Help! I hate my job

[Milton]

Thanks for the status report.

So I guess I know that the job isn't the cause of all my problems.

Fair enough.

Anxiety and depression can be very tough issues. Medication and therapy can be very helpful, but unfortunately not for everyone; and it sounds like you've tried them without success.

I can't think of a better strategy than your current approach: "suffer through each day and try to go back the next".

P.S. This old chesnut is a bit simplistic but might be of interest: Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. If nothing else, it should show you that your difficulties are not unique.

 

[laurinsane]

I was diagnosed with Hodgekin's lymphoma when I was 16 (I'm 27 now). Trust me, it really does impact the decisions you make in your life. I really do hate my job. been miserable ever since I started working. I'm a very free spirit and hate wasting life doing things other people want me to do.

I love music, teaching music, writing music, etc. I make a decent income ~$65k. Despite the nice amount of money I am leaving my job the end of this month to persue my online businesses as well as working as a guitar and vocal coach out of my home.

I may not be making a lot of money yet, but I make enough to pay my bills and I will get to live my days pretty much how I see fit. I've been told by many music professionals that it will be the best decision I've ever made in my life.

If you hate your job, find something else you like and do it for your own sanity.

 

[Retire2013]

After leaving work for over a year, due to severe anxiety attacks and depression. I have been back for several months. All the old problems are still there but I suffer through each day and try to go back the next. Some days are slightly better than others, but none are good. No medication, counseling, or even not having to go to work for over a year really helped. So I guess I know that the job isn't the cause of all my problems.

Have you tried meditation? At first (the first 5 minutes or however many minutes of your first few attempts) might feel absolutely horrible but then a certain clarity starts to set in and you may feel more at peace with your misery. Not that you would feel better but that you would accept your "condition" of anxiety and depression with equanimity and that in and of itself alleviates your suffering. It is the striving for happiness that is so arduous sometimes. Just a thought and please kindly forgive and/or ignore this suggestion if it is not helpful or is irritating/annoying to you in anyway. May you find peace and ease.

 

[SunsetSail]

I was in a previous position that was high paying and involved huge time commitments and cultivated burnout. Staying in this position would have given me the income to FIRE sooner. However, the burnout created a need to take expensive escape vacations and also put me in constant contact with people that made large sums of money and spent most of it on expensive cars, vacations, etc. I am in a position now that doesn't have the same income potential, but I feel much more in control and I suspect I will FIRE sooner because of lower expenses rather than higher income.

My point is that I think you should look for a new position even if it means less money. Maybe you are more disciplined than me, but over time the flashy lifestyles of high spending co-workers can wear me down and worm their way into my lifestyle. You just need to find the right balance between income and enjoyment and it may take some experimentation with different jobs.

 

[mickj]

Have you tried meditation? At first (the first 5 minutes or however many minutes of your first few attempts) might feel absolutely horrible but then a certain clarity starts to set in and you may feel more at peace with your misery. Not that you would feel better but that you would accept your "condition" of anxiety and depression with equanimity and that in and of itself alleviates your suffering. It is the striving for happiness that is so arduous sometimes. Just a thought and please kindly forgive and/or ignore this suggestion if it is not helpful or is irritating/annoying to you in anyway. May you find peace and ease.

I have tried meditation. Thanks for the suggestion. It can help sometimes but unfortunately for me most of the times it doesn't. I think accepting my condition does provide some relief... it is when I have to fulfill some sort of obligation and my anxiety and depression get in the way that I have a harder time.

 

[mickj]

short update

I did end up finding a little medical help. My vitamin D levels were low. I took some vitamin D from costco and I am at least not as tired as I used to be. I still can't stand work and my family life isn't much better.

I also seemed to get some relief from some other health issues by taking some 'time release' niacin.

It is sad to think that I never really will be happy.

 

[omni550]

I did end up finding a little medical help. My vitamin D levels were low. I took some vitamin D from costco and I am at least not as tired as I used to be. I still can't stand work and my family life isn't much better.

I also seemed to get some relief from some other health issues by taking some 'time release' niacin.

It is sad to think that I never really will be happy.

mickj,

Don't give up hope yet.

I just read some excerpts from the book by Dr. Daniel G. Amen, "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life".

From the back cover: "In this breakthrough bestseller, you'll see scientific evidence that your anxiety, depression, anger, obsessiveness or impulsiveness could be related to how specific structures in your brain work. You're not stuck with the brain you're born with."

Perhaps you'll take some time to read this and see if anything he suggests might be beneficial.

omni

 

[Nords]

It is sad to think that I never really will be happy.

I've read your thread over the years, but this latest post came up after I'd had lunch with a shipmate who had interesting news.

Have you tried Zoloft? The reason I ask is because the U.S. Navy's submarine force hands it out like candy. (I think it's also used in smoking-cessation treatments.) With my shipmate, the difference was huge and immediate. He says it was like the clouds parting and the sun coming out... after literally 40 years.

It's probably the next-best thing to ER.

 

[freebird5825]

I've read your thread over the years, but this latest post came up after I'd had lunch with a shipmate who had interesting news.

Have you tried Zoloft? The reason I ask is because the U.S. Navy's submarine force hands it out like candy. (I think it's also used in smoking-cessation treatments.) With my shipmate, the difference was huge and immediate. He says it was like the clouds parting and the sun coming out... after literally 40 years.

It's probably the next-best thing to ER.

I will heartily second the Zoloft idea. It helped me through some pretty tough times when my own inner strength was not enough to keep me upbeat and dealing with the case of lemons I was thrown into.

Even a low dosage is helpful. I eventually stopped using my "happy pills".
I would not hesitate to resume them if the situation warranted.

 

[FIREd]

I think accepting my condition does provide some relief... it is when I have to fulfill some sort of obligation and my anxiety and depression get in the way that I have a harder time.

I am surprised I didn't pick up on this thread sooner. I have dealt with anxiety for the past 10 years though I have successfully kept depression at bay for the past 9 years. Medication helps to relieve symptoms temporarily, but I do not believe it is a long-term fix for anxiety sufferers. Anxiety is a product of your brain, and you are the only one who can disrupt the obsessive thought pattern. You are the solution.

IMO, anxiety is a life-long battle (My mother and grandmother have dealt with anxiety all their lives). Just like alcoholism, you can learn how to manage your anxiety but you'll never be immune to a relapse. It's OK. Acceptance of who you are is essential.

I find that anxiety can be a very lonely disorder. Few people can relate to what you are going through. People (including doctors) kept telling me "why don't you just relax a little"... Sheesh, I didn't think of it... Once you know what you are dealing with though, things get better.

And I promise you, things do get better with time. I get it when you say "It is sad to think that I never really will be happy". I remember feeling that way too. But it is simply not true. I am a happy while sometime terribly anxious person. The important thing is to push back. Never let the anxiety restrict your activities. I know it's hard. But each time you kick the sh!t out of your anxiety, you will feel empowered. I get my worst anxiety attacks when I fly. If I listened to my anxiety, I'd never board an airplane again. Ever. Well, I just got back from Europe. I white-knuckled the first 2 hours of the 9-hour flight but the last 7 hours of the flight were very comfortable thanks to some coping mechanisms I have developed over the years. And damn my vacation was a blast. Happy, happy, happy. Me 1, anxiety 0, yeah!.

Everyone has a particular way of coping with anxiety. For me, I try to keep my mind busy or distracted during anxiety attacks in order to break the pattern of negative thoughts (meditation does not help me either). And I like full body relaxation and deep breathing exercises. I am also doing some self-hypnosis. A therapist can help you figure out what works best for you.

 

[Nords]

I am surprised I didn't pick up on this thread sooner.

Look at the dates of Mickj's last five or six posts. It may be a few months before he catches back up.

 

[FIREd]

Look at the dates of Mickj's last five or six posts. It may be a few months before he catches back up.

I didn't realize this thread was started 5 years ago!

 

[myself]

I did end up finding a little medical help. My vitamin D levels were low. I took some vitamin D from costco and I am at least not as tired as I used to be. I still can't stand work and my family life isn't much better.

I also seemed to get some relief from some other health issues by taking some 'time release' niacin.

It is sad to think that I never really will be happy.

Mick, I believe I've heard that Vitamin E also helps to boost energy levels too.
And incidentally, you will be happy. Don't forget that this is also the time when people need to get plenty of sunlight because they're stuck indoors due to the cold weather ... well at least in my area of the country.

 

[kyounge1956]

In the past, I have found St Johnswort helpful for mild anxiety/depression.

 

[Sarah in SC]

FD, thank you for sharing your own experiences. While I don't suffer from anxiety, I have at times shown a lack of empathy for sufferers around me and it helps me understand it to hear your story.
I'll try to be more patient and not respond so automatically with "get over it" kind of unhelpful commentary. Thank you!

 

[FIREd]

FD, thank you for sharing your own experiences. While I don't suffer from anxiety, I have at times shown a lack of empathy for sufferers around me and it helps me understand it to hear your story.
I'll try to be more patient and not respond so automatically with "get over it" kind of unhelpful commentary. Thank you!

You're welcome. Patience and empathy are important for sure, but sometime the best thing you can do is to gently coax the anxiety sufferer out of his/her comfort zone. Anxiety, if left unchallenged, will progressively shrink a person's comfort zone and range of activities. That's often when people get depressed. Sometimes, a gentle kick in the butt from a relative is all the necessary and welcome encouragement we need to start fighting back.

 

[mickj]

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate all your support. It is nice to have real people take time to reply.

I have tried a lot of different (15 to 20?) medications and they all made the anxiety worse.

I even went so far as to spend time in a psychiatric hospital (absolutely horrible!) I also tried a couple months of ECT treatments (not fun, still feel some memory effects.)

I agree that I do have to just 'white knuckle' it and there is some power in that.

Wish you all the best. thanks again.