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Snoring is destroying my marriage
Old 03-14-2008, 09:19 AM   #1
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Snoring is destroying my marriage

Well, not destroying, but it's become a big issue since we got married last year. We're in our twenties, healthy, and DW is certainly not overweight, nor does she drink before bed. But she snores consistently, often getting louder as the night goes on. Compounding the problem is that I am a particularly light sleeper, it can take me 30 minutes to fall asleep even if everything is quiet (I have always envied those who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat).

We've both tried things to fix this. She's tried the "neti pot" for sinuses, decongestants, the breath-right nose strips, and some other wierd thing that actually fit inside her nose. I've tried earplugs and putting a pillow over my head but neither one blocks all the noise. The only thing that works is going to sleep in the other room, but neither of us likes that - I don't see why I can't sleep in the same bed as my wife!

Is going to the doctor and considering surgery the only option left? I'm sure we're not the first to have dealt with this...hopefully someone here can offer a recommendation that we've overlooked.
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Old 03-14-2008, 09:25 AM   #2
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she should go for a sleep study if already haven't . it might be sleep apnea, which is a very serious condition.

sometimes sleeping on one's side with a full body pillow can halt or reduce snoring.

good luck!
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Old 03-14-2008, 09:34 AM   #3
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My brother had surgery for snoring ... saw him for a golf weekend last fall. Surgery didn't do a damn thing ... he kept the whole house up. He's not coming back next year.
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Old 03-14-2008, 10:20 AM   #4
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My wife snored, I slept in the spare bedroom for 2 years.
She had a sleep study done and found out she had sleep apnea. She had the surgery done on her jaw to pull her jaw forward and open up her throat more. The surgery cured her snoring/apnea but has created some other problems. She now says she wishes she had not had the surgery and used the c-pap machine.
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Old 03-14-2008, 10:50 AM   #5
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In addition to C-Pap and surgery, there are also dental appliances which are alleged to help. Just another avenue to consider. Her dentist could probably be a good place to start with investigating that avenue.

[The next two paragraphs are meant to be helpful, and not to disparage your opinion of, knowledge of, or your wife's actual weight.]

Also, even though you say she isn't overweight -- I am currently about 10 pounds over my ideal weight, but most people who look at me would say that I am not overweight at all. After several years of measuring my snoring volume and my weight, it does seem that I do not snore at all when I am at my ideal weight, that the snoring starts when I am about 5-7 pounds overweight, and gets progressively worse the more weight I gain.

If your wife is like me, it might be possible that she looks normal/average/not overweight but still could solve the snoring problem by losing 10 pounds.

Good luck.

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Old 03-14-2008, 10:59 AM   #6
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I've been using cpap for several years - is certainly worth the hastle. I would also encourage the sleep test. Both of you will sleep better.
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Old 03-14-2008, 11:07 AM   #7
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When people talk about sleeping together before marriage, I'm not sure this thread is what they have in mind. But we know several couples (one of them approaching their silver anniversary) who use separate bedrooms... for sleeping, anyway.

What's been said already-- sleep lab. A cheaper first approximation for a doctor's referral is a tape recorder on the nightstand. Another approach might be to see what sleep position resonates the most and discourage that by waking her up to reposition. The training may take a week but it's effective.

A middle-aged friend has had turbinate surgery but was not impressed (nor was his spouse). A second friend (much younger, more fit) was much improved (girlfriend reports).

Believe it or not, one can eventually get accustomed to the snoring. It's like ticking clocks or passing traffic or cats on the prowl. One of my (much older) friends has said that another option, while you're reaching for the earplugs, is to consider how much you'll miss that snoring if it's ceased forever... and it becomes a sort of life affirmation.
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Old 03-14-2008, 11:28 AM   #8
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My wife snores too.

Here a few suggestions

1) go to bed 45 minutes before she does. This way you are asleep before she comes into room.

2) hold her nose when she starts snoring (pinch her airway), when I do this to my wife, she wakes up and stops snoring
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Old 03-14-2008, 11:35 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jIMOh View Post
My wife snores too.

Here a few suggestions

1) go to bed 45 minutes before she does. This way you are asleep before she comes into room.

2) hold her nose when she starts snoring (pinch her airway), when I do this to my wife, she wakes up and stops snoring

You forgot step 3

3) Go get tissue for bloody nose when she slugs you for pinching her nose.
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Old 03-14-2008, 11:49 AM   #10
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Yes, I think a snoring problem severe enough to force a young couple into separate beds and jeopardize their relationship and health might warrant a visit to the family internist. He or she can help you know whether a sleep study is necessary.
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Old 03-14-2008, 10:40 PM   #11
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After having had the living crap beat out of me with a pillow in the middle of the night, I can say that we found a solution. I got a digital sound machine from sharper images clearance center ($19, and its an alarm clock and cd player too!).

Has something like 25 built in sounds from rain, trains (seems if you live near one, you have to have the sound), oceans, dockside, rainforests, birds, etc. My wife found a few of the soundtracks she liked a lot, and played at the right level its easy to get used to and sleep with, and it apparently is enough to drown out the snores.

As long as you arent competitive with chain saws and motorcycles with open pipes.

My wife also says when I have a fan on in the room that I dont snore as much with a little more air circulation hitting me.

Personally, I think she's making all of this snoring stuff up. I think she just likes hitting me in my sleep.
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Old 03-15-2008, 01:38 AM   #12
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My ex didn't snore much for the first few years of our marriage, and he was always underweight, but after our daughter was born he started snoring like a bandsaw. Like the OP, I am a light sleeper and it takes me a half hour to get to sleep under the best of circumstances, whereas he would fall asleep in just a few minutes and slept very soundly.

Beating the living crap out of him with a pillow, a la CFB's spouse, didn't work for more than a half minute or so and then he'd just start up louder than ever. Kicking him in the shins didn't help either and he would wake up the next morning wondering where all those bruises came from. Yelling "HEY!!!" didn't do a thing. We could have had six axe-murderers in the room and he would never have awakened. I even tried pouring water on his head (just a tiny bit) and that just made him awaken in a state of confusion and rage, understandably. We didn't have any money for doctors or nose strips in those days, since we were flat broke most of the time.

The way we worked it out was that I would stay in bed with him until he fell asleep, and then quietly extricate myself and go to the other room. That didn't seem as cold and impersonal as just going to bed in different bedrooms. He would never be aware that I wasn't there until the next morning, since he slept so soundly.

I was sure glad to get away from the snoring. Sometimes it was so loud that it would even keep me awake in the other room.
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Old 03-15-2008, 02:38 AM   #13
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DH has the CPAP.. it's great. He's snored his whole life, even when he was younger and thinner.

We had a thin friend who got some kind of palate/throat surgery which he described as incredibly painful, PLUS it did not solve the problem, so I would look into whatever apparatus first, absolutely.
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Old 03-15-2008, 05:07 AM   #14
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There is a mouthpiece that you can get from your dentist to help stop snoring. I have not used them, but have seen them advertised. You can buy them on the off the internet too.

Mouthpiece Could Help Ease Snoring - Health and Medical Information Produced by Doctors - MedicineNet.com
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Old 03-15-2008, 07:55 AM   #15
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When my wife snores sometimes its always when she is in a deep sleep mode. Its really cute to sit there and just look at the great gal I married and just be happy she is so content. Then I usually get up and take a walk around the house look outside maybe even sit on the deck at 3am for a 10 or 15 min time frame then go back and the snoring has stopped and back to sleep. Knowing I was protecting the north 40 while she was sawing the wood!
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Old 03-15-2008, 04:54 PM   #16
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losing weight curing my sleep apnoea - I was 210lbs and the top of the weight range for my height is 190 but as soon as I lost some weight it stopped. DW said that it wasn't the noise that disturbed her so much as the long silences when I wasn't taking a breath :confused:
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Old 03-15-2008, 10:59 PM   #17
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DW takes at least 30 minutes of perfect conditions (no light at all, and no sounds) to fall asleep. I snore a little, which is too much for her. I didn't like the separate room idea so we purchased a HEPA air filter and turned that on for the white noise. We might as well get cleaner air at the same time! I also had to stop sleeping on my back and now I sleep on my side. That caused some back problems until I learned to put a pilloe between my knees. I'm sure a body pillow will work fine also. These changes have worked for over 5 years now. I definitely snore louder (as reported by DW) when I gain weight.
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Old 03-16-2008, 01:27 PM   #18
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I also need quiet when I sleep and my SO is a snorer . I try to go to bed a half an hour before him so I'm sound asleep when he starts snoring . I also wear ear plugs which have really helped .
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Old 03-19-2008, 04:29 PM   #19
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I spent the weekend (at a taekwondo camp) sleeping in a one-room cabin populated by eight adult males of various sizes & ages.

Ye gods. Earplugs were the only solution, and not an acoustically perfect one. We finished a little early on the third day so I was very happy to beat feet and sleep at home with my spouse that night.

The noises coming from the 400+-pounder made me concerned about my CPR certification...
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Old 05-01-2008, 12:49 AM   #20
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Buy a cpap on e-bay. Save the $$$$$$$ sleep test. Why bother?

I paid for the testing. (High cost, questionable value.) Got a cpap. Everybody is happy. Life is better with a good night's sleep--for both.
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