Accounting for aging parents and/or siblings with disabilities

[thefamilytruckster]

How do you account for aging parents and/or siblings with disabilities in your early retirement planning? What kind of expenses are reasonable? What kinds of systems/tools are out there to help? How does/will it work when you live 1000+miles away from them?

I can easily see missing my own FIRE goals based on my parents future needs. They will all be in their 70s (6 parents and one sister with down syndrome) when I hit 55 (target FIRE age).

 

[MichaelB]

I see three questions.

- What expenses are reasonable for you to undertake?
- What assistance is available for them?
- How does one deal with this from a distance?

No easy answer for 1 or 3. For the most part, they are choices you make. Both parents and siblings can consume your entire budget and much of your available time, so it is important to set a limit. The airline warning for oxygen masks comes to mind - first put your own on, then help whoever is accompanying you.

Question 2, assistance for them, varies a great deal on where they live, especially the sibling. Counties often have assistance programs for people in need, especially disabled and seniors. A social worker employed by the county can be helpful identifying resources and programs.

 

[marko]

Mom is 88, still spry, drives and lives with my brother; but time marches on.
Brother is 63 and had a serious stroke last year. "Semi-independent" but will likely need lifetime (minor) home support. He has no other relatives than me.
We live less than a quarter mile away.

Fortunately, both of them have a lot financial resources. Mom has an LTC policy and deep pockets. Brother "should" outlive his portfolio, SS and pension even if nursing home eventually comes into the picture. Our plan is that if he doesn't, he'll just deplete his resources (with us filling in some gaps) and head to Medicaid; but that could take 20 years. Two scenarios at that point: He won't make it that long or he'll be too old to care.

DW and I have set up a trust for his care should we both pre-decease. The trust would provide more than enough aid for his lifetime and then some.

Currently he has access to local Elder Services which provide house cleaning and bathing assistance at no cost. They give you a budget of X hours of help based on income and you can choose from a menu on what type of help you need.

When mom passes we're not quite sure what the plan is for my brother. Assisted living of some sort comes to mind. His home is quite large and one option would be to hire a PCA with some free/cheap rent folded into the deal. Strategically, every year that he lives at home increases his chances of not running out of money at the other end.

 

[marko]

The airline warning for oxygen masks comes to mind - first put your own on, then help whoever is accompanying you.

Brilliant! Applies to so many things in life.

 

[Dtail]

How do you account for aging parents and/or siblings with disabilities in your early retirement planning? What kind of expenses are reasonable? What kinds of systems/tools are out there to help? How does/will it work when you live 1000+miles away from them?

I can easily see missing my own FIRE goals based on my parents future needs. They will all be in their 70s (6 parents and one sister with down syndrome) when I hit 55 (target FIRE age).

I wish you the best in the future. Not easy answers.
I have a much lesser version of your potential situation with my brother. He has a minor form of Asberger's highest level of Autism) and lives with us. He is reasonably independent, but it does affect the dynamic between the GF and me.