DW Retiring instead of ME

[foxfirev5]

I think your wife is pretty clever. She has gotten you to agree to let her retire and you work an extra year or two. My DW pretty much did the same to me. It just goes to show you that women are truly smarter than men.

I've had far worse performance reviews than what her's sounded like and the thought of immediately resigning never entered my mind. If that's the principal reason she wants to retire, it can only be because she knows she can. The review is being called the "reason" but it's really an "excuse."

She can always pull the plug anytime she wants. I like the suggestions people have given about asking for a package and/or becoming "sick" more often until they take action. Is "sick pay" accrued so she'd get paid for it if she left or is she leaving money on the table if she leaves any not taken? If so, take all of it before resigning.

She may be retiring before me but she also carried the lions share of the household load and raising three kids in addition to her jobs. While I contributed very well financially, my extensive travels had a cost as well. The review certainly would not be the prime reason but a recent contributing factor. The work load and commute are the killers. Combined with a lack of quality time together and we both know its time for a change. She really doesn't need to drag it out. We've been very fortunate and wouldn't feel right about working the system.
As an example when first married we were destitute and even paid a visit to the local welfare office. We were told we qualified for benefits but left the office knowing we could not go with this option. Within a month I got my first real job and we've been working nonstop the last 33+ years.
Thanks again for all the suggestions. As the days go by we are becoming more sure of this decision.

 

[Moscyn]

I think your wife is pretty clever. She has gotten you to agree to let her retire and you work an extra year or two. My DW pretty much did the same to me. It just goes to show you that women are truly smarter than men.

A lot of wives have 2 jobs - both as challenging - one at work and the other at home. It is indeed wonderful that now I can devote myself to the job at home and still have time to amuse myself.

As regards evaluations, never thought much of it. Every year you face the dreadful 5% or 10% cut if you turn up at the bottom grading and even if you come up at median grade, you are threatened that next year you are in danger. If you turn up at the top quartile, they reward you with more challenges and they claim - more $$$. A vicious circle, I call it.

 

[traineeinvestor]

I think your wife is pretty clever. She has gotten you to agree to let her retire and you work an extra year or two. My DW pretty much did the same to me. It just goes to show you that women are truly smarter than men.

If they were that smart, why did they marry us?

My wife did the same, then got bored and took a part time job.

 

[Sarah in SC]

2B, you mean some of you guys are just now figuring out we are smarter than our husbands? Jeez, man, get on the stick!

 

[2B]

2B, you mean some of you guys are just now figuring out we are smarter than our husbands? Jeez, man, get on the stick!

Oh no, I figured it out a long time ago. This is just a clear piece of data that may enlighten another poor unfortunate.

Why just this morning, I left for w*rk at 5:30 am. I was as careful as I could be to not disturb my sleeping DW who will undoubtedly arise by 8 and be forced to figure out how to spend her day. I am saved from that stress by having my day planned out for me.

I feel sympathy for the married or single mother of small children that are also w*rking a paying job. Somehow when our "baby" is 26, I can't see how tough it is to deal with the domestic "stress." This is with me doing a reasonable share of the work around the house.

I might just get upset at my next review and, in my outrage, retire.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Wow, yeah. Could see that being a filter for your comments, 2B.
I guess we are very fortunate in our marriage, with no kids and an equal share of work around the house.

When DH retires well before me (hopefully at the end of the year if I can convince him) I know he'll be doing a lot more maintenance work around the house and with our various (non) combustible engines. I suspect he may keep working, though, just because it is easier to work for "the man" than it is to work for "the Sarah".

 

[KingB]

2B, you mean some of you guys are just now figuring out we are smarter than our husbands? Jeez, man, get on the stick!

YouTube - ‪Man Smart, Woman Smarter (live) - Harry Belafonte‬‏

 

[FUEGO]

When DH retires well before me (hopefully at the end of the year if I can convince him) I know he'll be doing a lot more maintenance work around the house and with our various (non) combustible engines. I suspect he may keep working, though, just because it is easier to work for "the man" than it is to work for "the Sarah".

Women may be smarter than men, but that DH of yours is no dummy.

 

[BellBarbara]

We are likely to do the same. I have an awful manager, he really is horrible. My mom has been in and out of critical condition on the opposite coast and I have been flying back and forth for the last year, helping my sister - while working FT and meeting all of my obligations. My manager called a meeting with me and said the fact that I am not happy as usual is becoming an issue and wanted me to meet with HR. Unbelievable!

So my husband said to quit anytime, since I plan to stop next April. He appreciates that I have 2 jobs, and doesn't mind me focusing on 1. He wants me to be happy and thinks that if I can be happy, it will make him much happier.

I am trying to stick it out as some more stock options vest in April next year.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

We are likely to do the same. I have an awful manager, he really is horrible. My mom has been in and out of critical condition on the opposite coast and I have been flying back and forth for the last year, helping my sister - while working FT and meeting all of my obligations. My manager called a meeting with me and said the fact that I am not happy as usual is becoming an issue and wanted me to meet with HR. Unbelievable!

So my husband said to quit anytime, since I plan to stop next April. He appreciates that I have 2 jobs, and doesn't mind me focusing on 1. He wants me to be happy and thinks that if I can be happy, it will make him much happier.

I am trying to stick it out as some more stock options vest in April next year.

If he wants to make it an "HR issue," then take him up on it. If you're sufficiently prepared (i.e., have dirt on him) he'll get far more than be bargained for. You may even want to make this point clear to him before you both go see HR, accompanied by the implicit message that you'll leave him alone if he leaves you alone. Workplace bullies (especially bosses) suck all the fun out of a j*b.

 

[walkinwood]

What a wonderful thing to do for your wife. Kudos!

 

[foxfirev5]

I thought I should post and update on our situation since my DW's retirement. Financially there's not much of an impact. Our retirement funds are set although the first couple weeks of August got our attention. However our long range plans remained unaffected.
We are travelling extensively with my job and for the most part it is great. Like any other transition there are adjustments to make. I have adjusted my work travel to accommodate both of us on the same agenda.
We've been able to see our kids in different states as well as sneak in a trip to Key West for a week by ourselves.
At this point the choice between saving a little more and living our life appears to be a good one.

 

[Packman]

Glad it's working out foxfire. It is tricky when one spouse exits the work force prior to the other. My DW is planning to work another 3-5 years, which is good for our financial and health insurance situation, but not so good for travel and extended vacations. One day at a time!

 

[foxfirev5]

Thanks Packman. Every day is a new adventure.

 

[FreeAtLast]

Best of luck. It sounds like a good decision. She had the sick time benefit and used part of it. There should be not question.