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- Jul 18, 2010
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(Warning, this is long one.)
My 82 year old mother has had severe arthritis for many years. She is overweight but other than that and the arthritis, generally healthy. She had one knee replaced about 15 years ago but didn't feel that it made things much better so refused to have the 2nd one done. She started water exercise after the knee surgery and it did wonders. Unfortunately, my father died after a short illness about 6 years ago, and she moved to an independent living complex near my sister in a small town with no water exercise facilities at all. So she hasn't had any good exercise in that period (she tried a seated exercise program but about 3 years ago she said it hurt too much to continue). Things really started downhill when she fell in her bathroom last summer and injured her shoulder (nothing broken, just lots more pain). She decided she no longer felt comfortable walking around her apartment (she has a scooter but until then used it only when she left the apartment). So now she basically goes from her bed to her lift chair to her scooter and back again with essentially no walking. As a result, she has dramatically lost physical condition and especially balance. Her GP prescribed therapy twice in the past 6 months and she refuses to cooperate saying it hurts too much.
In December, she fell again and thought she was knocked unconscious so my sister took her to the ER. Found out that her head was fine but she had an undiagnosed urinary tract infection and deteriorating skin caused by poor hygiene. So now she has a home health aide come in twice a week to help her bathe. Here is where the problem gets worse - she refuses to allow the aide to bathe her about half the time, saying her shoulder hurts too much to get up and into / out of the shower chair.
She doesn't drive so anytime she needs to go somewhere, my sister has to take off work (I live 1500 miles away). She refuses to use a hired car service. She used to walk from the front lobby of her complex out to the car with her cane and someone assisting, but now she refuses to do that also and either goes out in her scooter or a wheelchair. Anytime she gets out of the car, it's directly into the wheelchair.
I visit every couple of months to take a few appointments off my sister's load, run errands, and take care of things around the apartment. (Note: I offered to move her closer to me several times but she is settled and doesn't want to move.) I was there about 3 weeks ago and I talked with her about how important it is for her to cooperate.
Today she was very uncooperative to the point where the health aide called my sister at work to try to figure out what to do and they spent 30 minutes arguing with Mom ("my daughters can't force me to take a shower").
I called her this afternoon and she just feels the constant pain is too much to handle. She's been on Celebrex for years, takes Aleve occasionally, and her GP recently prescribed Tramadol (which seemed to help a bit but obviously not enough). My sister is at the point of wanting to move her into assisted living (another building in the same complex) so she has more attention and supervision, although I don't think it will help with the compliance.
She goes down to the cafe every morning to pick up her breakfast and newspaper and usually has lunch with a group of ladies. She does a few of the activities (she is scared to go upstairs in the elevator so only participates in the ones on her floor) but otherwise spends her days watching TV and playing electronic solitaire. Other than being forgetful, she seems OK mentally.
This is very difficult for both my sister and me - it is really wearing on my sister. From those of you who have been there with a parent - any suggestions or thoughts?
Thanks in advance
My 82 year old mother has had severe arthritis for many years. She is overweight but other than that and the arthritis, generally healthy. She had one knee replaced about 15 years ago but didn't feel that it made things much better so refused to have the 2nd one done. She started water exercise after the knee surgery and it did wonders. Unfortunately, my father died after a short illness about 6 years ago, and she moved to an independent living complex near my sister in a small town with no water exercise facilities at all. So she hasn't had any good exercise in that period (she tried a seated exercise program but about 3 years ago she said it hurt too much to continue). Things really started downhill when she fell in her bathroom last summer and injured her shoulder (nothing broken, just lots more pain). She decided she no longer felt comfortable walking around her apartment (she has a scooter but until then used it only when she left the apartment). So now she basically goes from her bed to her lift chair to her scooter and back again with essentially no walking. As a result, she has dramatically lost physical condition and especially balance. Her GP prescribed therapy twice in the past 6 months and she refuses to cooperate saying it hurts too much.
In December, she fell again and thought she was knocked unconscious so my sister took her to the ER. Found out that her head was fine but she had an undiagnosed urinary tract infection and deteriorating skin caused by poor hygiene. So now she has a home health aide come in twice a week to help her bathe. Here is where the problem gets worse - she refuses to allow the aide to bathe her about half the time, saying her shoulder hurts too much to get up and into / out of the shower chair.
She doesn't drive so anytime she needs to go somewhere, my sister has to take off work (I live 1500 miles away). She refuses to use a hired car service. She used to walk from the front lobby of her complex out to the car with her cane and someone assisting, but now she refuses to do that also and either goes out in her scooter or a wheelchair. Anytime she gets out of the car, it's directly into the wheelchair.
I visit every couple of months to take a few appointments off my sister's load, run errands, and take care of things around the apartment. (Note: I offered to move her closer to me several times but she is settled and doesn't want to move.) I was there about 3 weeks ago and I talked with her about how important it is for her to cooperate.
Today she was very uncooperative to the point where the health aide called my sister at work to try to figure out what to do and they spent 30 minutes arguing with Mom ("my daughters can't force me to take a shower").
I called her this afternoon and she just feels the constant pain is too much to handle. She's been on Celebrex for years, takes Aleve occasionally, and her GP recently prescribed Tramadol (which seemed to help a bit but obviously not enough). My sister is at the point of wanting to move her into assisted living (another building in the same complex) so she has more attention and supervision, although I don't think it will help with the compliance.
She goes down to the cafe every morning to pick up her breakfast and newspaper and usually has lunch with a group of ladies. She does a few of the activities (she is scared to go upstairs in the elevator so only participates in the ones on her floor) but otherwise spends her days watching TV and playing electronic solitaire. Other than being forgetful, she seems OK mentally.
This is very difficult for both my sister and me - it is really wearing on my sister. From those of you who have been there with a parent - any suggestions or thoughts?
Thanks in advance