Social Network after retirement

[Blue Collar Guy]

I agree. One of the fun things I do on Facebook is to go to "Find Friends" and delete everyone of them.

Im not on Facebook, but thats hysterical.

 

[mamadogmamacat]

Yes, enjoyed that post also. FB seems to me, the one time I actually looked at it (not on it either) to be little more than a photo sharing extravaganza. Remember way back in the day how we all so enjoyed (not!) those endless photo slide shows or album sharing at family visits. FB is that, thanks to the power of the 'net, on steroids, and little more.

 

[scrabbler1]

For me, it was actually the 7 years I worked part-time prior to my retirement which enabled me to recover my personal life. I began a new activity and resurrected a two long, dormant ones which added a lot to my life and remain part of my life as a retiree today.


But what I liked the most from being fully retired is not what I gained, but what I lost: the long, awful, tiring and often sickening commute I so despised. Losing a negative was, for me, just as important as gaining a positive. We here in the ER forum know the value of this, I am not so sure those in the working world understand this as well as we do.


I enjoyed a chuckle about the Facebook remarks. I, too, have no interest in Facebook. I tried it for about a week back around 2009 or 2010 and quickly dumped it. Remember Betty White in her Saturday Night Live monologue in her May, 2010 guest hosting appearance? She said Facebook was a "big waste of time." I couldn't agree with her more.

 

[CardsFan]

I feel like an odd ball on this thread. Our social life NEVER revolved around our work groups. Yes we did some socializing, but it was infrequent, and usually tied to some type of celebration. We are not extroverts, but we can make friends easily. We have a core group of life long friends on DW's side (spouses are allowed to integrate into the group) and have always had neighbor friends where we lived.

Short story: When our son was about 7 we moved into a family neighborhood. We liked the school and actually got him in before we closed on the house. We got closely involved in the school activities and made many friends that we still have today, even though we have moved away.
At one point early on, another couple made a comment that the parent's group was a difficult clique to join. We soon found out you only had to show up!

 

[Hermit]

I am sure there is a code against hermits having a large group for friends. For that reason and the fact that I could get my Hermit card taken away, I respectfully decline to provide any more information for this thread.

Hermit

 

[Jerry1]

At work and throughout my personal life, I have always maintained a very few close personal friends. I also have a small but pretty close family. Other than that, I'm pretty much a loner. Suits me just fine. I'm sure I'll always have a golf buddy or two and as long as I can get out of the house once a week or so to do something with friends, I'm good. Not too worried about a social network after retirement.

 

[Scuba]

I'm curious - for those who value having social connections beyond spouse/SO/family, if you moved to a new area and most of your friendships are less than 10 years old, do you miss your old friends? The friends we have are not "work friends" and have been close to us for 15-30 years. These relationships are one of the top reasons why we chose not to relocate to a lower COL area in retirement. It's difficult for me to imagine life without seeing these friends relatively often, although there are economic reasons as well as climate related reasons we think we could enjoy living elsewhere. Apparently there are many here who are very happy without many social connections, but for those who value these, is having newer friends as satisfying to you as friendships with people you've been with for many years?

 

[walkinwood]

I'm curious - for those who value having social connections beyond spouse/SO/family, if you moved to a new area and most of your friendships are less than 10 years old, do you miss your old friends?

We do miss our old friends, but technology makes it much easier to keep in touch. Luckily, we can afford to see each other in person about once a year or so.

We have made wonderful new friends over the past 6 years and now feel like we've known them all our lives. We've hung out, traveled together, helped each other.. all the things that lifelong friends do. We were proactive about seeking out people to get to know when we first arrived in Denver and we try to do that even now.

 

[kcowan]

We have friends in the local area who are 45 minutes drive one way. Some of them choose to snowbird where we do and there we are 10 minutes walk apart. We also connect with friends there who are now 2000 miles away in the summer.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Imoldernu provided us with this quote from the USAToday article:

This article is absolute baloney IMO.

I am probably the happiest retiree on the forum. If not, then close.

I neither have, nor want, a social network at all. F and I spend several hours together every day. Otherwise, I am alone and enjoy the solitude. We are in our 60's, and from my point of view, our time together is the perfect amount of socializing in retirement presently.

For my later years, if he should go first, I suppose I would seek out others and perhaps live in a CCRC or other senior facility. But one step at a time. I'm only 69, and feel that I am nowhere near that old yet.

I have to agree w/ your view on the article. I dislike how these authors try to put all the readers into the same category. We are all very different and to say otherwise is well...just BS.

I very rarely speak to any of my former co-w*rkers and this is usually only when I run into them when I am out and about. The last couple of social situations I endured was a promotion party and a going away of sorts with folks I have known for a long time and both times, I wanted to run away within 5 minutes of getting there. The conversations ALL revolved around w*rk and well...I just don't give a damn about the former life.

I am also a hardcore introvert, so I can spend days on end without seeing anyone and I am quite content. Thankfully, I get along with my DW famously, so I get plenty of interaction with her.

This isn't to say that I don't associate with anyone...that's not the case. I do have a few very close friends (two that I have known since 3rd grade) and we tend to get together every month or so..it's perfect. I have also had drinks and conversations with a couple of the members here and with some classmates of mine and those are fun too, but I am not down with doing it more than once every few weeks.

 

[rodi]

I have people I see regularly... because I'm a creature of routine and my routine overlaps with theirs.... the gang at the pool for water fitness... the early morning regulars at the beach (dog walkers like me, surfers, etc... there is a definite "regular" group who are friendly).

That fills my social need more than enough... I'm an introvert who would rather be left alone at home.

 

[RobbieB]

They write these articles for the general public.

We are a forum of retired and want to be retired people.

Not much of what is written for the general public applies to us.

I suspect that having a social network is one reason that keeps the general public working as long as they can.

 

[AlbaCrush]

I like FB. I have family all over the U.S. and in different countries. I like seeing their pictures and what their up to. The same goes for some of my former co-workers who have moved out of the area.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Researcher Robert Waldinger, the director of 75-year-old study on adult development, says leaning in to relationships helps make a good life: "The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates."

 

[Totoro]

>20% of people (all ages) feel lonely in my home country. Once above 65, it becomes higher than 40%.

My own social world, even at 37, isn't very big and shrinking. There are only three people calling me on a regular basis, my brother, mother and one friend. Yes, I'm an INTJ too.

 

[Danmar]

is having newer friends as satisfying to you as friendships with people you've been with for many years?

Absolutely. Why should tenure be the overriding factor? Sometimes people change and old friends drift away. We have found that we are closest to relatively newer friends. In retirement we took up new activities like skiing and biking. Met lots of people doing these activities and because we share interests are quite close. I think life is a journey. Keep moving!!

 

[flyingaway]

Imoldernu provided us with this quote from the USAToday article:

This article is absolute baloney IMO.

I am probably the happiest retiree on the forum. If not, then close.

I neither have, nor want, a social network at all. F and I spend several hours together every day. Otherwise, I am alone and enjoy the solitude. We are in our 60's, and from my point of view, our time together is the perfect amount of socializing in retirement presently.

For my later years, if he should go first, I suppose I would seek out others and perhaps live in a CCRC or other senior facility. But one step at a time. I'm only 69, and feel that I am nowhere near that old yet.

We regularly have a few friends together to play cards on Saturdays. At this age (early 50), it becomes things that I am anticipating every week. We would not feel good to stay at home in retirement for a long time without interacting with friends, unless we are in travel.

 

[YVRRocketSurgery]

I'm still in the midst of planning for retirement within 5 years by around age 50. While I've given it thought, I am kind of curious how it will play out.

The missus and I currently spend a lot of our free time together doing activities during off work hours and I expect that to continue while she still works. I think it would be a shock to my life if she passed away but on the otherhand, she's fairly close to her sister so I don't think it's be as big of an impact if I died.

I would consider myself an introvert too but with a core group of friends that I don't intentionally seek to grow. I can see myself spending more time with a few of my core friends who are also either on the cusp of RE or have enough flexibility with their work and finances. We've done a few trips together without our spouses and didn't end up killing each other which is a good sign of being able to enjoy each other's company for somewhat extended periods.

 

[Moemg]

I think for most people their partner is their best friend but so often when the spouse dies you are left friendless . That is why in IMO it is good to have a few other friends.

 

[Nemo2]

I think for most people their partner is their best friend but so often when the spouse dies you are left friendless ..

I'm 10 years older than DW and I'm counting on going first......(although she insists we'll go together)

 

[Hermit]

The late DW was 10 years younger than I... Predicting who will die when is hard to do.

 

[kcowan]

I think it is wise to count on one partner being alone. I am planning to go first but my Dad lived to 95. Many of my extended associates have been widowed and lots of them have recoupled. I always talk to DW about her next life!

 

[Nemo2]

The late DW was 10 years younger than I... Predicting who will die when is hard to do.

My late wife was 6 1/2 years younger than me....she didn't even make her 53rd birthday...so I know only too well.

 

[kitesurfer2]

I like FB. I have family all over the U.S. and in different countries. I like seeing their pictures and what their up to. The same goes for some of my former co-workers who have moved out of the area.

my sentiments exactly. I live 8 hours from my family home, where all my school friends and family live. I spent my entire life in, or working for, the navy. I moved, they moved... All friends are scattered about the US and other countries. I love seeing their pictures as well as hearing about their exploits.

I LOVE FACEBOOK!

 

[Danmar]

I think it is wise to count on one partner being alone. I am planning to go first but my Dad lived to 95. Many of my extended associates have been widowed and lots of them have recoupled. I always talk to DW about her next life!

It's almost a certainty that one partner will outlive their spouse. My in laws didn't have any friends so when my FIL died early this year, my MIL was left in the lurch, so to speak. She is having a lot of difficulty making new friends in her assisted living home. Really sad. Because of this I thinks it's quite important to have at least a few friends outside of family when we get to advanced age. Not sure you have to go as far as "recoupling" though. Although, I guess it depends on your age when you find yourself alone.