Social Network after retirement

[Danmar]

I think for most people their partner is their best friend but so often when the spouse dies you are left friendless . That is why in IMO it is good to have a few other friends.

Totally agree.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I think for most people their partner is their best friend but so often when the spouse dies you are left friendless . That is why in IMO it is good to have a few other friends.

This has been very true for my Dad. He will be 90 in a couple of weeks and his wife died in 2013. He had a few very close friends in which kept him sane but sadly, they have passed as well. He is now down to one good friend, but he spends a good bit of time away from home, so he sees him once a month, if that. I wish he would get out and meet some other folks (he is quite the social butterfly!) but he just isn't interested...so my DW and I try to entertain him as best as we can.

 

[Scuba]

Absolutely. Why should tenure be the overriding factor? Sometimes people change and old friends drift away. We have found that we are closest to relatively newer friends. In retirement we took up new activities like skiing and biking. Met lots of people doing these activities and because we share interests are quite close. I think life is a journey. Keep moving!!

Interesting perspective, thanks. I have found my 25+ year friendships to be one of the elements of my life I value most. We don't have family close by and both of our families are small. Friends and weather are the two biggest things keeping us in So CA. I know DH & I could enjoy living elsewhere, but don't know that I want to negatively impact our long-term friendships. Good to know making new friends has worked out well for you and several others.

 

[flyingaway]

Absolutely. Why should tenure be the overriding factor? Sometimes people change and old friends drift away. We have found that we are closest to relatively newer friends. In retirement we took up new activities like skiing and biking. Met lots of people doing these activities and because we share interests are quite close. I think life is a journey. Keep moving!!

I think true friendship needs the test of time.

 

[ER Eddie]

One thing about these "loneliness" studies -- the important distinction to make is between being alone and feeling alone. It is the latter that is the real issue. Loneliness is not being alone: it is feeling alone (and longing for connection).

Anyone who's been in a bad relationship knows the difference. You can spend all day with someone and still feel terribly alone. That's the danger; that's the killer. It's not being alone. It's feeling alone.

 

[Hyper]

My social network mainly consist of DW, two fine riding mules and a wild arsed cur! What more could you possibly need?

 

[Danmar]

Interesting perspective, thanks. I have found my 25+ year friendships to be one of the elements of my life I value most. We don't have family close by and both of our families are small. Friends and weather are the two biggest things keeping us in So CA. I know DH & I could enjoy living elsewhere, but don't know that I want to negatively impact our long-term friendships. Good to know making new friends has worked out well for you and several others.

I can see both sides of this issue. If you are lucky enough to have good life long friends you are lucky. I think some people may be better at keeping such relationships going than others. My life has changed so much over the last 30 years. New wife, new locations, new career, retirement, new outlook really. Many of my high school friends just seem so boring now? I guess it's not surprising that I have new friends. Helps to be an extrovert, I think.

 

[Danmar]

I think true friendship needs the test of time.

No argument there. But how long? I find 5-10 years a pretty good "seasoning period"? Since I retired 11 years ago, this provides enough time to make some new "true friends" at least in my opinion.

I have a brother that is totally opposite to me. All his friends are from his high school days. He is currently 65 and I am 67 so many of his friends were also mine. We get together every so often, but man are those guys "sleepers". Not sure what we had in common 50 years ago. But it's mostly gone now.

I like to live in the present and keep adapting by doing new things and meeting new people. Certainly nothing wrong with having old friends though. I still have a couple. Wish I had more.

 

[flyingaway]

My father had two friends from his days in military. The three families had close relationships (lived close by) and got together regularly until they were about 50. Then suddenly they (we) no longer talked to each other anymore. I did not know what happened, but I felt so sorry about their friendships that lasted almost 30 years.

I somehow have similar feeling about certain friends that I have for many years. In the past few years, when I become more and more interested (obsessed?) in early retirement, and my friends are still planning to work until they die (not for money, but what you can say about the academics), I find that I have fewer and fewer common topics to talk with them when we are together for drinking or playing cards. That worries me.

 

[Music Lover]

No argument there. But how long? I find 5-10 years a pretty good "seasoning period"? Since I retired 11 years ago, this provides enough time to make some new "true friends" at least in my opinion.

5 - 10 years is a good seasoning period...I have a few "newer" friends of that length. But, I also have friends of 35 years, and there is a long history that can't be duplicated with new friends. Back in the day there was a party or get together every weekend, we played on the same sports teams for years, took weekend trips together. We've been to each others weddings, seen their career advances or changes, watched their children grow into adults, given some of them support after a divorce, etc.

I guess I'm fortunate to have both long time friendships and some newer ones.

 

[Amethyst]

I'm sort of a cross between "introvert" and "extrovert." I love to converse, but not necessarily about the things everyone else wants to talk about. In unpredictable fashion, I make jokes when everybody else is serious, and am serious when everybody else claims to be joking. Also, while not teetotal, I barely drink, and alcohol seems terribly important to older people (yes, I know there are exceptions - I happen to be one of them). It makes socializing a challenge.

 

[Nemo2]

I'm sort of a cross between "introvert" and "extrovert." I love to converse, but not necessarily about the things everyone else wants to talk about. In unpredictable fashion, I make jokes when everybody else is serious, and am serious when everybody else claims to be joking. Also, while not teetotal, I barely drink, and alcohol seems terribly important to older people (yes, I know there are exceptions - I happen to be one of them). It makes socializing a challenge.

Were we separated at birth?

 

[razztazz]

Were we separated at birth?

I was thinking the same thing, ha ha

Also, while not teetotal, I barely drink, and alcohol seems terribly important to older people (yes, I know there are exceptions - I happen to be one of them). It makes socializing a challenge.

I found that alcohol seems to be not only important but critical to all age levels in this country. That is one very important reason why I have never sought or needed the company of others. And not just after retirement or in old age. I mean going back to high school

 

[flyingaway]

When I talk about friends, I mean those people that, if I am in hospital, I can ask them to take my children to their home for a few days.

 

[Amethyst]

My late Dad actually cautioned me that I'd better "learn to drink" or I would have few friends. I made an honest effort, and gave up.

It has nothing to do with disapproving of alcohol, although that's often how others take it.

While I have tried just about every alcoholic beverage there is in order to see how it tastes, and I like most of them as far as taste is concerned, I get a headache after a very modest amount. Can drink wine with dinner, though, and that's a plus.

I was thinking the same thing, ha ha

I found that alcohol seems to be not only important but critical to all age levels in this country. That is one very important reason why I have never sought or needed the company of others. And not just after retirement or in old age. I mean going back to high school

 

[Amethyst]

It is said that to have a friend, you must be one. So I imagine you are talking about people who have kids that you yourself have hosted now and then.

When I talk about friends, I mean those people that, if I am in hospital, I can ask them to take my children to their home for a few days.

 

[EastWest Gal]

I was thinking the same thing, ha ha



I found that alcohol seems to be not only important but critical to all age levels in this country. That is one very important reason why I have never sought or needed the company of others. And not just after retirement or in old age. I mean going back to high school

I only started having alcohol now more than very rarely in my 30s and 40s. Now cutting down to not very often, except when traveling in Italy.

DS never has touched a drop and neither has his best friend. Both INTJ. His lack of a social life is worse than ours. But he plays online games with a couple of real friends very regularly and they do get together regularly, though he lives 90 minutes away.

DS went to a good college but which has a party school reputation. He went to three parties in 5 years. Two were on campus game parties which he enjoyed. He went to one house party. They served no food, and no non-alcoholic drinks. He brought his own soda. He left after an hour because he didn't want to watch people act stupid.

I like Facebook. I post very little, but I've been able to stay connected to my high school friends and we're getting together next month during our 40th reunion weekend. I know I'll have a few fun people to hang around with.

I do need to hide from old co-workers soon. They only post about food, their grandkids, and whatever crap their trying to sell to their friends.

 

[folivier]

I also am an introvert. I've met a few people in our retirement subdivision that I'd like to get to know better but it seems almost every conversation either starts or drifts off into a discussion about sports. I don't watch sports, don't care about sports, and often wonder how can people spend so much time on something so meaningless (at least to me). Often when asked about the last or upcoming game I respond with either a blank stare or say I don't follow sports. That's when the conversation dies off. I'm fairly well versed in many subjects, read quite a bit, but most everyone wants to talk about sports. Thankfully I'm happy being alone and do enjoy reading.

 

[jjquantz]

I also am an introvert. I've met a few people in our retirement subdivision that I'd like to get to know better but it seems almost every conversation either starts or drifts off into a discussion about sports. I don't watch sports, don't care about sports, and often wonder how can people spend so much time on something so meaningless (at least to me). Often when asked about the last or upcoming game I respond with either a blank stare or say I don't follow sports. That's when the conversation dies off. I'm fairly well versed in many subjects, read quite a bit, but most everyone wants to talk about sports. Thankfully I'm happy being alone and do enjoy reading.

+1

 

[Amethyst]

Now, there is one area where I made a big effort to be able to join in the talk...at least, about the big games and the players who are most in the public eye. I found that people don't expect you to be a sports expert - that's their job, LOL. They simply want to know you are interested and aware of this so-important-to-them topic.

Now me, I like to discuss politics (a topic about which I actually know a thing or two), but other people kept getting mad at the silliest things, so I quit

I also am an introvert. I've met a few people in our retirement subdivision that I'd like to get to know better but it seems almost every conversation either starts or drifts off into a discussion about sports. I don't watch sports, don't care about sports, and often wonder how can people spend so much time on something so meaningless (at least to me). Often when asked about the last or upcoming game I respond with either a blank stare or say I don't follow sports. That's when the conversation dies off. I'm fairly well versed in many subjects, read quite a bit, but most everyone wants to talk about sports. Thankfully I'm happy being alone and do enjoy reading.

 

[splitwdw]

I think for most people their partner is their best friend but so often when the spouse dies you are left friendless . That is why in IMO it is good to have a few other friends.

+1

 

[Dawg52]

I also am an introvert. I've met a few people in our retirement subdivision that I'd like to get to know better but it seems almost every conversation either starts or drifts off into a discussion about sports. I don't watch sports, don't care about sports, and often wonder how can people spend so much time on something so meaningless (at least to me). Often when asked about the last or upcoming game I respond with either a blank stare or say I don't follow sports. That's when the conversation dies off. I'm fairly well versed in many subjects, read quite a bit, but most everyone wants to talk about sports. Thankfully I'm happy being alone and do enjoy reading.

Sports is entertainment. Nothing more. A way to escape problems of the world. I would rather discuss that with friends than to get into debates about politics. But....to each their own.

 

[Nemo2]

say I don't follow sports.

I shall try that approach next time someone mentions the weather.

(I don't follow sports either.......unless, in some instances, a sports bra is involved......just for the sake of research y'understand.)

 

[Danmar]

Seems to be a lot of introverts here. Extroverts? Just me, Kcowan, and a few others?

 

[braumeister]

Seems to be a lot of introverts here. Extroverts? Just me, Kcowan, and a few others?

I suspect most of us are actually ambiverts.