Marriage of Convenience?

Moemg said:
Absolutely ! You get married & you have just handed him half and a hefty chunk to a lawyer when he wants out ! A lot of people underestimate how hard it is to be a caregiver and when faced with reality bail or stay and become resentful.
Click to expand...

I am with the don't get married crowd ... but...

My understanding is that separate assets that were acquired before the marriage may remain separate. Only the assets that were acquired while married are community property. I think a pension that was earned from employment entirely before the marriage would be considered separate property. So I don't think that getting married is "handing him half". Maybe I misunderstand community property.
 
That's the general theory of community property. Stuff that was separate stays separate, unless you do any of a thousand things that can render it not-separate anymore, like commingle anything or pay a joint bill with it, or make a mistake moving it around, or pass it through a community account, and lots of others, probably depends on state. Also in divorce there's no guarantee that half is split equally. Judges have wide latitude including the ability to consider separate property and make unequal divisions and/or order support to make things "fair" where the definition of "fair" is open to debate and legal wrangling. Actual practice is a lot messier than just thinking separate property is not at risk.
 
To muddy the waters a bit more... (and as it has been a while since I've seen one of these high profile cases in the news), what were the legal grounds upon which people successfully sued former partners with whom they had co-habited (and not married)?

I can't think of a real-life example at the moment, but the defendants were usually monied people.

Was it simply that their relationship had been considered common law marriage in the state where they domiciled or something else?

omni
 
Khan,

Here's a book you might be interested in reading as you ponder the marriage of convenience idea:

"Rich in examples from the author's lifetime of experience as a lawyer defending women, and trying civil, family, and criminal cases, this book shows women how to protect themselves when they get involved with men, money, property, and legal affairs--situations where they are traditionally at a disadvantage."

What Every Woman Needs to Know Before (And After She Gets Involved With Men & Money): Lois G. Forer: 9780892563609: Amazon.com: Books

(Used copy available for $0.01 plus shipping)

Disclaimer: I have not read it [yet], but from the title and description, it might be apropos.

omni
 
No, No, No. Do I get three votes as I feel very strongly about this?
 
How did this person become part of your life? How often have you been stuck indoors in an ice storm.? Did he fix dinner?Did he put gas in the car last time he drove it without you there? How suddenly did he come up with this 'great' idea?

Companionship is enough reason maybe, but not caretaking-it's a hard job. Why doesn't he have a job history that gives him SS.? Citizenship? How much do you know about his past? See. all your friends here are concerned about you.:flowers: I'm sorry to hear your health has declined.

As for SS he could collect benefits as a spouse. THe ten year limit mentioned upthread is for a divorced spouse. I believe the time frame for married spouse and survivor benefits is a marriage of 9 months. Which makes me worried about homemade mushroom soup...don't eat it.
 
Moemg said:
A lot of people underestimate how hard it is to be a caregiver and when faced with reality bail or stay and become resentful.
Click to expand...

Khan, not sure if you mentioned whether *he* has children.

My Dad did remarry after living with a wonderful woman for a few years and went on to enjoy a decades-long marriage.

Their home was located close to her children but some distance away from our family. His final illness was relatively brief. Had it stretched out the issue would have become not so much what his wife was willing to do but what her children wanted for *her,* which was a stress-free lifestyle. My stepmother was/is a strong-willed woman but is (probably) understandably more influenced by her children as she's reached her 80s.

I rather had the feeling the kids wanted to now "return" him, a move that would have been horrendously stressful since his home was where he wanted to be. Moving closer to us would have meant leaving behind his primary emotional support (his wife).

I suppose the same scenario could have developed had their relationship not been formalized, tho absent a marriage he would not possibly have been in a situation of financing his care states-away while still maintaing a home for his legal spouse who would not have relocated.

Dynamics change.
 
Taking care of an elderly person is tough. I have seen plenty of examples, where a person took care of an ailing spouse. In all cases that I personally know, the relationship was that of a life-long married couple, and not even that of people who divorced and remarried. And in all cases, when the spouse with poorer health expired, the surviving one took a sigh of relief.

Yes, it is that tough, caring for someone you have shared 40 or 50+ years of your life with. And one of the cases is my own parents. Another case is my in-laws, though my FIL is still alive but had to be moved to a nursing home.
 
Last edited:
Move to a continuing care community, that would be cheaper. If you want the companionship live together there, those arrangements are not uncommon.
 
Khan said:
Marriage of Convenience?
Have you ever considered such?
To allow someone to care for you?
To allow money to pass on easily?
Click to expand...
While I've always appreciated these thoughtful and tactful queries-- no matter how many times I get them, my spouse has always objected to them.

But seriously, consider the issue of caregiver burnout. If a hired helper burns out then you can hire another one. Not so simple when you're married to the caregiver... who would probably recommend that you hire a helper. And if you're looking for 24/7 response then you might be able to work out living quarters for the caregiver as part of the fees.

Another option for in-home care is the tech offered by companies like Ho'okele Health Innovations. (iHealthHome - Home) It's designed to let you live as independently as you can while making it easier for caregivers to visit as you desire and to keep up the records with minimal inconvenience (doctor's office visits) to you.

I think that anyone who truly cares for you would prefer that you spend all of your money on yourself instead of trying to simplify the probate process.
 
As I have mentioned: the sort of sort of stage.
Not something I shall decide early or easily.
 
DH and I married 1 month from the day we met. He was in the military and he received an increase in payment if he was married and we needed the money. We have been married 40 yrs. I would never want to go through that first year again. We were trying to get to know each other and did not care all that much for the other. We were both stubborn and too poor to get a divorce. I was 19 yrs old and in good health and he was 20 and also in good health. I can't imagine having to go through that first year again at my age, 59 now, and especially if I was in declining health. My focus would be on my health and how I could possibly improve it. It would also be on enjoying the rest of my life as stress-free as I could possibly make it.

I have to say that I am definitely with the nays here. Live together or figure out something else, but I would not marry. Good luck.
 
Dad's second wife kicked him to the curb the second she found out he had lung cancer. This left him essentially homeless and it was a terrible situation, especially since she had the health insurance through her federal employer. This was the woman who "loved his kids, loved his grandchildren" and couldn't do enough for him and his family until she realized he was sick.

So, in addition to battling a terminal illness, he had to do so while being unbelievably depressed that she would do this him when he needed her most.

One more story and then I'll stop - my great-uncle and his wife had no children. He died, and she was afraid to stay by herself. She signed her home over to a couple she'd known forever, if they would stay there and take care of her until she died. First chance they got (after mistreating her we suspected), they threw her in a Medicaid nursing home and lived happily ever after in her home.

Run as fast as you can from this situation and don't look back in case he is gaining on you would be my advice. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
 
As I said: sort of sort of considering.
 
Khan:

I have no opinion. You know your needs, your mind, and your heart. I trust you will follow them to the best of your ability.

All I do is wish you well.
 
I vaguely remember someone writing in this thread that he has been married, but his relationship ended (spouse died?). And now he prefers to stay single, because it's so much easier than having your life heavily influenced by someone else's wants and desires.

Does anyone remember this? Today someone asked me why I don't want a relationship anymore. I can't find this comment anymore. And that's a pity, because this forum user said it much better than I could ever have said if myself. I should have saved this comment. If somebody has, please PM it to me. I feel I'm going to need it to often!
 
Last edited:
If, heaven forbid, DW dies, I will be a single man the rest of my life. It has little to do with not liking marriage, but much to do with thinking that I would have had the experience of a long marriage and it would be unneccesary to do that again to prove some kind of point or whatnot.......
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

D
Marriage Tax Penalty on Social Security wish I knew earlier
Replies
6
Views
1K
Dave J
D
E
Too much money in IRA
3 4 5
Replies
123
Views
10K
Rocky mtn high
R
T
Hedgefundie's portfolio
Replies
9
Views
1K
Texas Proud
T
T
All Your Worth (Book Review)
Replies
5
Views
758
walkinwood
walkinwood
T
2022 Tax Error, and IRS Rant
Replies
8
Views
565
Sunset
Sunset

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom