if he could afford any help. He and his wife were very frugal. For now I can help him.
I work full time, have a husband whose sick (but finally improving) and help my neighbor. I'm only in my 40's but can see how a caregiver could get tired of working all the time. When I have one of my migraines I sure don't want to do any of it but I do. I do everything at my house on the inside and outside plus the extra care I've had since last year when my husband got sick. I make sure I see my family and friends so I'm not alone and go hiking/walking several times a week. Hate when winter came last year and I ended up walking in the dark. I can't imagine doing what I do now if my parents or grandparents got sick and needed help too. We are also in the group of people here that don't have any children that might help.

[jazz4cash]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover I inquired with our local township's senior center if there were older people that needed free light maintenance / repair work done so they could stay in their homes (change high light bulbs, maybe build a ramp, etc). The response was that it was a wonderful thought, but there was just too much risk involved that I would be a criminal. I see their point, but it seems like it is a solvable problem with a huge upside.

Our neighborhood community association does this. I volunteered for the handyman stuff but luckily I've never been called. Most of the churches seem to have some sort of outreach as well.

[Teacher Terry]

In the past 4 years we have had 3 good friends need help. We started helping all 3 of them but eventually they all needed more help then we could do. We ended up exhausted and there are 2 of us to help. One was a couple where she had Alzheimer's and he had terminal cancer. Finally I put the wife in a care home and he went to live with his son until he died. My other friend belongs in a home but won't go ( her MS has gotten so bad). I backed off from taking her to appointments 3x's week to picking her up for lunch, etc a few times a month. Her one other good friend keeps enabling her by buying all her groceries, etc. They want her to go into a home too but I don't think she will until she is forced to face reality. As long as they do everything she won't. We dropped out in Jan so more burden is now on them. It can get to be a tough situation that can snowball before you know it. Then it can lead to resentment.