When calculating worth do you look at combined or individual total assets?

[Alan]

We share our cookies.

So did we until we could afford 2 PC's

 

[REWahoo]

So did we until we could afford 2 PC's

<rimshot>

 

[obgyn65]

I live on my own and my GF lives in another state. Therefore in my case, I only consider individual assets.

 

[FUEGO]

I live on my own and my GF lives in another state. Therefore in my case, I only consider individual assets.

My DW often accuses me of being from another planet, yet we still consider net worth and expenses jointly. So I don't think it is an issue decided strictly based on geographic proximity.

 

[rescueme]

I live on my own and my GF lives in another state. Therefore in my case, I only consider individual assets.

I would think that it's more important that you are not married in order to separate your finances - not where you reside.

 

[obgyn65]

Agree.

I would think that it's more important that you are not married in order to separate your finances - not where you reside.

 

[gerntz]

We married in early 20's (age, not year). We had no money. She supported us while I was in grad school. I supported us while she stayed home with our kid & finished her degree. Later we both worked. Never occurred to us, and still doesn't, to calculate anything separately (I typically have no idea what's in our checking account & emergency fund.). However, several of our accounts are in separate names/trusts for estate purposes. Plus, IRA's & 401's are in individual names. Net, we could pretty well calculate separate net worths but I see no reason for it. Yes, we at times disagree over expenditures & thus put some off till we do agree or least minimize animosity. I think that's good as we're more certain we're doing the right, or at least not a dumb, thing. I.e., it's a built-in financial advisor.

 

[HornedToad10]

It's more fun to calculate jointly: the number is bigger!

 

[foxfirev5]

Been married to my DW for 33 years we never considered separate accounts. It has been a team effort with good results. Our kids go the individual route maybe its a generational thing.

 

[freebird5825]

For our new forum member, first of all welcome

When I was married, both of us in our first marriage, everything we youngsters built up together was always considered to be joint marital assets. Investments accounts were always started by me doing the paperw*rk, but all had JTWROS registrations from day 1. No exceptions.

Now that I am single, I view things a bit differently, but that is outside the scope of this thread.

 

[haha]

I always enjoy it when married people say "We calculate our net worths separately." Unless you are an unusual couple, maybe with a big non-comingled inheritance to one of you, this is a fantasy.

See how family court deals with your assertion that "our net worths are separate". If you are married, or in many cases if you have been married, you cannot be free from claims, so why delude yourselves?

Ha

 

[traineeinvestor]

I always enjoy it when married people say "We calculate our net worths separately." Unless you are an unusual couple, maybe with a big non-comingled inheritance to one of you, this is a fantasy.

See how family court deals with your assertion that "our net worths are separate". If you are married, or in many cases if you have been married, you cannot be free from claims, so why delude yourselves?

Ha

To add to your enjoyment, I also calculate separately. This is largely for practical reasons rather than because I am delusional on this point (other matters are a different issue). We have some assets which we manage jointly but for the most part we each manage our own assets separately. We do keep a combined balance sheet as well, but it doesn't get updated nearly as often as my separate one.

 

[JakeBrake]

DW and I have been married 40+ years. I can't imagine a married couple keeping separate finances other than legal requirements for retirement accounts/pensions. These are easily combined in Quicken for our net worth statement.

I listen to Dave Ramsey most days. He regularly lambastes the following:

1. People living together who keep combined finances.
2. Married couples who keep separate finances.
3. Pre-nuptial agreements. He says this is planning for failure.

 

[ronocnikral]

the last time i used my wife's mustard, she took my bottle of mustard out of the fridge and squirted it all over my nice white dress shirt to teach me to use her things. when she put it back, she also pointed out that i had set my bottle on her side of the fridge.

we actually share our mustard, and we calculate our networth together. i personally don't understand the point of doing it individually (and i don't need to either).

 

[REWahoo]

I live in an "ours and hers" relationship.

OK, not exactly. We do combine our retirement nest eggs with one exception. She has an investment account from a small inheritance amounting to 10-15% of our combined net worth which I do not include in any of our calculations or in our AA. We do have an understanding that she will spend only the interest and dividends, pay any taxes, and leave the principal untouched. Call it her mad money...

 

[freebird5825]

I listen to Dave Ramsey most days. He regularly lambastes the following:

1. People living together who keep combined finances.
2. Married couples who keep separate finances.
3. Pre-nuptial agreements. He says this is planning for failure.

Legal ownership and management on paper seem to be getting more and more confused due to the laws governing a) 2 people unmarried living together and b) 2 people legally married, still living together or not. And then we can of course get tangled up by some states' community property laws.

The legal community has taken what used to be pretty crystal clear about separate vs joint marital property, when 2 people are married or not, and of course the Spouse Equity Act of 1984 at the federal level gets intertwined with state property ownership laws.

I think I'll stay single. Mr B and I could exchange vows without applying for the marriage license.

As for pre-nups, these are critical when the pre-marital separate assets are uneven. NOT having a pre-nuptial agreement to clearly identify the ownership of those separate assets is a recipe for disaster. Ask any divorced or widowed person who remarries, with children from a previous marriage. State law varies on this issue, so YMMV.

 

[KingB]

I live in an "ours and hers" relationship.

Same thing here:
"What is yours is mine and what is mine, is mine alone".

No. Just kidding.
We have been married for 40+ years and started with nothing. So, everything that we have, we own jointly. Of course, we have separate IRA's and 401k's but all our accounts are combined jointly in our NW calculations. We have our own savings account and credit cards. She has her own checking account and she shares another checking account with me. There are no issues on who pays what and who buys what. In the end, it is ours.

 

[haha]

Legal ownership and management on paper seem to be getting more and more confused due to the laws governing 2 people living together unmarried and legally married, still living together or not. And then we can of course get tangled up by some states' community property laws.

The legal community has taken what used to be pretty crystal clear about separate vs joint marital property, when 2 people are married or not, and of course the Spouse Equity Act of 1984 at the federal level gets intertwined with state property ownership laws.

I think I'll stay single. Mr B and I could exchange vows without applying for the marriage license.

+1. In some states, including mine, cohabitation is also a danger zone. No matter how separate both parties think their finances are, under some circumstances one can't be sure.

Family lawyers have have an amazing ability to shoot holes even in fairly well thought out plans.

Regarding Dave Ramsey's ideas and his "planning for failure" criticism of prenups, at least to me he got 2 out of 3 right. We get annoyed at TEPCO because they didn't adequately plan for failure, and we got Fukushima. How much more likely is a divorce than the Fukushima events?

I would say any prospective bride or groom should first ask themselves- would I be the winner or loser if this marriage went south and my loving spouse went to town on me?

If s/he is sure to be the winner, go on and get married. If likely to be the loser, don't get married, or if marriage is strongly desired get the tightest prenup that can be had.

Ha

 

[freebird5825]

+1. In some states, including mine, cohabitation is also a danger zone. No matter how separate both parties think their finances are, under some circumstances one can't be sure.

Family lawyers have have an amazing ability to shoot holes even in fairly well thought out plans.

Ha

Tell me about it...when ex-dh2b moved in with me at my invitation back in 2005, I had him sign a Cost Share Agreement after I read the NOLO legal book about cohabitiating. I covered myself to the max.
I was getting my Revoacable Trust done at the same time, and my attorney spent a lot of time going over the "women in my position" stuff with me. He minced no words about gold-diggers trying to latch onto "rich widows".
I was told to NEVER allow ANYONE to get a "vested interest" in my home by financially contributing to upgrades, maintenance, or taxes. I showed the attorney the already signed Cost Share Agrement and he heartily approved.
Fast forward in time...our relationship ended in 2010 and sure enough, ex-dh2b wrote me an email claiming that he had helped pay for a bathroom remodel and an electrical panel upgrade while he lived with me in my house. My very abbreviated email response essentially was "show me the receipts, then we'll talk".
Every single payment for those projects had been executed with my personal checks, out of my separate account. Have a nice day

Moral of the story? Keep records of all payments which must be made solely by you to prevent claims of "vested interest" down the road if things go south.

 

[Moemg]

I think I'll stay single. Mr B and I could exchange vows without applying for the marriage license.

You can always have a commitment ceremony !

 

[arebelspy]

You can always have a commitment ceremony !

Now, now. Just because they like each other doesn't mean they need to be committed.

 

[freebird5825]

You can always have a commitment ceremony !

You know, I think that is exactly what we will do. I like that idea.

I would marry him in a heartbeat, but...given the legal climate for second marriages, and the fact that he has children, stops me cold. I've seen too many live examples of how this does NOT w*rk when it comes to perceptions of who gets what if a remarried parent passes.

I'm fine by myself financially. I do not need benefits or support from him. Neither does he, in both areas.

But heirs can become a sticking point, and I just don't want the drama. I fully expect to outlive him, given the age difference and his family medical history. What I do NOT want is to be pulled into any sort of legal battles with his kids. I had enough problems with my late husband's family, even though his Will was crystal clear.

Call me a cynic, but life's tougher lessons have a habit of sticking with me.

 

[haha]

I had enough problems with my late husband's family, even though his Will was crystal clear.

Call me a cynic, but life's tougher lessons have a habit of sticking with me.

You are able to communicate them to us quite well also. Nothing like tales of survivors.

How about the gall of former-DH2B?

Ha

 

[freebird5825]

You are able to communicate them to us quite well also. Nothing like tales of survivors.

How about the gall of former-DH2B?

Ha

A man like that needs to get up VERY early in the morning to get anything past Miss Freebird.
A valuable lesson learned for me, but even tougher lesson for him, if you think about it for a moment.

 

[freebird5825]

I just realized I am guilty of a thread hijack. Sorry about that, folks.