Why do some people care so much that others are fat?

[Amethyst]

The title is the topic. The "Why do we get fat" thread reminded me that many people really dislike seeing others who are fat.

It is one thing to care that you, yourself are fat. That's your business. But if you happen to care whether other people weigh too much, why is that?

Naturally, I have some notions of the answers. I'd like to learn what others have to say.

Amethyst

[W2R]

I think it's for the same reason that people love to discuss articles on the topic of how other people aren't prepared for retirement.

If other people are fatter than they are, or less well prepared for retirement, posting about that can be a big ego boost. Most people really don't believe in themselves very much, I guess. They are always trying to pat themselves on the back.

Along the same lines, some people accuse other members who live on very little, of making it all up and living in a fantasy world. Some say it's "impossible" to live on $20K, for example, and could only be possible using "creative math". Likewise it's "impossible" to live without a credit card. Actually these accusations are fascinating because they say more about the accuser than the accused. They reveal which members have zero self confidence and want an ego boost. Just my opinion.

[Sarah in SC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R I think it's for the same reason that people love to discuss articles on the topic of how other people aren't prepared for retirement. If other people are fatter than they are, or less well prepared for retirement, posting about that can be a big ego boost. Most people really don't believe in themselves very much, I guess. They are always trying to pat themselves on the back.

Pretty much nailed it.
Moral high ground is intoxicating to many.

[Options]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah in SC Pretty much nailed it. Moral high ground is intoxicating to many.

To the contrary. I don't give a damn if you're fat. I don't care if you blow up like a house, have to spend all of your retirement money on healtcare, lose your mobility, reduce your quality of life, or die an early death. I really really really don't care what you do. Regarding retirement, I don't care if you live an old age absolutely penniless. And I don't care if you've spent the last several decades in poor relationships and keep doing the same wrong thing over and over and over again. I really really really don't care.

What I do care about is that you waste my time wanting to talk about these things over and over and over again (often for years) when the reality is you have no intention of doing anything about them at all. If you want to be fat, fail to save for retirement, live in poor relationships, knock yourself out. I just don't want to hear you "discuss" a "problem" you have no real intention of solving. Talking about is an activity that leads to mediocrity; doing creates outcomes which leads to effectiveness. Which are you engaging in?

People who get results in life do what they have to do when they have to do it whether they feel like it or not. And what they have to do is the exact the same thing that low performing people have to do. The only difference is people who get results get themselves to do what they have to do without excuses. Note the use of the word "do".

To make this actionable: what should you already have done, or be doing now, to get the results you say you want in any area of your life, that you haven't done or aren't doing now? Do what you know. Don't know something and do something else.

*the use of the word "you" is meant generically

[Amethyst]

Wow, that must be a nuisance. Do you get stuck with such people often?

When people harp on a tedious topic, I usually get away quick as I can. But maybe these are people you have to put up with?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Options T What I do care about is that you waste my time wanting to talk about these things over and over and over again when the reality is you have no intention of doing anything about it at all. .

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Wow, that must be a nuisance. Do you get stuck with such people often? When people harp on a tedious topic, I usually get away quick as I can. But maybe these are people you have to put up with?

I was wondering the same thing! This MUST be in real life, since on forums like this we can pick and choose which threads we want to read. There are certain topics that I just never click on.

My beloved F says that the people to avoid at a (real life) party, are those who have just lost a lot of weight and those who just found religion.

[NYEXPAT]

I do not care for fat people as they take away from the beauty of the neighborhood and often block the view of the Ocean.I have a friend that is a chubbychaser and he always says "They provide warmth in the winter and shade in the summer", so I guess we are all different.

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Options To the contrary. I don't give a damn if you're fat. I don't care if you blow up like a house, have to spend all of your retirement money on healtcare, lose your mobility, reduce your quality of life, or die an early death. I really really really don't care what you do. Regarding retirement, I don't care if you live an old age absolutely penniless. And I don't care if you've spent the last several decades in poor relationships and keep doing the same wrong thing over and over and over again. I really really really don't care. What I do care about is that you waste my time wanting to talk about these things over and over and over again (often for years) when the reality is you have no intention of doing anything about them at all. If you want to be fat, fail to save for retirement, live in poor relationships, knock yourself out. I just don't want to hear you "discuss" a "problem" you have no real intention of solving. Talking about is an activity that leads to mediocrity; doing creates outcomes which leads to effectiveness. Which are you engaging in? People who get results in life do what they have to do when they have to do it whether they feel like it or not. And what they have to do is the exact the same thing that low performing people have to do. The only difference is people who get results get themselves to do what they have to do without excuses. Note the use of the word "do". To make this actionable: what should you already have done, or be doing now, to get the results you say you want in any area of your life, that you haven't done or aren't doing now? Do what you know. Don't know something and do something else. *the use of the word "you" is meant generically

Yes sir..I'll get right on it!

[mystang52]

I consider myself having been on both sides of the fence. In my late 40's I "discovered" running and took off 40 pounds. I'm 5'10" so I don't know if that made me fat, or merely overweight.
Anyway, I don't judge other overweight people. I've heard others say something to the effect of "just don't eat as much." Along with my running and other exercising, I also was able to cut down my portion size. But I well understand that eating less, and/or exercising, just isn't easily doable for some people.
I can still recall the days, eating my second dish of ice cream, and thinking that I shouldn't be doing so. I still had that second dish, though. Nowadays, 90% of the time my one serving of dessert is sufficient. But. like an addict, there's that 10% when I have to resist a very strong urge to take that second helping. And this is after 17 years of keeping the weight off. I definitely do not feel "superior" to fat people, and empathize with them.

[brett]

I could care less if anyone else is obese/fat.

What I really do not like is hearing obese/fat people go on and on about how hard they are trying to loose weight but never do. Never like to see someone trying to fool themselves, let alone others.


It that is someone's lifestyle and choice then fine. Accept it. Just don't try and convince others that it is not.


The only exception to that rule would be in economy class on an airline. Who wants to be in the middle seat sitting between two obese people who take up their space and part of yours?

[clfdallas]

I've been fat. Too big for the airline seat, hard to pass in the store aisle fat. It wasn't until I hit 59 that I finally found a way of eating (read diet) that worked for me on every level. Then I lost 100 pounds in less than a year.

I empathize with obese people. No one, except for the mentally ill, wants to be fat. It is embarrassing, uncomfortable, expensive and makes you feel physically awful.

The problem is there is no one solution to losing weight that works for every human. Science is exploring genetics, microbiomes, nutrient balances, hormones, etc. to try and understand why some people gain and hold on to fat and others don't. Until the medical community has a much better picture of how all these factors interact and what that means for an individual, there will be obese people.

What an obese person is left with is to keep trying diets until they find one that works for them, which in my case took 40 years.

[frayne]

I actually feel quite sorry for people who are grossly overweight. I wonder how they do simple tasks that normal weight people take for granted; personal hygiene, sex, any type of physical activity, etc.

[Major Tom]

I just want everyone to get along.

[samclem]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst But if you happen to care whether other people weigh too much, why is that?

Maybe people care because (more than ever) we are paying for each other's health care and paying for poor decisions people make in virtually any area of their life?
"It's my decision" only works until you (or the government, at your behest) make others clean up the mess. Eat too much, don't exercise, smoke cigarettes, drive without a seatbelt--now it is everyone's business.

("Your" above is generic, of course)

[ziggy29]

Quote:

Originally Posted by samclem Maybe people care because (more than ever) we are paying for each others health care and paying for poor decisions people make in virtually all areas of their life? "It's my decision" only works until you (or the government, at your behest) make others clean up the mess.

But even then this outrage about public expenditures is selective. People are quick to point out that "fat people" drive up health care costs. But they also (on average) die several years earlier than "healthy" people who make all the "right" decisions. That's several less years on Medicare, on public employee health insurance, on public pensions, on Social Security. These are all cost *savings*. Yet almost none of the folks who complain about the high public costs of "bad decisions" are willing to take those into account. It's distasteful to sound like you are profiting from early death and I get that, but an honest assessment of overall public costs of "bad lifestyle choices" needs to account for it.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ziggy29 Yet almost none of the folks who complain about the high public costs of "bad decisions" are willing to take those into account. It's distasteful to sound like you are profiting from early death and I get that, but an honest assessment of overall public costs of "bad lifestyle choices" needs to account for it.

samclem has already posted what I was about to say- it costs us all. I agree with you that there's an offset because less-healthy people have shorter life expectancies, but let's take the average SS benefit of $14,000/year. Let's say that unhealthy people have a lifespan 5 years shorter than average. That's a savings of $90,000, which is pretty substantial (and that's before the cost of Medicare benefits over 5 years), but given today's medical expenses, they could easily run up extra medical costs during their lifetime that exceed that. In addition to the costs directly attributable to preventable conditions (overweight, smoking, Type 2 diabetes to some extent), there's an extra "co-morbidity" cost when someone with one or more of these conditions is treated for something unrelated. That's been pretty well-quantified.

DH just had a wound that developed into a leg ulcer treated last year and early this year. He's normal weight and we're still not sure how he developed it from a cut he never noticed, but it took something like 15 visits, at $300 (what Medicare and his supplement actually paid) each. He said he was generally the only person of normal weight in the waiting room at the Wound Care clinic. My (amateur) guess is that poor circulation and inactivity frequently associated with overweight make it harder for wounds to heal.

[Marita40]

I have heard that an obsession with food (eg. weight, organic or not, carbs or no carbs, food police who tell us we MUST eat this or that) is the new religion. It is certainly a form of political correctness.

[Aerides]

The only time I think I might have any right to be annoyed is when the person next to me is taking up about a third of my seat on an airplane. Armrest up, smushed right up on me kinda thing. A larger person (whether fat or a linebacker) should not assume rights to the few spare inches I might have in my seat.

Air travel is horrible enough as it is.

But in general, no it's very judgmental and usually incorrect. It's rarely as simple as just eat less or move more. That might work for someone who needs to drop a size or two, but for the very overweight there are often other issues involved that none of us should pretend to understand.

[Sarah in SC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R I was wondering the same thing! This MUST be in real life, since on forums like this we can pick and choose which threads we want to read. There are certain topics that I just never click on. My beloved F says that the people to avoid at a (real life) party, are those who have just lost a lot of weight and those who just found religion.

F is a pretty smart guy! Add to that new parents!

[samclem]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ziggy29 Yet almost none of the folks who complain about the high public costs of "bad decisions" are willing to take those into account.

True, but I don't think these offsetting cost savings have been well quantified/publicized, whereas the direct cost of the behaviors is very well known and publicized. I'm aware that smoking, in general, saves the government (not society as a whole) money due to decreased longevity, but I'd bet that the extended morbidity due to obesity (diabetes, heart disease, etc, etc) ends up costing the government (i.e. you and I) money even after offsetting "savings" are factored in.

And then there's that airplane seat ("sorry--my doctor says this armrest needs to stay down due to my sciatica. Flight attendant--I need an accommodation!"). And I can't even >see< the food bar at Golden Coral due to all the lipid tissue, much less push my way through to get my own plate to the trough!