tell a funny story about yourself

[simple girl]

I thought it would be fun to share silly stories about ourselves. Here's one about me:

A few years ago when we went home to PA to visit family we rented a car. On the drive from the airport we stopped at a Sheetz for gas and ran in to purchase sandwiches. DH got his sandwich ahead of me and went on out to the car.

I got my sandwich, and went outside to join him. It was sooooooo cold and snowing, I ran as quick as I could to the car and jumped in to join DH. I said "Sh*t, it is so freakin' cold here!"

The gentleman next to me calmly said, "Wrong car".

OMG! I think that is probably all I said as I jumped out of the car and quickly found my DH sitting in a similar green car a few steps away!

 

[bbbamI]

A couple of months ago, DH and I went to his family reunion. After a while I got tired of the crowd, went to the lobby and situated myself in a comfy chair. A little boy about 5 years old walked over to me and said "I wanna sit on your lap." I smiled at his sweet little face. He then poked my chest with a chubby little finger and said, "and I wanna put my head right there."

After a few seconds, I said "Why don't we go get a cookie instead?"

 

[ERD50]

A couple of months ago, DH and I went to his family reunion. After a while I got tired of the crowd, went to the lobby and situated myself in a comfy chair. A little boy about 5 years old walked over to me and said "I wanna sit on your lap." I smiled at his sweet little face. He then poked my chest with a chubby little finger and said, "and I wanna put my head right there."

After a few seconds, I said "Why don't we go get a cookie instead?"

Did DH ever mention that he had a dwarf cousin?

-ERD50

 

[RonBoyd]

"and I wanna put my head right there."

And who wouldn't?

 

[freebird5825]

I thought it would be fun to share silly stories about ourselves...

No way
I got a "tuff girl" rep to uphold.

 

[bbbamI]

Did DH ever mention that he had a dwarf cousin?

-ERD50

Well, he has mentioned a "little buddy"....

And who wouldn't?

I guess sometimes in life if you wanna get/do something, you have to ask for it......

 

[calmloki]

One Halloween my gal was in a low cut tight red dress doing her top drawer impression of bountiful harvest/overflowing horns of plenty at the top. Stopped at my sister's and Sal bent over to pick up my little nephew. His eyes grew a bit and once up in her arms he put his hand on one breast and said "milk in them things"? Same little guy who later on was having a growing spurt, which he repeated to someone as a "groin spurt".

 

[Moemg]

Years ago when I was twenty some friends and I were out for the night at a real hot night club .I went to the ladies room and strutted back to our table . I noticed quite a few people staring at me and I thought they were probably ogling my mini skirt but when I looked back I had been trailing toilet paper from the bathroom . Apparently the roll got caught in my underwear and just kept following me . I calmly reached back and ripped it off and continued red faced to the table .

 

[ERD50]

.... I thought they were probably ogling my mini skirt but when I looked back I had been trailing toilet paper from the bathroom ....

Wait a minute. In that other thread, I thought it was accepted that women were more "aware". But clearly, women do *not* understand men.

Trust me, men will ogle a twenty-something in a mini-skirt. If asked later, they would say "toilet paper trail? What toilet paper trail?".

I calmly reached back and ripped it off

The TP, or the mini-skirt?

-ERD50

 

[RonBoyd]

I wonder what "funny" story this lady is going to tell some day:

How to hold a beer while riding in a Harley!
(Usual warnings apply -- but if you do, click on the image to get a closer look)

Uh... the Harley probably isn't required.

 

[Payin-the-Toll]

Good one on my granddaughter. Daughter and Son-in-law take turns taking the 2-yr. old with them when they go shopping. When DD gets home & starts supper, GD likes to play 'going to the store' with baby stroller and baby doll by going into the bedroom and getting 'invisible items'--DD says get me eggs and milk, GD goes to grocery; DD says get me aspirin, GD goes to drugstore. GD takes off for the bedroom and DD says where are you going? GD says, I'm going to the "Beer Store"--GD gets to entrance of bedroom, quickly stops, shakes a finger at the baby doll in the stroller and in a stern voice says, "You stay in the car!!". Guess we know where son-in-law was stopping on his errands.

 

[SkisALot]

Some years ago I went to a hair salon to get a haircut. The hairdresser led me to a room where there were "tunic type" blouses hanging from pegs and said, "Change into any one you want." I chose one that was the most colorful, and changed from my T-shirt. While I was getting my hair cut a woman approached me and screamed, "YOU TAKE THAT OFF!" Well. . . I was wearing her blouse.
What can I say. I live deep in the mountains.

 

[Alan]

Back in jolly 'ole England at Grammar school a bunch of us used to go out drinking every Saturday night. We were aged 17 and 18. The routine would be to get the bus into town, visit a few pubs then go to a night club, stay until 2am when it closed then walk the 5.5 miles home. We would always try and hitch-hike but rarely succeeded. (We were usually worse the wear for drink of course).

One night however a truck stopped and picked 5 of us up. We were sitting in the back and the truck was belting along the road - speed limit was 70, truck was going fast but no idea what speed he was actually doing. One of my friends, Mick, suddenly jumps up, shouts "We're being kidnapped!!", runs and jumps out the back. We hear a sickening sound as he hits the road and we start banging on the cab shouting to the driver to stop, which he does. We tell the driver what has happened, and he doesn't want to know and drives off as fast as he can. It was a beautiful, moonlit night and we run back down the road to a point where we see blood but no sign of Mick.

Frantically looking around we hear the sound of singing and in the wheat field at the side of the road we see movement. We charge in and find Mick face down in the field, singing "life on the ocean waves" and doing breast stroke.

We pick him up and he is covered in blood with his clothes all tore up, but otherwise seems okay. We walk him home - only about a mile now - and wake up his parents who take him to the Emergency Room.

He had lots of bruises, abrasions etc, but no broken bones, no concussion etc. The old maxim about drunks not hurting themselves when they fall was apparent that night.

 

[Khan]

I recall hitchhiking a ride back to the dorm after a night of pub crawling, and the nice local farmer who stopped the pickup truck so I could vomit .

 

[Martha]

One Halloween my gal was in a low cut tight red dress doing her top drawer impression of bountiful harvest/overflowing horns of plenty at the top. Stopped at my sister's and Sal bent over to pick up my little nephew. His eyes grew a bit and once up in her arms he put his hand on one breast and said "milk in them things"? Same little guy who later on was having a growing spurt, which he repeated to someone as a "groin spurt".

Not my story, but a friend and I were talking and wondering about whether kids remembered nursing and how long one "should" nurse. Her son was about five and she asked if he remembered nursing. He pointed to one of his mother's breasts and said "milk" and then to the other and said "juice."

 

[Gumby]

One Saturday morning, when I was about 8 years old, my father and I were driving to the store together. During the drive, he asks me if I have a girlfriend at school. I say "no". He looks over at me with a sneer and says "waddya, queer?" I never heard the term before and I don't really know what he is talking about, so I say nothing.

We get to the store and the lady at the counter knows my dad. She looks down at me and says "You're a cute one. I bet you have lots of girlfriends." To which I quickly shake my head and reply "Oh no. I'm queer."

My dad's reaction was priceless. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving guy.

 

[NW-Bound]

...
DH got his sandwich ahead of me and went on out to the car.

I got my sandwich, and went outside to join him. It was sooooooo cold and snowing, I ran as quick as I could to the car and jumped in to join DH. I said "Sh*t, it is so freakin' cold here!"

The gentleman next to me calmly said, "Wrong car".
...

I experienced a similar mistaken auto identity. However, it caused me a bit more grief.

We were on vacation and driving a rental car, when we decided to stop by an outlet mall on the freeway. Having finished shopping earlier than my wife, I decided to walk to the parking lot to put my purchase, a pair of tennis shoes, in the trunk of the car, before rejoining my wife in window shopping.

As I approached the white rental car from the rear, I saw that its rear trunk lid was slightly up. Pretty sure that my wife was the last one who got accessed to the trunk, I made a note to tell my wife that she should have paid more attention when closing it. After all, we often put things in the trunk, under lock and out-of-view to deter thieves. The purpose was defeated if she was so absent minded to leave the trunk lid ajar.

As I put my purchase into trunk, and slammed it close, it occurred to me that it might not be our rental car!

So, I walked to the front for a better view. Damn! Nooo! It was not my rental car, but a similar though not identical white four-door sedan parked right next to mine.

So, after regaining composure, I pondered my options. There was nothing to do, except to wait for the owner of the car to return, and to ask to extract my purchase.

During the wait, I frequently contemplated abandonment of my purchase. It was on sale, and I should not ruin a day of my vacation to wait to extract it.

Thank goodness, the owners of the car, a couple in their early 60s, were not avid day-long shoppers. The wait cost me less than 1-hour. They were slightly amused, and did not burst out laughing. Guess who was having a great time shopping without being rushed? While I was mad at myself, my wife didn't appear all that concerned.

 

[haha]

I recall hitchhiking a ride back to the dorm after a night of pub crawling, and the nice local farmer who stopped the pickup truck so I could vomit .

The start of a beautiful romance?

Ha

 

[Khan]

The start of a beautiful romance?

Ha

No.

He was very kind (probably had much experience with drunk college students).

 

[haha]

One Saturday morning, when I was about 8 years old, my father and I were driving to the store together. During the drive, he asks me if I have a girlfriend at school. I say "no". He looks over at me with a sneer and says "waddya, queer?" I never heard the term before and I don't really know what he is talking about, so I say nothing.

We get to the store and the lady at the counter knows my dad. She looks down at me and said "You're a cute one. I bet you have lots of girlfriends." To which I quickly shake my head and reply "Oh no. I'm queer."

My dad's reaction was priceless. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving guy.

Painful story Gumby. I would guess there are others from that same well.

I want to make a short hijack here. When did the average kid in the street become conscious of homosexuality? I remember in grade school we used to sometimes call one another queer on the playground. Perhaps some boys with older brothers knew what they were saying, but I sure didn't and I think most others did not either. The meaning I (perhaps wrongly) understood was "loser".

My high school l had about 400 people per class. That should mean anywhere form 2 to perhaps 10 male homosexuals. There must have been some gay males, but I can't remember hearing anything about it from boys or girls. One guy was very effeminate, but I at least and I think others just thought that he was very polite. He later died from AIDS.

Ditto college -there had to be 10 to 50 gay men in my class alone, but I never heard about the topic. I am sure they would have stayed in the closet, but it was as if the phenomenon didn't exist though I am sure that by then we all knew about it. But today's young boys, teenagers and adolescents are very gay aware. They characterize certain clothing or behaviors in their friends and classmates as "gay". Like, "That's really gay, Dude." And they really don't want to trip that perception in others.

Maybe younger people than I would know when this different consciousness became widespread.

I wonder too if it is similar for preteen and early teen girls?

ha

 

[Gumby]

I am thankful that we live in a society that is growing more accepting (or at the very least more aware) of gays and lesbians. It is a great tragedy to live in a world where one must hide or deny one's sexuality.

I didn't think of my story as painful so much as demonstrating that kids are undiscriminating information sponges, liable to embarrass their parents at the most inopportune times. In my 8 year old mind, I made the connection that "don't have a girlfriend" equals "queer" and was happy that I learned a new word from my dad. He certainly rued that lesson. I actually find it amusing that he was hoist by his own petard when his eldest son declared to the world that he was "queer".

 

[W2R]

Ha, the girls in my class knew as early as 7th grade, in 1960. One girl with a name more often given to boys, was subject to cruel rumors about her sexuality. Maybe they weren't just rumors, as she never married. Anyway, her life was made miserable by the other girls whispering behind her back and taunting her to her face.

This was in a private school with very sheltered classmates - - nobody with "street smarts" or any such thing.

 

[FinanceDude]

Removed, dumb story..............

 

[NW-Bound]

Ha, the girls in my class knew as early as 7th grade, in 1960.

Kids know about their sexuality fairly early. Thinking back, I remember liking girls while in 1st or 2nd grade. Girls always look cute to me.

 

[CyclingInvestor]

My first exposure to hard liquor, as a college freshman, was not a success. I was at a friends party, maybe a half hour before it started. A pint bottle of vodka was handed to me, so I chugged it down. I felt no effect (since only 5-10 minutes had passed since I started), so I downed a few more shots. A few minutes later, it hit me. I crawled to the back yard, threw up for a while, then passed out. I did not wake up til the party was over.