Solo trip while the spouse is still working

[AboutThere]

DW will be working for 2 years after I retire.

Part of my retirement planning is to take about 2 months and see everything in Europe that I have ever wanted to see - most of which is not that interesting to DW.

My bucket list includes seeing all the existing Vermeers (I'm just over halfway there), touring military battlefield sites, and generally wonking out on art, music (Wagner festival), and history, everywhere from Scotland to Turkey (Troy).

DW would likely join me for a couple of weeks of beaches in Italy, but otherwise it's just me.
Our longest Euro vacation was 21 days (Paris, London) and to me it was just the tip of the iceberg. DW and I travel together and solo, so no issues there.

Wondered if anyone else here has done that. It seems that a lot of folks here pride themselves on NOT doing things like spending 2 months abroad.

[DrRoy]

My DW and I nearly always travel together, and we have been to Europe several times. We also like art, and I am huge on military sites and history in general. Britian is a historical playground, from ancient sites like Skare Brae to Stonehenge and Avebury. Loads of Roman sites, castles, and a lot more. France was great for WW I & II. You have to go to the Normandy Beaches and the Military museum in Paris.

[Teacher Terry]

We love to travel and go for 3-4 weeks at a time. We usually go together but nothing wrong with going separately since she does not want to go to many of the places you want to. WE are doing our traveling now because you never know when you can't. Enjoy!!

[braumeister]

I retired in 2001, but DW kept w*rking until 2014 (she loved the social aspects and was great friends with many of her colleagues). During that time, I took several trips every year on my own, some of them for a number of weeks. Never a problem. Many things I enjoy she is indifferent to, and vice versa. So she sometimes takes a trip (at least annually) without me.

It works for us, but I think it may be because we had such a long time as singles (we married in our 40s). We were simply used to solo travels and it has never seemed odd to us to continue that.

With such easy communication these days, if you want to talk to the spouse you can just grab your phone and talk. Or FaceTime makes it even better these days.

I get that this wouldn't be acceptable to most here, but for some of us it's easy. And absence really does make the heart grow fonder, so we're always very happy to return home.

[Teacher Terry]

I got a chance to go to Poland while my son and DIL were there visiting her family. My DH was working f.t. on a consulting project so I grabbed my bf and went. I don't enjoy traveling alone. My Dh has went on a few trips to visit family that I wasn't able to go and no big deal. No right or wrong way to do things.

[AboutThere]

Thanks for the replies: we often take separate vacations so no issue there: the question I was really asking is whether anyone planned to take a very long vacation right after retirement, and whether any issues popped up as a result of that plan?

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AboutThere DW will be working for 2 years after I retire. Part of my retirement planning is to take about 2 months and see everything in Europe that I have ever wanted to see - [...] DW would likely join me for a couple of weeks of beaches in Italy, but otherwise it's just me.

I don't travel much, myself. Not only that, I am no longer married.

However, if I was in your wife's position I'd be furious. That's because to me, marriage is supposed to be a partnership, which to me means that if she is working and you are not, then you should be working an equal number of hours helping out - - groceries, laundry, finances, cleaning the house, and so on.

Different people view marriage differently so she may not see it this way. But I'm warning you, might be good to watch out just in case.

[AboutThere]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R I don't travel much, myself. Not only that, I am no longer married. However, if I was in your wife's position I'd be furious. That's because to me, marriage is supposed to be a partnership, which to me means that if she is working and you are not, then you should be working an equal number of hours helping out - - groceries, laundry, finances, cleaning the house, and so on. Different people view marriage differently so she may not see it this way. But I'm warning you, might be good to watch out just in case.

I'm not worried.

[Teacher Terry]

WE didn't travel for about a year but mainly because we bought a foreclosure that my hubby had to gut and redo and sell our old home. that occupied our time for 6 months)

[Fedup]

It's different for each family. If your wife is ok with it then I wouldn't worry.


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[Koogie]

I say go for it. I just took my first overseas "solo" (ie: without her) trip since we were married (not counting work). A week with a buddy in Amsterdam and Antwerp.

She only ever says she worries (I was in Brussels after the bombings) which is fine and understandable. These days with mobile phones it was dead easy to keep in touch by text and VOIP from Europe, so that helped appease her.

I've only done solo trips at home and in the US before without her, which is of course just quick and easy. I'm definitely seeing more of these overseas ones in my future (I'm semi-RE).

[Davis65]

I have no concerns about travelling separately: if it works for you and spouse, then more power to you. It wouldn't work for me, but you're not me.

My concern is with "seeing everything" in two months. Europe is really big, and there is so much. I would encourage you not to try to do so much in one trip, or you may miss opportunities that present themselves while you're there, or risk spending most of your time on trains getting from one place to another. You can visit a military site in an hour and then dash off to see a local museum that has a little Vermeer and then dash back to the train station to head off to your next destination, but what about time to wander the streets of the the town and contemplate what it was like when occupying troops marched through, and then when liberating troops marched back? What about time to have a long coffee in a little cafe? Or to spend a full day wandering through an archaeological site? (tours of Pompeii give you the morning or the afternoon - we waited for the gates to open in the morning, and then we're asked to leave so they could close up at the end of the day.)

Take your time and smell the poppies along the way.

[rodi]

My dad retired 3 years before my mom. He got all the trips he wanted to do that she had no interest in, done, in those three years.

A month after he retired he loaded up his pickup w/shell with his mountain bike, kayak, camping gear, etc. He drove up to Bellingham (where I was living at the time) and had a nice visit with me... then continued north - ferrying over to Vancouver Island, then ferry/island hopping up through Canada and Alaska - then over to Denali, Mt. McKinnley... then down into Glacier Nat'l Park, Yellowstone, then down through the beautiful parks in Utah and Arizona... visited his sister in AZ, then headed home. He planned to take 3 months... but he started missing mom somewhere in early month 2 - so he compressed it by 3 weeks.

After that he did an elder hostel (now RoadScholars) trip following the Lewis and Clark trail - again, something mom had no interest in. And he did several other trips. He also went on vacation with her, to do/see things SHE was interested in, when she had vacation time.

By the time my mom retired, my dad had most of his biking/kayaking/camping stuff out of his system and was ready to tour at her pace. They went on to do 2 round the world trips together, an Antartic cruise, and several European trips before mom passed away.

I think it's a good idea to see the things the spouse has no interest in without them.

[jjquantz]

Interesting thread. As many have mentioned, it depends on the relationship. In ours it is expressed as, "I don't mind you being retired as long as it doesn't look like you are always on vacation." So I cook dinner, keep the house (reasonably) clean, do the yard work, etc. But I also have time to play golf, practice my music, exercise, etc. And we're ok with me doing trips alone, a week playing golf at Bandon Dunes last year, for instance. But two months in Europe would definitely cross the threshold that would lead to trouble for me. Largely because it is something that DW would also like to do, a week's golf trip, not so much.

[braumeister]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jjquantz Interesting thread. As many have mentioned, it depends on the relationship.

Yes, that's the key.
While DW continued w*rking, I did all the cooking, all the yard work, a lot of the housework, and I still do. Not a big deal (I enjoy cooking, while she doesn't).

But we have three categories of travel.

She takes trips of multiple weeks to pursue her hobbies.
I take trips of multiple weeks to pursue mine.
And we take as many trips together as possible, for places we both enjoy.

Hobby/travel has been the biggest category in our spending budget and it has only gotten bigger in the last couple of years since DW joined me in retirement.

[Ronstar]

I took several trips during my part time years while DW was still working. Almost all involved places/ hobbies that she had no interest in. Sometimes she takes trips with her friends. Never apart more than a week at a time. It works for us.


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[Elbata]

My wife is retired but we stay put bacause she takes care of her mom.

I have a friend who travels the world and my wife said I should ask if I could join him. It would only be a week at a time.

I'm excited and leery at the same time. At 60, I don't have the energy I used to have, and I do enjoy being at home. But at the same time, it is a chance to see different places.

[brett]

We travel often. Usually 6-8 weeks at a time, at least twice per year.

I could do lots more, spouse not so much. Came home yesterday from 8 weeks of travel in Asia. Spouse is happy to be home. Me? I am already looking at fall trips and something for next winter.

So...at my spouses urging I may start to do some travel on my own. Perhaps a few weeks at a time. I want to go back to China and visit India so I may start with this. I think that it is healthy to have some time on your own-especially when you are retired and either at home together all day or travelling together for an extended period. We will see how it works out.

[CoolChange]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Davis65 .... My concern is with "seeing everything" in two months. Europe is really big, and there is so much. I would encourage you not to try to do so much in one trip, or you may miss opportunities that present themselves while you're there, or risk spending most of your time on trains getting from one place to another. You can visit a military site in an hour and then dash off to see a local museum that has a little Vermeer and then dash back to the train station to head off to your next destination, but what about time to wander the streets of the the town and contemplate what it was like when occupying troops marched through, and then when liberating troops marched back? What about time to have a long coffee in a little cafe? Or to spend a full day wandering through an archaeological site? (tours of Pompeii give you the morning or the afternoon - we waited for the gates to open in the morning, and then we're asked to leave so they could close up at the end of the day.) Take your time and smell the poppies along the way.

This, 100%.

A while back, I did six weeks, around six countries, mostly solo, in the EU. SO joined me mid trip for the bits she was most interested in seeing. It was exhausting; and, I did not come close to seeing/doing everything I had planned. And, I had been to two of these countries multiple times in the past.

Otherwise, good luck and have fun. I am looking so forward to doing more of this kind of travel once I ER.

[YVRRocketSurgery]

Not really like for like but prior to marriage, my fiance/now wife, spent quite a few months apart due to some overseas work assignments. And currently, we still take the odd separate vacation with family or friends.

My main observation is how technology has evolved over the last 15-20 years. Wireless (mobile & wifi) Internet access seems everywhere with speeds to support video conferencing. The communication apps have gotten better. Online access to nearly all your accounts is pretty standard. It's gotten a lot easier to be away from family/home but stay in touch.