RIP - Kate Spade

[Dash man]

Thanks OP for posting such a deeply personal story about a topic that society hides and tries to keep secret.

At my last doc appt, I told my doc I felt sad/depressed a lot of the time.... he said it wasn't serious until I couldn't get out of bed in the morning..
That's the same doc that told me to donate blood to test for Hep C.

I think it’s time for you to get a new doctor. I’ve been blessed with a great primary care doctor for years. She always takes the time to really listen.

If your health plan is a PPO, you can find a counselor on your own if you desire. You should talk to somebody.
Take care of yourself!

 

[HadEnuff]

Years ago, when I was in college, I noticed that I would sometimes get sad, or "blue", and while trying to examine what in my life's circumstances would have me feeling this way, I could find no rationale for it. Obviously, if your dog dies, or the love of your life tells you he/she is walking out on you, you have a reason to be sad. But what if there is no reason, and counting your blessings does not erase the melancholy?
The only explanation I could arrive at was that it was chemical. Something organic in my brain leads me to these moments. I am fortunate in that they are mild, and all I have to do to get out of it is to engage in some task, it can be quite trivial, but something to get done.

I wouldn't be surprised if almost everyone experiences these milder moments, although I suspect my dad never did. He was the most optimistic individual I have ever met.

I know, and have known, as we all probably do, too many people who get severely, life threateningly depressed. I have a step-daughter who has made attempts on her own life, and a step-son who lost a close and dear friend to suicide, at the age of 15.

Once, when I was experiencing one of my mild bouts of "the blahs", I tried to imagine what I would feel like if whatever was making me irrationally blue were amplified by a factor of 10, or 20, or whatever. How horrible would that be! I think it gave me an insight as to how difficult it is to deal with depression, for those severely affected.

Clearly, as we have learned from the stories of Freddie Prinz, and Robin Williams, and too many others to list, fame, fortune and success are no antidotes for depression.

 

[Dash man]

Clearly, as we have learned from the stories of Freddie Prinz, and Robin Williams, and too many others to list, fame, fortune and success are no antidotes for depression.

No, fame, fortune and success are not antidotes. Teens, veterans, business people...it can affect anyone. Family and friends really need to watch for any indicators they might see.

I just saw on the news that Anthony Bourdain commuted suicide. He’s my age.

 

[LARS]

No, fame, fortune and success are not antidotes. Teens, veterans, business people...it can affect anyone. Family and friends really need to watch for any indicators they might see.

I just saw on the news that Anthony Bourdain commuted suicide. He’s my age.

I was just talking with my wife about Bourdain. She made the observation that some suffering from severe depression can see someone like Kate Spade and decide: I’m not alone feeling like this and it’s okay to commit suicide.

I truly dangerous form of misery loves company....

 

[ugeauxgirl]

My priest committed suicide several years ago- he was a very dear friend of mine and I was devastated. I picked up several books on suicide and depression and was shocked- I simply didn't know. I have never had a serious bout with depression and don't have any family members who have. I just didn't know how devastating it could be.

Glad you got help. I still miss my friend, and wish someone- anyone- had been able to help him

 

[Aerides]

OP, thanks for sharing your story, it made a clear visual that depression is NOT just "feeling down" but a far more complex issue, one that often requires both medication and skilled therapy.

Thankfully, through awareness and willingness to share experiences, depression and other mental illnesses are being recognized and de-stigmatized, while still a long way to go.

It is devastating to try to imagine the pain and suffering some face, often for years or a lifetime, especially if those close to them make no efforts to understand or waive off their illness as something easily remedied.

ETA: Lars is correct. High profile suicides can trigger or push others close to it. If you know someone with depression, today is a good day to call or text, let them know you love them and that there is help.

 

[StephieJean]

I read an article about Kate Spade this morning, and how she used a scarf to commit suicide in her New York apartment. She had sold off control of the company with her name about ten years ago. She left her husband and a teenage daughter behind. DW and both DILs love Kate Spade bags.

I used to wonder why someone like Kate Spade, with everything going for her like financial security, a loving family, respect in her career, would take her own life. We've heard of many other successful people that have taken their own life over the years.

Last year I finally understood because I was in a similar position wanting to end my life. I too have a loving family. At age 61 am very comfortable financially, active in our wonderful church and long retired from a career where I felt I had made a difference for the good of others. Yet, about a year ago I was going down a deep, dark rabbit hole of sad thoughts, unable to see the love around me. One night I had provoked an argument with DW that should never have happened. She had no idea what was going on inside of me except for the sadness she could see on my face. I angrily walked out with all the medications I could grab, and there are some potent ones. I also had a military combat knife with me. My plan was to take as many meds as I could to ease any pain, the stick the knife in my neck. I believe God stepped in and I fell unconscious in my car before using the knife. I was awoken hours later by a police officer asking if everything was alright. I convinced him I had an argument with DW and fortunately the pills were all under a sweatshirt on the seat next to me. I sat there for another hour assessing how many pills I had taken, and amazed that I was still breathing. I was sure at a minimum I must have ruined my liver. That morning I went to talk to my priest and told him everything. He encouraged me to use his phone to make an appointment with my doctor. I did, and went home to ask DW to accompany me to the doctor so she would know everything.

A year later I am great. My doctor had put me on new medications to help my depression and got me into counseling. DW has been amazing...I couldn't have married a better woman.

I'm becoming more open about my depression because of people like Kate Spade who weren't able to reach out for help. It's important for us to recognize the symptoms of depression among our loved ones and encourage them to get help, because it may save their lives. Especially vulnerable are our veterans, so keep a special watch out for them. That's all.

WOW, thank you for sharing this very personal experience. I think if we all talked about are own experienced with suicide/thoughts with others, it wouldn't feel so taboo. You are brave and thank you for sticking around to share.

 

[Dash man]

Thank you all for your comments. I greatly appreciate them!

 

[pacergal]

Dash man-
Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal story. I am so glad you are doing well. It is amazing how quickly one can get into the deep dark space of depression. Everyone is vulnerable, no one is immune. The more we bring it out into the open, the less stigma it has. The brain is a part of the body, and yet it is amazing how people still think of "mental" and "physical' health as separate. It all connected, folks!
Please, if you or anyone has concerns--the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-TALK (8255)

 

[JoeWras]

I think it’s time for you to get a new doctor. I’ve been blessed with a great primary care doctor for years. She always takes the time to really listen.

AGREE! That's not good at all! My doctor who is very old school (70 years old) always screens for depression on every visit, usually with just a few questions looking for honest answers. Although I don't like everything he does, I like this about him. He is working to get help for those in the hidden epidemic.

Dashman, glad you are better. A sibling of mine went down a similar path and is thankfully recovered.

 

[Dash man]

I think the Anthony Bourdain thread was taken down after my response to a poster. My apologies to everyone who participated in that post.

 

[JoeWras]

Dashman, I didn't see your posts over there. I thought the title of the thread was insensitive. If it comes back, the title has to be better.

 

[Dash man]

Dashman, I didn't see your posts over there. I thought the title of the thread was insensitive. If it comes back, the title has to be better.

I replied to what I felt was an insensitive post. My choice of words was a poor choice.

 

[Scuba]

Dashman, thank you for sharing your story. My MIL was clinically depressed and institutionalized for about 6 weeks 40 years ago. She was able to overcome it and is now one of the happiest and most grateful people I know. She finds wonder in every day, and is very inspiring.

OTOH, my sister suffers from depression but she won’t get real help. She has been to many counselors and has been prescribed anti-depressants, but she refuses to stay on them consistently. Instead, she has been self-medicating with alcohol for about 15 years. She is in denial about having an addiction issue and continues to get worse and worse. Very frustrating and sad.

If you have any thoughts about how to best support and help someone in this situation, please share. So glad you have found your way back from the darkness of depression.

 

[chris2008]

Untreated Hashimoto / hypothyroidism can be the cause for feeling depressed and overwhelmed by life.
It is easy to be diagnosed and treated once you and your doctor look out for it.
But before I knew I had some very miserable months.

 

[Newventurer]

Wow! What a courageous and selfless thing to do for the benefit of others silently struggling. You have set a new high bar for what has the potential to be one of the most impactful posts on the site.

 

[Dash man]

Dashman, thank you for sharing your story. My MIL was clinically depressed and institutionalized for about 6 weeks 40 years ago. She was able to overcome it and is now one of the happiest and most grateful people I know. She finds wonder in every day, and is very inspiring.

OTOH, my sister suffers from depression but she won’t get real help. She has been to many counselors and has been prescribed anti-depressants, but she refuses to stay on them consistently. Instead, she has been self-medicating with alcohol for about 15 years. She is in denial about having an addiction issue and continues to get worse and worse. Very frustrating and sad.

If you have any thoughts about how to best support and help someone in this situation, please share. So glad you have found your way back from the darkness of depression.

I’m so sorry your sister is going through this. Your love and support is critical to her recovery. But more important is she needs to recognize the addiction problem and the affect it is having on her life and her loved ones lives. Sadly there is no easy answer. If you can get her to an AA meeting, that would be a start. Finding the right medication for her is important. If what she was taking didn’t help, would she be willing to try something else? Can you get her back to the doctor to try something else? It can take a week or more for the medications to kick in. Does she know that?
Counseling taught me how to handle stressful situations without going off the deep end. Managing the depression is what I got out of it. It was more than I expected, but very useful for me. Finding the right counselor can be hard. I’m skeptical by nature, but knew I needed to try. I was fortunate to find a good one, but also experienced one that was a waste of my time. Without my medications, I’m not sure it would have helped at all.
I wish I could be of more help. I will pray for her and your family.

 

[MarieIG]

Very brave informative posts by Dash Man.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Dash man, thanks so much for sharing. There is such a stigma to mental illness that we don’t have for physical illness. Both are chemical in origin and should be treated the same. Hugs)

 

[Scuba]

I’m so sorry your sister is going through this. Your love and support is critical to her recovery. But more important is she needs to recognize the addiction problem and the affect it is having on her life and her loved ones lives. Sadly there is no easy answer. If you can get her to an AA meeting, that would be a start. Finding the right medication for her is important. If what she was taking didn’t help, would she be willing to try something else? Can you get her back to the doctor to try something else? It can take a week or more for the medications to kick in. Does she know that?
Counseling taught me how to handle stressful situations without going off the deep end. Managing the depression is what I got out of it. It was more than I expected, but very useful for me. Finding the right counselor can be hard. I’m skeptical by nature, but knew I needed to try. I was fortunate to find a good one, but also experienced one that was a waste of my time. Without my medications, I’m not sure it would have helped at all.
I wish I could be of more help. I will pray for her and your family.

Thank you, Dash man. The addiction has been going on for a long time, since 2002. She refuses to even acknowledge she has a problem, and will not even consider going to AA. She says she’s tried various anti-depressants. She does seem to do better when taking them, but then decides she doesn’t need them and goes off her meds. She has been to a number of counselors but she is not honest with them so they haven’t been that helpful.

I suppose you can tell by my response that I feel somewhat hopeless about this. I wish I could help her, but she will not admit her addiction and as you said this is the critical first step. Many people in her life have tried very hard to get through to her, but she shuts anyone out who tries to help.

I am so glad that you have been able to overcome depression. Best wishes and thank you again for sharing.

 

[Dash man]

Thank you, Dash man. The addiction has been going on for a long time, since 2002. She refuses to even acknowledge she has a problem, and will not even consider going to AA. She says she’s tried various anti-depressants. She does seem to do better when taking them, but then decides she doesn’t need them and goes off her meds. She has been to a number of counselors but she is not honest with them so they haven’t been that helpful.

I suppose you can tell by my response that I feel somewhat hopeless about this. I wish I could help her, but she will not admit her addiction and as you said this is the critical first step. Many people in her life have tried very hard to get through to her, but she shuts anyone out who tries to help.

I am so glad that you have been able to overcome depression. Best wishes and thank you again for sharing.

Don’t give up hope. She will need you to be there one of these days. Be careful of enabling behaviors. We often don’t realize we’re doing it.
Take care and God Bless!

 

[Scuba]

Don’t give up hope. She will need you to be there one of these days. Be careful of enabling behaviors. We often don’t realize we’re doing it.
Take care and God Bless!

Thanks Dash man. I’ve done some reading and attended Al Anon to learn about enabling behaviors, but I’m sure I still exhibit some enabling behaviors from time to time. I’m willing to be there for her if she decides she is ready to change, but not too hopeful that she will do that. Appreciate your sentiments.