Why do some people care so much that others are fat?

[ivinsfan]

What did you think I meant by "huge mental stumbling block"?...no one wakes up one day and says "it would be nice to weigh 650 pounds".

You don't need to demonize them, but I don't feel waves of compassion coming off your post either. Don't you think they realize they are the ones that need to take action and feel overwhelmed or paralyzed by that very thought? Not being able to take decisive action in not the same as being "resigned" to your fate.

Compare yourself to a professional football player, do you have the overwhelming urge to win or not to lose a game, enough that you would play with a broken limb or in pain because you are that driven? Would you risk lifelong head injury because you are so competitive, probably not, but that does not make you any less of a person.. or superior to someone who has a willpower or addiction issue.

Overweight people often feel very "judged" and perhaps even scorned and I just think people in general could be kinder.

[GravitySucks]

Back to the OP question:
Maybe they're afraid I will eat them.

[Amethyst]

Or sit on them?

OK, that was flippant; but there is this. My fat relative introduced me to two fat-advocacy web sites, where, during a discussion of how much they hated thin women, one of the posters announced that she wished she could get all the thin women into a room and sit on them.

At first I found this funny, but later, I felt a little scared. Is that really what some people are thinking as they walk around looking at others?

Quote:

Originally Posted by GravitySucks Back to the OP question: Maybe they're afraid I will eat them.

[Silver]

I think that people who do not have another person's problem (obesity, poverty, low IQ, etc) tend to compare themselves and feel smug about it. And smugness brings with it a sense of self-righteous judgement and arrogance. To me it comes across almost as narcissistic personality disorder which results from a fragile self-esteem belief system.


I guess I would say that someone who has difficulty with another's weight may have their own low self-esteem issues to worry about. And I feel smug about that.

[splitwdw]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Or sit on them? OK, that was flippant; but there is this. My fat relative introduced me to two fat-advocacy web sites, where, during a discussion of how much they hated thin women, one of the posters announced that she wished she could get all the thin women into a room and sit on them. At first I found this funny, but later, I felt a little scared. Is that really what some people are thinking as they walk around looking at others?

My older sister is heavy and has been heavy since she was little. She doesn't eat well and is not into exercise. My one sister is always telling the heavy sister ("for her own good") about different diets and exercise plans. I don't say anything, she knows she's heavy so what can I say. I am a cheerleader if you are trying to lose. I have always been thin. It's my genes. I can't imagine making comments about her weight but my heavy sister has no problem saying I look like death warmed over, she can see right through me and has introduced me as Anna Rexia. Sometimes I do feel like she hates me.

[ERD50]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silver I think that people who do not have another person's problem (obesity, poverty, low IQ, etc) tend to compare themselves and feel smug about it. And smugness brings with it a sense of self-righteous judgement and arrogance. To me it comes across almost as narcissistic personality disorder which results from a fragile self-esteem belief system. I guess I would say that someone who has difficulty with another's weight may have their own low self-esteem issues to worry about. And I feel smug about that.

And I think it is smug to assume that "people who do not have another person's problem (obesity, poverty, low IQ, etc) tend to compare themselves and feel smug about it"! And I mean that seriously.

I see people with problems I don't have. I wish they could overcome them. I understand it might not be easy, and it might be very difficult, but it is rarely impossible.

Last year, I worked on losing 20 pounds. It was not easy, I really had to be aware of every meal, every snack, and consider how much I was eating. For me, it was more about consistency, constant monitoring. I've kept that weight off. I ate about half what I usually would eat at most meals, and pretty much still do.

For others it may be much, much harder. Their brain may drive them to feel hunger more that I do. I don't know.

So please don't call me smug, self-righteous, and arrogant - that is offensive.

Are people smug about people who are starving in 3rd world countries, or smug because they don't have cancer or malaria? I just don't get this train of thought.

-ERD50

[Silver]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERD50 And I think it is smug to assume that "people who do not have another person's problem (obesity, poverty, low IQ, etc) tend to compare themselves and feel smug about it"! And I mean that seriously. I see people with problems I don't have. I wish they could overcome them. I understand it might not be easy, and it might be very difficult, but it is rarely impossible. Last year, I worked on losing 20 pounds. It was not easy, I really had to be aware of every meal, every snack, and consider how much I was eating. For me, it was more about consistency, constant monitoring. I've kept that weight off. I ate about half what I usually would eat at most meals, and pretty much still do. For others it may be much, much harder. Their brain may drive them to feel hunger more that I do. I don't know. So please don't call me smug, self-righteous, and arrogant - that is offensive. Are people smug about people who are starving in 3rd world countries, or smug because they don't have cancer or malaria? I just don't get this train of thought. -ERD50

Sorry you don't get this train of thought, but my experience has taught me to believe it.

Generalizations are what we use often in communications, here and everywhere else. Perhaps I should have added YMMV......

Yes...people are smug about someone else's misfortune, like 3rd world hunger, cancer and malaria. It makes them feel better about themselves for some strange reason. If you don't think that way....good for you. But that is the truth I have come to know. I would guess that the OP has seen some of this as well, which resulted in the thread.

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silver Yes...people are smug about someone else's misfortune, like 3rd world hunger, cancer and malaria. It makes them feel better about themselves for some strange reason.

Here on the forum, we often have seem to be overly smug about those who haven't managed to save much for retirement, for whatever reasons. I'm as guilty as any in this respect. Some of these reasons would be awful obstacles and it seems like usually we judge from a standpoint of ignorance.

We seem to forget that "There, but for the grace of God, go I".

[Amethyst]

Anorexia is a serious mental illness that people must struggle to overcome. It can be deadly. Tell her It's not funny and to knock it off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitwdw has introduced me as Anna Rexia. .

[Tadpole]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silver I think that people who do not have another person's problem (obesity, poverty, low IQ, etc) tend to compare themselves and feel smug about it. And smugness brings with it a sense of self-righteous judgement and arrogance. To me it comes across almost as narcissistic personality disorder which results from a fragile self-esteem belief system. I guess I would say that someone who has difficulty with another's weight may have their own low self-esteem issues to worry about. And I feel smug about that.

You forgot paternalistic. I agree and noticed a reaction to your analysis not unlike that of fat people being the focus of the criticism.

You don't know me. You don't judge me. Works both ways.

[Moemg]

I really do not care if people are over weight ,have not saved for retirement and drink more than two drinks a day . I care if they are nice , reasonable people .

[rodi]

I've been hesitant to post in this thread since I'm fat. Be every measure (clothes size, hip size, weight, etc.)

I eat less than everyone in my house. I take the dog on 2+ mile walks 4-5 days a week. I participate in water fitness classes 2 times a week. I use our elliptical usually 2x week. I've got great muscle tone.... under all the fat. When I take classes at the local community college I reach the 5th floor classroom via stairs, not elevator.

My blood pressure is normal to low. My cholesteral is low. My fasting blood glucose is low. So I'm not too worried about heart or diabetes. Plus there is no risk in my family tree for that stuff (we tend towards cancer.)

I am snug in airline seats - I can put the arms down... but it's tight. Worse is knee room... (I'm 5'9"). I guess my big booty pushes my whole body forward... or the seats are just too close together.

I've decided, consciously, not to let my weight keep e from doing activities that people might judge me. I go to the beach and body surf - even though that means public swimsuits. I'd rather enjoy the beach and not worry about whether I'm too fat to be there.

My husband theorizes that my years of dieting/regaining has kicked my metabolism lower...

I'd love to be thinner. But I also don't want to obsess about it - especially at almost 55 years old.... If my weight impacts my activities, I may start obsessing.

[6miths]

I think it is likely two factors for me. The first is that I have spent my life living in a society that identifies a 'thin' or 'athletic' body habitus as attractive and obesity as unattractive. Also, though not raised in an overly religious household the ideas of self-control and discipline were stressed and the 'excess' of obesity was not seen as consistent with these traits (rightly or wrongly). The second is because of the health issues which impact me in several ways. As pointed out, there are significant burdens associated with obesity that are not placed on the system by normal weight individuals. Also as pointed out, I understand the health implications of being overweight in people who I am close to - family and friends. Finally, as an MD, caring for people who are significantly overweight adds a great deal of complexity and increases the likelihood of complications and failure of care.

[splitwdw]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Anorexia is a serious mental illness that people must struggle to overcome. It can be deadly. Tell her It's not funny and to knock it off.

I wouldn't tell her it's not funny and I'm sure she's aware. I think she's in enough pain between her weight and some family members telling her "for her own good" how to fix herself. I have said something to my other sister about her comments to my older sister. This other sister is thin like myself and never had to work at her weight. I think it's easier for me to take my sister's comments than it is for her to take the "well meaning advice".

[ivinsfan]

I feel for you and I have seen families with large weight differences between siblings. But just "taking" her comments is how bullies are born.Can't you just say "I don't make comments about your weight and I'll thank you in advance for not making comments about mine." Or perhaps you already limit your time with this sister because of the way she talks to you and she thinks you avoid her because she is fat. I wouldn't enjoy spending time with someone who treated me like that.

[Nemo2]

Along somewhat related lines...our condo development was built on the site of an old canning factory.....behind us, the station house has been converted into three rental units........DW & I, on our separate computers, are listening to one resident, (they also have a young son), sitting on the deck coughing his guts out over his morning cigarette.

One would think this would be an indication that his behavior is detrimental to his health.....but apparently not.

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silver I think that people who do not have another person's problem (obesity, poverty, low IQ, etc) tend to compare themselves and feel smug about it. And smugness brings with it a sense of self-righteous judgement and arrogance. To me it comes across almost as narcissistic personality disorder which results from a fragile self-esteem belief system. I guess I would say that someone who has difficulty with another's weight may have their own low self-esteem issues to worry about. And I feel smug about that.

Smug isn't the word I'd use...

[Nemo2]

Quote:

And I feel smug about that.

Am I the only one who interpreted this comment as being somewhat facetious and slightly self-deprecating?

[splitwdw]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan I feel for you and I have seen families with large weight differences between siblings. But just "taking" her comments is how bullies are born.Can't you just say "I don't make comments about your weight and I'll thank you in advance for not making comments about mine." Or perhaps you already limit your time with this sister because of the way she talks to you and she thinks you avoid her because she is fat. I wouldn't enjoy spending time with someone who treated me like that.

I'm in my mid 40's and my older sister is early 50's and I don't think she's going to change her attitude. My other sister is not going to change either but she says things to intentionally hurt our sister. That's why I'll say something to her....and then she gets her feelings hurt and cries. I'm not going to make things harder for my older sister. She and my other sister do not get along most of the time. We all live a few hours apart and I get along with my older sister 99% of the time. I'm not going to hurt her feelings for the few times she's made remarks about me.

[ivinsfan]

I hear you, three sisters can have a lot of drama between them, I get it. I misunderstood and thought her comments really bothered you because you said you wondered if she hated you sometimes. But I am a little confused why you call the other sister out for saying intentionally hurtful things to the heavy sister, but give the heavy sister a pass when she does the same to you.

I think you must be a very compassionate person and would be a nice sister for anybody to have.It's not always easy to turn the other cheek.