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-   -   Dating while retired (http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/dating-while-retired-61094.html)

Chuckanut 04-21-2012 01:05 PM

Dating while retired
 
My gut impression of most people on this site is that they are part of a couple - married or otherwise. However, many us are single and either retired or about to be retired.

I am wondering if being retired or soon to be retired makes a difference in relatioships with potential boy/girl friends? Do people react differently? Do they see your retired status as a benefit, a problem, or no big deal either way?

W2R 04-21-2012 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut (Post 1187211)
My gut impression of most people on this site is that they are part of a couple - married or otherwise. However, many us are single and either retired or about to be retired.

I am wondering if being retired or soon to be retired makes a difference in relatioships with potential boy/girl friends? Do people react differently? Do they see your retired status as a benefit, a problem, or no big deal either way?

It probably depends on the individual. Before I met F. back in 2000, I dated several retired men, as well as some who weren't retired yet. I admit that I did feel a little taken aback when one of the retired men told me he lived in a fairly rundown apartment and didn't drive, and would take a taxi to meet me. I wondered if he was too poor for a car (and might expect to depend on me financially), or if he was an alcoholic and not allowed to drive. :eek: No second date potential there.

But another was just making the transition to retirement (fewer hours, and retired a couple of months later). I was so envious! I didn't see it as a negative aspect at all. I just wished I was retired too. We dated for several months but broke up because he found out that I really meant it, when I said I didn't ever want to marry again. He wanted to remarry and I guess he thought he'd change my outlook on that.:nonono:

omni550 04-21-2012 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut (Post 1187211)
I am wondering if being retired or soon to be retired makes a difference in relatioships with potential boy/girl friends? Do people react differently? Do they see your retired status as a benefit, a problem, or no big deal either way?

I did some online dating a few years ago (after I was retired). I don't think my retirement status was an issue...other than maybe some of the guys were a bit jealous. (I did mention my retirement status in my profile -- so if it was a turn-off, I suppose I would not have heard from those guys.)

omni

frayne 04-21-2012 02:54 PM

From the male perspective it doesn't really matter as long as they have large breast, just syaing. :smitten:

Chuckanut 04-21-2012 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R (Post 1187221)
he found out that I really meant it, when I said I didn't ever want to marry again. He wanted to remarry and I guess he thought he'd change my outlook on that.:nonono:

So, he did not sweep you quite far enough off your feet!! Poor fellow - no doubt he is still in the gutter licking his wounds. :(

I have been amazed at the number of 50+ women who do not want to remarry. It is sort of a reversal of the post college years when the girls wanted to get married, settle down, have kids, a family etc., and the boys just wanted to have fun. Now the boys want to settle back down again :facepalm: and the girls just want to have fun. :dance:

W2R 04-21-2012 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut (Post 1187262)
So, he did not sweep you quite far enough off your feet!! Poor fellow - no doubt he is still in the gutter licking his wounds. :(

Nah, I heard from mutual friends that he met the woman of his dreams about a year after we broke up, and married her. He built her a house, too.

So, there was a good ending to that particular story. :D I'm glad, because he seemed like a good, hardworking man who deserved a nice retirement and fifth wife, which he found.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut
I have been amazed at the number of 50+ women who do not want to remarry. It is sort of a reversal of the post college years when the girls wanted to get married, settle down, have kids, a family etc., and the boys just wanted to have fun. Now the boys want to settle back down again :facepalm: and the girls just want to have fun. :dance:

We do! At least, some of us do. It's not that we single retired women don't like and appreciate you guys, and it's not that we don't want to emotionally commit to one guy - - life is just more fun for some of us as a single. I like the lack of financial entanglement. So many arguments in marriage are due to money or control issues, and those arguments just don't occur when finances are not linked and we each have more control over our own lives. We get together to have fun and appreciate one another, not to argue or boss one another around, and that is much more fun for us. Others disagree, and I say, whatever works for you is definitely the way to go IMO. I don't think there is any one relationship "truth" that will work for all couples.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31wfVwap4dg

Dawg52 04-21-2012 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frayne (Post 1187255)
From the male perspective it doesn't really matter as long as they have large breast, just syaing. :smitten:

Agree.

http://www.early-retirement.org/atta...3c10650c82.jpg

Mulligan 04-21-2012 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dawg52

Agree.

My Avatar wondered where the rest of his body went too. Looks like we found it! Chuck, I dont think being retired should effect ladies opinions one way or the other as far as going on dates are concerned. My only caution might be if you go the route of online dating, you may want to present yourself in a manner that doesnt confuse them into thinking you are older than what you are. Some people equate retired to being over 70 since they may not reach retirement status early. I started dating my GF about 2 years before retirement. She knew this and didnt mind. Now that I am she gives me crap, but in a jealous friendly manner.

bbbamI 04-21-2012 03:56 PM

I like to think a retired person would be a wonderful companion as he/she had a goal in mind, met it and is financially responsible. Being retired means more time spent together discussing enjoyable topics instead of hashing over stressful w*rk related issues.

.....and Dawg.....please darlin', I haven't had dinner yet...

haha 04-21-2012 05:37 PM

Quote:

I have been amazed at the number of 50+ women who do not want to remarry. It is sort of a reversal of the post college years when the girls wanted to get married, settle down, have kids, a family etc., and the boys just wanted to have fun. Now the boys want to settle back down again :facepalm: and the girls just want to have fun. :dance:
Often men are looking for a caretaker/cook/mommie. If a guy cannot cook, is not comfortable keeping his own house or paying someone else to do it, or making his own social calendar and warm relationships, he is kind of up a creek without a woman. OTOH, many financially secure women will admit that the only thing they cannot easily find as needed is a low cost handyman. And that can be dealt with pretty well by moving to an apartment- often without the arguments, stalling, and unfinished projects that handy-boy sometimes leaves lying around.

Statistics show that older unmarried live alone women live longer than their counterparts with live in spouses or partners. Men living alone have shorter lifespans on average.


Women can always find sex, and if sometimes the terms or available partners are not pleasing to them, there are huge stores plus Amazon with every type of device devoted to their needs- and some women at least say these do a better job of it.


So the tables are turned from when we were young, as long as the women in question are financially OK. Even young women often don't much want a husband, unless they plan on children.


We will have to get used to the idea that men in post-industrial society pretty much have to earn our companship on charm, or wit, or erudition or some other kind of schtick.

Ha

Chuckanut 04-21-2012 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha (Post 1187328)
men in post-industrial society pretty much have to earn our companship on charm, or wit, or erudition or some other kind of schtick.

Yikes!

Time to start watching more Cary Grant movies. :)

Amethyst 04-21-2012 05:54 PM

To be precise: Taste, charm, erudition, kindness, patience, resourcefulness, and a sense of humor about oneself.

Quite a nice schtick, if you can carry it!

The great thing about older guys is, they usually have developed these characteristics - if they were ever gonna have them at all. I seem to recall the younger ones as being often deficient in some or all of the above (especially the last).

Oh, and breast size had better be less of an issue - some of the best older women may not have theirs any more.

Amethyst

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha (Post 1187328)

We will have to get used to the idea that men in post-industrial society pretty much have to earn our companship on charm, or wit, or erudition or some other kind of schtick.

Ha


W2R 04-21-2012 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha (Post 1187328)
OTOH, many financially secure women will admit that the only thing they cannot easily find as needed is a low cost handyman.

I guess I'm lucky, because I have a great handyman - - a friend of Frank's family. My handyman is a family man about my age and very reliable. He brings his teenaged son with him to teach him the trade. He does excellent work on a moment's notice (no nagging needed), does exactly what I want him to do (doesn't let it evolve into a bigger job), and not only that, he charges a fair price and makes sure that I know he is grateful for the work.

I love not having to saddle F. with these jobs. He is an educated and intelligent man, and while he can do menial tasks, I hate to see him waste his time doing mine; there are better ways to step up the LBYM than that. It's much more fun to pay my handyman to do the work, so that F. and I can go out and play, instead. :dance:

Which reminds me, my list of handyman jobs has almost reached "critical mass" - - the point at which I will call him for another round of jobs.

bbbamI 04-21-2012 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut (Post 1187262)
Now the boys want to settle back down again :facepalm: and the girls just want to have fun. :dance:

Some do....some don't.

Like W2R says...'I don't think there is any one relationship "truth" that will work for all couples.'

As for me...if I found myself single, I would not get involved with a man that never wanted to get married. Maybe I'm old fashioned or misguided....I dunno.

Amethyst 04-21-2012 06:57 PM

Neither! It is just your preference, and would be shared by many, I think.

Amethyst

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbbamI (Post 1187342)

As for me...if I found myself single, I would not get involved with a man that never wanted to get married. Maybe I'm old fashioned or misguided....I dunno.


W2R 04-21-2012 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbbamI (Post 1187342)
Some do....some don't.

Like W2R says...'I don't think there is any one relationship "truth" that will work for all couples.'

As for me...if I found myself single, I would not get involved with a man that never wanted to get married. Maybe I'm old fashioned or misguided....I dunno.

You are neither old fashioned nor misguided - - - you're a woman who knows what she wants! That's great, IMO. Like I said, there's no "truth" here one way or another. Knowing what we want is a great advantage, though, and I think it is something you and I have in common.

haha 04-21-2012 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst (Post 1187337)
To be precise: Taste, charm, erudition, kindness, patience, resourcefulness, and a sense of humor about oneself.

Quite a nice schtick, if you can carry it!

I'd be out of luck with your list! I've found that the bar can be pretty low. One woman said she wrote me because I misspelled fewer words than the others she corresponded with. Not no words, just fewer! And without a spell checker, I likely would have failed this.


Ha

bbbamI 04-21-2012 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst (Post 1187356)
Neither! It is just your preference, and would be shared by many, I think.

Amethyst

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R (Post 1187357)
You are neither old fashioned nor misguided - - - you're a woman who knows what she wants! That's great, IMO. Like I said, there's no "truth" here one way or another. Knowing what we want is a great advantage, though, and I think it is something you and I have in common.

Thank you ladies.....:flowers:

Ahhhhh....I know the way I feel would cause the number of 'gentleman callers' to dwindle... But you know....that's ok. :)

Moemg 04-21-2012 07:39 PM

We frequent a local seafood restaurant that is also a hang out for older singles and what I have observed is that older guys have won the dating lottery . There are many more older single women than older guys .As long as the guy is semi decent and not a complete dud he has become a chic magnet .

Chuckanut 04-21-2012 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg (Post 1187372)
We frequent a local seafood restaurant that is also a hang out for older singles and what I have observed is that older guys have won the dating lottery . There are many more older single women than older guys .As long as the guy is semi decent and not a complete dud he has become a chic magnet .

That's because the women have won the live-longer-and-prosper lottery.


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