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Leonidas · 06-07-2008, 12:36 AM

The young lady who cuts my hair graduated from the same high school as my oldest son, and after discovering that fact one day we had some conversations about parents supporting kids in their post high school endeavors.

She went to college because she and her mom had an agreement that she would at least try it, and if she didn't want to continue, mom would foot the bill for cosmetology school. She made it clear before she left for school that she was not interested in any careers that required a college education. She did the one year and got decent grades because that was part of the deal, but she said that 4-5 years later she doesn't regret her choice to switch to cosmetology school.

I've got a 19-year-old who just finished his first year of college. He had a few bumps during the first semester, but gained some maturity and made it through with an invitation to return while keeping his scholarship. But there were a few moments when I had to wonder what I would do if they sent him back home to "take advantage of other educational opportunities". I can empathize with your situation.

In your daughter's situation it may be the case that college was not a good choice. Or, as you seem to believe, it's just a case of some immaturity getting in the way of success. Given that neither of you know how this is going to turn out, I wouldn't make any major financial commitments to her future. $14K for cosmetology school, up-front? - That's not happening right now, come see me after you've been on your own for a year. And that would be the same answer for a renewed college bill.

If you believe that working for a living at a low-end job, and paying her own bills will get your daughter to snap to the fact that Dad's offer to pay for an education (college or cosmetology) is the great gift that it is, then I wouldn't do too much to stand in the way of those lessons. Pay for part of the car if it helps you feel better that she's not hitchhiking to work, but that's where you should draw the line.

The goal is to have your daughter get motivated about making the most of her opportunities as quickly as possible. If the worm turns for her and you feel better about spending big bucks for education, then negotiate a realistic plan for accomplishing that.

My fingers are still crossed against finding myself in this situation, and you have my best wishes for success. I think they call it "tough love" not because it's a tough experience on the kid, but because it's tough for the parents to implement.

06-07-2008, 12:36 AM	#7
Leonidas Thinks s/he gets paid by the post Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,730	The young lady who cuts my hair graduated from the same high school as my oldest son, and after discovering that fact one day we had some conversations about parents supporting kids in their post high school endeavors. She went to college because she and her mom had an agreement that she would at least try it, and if she didn't want to continue, mom would foot the bill for cosmetology school. She made it clear before she left for school that she was not interested in any careers that required a college education. She did the one year and got decent grades because that was part of the deal, but she said that 4-5 years later she doesn't regret her choice to switch to cosmetology school. I've got a 19-year-old who just finished his first year of college. He had a few bumps during the first semester, but gained some maturity and made it through with an invitation to return while keeping his scholarship. But there were a few moments when I had to wonder what I would do if they sent him back home to "take advantage of other educational opportunities". I can empathize with your situation. In your daughter's situation it may be the case that college was not a good choice. Or, as you seem to believe, it's just a case of some immaturity getting in the way of success. Given that neither of you know how this is going to turn out, I wouldn't make any major financial commitments to her future. $14K for cosmetology school, up-front? - That's not happening right now, come see me after you've been on your own for a year. And that would be the same answer for a renewed college bill. If you believe that working for a living at a low-end job, and paying her own bills will get your daughter to snap to the fact that Dad's offer to pay for an education (college or cosmetology) is the great gift that it is, then I wouldn't do too much to stand in the way of those lessons. Pay for part of the car if it helps you feel better that she's not hitchhiking to work, but that's where you should draw the line. The goal is to have your daughter get motivated about making the most of her opportunities as quickly as possible. If the worm turns for her and you feel better about spending big bucks for education, then negotiate a realistic plan for accomplishing that. My fingers are still crossed against finding myself in this situation, and you have my best wishes for success. I think they call it "tough love" not because it's a tough experience on the kid, but because it's tough for the parents to implement. __________________ "If everything is under control, you are going too slow." - Mario Andretti Last edited by Leonidas; 06-07-2008 at 12:44 AM.