Ever clonk your wife-to-be on the head with an ironing board?

[Walt34]

... And other awkward moments

Talking with DW this morning somehow the topic came up. While I was living at my mother's after my divorce DW-to-be and I had just started dating. Of course at the time neither knew she was DW-to-be. As part of the arrangement with Mom for me staying there I had said I would repaint the entire interior of the house so I was constantly on the lookout for paint sales (after Mom decided what color she wanted of course).

DW-to-be and I both had the day off and had agreed to go out somewhere (dinner, I think) and I found a newspaper ad for Sears paint on sale for 50% off, but only for six hours on that day. Since I was planning on buying about eight or ten gallons soon anyway this would be a significant savings and so asked DW-to-be if it would be okay to stop there first and get the paint. She agreed. (Tolerant lady!)

While there, I also saw an ironing board on sale and since I didn't have one and would need one when I moved out from Mom's, I bought that too. So carrying this thing out the store, held on a shoulder, DW-to-be stops and says "Look at this" meaning some item in the store. I couldn't see her since the ironing board blocked my vision and turned, hitting her on the head with the ironing board. Fortunately it was in a box so that softened the the blow a bit. Still, it was enough to make her yell out and glare at me.

I can't be the only one who has stepped on his own feet during the early part of a relationship. Can I?

 

[Bestwifeever]

That is too funny, Walt; she's a keeper. (I shudder to think what Alan will post .)

 

[harley]

I gave DW a black eye early in our marriage. We were both sleeping, and I guess I flailed around for some reason, hitting her in the face. I was sound asleep, and didn't know anything about it until she hit me back. She still brings it up when she's losing an argument. Lots of mileage out of that one.

 

[calmloki]

Branded my gal's thigh with a roll yer own cigarette on our first meeting riding four across in a 53' Chevy PU on the way to a Jimmy Buffet concert.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Calmloki, you have some great song lyrics already written in that sentence!

 

[yakers]

Discussed this with DW and she asked, what is an ironing board?

 

[grumpy]

First time I had dinner at my wife-to-be's house she "accidentally" dumped a whole plate of spaghetti in my lap. Married her anyway.

 

[bbbamI]

Since DH doesn't visit this forum...

The first time he came to dinner at my momma and daddy's house, he took a big drink of tea then spit most of it in my face when I said something that must have embarrassed him...

 

[CoolChange]

...he took a big drink of tea then spit most of it in my face when I said something...

I did almost the same thing on one of my first real dates with current GF/SO with a few important difference:

• Red wine vs. tea
• Winery vs. home
• She said something that made my laugh hysterically vs. being embarrassed (embarrassment came afterward)
• Number of empty wine bottles leading up to this
• Ages of participants (I'm assuming we were significantly older when this happened.)

Sadly, this is nothing close to the worst thing she has had to endure from me; but, for some reason, years later she still hasn't found anyone else.

 

[Aiming_4_55]

I think she was just getting "fresh" with you. She wanted to help clean you up.

First time I had dinner at my wife-to-be's house she "accidentally" dumped a whole plate of spaghetti in my lap. Married her anyway.

 

[Aiming_4_55]

Ever clonk your wife-to-be on the head with an ironing board?

Every chance I get!

Then I woke up!

 

[Alan]

That is too funny, Walt; she's a keeper. (I shudder to think what Alan will post .)

I think I've already previously posted the stories of my Dad accidentally destroying her engagement ring before we were married, and me losing her wedding ring the night before our wedding. That resulted in her using her mother's wedding ring, and her mother then had to wear gloves at the wedding to resulting white skin bringing attention to her ringless finger.

Apparently it took ages to get the ring of her mother's finger the night before the wedding. I went to the pub with my brother, her father and a couple of other male relatives of hers - her father offered to take me to the train station to make a run for it since she already blamed me for the grazed chin and hands she got the night before (It really wasn't my fault that she hit the brakes on her brother's bike and went tits over arse over the handlebars).

 

[SunsetSail]

DW and I were in bed sleeping the night after we saw the first Lord of the Rings movie in the theater. I was having a dream about being attacked and overwhelmed by orcs. In the dream I recall thinking that I was going to fight to the bitter end, biting and scratching if necessary. Outside of the dream I guess I was moving around quite a bit and my wife decided to put her hand on my chest to comfort me (or more likely to stop me from moving so she could go back to sleep). I immediately grabbed her hand and stuck it in my mouth and started to bite down. I thought it was just another orc attack as any reasonable person would in my situtation. I awoke before I actually bit her. She was a little freaked out for a while. We had been living together for less than a year at the time.

 

[Alan]

Since DH doesn't visit this forum...

The first time he came to dinner at my momma and daddy's house, he took a big drink of tea then spit most of it in my face when I said something that must have embarrassed him...

That is hilarious

The first time I met DW's family I accidentally broke her little brother's arm. I didn't injure any more of her family (well, not seriously) until 37 years after that incident. Her parents, an Aunt of DW, and my Dad all flew over to Baton Rouge together for our daughter's wedding. The week before they left England MIL slipped and broke her leg, but was determined to come, and brought a walking frame with her. (we also hired a wheelchair for the time she stayed with us).

We picked them all up from the airport and drove back to our house. MIL was in the front passenger seat, feat sticking out of the car on the ground and DW was helping to get the walking frame in place. Just as she heaved herself up I slammed the rear passenger door. Guess where her fingers where? I hadn't noticed she was using one hand on the doorframe for support. Poor old sausage had made it 5,000 miles hobbling along using a walking frame and I went and bust the fingers on her right hand

 

[HFWR]

Ruined the ironing board...

 

[Alan]

This a great thread Walt, thanks for starting it, I'm enjoying the stories folks are posting and remembering more of my own.

On another visit by DW's parents and Aunt we went fishing on Grande Isle, Louisiana, something we had made a habit of when they came over, as they really loved it.

We used to rent a 3 bedroom cabin for the weekend and one evening while we were all sat around quietly reading a housefly was flitting about and after a while MIL said, "Alan, that fly is really begining to bother me, would you do something about it please." At that exact moment it landed high up on DW's forehead and I slammed it with the book I was reading, squashed it flat!!

I thought I would have to do CPR on DW's Aunt as she almost laughed herself into a cardiac arrest. Imagine the laughs I could have got if I had been reading a hardback?

 

[bbbamI]

Poor old sausage had made it 5,000 miles hobbling along using a walking frame and I went and bust the fingers on her right hand

..........

ahem..sorry...

 

[bbbamI]

I did almost the same thing on one of my first real dates with current GF/SO with a few important difference:

• Red wine vs. tea
• Winery vs. home
• She said something that made my laugh hysterically vs. being embarrassed (embarrassment came afterward)
• Number of empty wine bottles leading up to this
• Ages of participants (I'm assuming we were significantly older when this happened.)

Sadly, this is nothing close to the worst thing she has had to endure from me; but, for some reason, years later she still hasn't found anyone else.

Mmmm...being able to laugh with the one you love is the best...

 

[Moemg]

We were recently married and doing a bathroom reno when he hit me with a 2 by 8 . I was a little dazed but okay .

 

[Moemg]

That is too funny, Walt; she's a keeper. (I shudder to think what Alan will post .)

Not me I look forward to what Alan will post because it is always hysterical ! They should turn his ife into a sitcom .

 

[REWahoo]

They should turn his ife into a sitcom .

I thought they'd already done that...

YouTube - Basil Fawlty waits on the Germans - Fawlty Towers - BBC

 

[Ronstar]

DW claims that I pulled a shotgun on her from under the bed while I was asleep but I don't remember it.

 

[Alan]

I thought they'd already done that...

YouTube - Basil Fawlty waits on the Germans - Fawlty Towers - BBC

I used to look quite a bit like old Basil, in fact two of my nieces used to call me "Uncle Basil". Fortunately DW is nothing like Mrs Fawlty.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Why do I think Alan was driving this car....

YouTube - Mum arriving with cake

 

[Gumby]

When the young wife and I were just dating, I went to her parents' house down at the Jersey Shore, where I met my future FIL for the first time. He was a friendly fellow and, knowing that I was a very recent Naval Academy grad, suggested that maybe I would like to take his daughter out alone in his sailboat.

As his daughter and I were fooling around out in Barnegat Bay, a squall came up. I failed to reef the sail quickly enough and we capsized. We were able to get upright again, but remained swamped. A passing motorboat towed us in, where the FIL and MIL-to-be met us at the dock.

As if capsizing his sailboat weren't bad enough, I had also lost my pants in the incident. I guess red-cheeked would be a more than adequate description.