[yakers]

The rest of the story:

OK, since some have asked I will finish reporting about my time with Sandra. It is probably not what you expect and maybe a bit mystical. I still remember the first dinner with Sandra, where we went and what we said. In that first date exchange she asked basically what I want in life. I remember my answer very clearly because it was a surprise to watch the words come out of my mouth. I said that I want a sense of peace. She asked what I meant, I said well someone could come in her with a 45 and rob me and maybe shoot me but I would not be unnerved or overwhelmed. As I said that I couldn’t believe what I was saying as I had never said things like that on a date or pretty much to anyone, it was like watching myself speak in a foreign language I didn’t recognize. But she must have liked what I said as we had a good time and went on many more dates over the next several months. She was an internally driven person, doing *exactly* what she wanted to. She was managing a (horse) riding academy which was pretty classy and was quitting to become a stewardess (or in flight attendant?) much lower on the social & financial scale, and she hung out with me when she had the Rolls Royce set if she wanted. I still remember how attractive she was, one time we went to a fancy dress (costume) party and she dressed as a mouse which was tights and a Playboy bunny type sort of black velvet swim suit type thing. Guys were bumping into things watching her. Now there was one frustrating thing about hanging out with someone more attractive than Catherine Zeta Jones (wrong type-Sandra was a blonde, but with that impact) who genuinely delighted in each others presence except----- for not having sex. After a while I thought well, I really think she likes me so I will just not see her for a while until she ‘comes around’. And she left for her flying job, she was multilingual but couldn’t wait for Air France so went with Air Lingus (sp?) as they were hiring immediately. I soon found a very nice girl who was pretty good in the missing department. I didn’t pine over Sandra, we never really had a commitment, but I thought of her frequently enough, sometimes thinking myself a dolt for stopping seeing her.

About a year later my friend Peter asked me if I had heard about Sandra. I said no. She had died of stomach cancer. It all just sort of fit better. She had been given a year to live when she met me and was living the way she wanted. You can have your own psychological/spiritual explanation but I am convinced that she heard from me what she needed to hear and whatever it is I said I felt more like a spectator that the speaker but that was fine with me then and is still OK by me now.