Early Retirement & Financial Independence Community

Early Retirement & Financial Independence Community (http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/)
-   Other topics (http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/)
-   -   History repeats itself: must be me... (http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/history-repeats-itself-must-be-me-81358.html)

Midpack 03-31-2016 07:52 AM

History repeats itself: must be me...
 
I retired 4 years ago in lesser part because though I liked most of my employees and customers, I didn't respect top management.

Now I am a key member of a club, contributing substantial work for several years, involved in an activity I am passionate about. I like most of the members and everyone on the board except the top two guys, the bullshitter and the narcissist. Once again, I find myself ready to give up my voluntary role with the club altogether.

I know that when you can't get along with someone, it's often because they're too much like you! Still trying to assess that possibility.

Must be me...

[/rant]

Sunset 03-31-2016 08:05 AM

You need to form a club/society/company so you can be the top dog.

REWahoo 03-31-2016 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack (Post 1714018)
I retired 4 years ... I didn't respect top management.

...I like most of the members and everyone on the board except the top two guys...Once again, I find myself ready to give up my voluntary role with the club altogether.

Sounds to me like you have issues with authority figures...

aggie76 03-31-2016 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo (Post 1714028)
Sounds to me like you have issues with authority figures...

Once I realized that I had this exact issue for the VAST majority of my working life and accepted it as a serious flaw that held me back for decades..it made my acceptance of my situation much easier. I now understand that my retirement endeavors need to preclude the types of situations where I will butt heads with an authority type. I choose to " advise" or "assist" but not join the various groups I work with. I have discovered that I am a hellofa lot happier and much more effective in these situations. I had an opportunity to take over a local talk radio show , a lifetime ambition, as one of the co-hosts BUT working with a senior control freak who is still a close friend. I knew that this was a recipe for disaster AND a lost friendship since I am also a control freak and would eventually end very bad so I decided to just be a guest fill-in co-host and am having a blast. Getting damn near as much air time as a full timer BUT its just a part time hobby that I can simply walk away from if I don't like the situation. I find myself MUCh more agreeable and malleable and am having a blast.
I do regret not facing this reality sooner but it is what it is.

ivinsfan 03-31-2016 08:54 AM

Now this is a situation where I wish I had my DH's attitude toward these type of people. He can just shrug it off and keep going. He will say tongue-in-cheek "well there are only 10 smart people in the world, or there are only 10 nice people in the world...just accepting the fact that people can be hard to deal with and not letting it bug him. We've been together 45 years, but that hasn't rubbed off on me yet, I wish it would...

W2R 03-31-2016 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack (Post 1714018)
I retired 4 years ago in lesser part because though I liked most of my employees and customers, I didn't respect top management.

Now I am a key member of a club, contributing substantial work for several years, involved in an activity I am passionate about. I like most of the members and everyone on the board except the top two guys, the bullshitter and the narcissist. Once again, I find myself ready to give up my voluntary role with the club altogether.

I know that when you can't get along with someone, it's often because they're too much like you! Still trying to assess that possibility.

Must be me...

[/rant]

I think you are ready to move on and quit your voluntary role with the club. Why not? You are retired, so you can do whatever you want. Re-invent your retirement!

Think of other ways to use that time and effort, that would result in more fun. I'd suggest focusing on yourself (and what is fun for YOU) for a year or two, and not on who is "top" and who isn't. Maybe it is time to go on a vacation, take up a new hobby, get in shape, take a class, meet new people - - there is a whole world out there waiting for you and life will not end if you decide it isn't worth the hassles that that particular club is bringing into your life.

I don't belong to ANY clubs because most of the ones I have had experiences with, have pushy egotistical people who push their way into leadership roles and annoy me no end. F even founded a club here 40 years ago that he refuses to attend because the same things happened to that club. I enjoy going to the gym a lot and playing video games. F is enjoying the music scene down in the Quarter a lot, helping the musicians with the technical side of their audio as a sort of sound guru (something pretty different from what he did when working). I'm sure that when we tire of what we are doing, we'll move on to other retirement activities.

Midpack 03-31-2016 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo (Post 1714028)
Sounds to me like you have issues with authority figures...

I don't want to believe that of course, but could very well be. I was an authority figure most of my career, never was a good follower.

Too soon old, too late smart?

Amethyst 03-31-2016 09:50 AM

I like a real authority figure, always have. A real authority figure doesn't have to throw his/her weight around, because they already get the respect they deserve in return for knowing how to get the whole group on board and working toward a goal the whole group wants. They don't really set themselves up as authority figures. Authority just devolves on them.

Unfortunately, a lot of groups develop internal splits, and there just aren't a lot of Abraham Lincolns around who can deal effectively with that.

In the absence of real leaders, the bossy wannabes use unfair tactics to make up for lack of competence, and then take over and run things on behalf of their favorites.

For people who possess a very strong streak of integrity, this very common situation that I've described can become almost unbearable at times.

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R (Post 1714057)

I don't belong to ANY clubs because most of the ones I have had experiences with, have pushy egotistical people who push their way into leadership roles and annoy me no end.


Options 03-31-2016 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack (Post 1714018)
I retired 4 years ago in lesser part because though I liked most of my employees and customers, I didn't respect top management.

Now I am a key member of a club, contributing substantial work for several years, involved in an activity I am passionate about. I like most of the members and everyone on the board except the top two guys, the bullshitter and the narcissist. Once again, I find myself ready to give up my voluntary role with the club altogether.

I know that when you can't get along with someone, it's often because they're too much like you! Still trying to assess that possibility.

Must be me...

[/rant]

Question: have you ever worked in a non-profit? Several retirement books I've read recently (along with other threads) have discussed the pitfalls of working or volunteering in non-profits (to include clubs) after the private sector.

IMO, it's not you at all, but the nature of these situations. I worked in non-profits and the private sector and find it surprising you only have one bullshitter and narcissist each? You also failed to mention the incompetents. There are many in to be found in these types of situations and organizations.

My way around this is I'll be engaging in direct service to clients (employment mentoring/coaching to 16-24 y/o homeless/foster care youth). Retired, I refuse to involve myself with the administration or "leadership" of anything as I lived in that quagmire for the duration of my career. In my extensive experience, organizational leadership is a misnomer.

Is there another way you could stay involved with something you care so much about while minimizing contact with the undesirables?

Midpack 03-31-2016 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Options (Post 1714095)
Question: have you ever worked in a non-profit? Several retirement books I've read recently (along with other threads) have discussed the pitfalls of working or volunteering in non-profits (to include clubs) after the private sector.

IMO, it's not you at all, but the nature of these situations. I worked in non-profits and the private sector and find it surprising you only have one bullshitter and narcissist each? You also failed to mention the incompetents. There are many in to be found in these types of situations and organizations.

My way around this is I'll be engaging in direct service to clients (employment mentoring/coaching to 16-24 y/o homeless/foster care youth). Retired, I refuse to involve myself with the administration or "leadership" of anything as I lived in that quagmire for the duration of my career. In my extensive experience, organizational leadership is a misnomer.

Is there another way you could stay involved with something you care so much about while minimizing contact with the undesirables?

Lots of very good questions and insights, and from several others here as well - I will have to think about them all.

While there are incompetents in my situation, they're not maliciously so, so I can deal with them. They're either well intended folks simply over their heads, or once competent members who've had their shoulder to the wheel for so long (longer than I have) they're just totally burned out. No one will step up to help the incumbents, I was planning to help when I got involved three years ago.

But I've had enough of the BSer and the narcissist at the top - who BTW despise each other. Pretty huh?

I don't think organizational leadership is a misnomer though. Too rare by all means yes, but I had the good fortune to work for a few leaders I completely respected during my working career.

Thanks everyone...sorry for venting.

redduck 03-31-2016 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack (Post 1714058)
I don't want to believe that of course, but could very well be...
Too soon old, too late smart?

I think that perhaps you may have missed on the second part (but, then again, I'm no authority).:)

Options 03-31-2016 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack (Post 1714164)
...While there are incompetents in my situation, they're not maliciously so, so I can deal with them...

Bingo, but it can be nerve-wracking to have to rely on them. ;)

One great takeaway from one of the books that I read is that I'm retired, and while volunteering I don't have to put up with any situation I don't like. This may sound cheesy, but it sort of gave me "permission" to be choosier about where and under what conditions I will spend my volunteer time.

While working, we're so used to putting up with less than ideal people and situations that we just think that's what we have to do. In retirement, this is no longer the case, and this way of looking at it required a mind shift on my part when considering what organizations and situations I would align myself with. Hope this helps.

Options 03-31-2016 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack (Post 1714164)
...I don't think organizational leadership is a misnomer though. Too rare by all means yes, but I had the good fortune to work for a few leaders I completely respected during my working career...

Yes, and I should have been more careful with that generalization. There were in fact two leaders I worked for that were so exceptional that they have had a positive impact on me to this day. Unfortunately, I also saw what I deemed to be illegal and/or unethical and/or immoral conduct on the part of a number of other leaders, which contributed greatly to my decision to retire.

pb4uski 03-31-2016 02:15 PM

I think you should run for the top job the next time they elect officers.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I777 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

Midpack 03-31-2016 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Options (Post 1714203)
Yes, and I should have been more careful with that generalization. There were in fact two leaders I worked for that were so exceptional that they have had a positive impact on me to this day. Unfortunately, I also saw what I deemed to be illegal and/or unethical and/or immoral conduct on the part of a number of other leaders, which contributed greatly to my decision to retire.

Your post prompted me to reflect on all my work year leaders, I had 11. There were
  • 3 who mostly shaped me (luckily including my first 2 bosses),
  • 6 who were reasonably competent-fair-kind or better, and
  • only 2 asshats (unfortunately my last was one of them...)
Overall, I was probably very fortunate.

They were all better than the two bozo leaders I volunteered to work with after retiring...:facepalm:

DFW_M5 03-31-2016 03:42 PM

Life is too short to put up with some situations, and for you, this situation sounds like one of them. I assume you can still enjoy being a member without doing the volunteer part so you do not have to deal with the top club leaders.

frayne 03-31-2016 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack (Post 1714058)
I don't want to believe that of course, but could very well be. I was an authority figure most of my career, never was a good follower.

Too soon old, too late smart?

I can relate and don't think it is all that unusual especially if the authority figure doesn't have your respect.

ivinsfan 03-31-2016 03:54 PM

This thread reminds me of another one of my DH's saying about politicians and such. He says we should pick a President out of the phone book, because the people that want the job are power hungry megalomaniac's and he thinks an average Joe or Sally would have more common sense then the big boys. Or, in other words cream doesn't rise to the top!

easysurfer 03-31-2016 03:54 PM

As others save mentioned, with two Bozos on the top spot, IMO it's a good idea to either not get too involved (keep things at a volunteering capacity only) or only get more involved if they get unseated. Otherwise, wouldn't surprise me if you get too involved and the BS'er and Narcissist would try to pawn off responsibility to you and take credit for your commitment.

I remember doing some volunteer work (not a board thing) in the past and knew I only wanted to be a volunteer and nothing more. Something freeing about not having any more responsibility than just that :).

Midpack 03-31-2016 04:17 PM

I guess everything happens for a reason. The bullshitter just emailed me, copying the Board, with yet another vague, meaningless assignment that'll go nowhere. As usual he doesn't know (or care) what's required. So I replied all with the message quoted below.

Thanks for the support (here) guys...

He pestered me for several days to create a member only login for the website mid Jan - I didn't know how, so I figured it out, created/added member only docs, updated the site, and gave the whole board the passwords. They still haven't acknowledged (much less 'thanks') or shared with any members...

Quote:

It has been fun handling XXXX web, Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, email, etc., but I'm ready to hand off my communications baton. I'd like to wrap up my role by May 1st. Please don't plan on new projects for me, but if I can help with the transition let me know.

Thank you for the opportunities, and congratulations on growing membership.


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:42 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.