What did your Mom and Dad have to say?

[MBAustin]

My Dad retired at 55 because he was convinced he wouldn't live past 60 based on his family history and he wanted to travel and enjoy life for a few years. He made it to 79 and said that he never would have lived that long if he hadn't retired when he did - stress would have killed him. My Mom is 80 and was very surprised about my ER decision - but then very supportive once I explained enough about our finances that she wouldn't worry. Biggest change in our relationship is that our weekly phone calls used to be my therapy session to talk about the idiots at w*rk (her favorite advice was "ExLax in their coffee!"). Now we actually talk about things we care about!

 

[Dreamer]

My Dad died when I was 35 and my Mom died when I was 37. However, my Aunt, who I lived with from age 11 until age 18, was happy for me. None of my family could believe it, when I went back to work on a part-time basis, earning so much less than previously. If I ever sat down and figured up our finances completely, assets and bills, I would probably quit working. I am not sure what my problem is, but figure it is more a psychological one than anything else. I spent too many years of being poor in early childhood and never want to go back living like that.

 

[FreeAtLast]

My father who was in manufacturing management in the northeast working for a company that was bought by megacorp and moved operations out of state when he was in his early 60's. They retired and moved to Florida.
It probably added years to his life, he died years ago at 81.

My mother passed away years later at age 92 after I was semi retired. She enjoyed the extra time that I was able to spend with her.

 

[SteveR]

My father retired at age 65 and immediately started volunteering with the Red Cross in a local hospital. He did this for almost 15 years when he became too sick to do it anymore. He died at home at almost age 81 in 1999 and was gone long before my first retirement. Mom was a school teacher and stayed at home for both of us boys but went back to teaching when I was in Jr. High School. She retired at age 62. She is now nearly 89 and had her first book of poems published (my me) last year. I am now editing her next book which is a children's book. I hope to get it published in time for her to see it in print too. She was glad I retired so I could work on her books, the family genealogy and taking care of my DW who had to leave work due to a disability. I assured her I knew what I was doing and it would work out. She was OK with that and continues to be so.

My first retirement was at age 50 and lasted about 2 weeks. My second wife retired with me at age 56. We moved to another part of the country and I found another j*b doing what I wanted in my field with the concept of doing so for only a year. DW died 7 months into her retirement after w*rking for 34 years at the same company. I decided to keep w*rking as a means of staying out of the house where WE lived so I kept at it....long story short..remarried and we both stopped w*rking 3 years. Her father retired early from the Fire Department due to a disability when he was 55; her stdp mom worked in a canning plant until she was 65. They were accepting of our situation since they had experience with disability.

After 2 years of retirement we jumped into a new business that DW has only dreamed about her whole life. DW #2 had also dreamed of having a small specality shop but she never lived to see it happen. While w*rking again was not in my original master plan....one has to roll with the flow and think of others needs and wants above your own at times. She has my full support and we are hopeful the shop will breakeven this year.

So, I guess I am now waiting for my third ER...not sure when that will be but it is not an issue as we are our own bosses...not even a bank or vendor loan over our head with the business. All bills are paid and no credit extended. When she gets tired fo playing "dress up" we will love only what we have put into the business that can't be sold. But, I will take this kind of w*rking experience to any of the other ones over the past 35 years.

 

[chemist]

I had told my Dad and Mom of my goal to retire at 55 when I started my first job (real job post-PhD) in 1981.

My Dad retired at 57 on a mental health disability from Fed government (extreme debilitating stress, he was fine once he got out).

My Mom passed away 10 years ago but my Dad lived up until 2008 and he supported my decision and when he was going downhill said he hoped I would be able to realize my dream of retiring at 55.

I was on a business trip to San Francisco when my mother was dying. I was able to stop at the nursing home on the way to the airport to see her, although she was unconscious from massive doses of morphine. The nonstop flight from Philly to SFO had to stop in St Louis to refuel due to 220 mph headwinds, when I turned on my cell in STL she had passed away.

My father was going downhill fast in June of 2008 while I was in Korea on a business trip. I spoke to him several times but he was barely lucid. On return from Seoul I went straight to his nursing home and he was unconscious and passed away 15 minutes after I arrived.

In both cases it seems my parents waited for me to see them then passed. Apparently this happens often, people struggle to stay alive until they hear a loved one's voice. I am getting over it now but I have felt guilty that I was serving the king (megacorp) when I should have been spending more time with my parents during their final days.

 

[rescueme]

I am getting over it now but I have felt guilty that I was serving the king (megacorp) when I should have been spending more time with my parents during their final days.

IMHO, don't carry this burden of guilt. It is not yours to carry.

For me, a parent has the primary responsibility in their lives to ensure that their children can make it in the world, after they are gone.

For some families, it means a loving family, financial/emotional support, and help in areas such as education, helping financially, and/or help in care for grandchildren.

In other families (such as mine), it meant "throwing the kids in the water to swim" at an early age (however, in my case, I doubt very much if they would have cared if I would have drown; if anything, it would have probably been a relief).

In both cases, regardless of "parenting style", my/your parents did prepare us for the future in their own way. IMHO, that's all that counts...

 

[Midpack]

My Mom was happy for me.

My Sister was happy/jealous (she's 5 years older than I am and still working).

My Dad was initially happy/surprised. He was forced to retire from the military at age 60 (with a COLA pension and retiree health care of course), he wanted to work longer. I am retiring at 57 with no retirement benefits at all. A few weeks after I let them know, he sent me an email saying 'it will be interesting to see what your next career is.' Though there may indeed be a next career, I had to tell him to expect I'd never work again. Now he seems to 'get it.'

 

[Dawg52]

My Dad passed 4 years before I retired, but I told him of my goals. He said "don't waste your life away". Oh well. But Mom didn't have a problem with it and I'm sure she is glad I have the time to help her out now.

 

[kcowan]

My dad retired in 1994 at age 63, partly due to his being weary of working, and partly so he could more easily tend to my mom who was dying of cancer but still hanging in there until she succumbed to it in 1995, when I was 32 and still working full-time...

Similar story. Mom died of cancer the month Dad retired at 65. He lived for another 30 years.

I had planned to retire at 55, but a divorce delayed that until age 60. Dad was more upset by the divorce than by my retirement. He actually left some money in his will for my ex. He had no idea how much the divorce had cost me because I never shared any of the financial details with him.

My older brother retired at age 42. He enjoyed 28 years of retirement.

 

[Kabekew]

I never actually told my parents I retired in 2009 (at age 40). I told them I'm "researching a new business" but "not in a hurry." My mother doesn't like change and has firm beliefs about working until age 65 and living frugally. She never liked my starting a business and always belittled my efforts. When I eventually sold my "little business" off for many millions, her reaction was "oh, that's nice" and she quickly changed the subject. Whatever.

My father, on the other hand, always supported my endeavors and loaned me cash when I needed it, and I'm pretty sure has figured out I'm retired for good. We retired the same year. But they've been married for almost 45 years so he sort of has to support my mom's view about me (lazy unemployed slacker), and yet we get moments in private when he can congratulate me and he says he's really happy for me.

So... whatever. I am grateful though they're still alive and fairly healthy, and can enjoy their grandkids in their own retirement. That's really what they live for now, I think!

 

[Brett_Cameron]

I told my Mom and Step Dad I was going to retire at 55. That was when I was 26. They did not think anything of it. My Mom passed in 2006. My Step Dad remembered and said he was impressed because back when I was 26 and I stated that I was going to retire at 55, he wrote it off to youthful exuberance. I retire July 31, 2011 age 55 and 8 months after 29.5 years at electric-corp. Life is good!

 

[chinaco]

Mine are gone.

They might be concerned that I might not know what I am doing...

They were born during the depression and that early experience caused them to be very cautious.

Especially if I ER'd in my 40's. Since I will FIRE in the mid 50's... that would not seem too much out of the ordinary.

 

[kcowan]

Both mine were gone as well. I remember Mom being upset that I went into sales with a Master's degree. Of course, I had a cousin who sold nuts, bolts and screws all his life. Maybe she thought that is what I was selling. For me a sale was over $1 million. And often 3 or 4 million.

 

[davemartin88]

My mom was a bit surprised when I took a package from work and retired, for a while, wondered when I would go back to work or at least looking. Maybe this was because I'm the third of four kids and she didn't think I'd be the first to retire? My older brother retired about a year ago and couldn't stand having nothing to do so went back to work. He is over 65 so his retirement seemed more "normal".

 

[CyclingInvestor]

My mom seemed much more impressed with my early mortgage payoff (a $50k transaction) than with my early retirement (much larger, and I told her what I had). I don't think she grasped the larger number, while the mortgage payoff was much more concrete to her.

 

[Independent]

I didn't retire until I was 59. Both my parents had died by then. If they had been alive, I'm sure they would have thought "Good for Indy!".

If I had retired at 55 they would have said the same. At 49, they would have wanted a little reassurance that I knew what I was doing.

My dad retired a little earlier (about 62) than he had planned, but he figured the job stress was significantly reducing his life expectancy (he was right).
He would have been happy to see me get out.

 

[Rustic23]

Neither of mine were alive, but I am sure they would have said 'Go for it!'. My dad might have ask if I was sure I had all the money issues covered, but he would have been for it 100%.

 

[oma]

My Dad died when I was in my thirties . When I told my Mom I was retiring she said Congratulations . She knows me well enough to know I would never do anything unless I knew I could do it . Besides she was also an RN and retired as soon as she got engaged and never returned to work so I guess she's a poster child for ER.

Nurse here as well. Long hours, poor shifts, etc. were a reason for my early retirement. I moved close to my parents when I retired at 47 yo. I think they're pleased, but sometimes I wonder. Father retired at 55, so you'd think he'd understand. I still feel the need to rationalize why I ER'd. But anyone who has been in the nursing field understands why there's a desire to ER.

 

[kumquat]

When I retired at 58 my dad had been dead for 39 years, my mom for 15. Neither voiced an opinion.

 

[youbet]

I still feel the need to rationalize why I ER'd.

In the end, the need to rationalize your ER is driven only by yourself. Pulling the plug on a career which may or may not be difficult to re-enter is always a tough decision as exhibited by many posts on this board. So a little rationalization and mutual consensus is always on the menu. But by the time you're a big kid with a career under your belt, what family or buddies think is only important to the extent you choose it to be.

 

[oma]

points well taken

 

[Nords]

I still feel the need to rationalize why I ER'd.

After nine years of practice, now when I get that attitude from a questioner (usually along the lines of "But you're too young!" or "You'll be so bored!") I just respond with a sympathetic chuckle.

If I really want to screw home the point then I ask them when they last went surfing. It's even better if I get the chance to ask the question before my ponytail is dry.

 

[rescueme]

But by the time you're a big kid with a career under your belt, what family or buddies think is only important to the extent you choose it to be.

+1

 

[oma]

I'm only 2 yr into ER. I'm learning.

 

[Danmar]

Not sure why you would care what your parents say? Or anyone else for that matter?