That's a very attractive house and patio. I'll be some sangria gets consumed there in the summertime.
It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020
- Thread starter cute fuzzy bunny
- Start date
- Status
Elderdude
Recycles dryer sheets
After Mrs. O'Toole's barn burned down, she called her insurance agent to file a claim.
She told the insurance man, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand bucks, and we need that money immediately!"
"Just a minute there, Mrs. O'Toole," the agent replied. "Insurance doesn't work quite like that."
"What do you mean?!" she asked. "The policy here says $50,000!"
"That's a maximum," the insurance man explained. "What we do is ascertain the value of what was insured, and then provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
After a long pause, she replied "That's how insurance works?!"
"Absolutely," the agent said.
"Well then," she said, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband immediately!"
She told the insurance man, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand bucks, and we need that money immediately!"
"Just a minute there, Mrs. O'Toole," the agent replied. "Insurance doesn't work quite like that."
"What do you mean?!" she asked. "The policy here says $50,000!"
"That's a maximum," the insurance man explained. "What we do is ascertain the value of what was insured, and then provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
After a long pause, she replied "That's how insurance works?!"
"Absolutely," the agent said.
"Well then," she said, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband immediately!"
Overheard recently
***************
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- Shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'Liverpool '
And they say blondes are dumb….
-------------------------------------------------------
A couple are lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
-----------------------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience
for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to
death.
***************
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- Shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'Liverpool '
And they say blondes are dumb….
-------------------------------------------------------
A couple are lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
-----------------------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience
for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to
death.
mickeyd
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Alternative State Slogans
Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But
Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Think So.
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared !!!
Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But
Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Think So.
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared !!!
brewer12345
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2003
- Messages
- 18,085
A depressed President Obama was walking along the beach in sunny Hawaii, bemoaning that so many people thought he was a foreigner for being born there. Suddenly he stumbled on a rusty lamp in the sand. He rubbed the sand off and a genie appeared. Amazed, Obama thought of all his problems and wondered if this could be one of those 3-wish genies. He asked.
"Nope. Due to the national debt, constant downsizing and unemployment, low wages in third-world countries and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So, what'll it be Prez?"
Obama rubbed his finger along his nose in his usual thoughtful way, trying to decide on a wish that would help him solve some other problems as well. Finally he said, "I want peace in the Middle East." He drew a map of the area in the sand so the genie would make no mistake.
The genie exclaimed, "Gadzooks, Barry! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but I'm not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
Again Obama pondered thoughtfully. "Well, I've been trying to find a few considerate, fair Republicans willing to cooperate with Democrats to solve the nation's great problems. They should have a good sense of humor and like to play basketball and hope I do a good job as President and quit insinuating that I'm a Muslim, a Socialist and a racist. That's what I wish for, Mr. Genie-- a few good Republicans to help me tackle our problems."
The genie let out a long, exasperated sigh and asked meekly, "Uh, can you draw that same map again?"
"Nope. Due to the national debt, constant downsizing and unemployment, low wages in third-world countries and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So, what'll it be Prez?"
Obama rubbed his finger along his nose in his usual thoughtful way, trying to decide on a wish that would help him solve some other problems as well. Finally he said, "I want peace in the Middle East." He drew a map of the area in the sand so the genie would make no mistake.
The genie exclaimed, "Gadzooks, Barry! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but I'm not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
Again Obama pondered thoughtfully. "Well, I've been trying to find a few considerate, fair Republicans willing to cooperate with Democrats to solve the nation's great problems. They should have a good sense of humor and like to play basketball and hope I do a good job as President and quit insinuating that I'm a Muslim, a Socialist and a racist. That's what I wish for, Mr. Genie-- a few good Republicans to help me tackle our problems."
The genie let out a long, exasperated sigh and asked meekly, "Uh, can you draw that same map again?"
David1961
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2007
- Messages
- 1,085
Go to Google Maps. Click on "Get Directions". Then type Taiwan as the starting point and China as the destination. Scroll down and read step 23 of the itinerary.
I don't get it. Why is that funny?
RonBoyd
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Yeah. I would be pretty bummed if I was told to swim the Pacific Ocean when asking directions to get somewhere. Oh! If you were told to... well that's different.
I thought it was very funny.
But I would have liked them to include a link to a tide table, just for efficiency.
But I would have liked them to include a link to a tide table, just for efficiency.
Bestwifeever
Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2007
- Messages
- 17,774
("Strait man"--good one, Scrinch!!!)
Also funny is that Google maps used to include the same step between the US and Europe, but now you can't get any directions, just a comment: "We could not calculate directions between chicago, il and munich, germany."
Someone must have complained that it wasn't funny. Was that you, Sam?
Also funny is that Google maps used to include the same step between the US and Europe, but now you can't get any directions, just a comment: "We could not calculate directions between chicago, il and munich, germany."
Someone must have complained that it wasn't funny. Was that you, Sam?
We used to have to do that here before the Long Beach Tunnel opened up...
Another Blonde Joke
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on
the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,
"So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said,
"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to
notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars
and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and
withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about > this man?"
The blonde immediately said,
"Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said,
"Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her
face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,"What about you? Notice
anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear
what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face!
Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and
said,"This is probably a waste of time, but..."
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew
it, saying,"All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or
Unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began
looking at some of the papers in the folder.He looked up at the blonde
with a puzzled expression and said,
"You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the
world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said,"Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With
only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on
the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,
"So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said,
"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to
notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars
and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and
withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about > this man?"
The blonde immediately said,
"Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said,
"Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her
face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,"What about you? Notice
anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear
what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face!
Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and
said,"This is probably a waste of time, but..."
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew
it, saying,"All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or
Unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began
looking at some of the papers in the folder.He looked up at the blonde
with a puzzled expression and said,
"You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the
world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said,"Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With
only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
I thought it would be funny if Google maps responds with a [-]"Are you nut?" [/-]"Say what?" or something similar. That'd be my response if someone asks me the DRIVING direction from Houston to Moon or to Mars. Or from Australia to New Zealand. But may be I'm in the minority here. Sorry for asking.
("Strait man"--good one, Scrinch!!!)
Also funny is that Google maps used to include the same step between the US and Europe, but now you can't get any directions, just a comment: "We could not calculate directions between chicago, il and munich, germany."
Someone must have complained that it wasn't funny. Was that you, Sam?
No, that wasn't me. I saw that answer before and it made sense to me.
BTravlin
Full time employment: Posting here.
- Joined
- May 18, 2010
- Messages
- 996
Billy Connolly -
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
Local Craigslist ad:
Veloteq Electric Bicycle - Challenger RSV--Blue -- Looks new -- driven less than 5 miles -- Can be driven on highway -- Max speed 20 MPH -- Electric charge for less than 25 cents -- Cost $2000 -- Sell for $1595.
Electric bikes - for Christmas
Veloteq Electric Bicycle - Challenger RSV--Blue -- Looks new -- driven less than 5 miles -- Can be driven on highway -- Max speed 20 MPH -- Electric charge for less than 25 cents -- Cost $2000 -- Sell for $1595.
Electric bikes - for Christmas
Dawg52
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Kindergarten class
The kindergarten teacher was preparing to teach about colors and tastes so she passed around some hard candy.
First some jolly ranchers. As the children tasted each one, they called out the color, then the taste
red ... cherry !
yellow ... lemon !
green ... lime !
orange ... orange!
Then she passed out a honey flavored lifesaver. The kids all put one in their mouth, but none knew the name of the taste. After a few minutes, the teacher said “I’ll give you a hint. It’s what your mommies sometimes call your daddies”
One little girl took the lifesaver out of her mouth, looked at it in horror, then threw it on the floor and yelled “Oh my God ... they’re assholes!”.
The kindergarten teacher was preparing to teach about colors and tastes so she passed around some hard candy.
First some jolly ranchers. As the children tasted each one, they called out the color, then the taste
red ... cherry !
yellow ... lemon !
green ... lime !
orange ... orange!
Then she passed out a honey flavored lifesaver. The kids all put one in their mouth, but none knew the name of the taste. After a few minutes, the teacher said “I’ll give you a hint. It’s what your mommies sometimes call your daddies”
One little girl took the lifesaver out of her mouth, looked at it in horror, then threw it on the floor and yelled “Oh my God ... they’re assholes!”.
mickeyd
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
TEXTING ABBREVIATIONS FOR THE ELDERLY:
- FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
- BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
- ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
- DWI: Driving While Incontinent
- LOL: Living On Lipitor
- OMG: Ouch, My Groin!
- IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
- WTF: Wet The Furniture
- IMHMO: In My HMO…
- RULKM: Are You Leaving Kids Money?
- BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
- GTG: Gotta Groan
- TGIF: Thank Goodness It’s Four (Four O’Clock – Early Bird Special)
- FWB: Friend With Betablockers
- FYI: For Your Indigestion…
- JK: Just Kvetching
- TTYL: Talk To You Louder
- MILF: Meal I’d Like To Forget
- LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
- LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
- MGAD: My Grandson’s A Doctor
- SUS: Speak Up, Sonny
- WIWYA: When I Was Your Age
For most of my life I would have thought these were lame. Now they're not just witty, I can identify with many. Ouch...
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation...
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
-------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation...
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
-------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
Last edited by a moderator:
vicente solano
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- May 21, 2009
- Messages
- 1,116
The last couple of days? Then it must be due to this thing of ¨tis the season to be jolly....
David1961
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2007
- Messages
- 1,085
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
The boy replied, "A puppy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
The boy replied, "A puppy!"
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