[Nords]

"Your mother and I are more concerned about your safety than about your having a car. We're happy to help research what's out there, pay for the first month of unlimited CarFax, go with you to look at them, and even pay for a mechanic to check it over.

Your mother and I think that safety is worth ____. If you find a car that we agree is safe then we'll contribute ____ toward its purchase and we'll also pay for the first six months of insurance. We think that gives you enough time to decide whether a car is an affordable part of your new lifestyle, and after the first six months you're on your own."

Optional: "If you sell that car someday then we want our share of the money back."

This is going to sound like a dumb idea, but perhaps one of the issues is whether or not she's willing to listen to you these days. Moving out is the first step toward resolving that "problem", but maybe it's worth finding someone else that she will listen to-- someone with plenty of scary "This is what can happen" stories.

It's not easy to find a friend or a neighbor who you can point to and say "Go spend more time with that mentor", but perhaps you could make consumer debt counseling a mandatory part of buying a car. You'd pay for the apppointment and she'd have to attend as part of learning how to budget for a car and the risks of driving without medical/liability insurance. (She goes on her own-- you're not even in the building.) As a side bonus she'd get one heckuva talk about the boost in lifetime earnings afforded by a college degree-- even if it's in business administration.

I don't know if you can find it, but you want a safe car that's been beaten up a little-- especially if it was done by its owner who's feeling guilty and tired of the payments. Our '97 Nissan Altima was banged up a couple years ago. (Spouse spun out on a rainy exit ramp and ended up on top of a guardrail.) We had the car checked out and damage was largely cosmetic (plus a new muffler and a front-wheel alignment) and we've driven the car with no problems ever since. However anyone who can see the bent rear stabilizer bar, let alone the chewed-up fender & bumper, would know that the car had an accident. No one, not even our friendly neighborhood mechanics, wants to buy a car that's been in a collision. I don't want to sell the car to anyone who could later sue me for a car accident caused by "undiscovered damage". If a buyer gave me $1000 for it (parts/salvage value) I'd be thrilled. That's the kind of seller you're looking for.

A Volvo, Nissan, Subaru, Toyota, or Honda with a crumpled fender may be a bargain.

While I was training my thousands of sailors & officers I heard a very common refrain: "When I graduated/quit high school I wasn't ready for college, but by the time I was in my 20s I'd had enough and realized that I really wanted to get a degree." When I look around our dojang at the parents waiting on their kids to finish class, just about every freakin' 20-something is reading a textbook or tapping away on a laptop. The assistant instructor is working at a tire shop to save tuition money-- he "gets it".

Maybe you could put a copy of "A Teenager's Guide To The Real World" on the car's front seat and let her know that you're saving the college fund until she's ready for another try.