More $$$ = w*rk attitude problem

[dadu007]

My wife and I really only started saving saving for retirement a little over 15 years ago (why is another story), when I started with my current employer. I was 40 then (accepted their offer about two weeks before 9/11).
With the recent death of a relative, who left everything to my wife, and the final settling of the estate and transference of all the assets, our invested assets are now in the (very low) 7 figures.
With our current savings rate, which has much improved over the last 5 years after I woke up and stopped wasting money on useless endeavors, I can now actually see a possibility of retiring at 60. Not at all as early as some folks here, but I'm still trying to internalize and process this welcome knowledge.
As for "the problem": I can't get it out of my head and wonder how I'm going to keep my head in the w*rking game for another 3.5 years.
I'm already mentally ready to leave the work force (been working since I was 13). Fortunately my wife has recently returned to work after being a SAHM for 20 years, and she is also going back to school for a teaching certificate (she's a born teacher and is 7 years younger). She sees herself working another 10-15 years. I'd be very content being a house husband...I'm a habitual cleaner and love to cook and love home improvement projects.
I tell my wife my favorite "fantasy" (no, not that kind) is handing her her bagged lunch for work every day and ushering her out the door, and then having her return to a spotless house and a nicely cooked meal on the table.
The recent inheritance has just melted my drive and motivation at work. Can't wait to get out...it can't come soon enough...
Just thinkin' out loud. Thanks for listening.

 

[braumeister]

I tell my wife my favorite "fantasy" (no, not that kind) is handing her her bagged lunch for work every day and ushering her out the door,

And would she be OK with that?

If so, then the next step is to get a very solid handle on your expenses (including taxes), both now and in the future. With that information you should be able to carry your planning out to the next level.

 

[Carpediem]

How to survive the next 3.5 years? The reply below from Gumby is great advice. Gumby's reply is #40 in the thread located here:

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f28/ugh-how-do-i-survive-3-more-years-86229.html

I have always found that I am happier if I make a plan and then work the plan. So, for example, you might sit down and map out all the things that need to get done before you retire in 3 years. Such as paint the house, pay off your mortgage, get updated kitchen appliances, redo the bathroom, buy or sell a car, sell or buy a vacation home, consolidate scattered 401k and IRA accounts, get a colonoscopy, get a HELOC, get new eyeglasses, have a giant de-cluttering yard sale, etc. Whatever it is that you think would best be done before you call it quits. Then put them in a "to do" list with dates attached. Work your way through the list. It will give you something to focus on besides the job, will break down the three years into more manageable chunks of time and will give you opportunities for a sense of accomplishment along the way. You can do almost anything if you break it into smaller pieces.

 

[MichaelB]

And would she be OK with that?

If so, then the next step is to get a very solid handle on your expenses (including taxes), both now and in the future. With that information you should be able to carry your planning out to the next level.

Those are two important points. For the second, this might help http://www.early-retirement.org/for...-answer-before-asking-can-i-retire-69999.html

 

[dadu007]

She would be okay with the house husband part, but we still differ on the when that starts...She wants to wait until I'm 64. I can't see being able to last mentally that long. Longevity does not run in my family. She should be employed at a much higher salary in 3 years, if all goes as planned. I have a good handle on expenses (been using YNAB for 4 years). Taxes I need to look into. She has no interest in our financial matters, so I need to slowly start bringing her up to speed on all the numbers...

 

[dadu007]

How to survive the next 3.5 years? The reply below from Gumby is great advice. Gumby's reply is #40 in the thread located here:

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f28/ugh-how-do-i-survive-3-more-years-86229.html

Thx, Carpediem. I have been following that thread. By coincidence I am also in the medical device biz. Fortunately, not much travel requirements for me.

 

[rayinpenn]

I took the day off today because
1. it will be nearly 80 today
2. I planted some cucumber, summer squash and squash seeds and I wanted to tidy up the greenhouse
3. I carried over some vacation time

And because staying home is getting easier all the time. I've got a great job but I've done and seen it all before. The same old initiatives with new names and themes, the same old rah rah speeches. I mean do they really believe that nonsense? Do they think we do? I say nothing but my god...

Ok I am FI yeah the oCare will be expensive for 2 years then less so.

The people are nice, the job is interesting but I guess I am just tired of it all. I am thinking those golden handcuffs have an anchor on the other end. It's time to cut them off before the boat flips.

 

[Floridatennisplayer]

I'm with ya Ray! We had a conference call this morning....oh geez, same crap I heard in the 80's. Just repackaged. Have my manager with me tomorrow night and all day Thursday. Let's see if I can restrain myself from throwing him out of the car while on the freeway.

 

[misshathaway]

I can now actually see a possibility of retiring at 60. Not at all as early as some folks here, but I'm still trying to internalize and process this welcome knowledge.
As for "the problem": I can't get it out of my head and wonder how I'm going to keep my head in the w*rking game for another 3.5 years.

I came to that realization, and fully intended to continue working for 7 more years to 65. After a year I was retired, at 58.

On the one hand it reduces anxiety about performance and about almost anything negative that happens or could happen at work. OTOH for me, something big happened, which I could have soldiered through, and I bailed. I was in IT with a beeper and there was a massive preventable system failure that we were a week into when I quit. The knowledge is dangerous.

I don't regret it, but it was a very psychologically tumultuous transition.

 

[dadu007]

@misshathaway, Glad to know I'm not the only one to have this experience.

And I acknowledge it's a good problem to have!

A couple things that are making it worse for me:
- My company just hired the 5th CEO we've had since I've been employed here (~15 years). So more regurgitation of old policies and an expected implementation of new useless policies
-We're moving our offices again, to even smaller space...
-...after about 4 "reductions in force" that I've managed to survive.
- Many of the jobs that have been lost within the company have (truly) been to lost to automation...good thing I'm in customer-facing section; but dealing with customer issues for 15 years is wearing on me...

I am thankful for this forum.

 

[Bigdawg]

She would be okay with the house husband part, but we still differ on the when that starts...She wants to wait until I'm 64. I can't see being able to last mentally that long. Longevity does not run in my family. She should be employed at a much higher salary in 3 years, if all goes as planned. I have a good handle on expenses (been using YNAB for 4 years). Taxes I need to look into. She has no interest in our financial matters, so I need to slowly start bringing her up to speed on all the numbers...

Why 64? If she has "no interest in our financial matters" why does it matter to her when YOU retire? Maybe you need to find out what she needs to know so she is comfortable with you calling it quits. Good luck and congrats on the financial situation.

 

[dadu007]

Why 64? If she has "no interest in our financial matters" why does it matter to her when YOU retire? Maybe you need to find out what she needs to know so she is comfortable with you calling it quits. Good luck and congrats on the financial situation.

That's a fair question. Her reasoning is that our last child will (should, fingers crossed) graduate from college the year I turn 64. She wants to make sure we don't have "failure to launch" issues due to financial circumstances. We do have about 1/2 of the our two children's expected in-state tuition already set aside in 529 accounts, so from my perspective we'll have that covered. Thanks for asking; I should have mentioned that.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

if you live till 64, if you look at some of my earlier posts, friend school bus driver no heavy lifting , worked about 3 hours a day got paid for 8, didnt take the early buy out at 55, died of blood poisoning at 59 , another one hanging a mirror in his daughters house fell off the ladder a week or so before Christmas, dead he was in his 60's, go now man if u can afford, it. this is how i see things thru my eyes. i had an old timer at my job tell me there is always another union contract with a raise, another year of longevity to boost the pension at some point u have to go, go when you can and on ur own terms, the old timer did over 30 years at my job, his wife died 6 months into his retirement, i think it was pancreatic cancer, he then said he was going to stay till the age forced him to leave, he said he had the means to leave after 20 so he wasted 10 more years working and didnt get to spend it with his loving wife, you cant buy back ur youth, i wasted 5 extra years at work so my 100 % safe withdrawal rate would be 3 %, for 50 years, what was i thinking?

 

[firewhen]

What is wrong with us?

Or me anyway? OP it is very difficult to change what one has been doing for a lifetime. I have never had more than a weekend between jobs. Never had a week where I was not on the job. Yes had vacations but still knew it was just that, a vacation before going back. My only salvation, like you, is that I can stop anytime (even though I don't) and for me it is not that bad.

I am also just plain scared. I am not even sure of what, it is not even the money anymore, since we have plenty. Part of me is worried what I will do. Still I have been posting more and seriously considering it, so one day something will push me over the proverbial edge.

Try to see within yourself and what makes you tick and envision how life will be on the other side. From almost everything I have read no one regrets RE and wants to go back.

 

[dadu007]

@Blue Collar Guy: I hear you. My own father had a stroke at age 59 and then proceeded to sit on the couch and waste away for the next 15 years.

@firewhen: yes, the windfall of money from the inheritance is a slap in the face. It moves up possible retirement options I previously thought were many more years away! I'm now trying to tear myself out of old ways of thinking (and working). Not easy to do, especially in the consumption-driven US society.

 

[rayinpenn]

I am also just plain scared. I am not even sure of what, it is not even the money anymore, since we have plenty. Part of me is worried what I will do. Still I have been posting more and seriously considering it, so one day something will push me over the proverbial edge.

There someone actually said it FEAR. I am horribly jealous of those decisive people that know what they want and just do it. They feel it is time so they pull the plug and they are excited to do it. They want a boat, a car a three wheeled cycle so they just buy it. It is all so simple - step out of the airplane and feel the wind.

I on the other hand can't help myself but I ponder stuff for a long time. I've learned though No decision can be or force a decision of sorts. My knee needed to be replaced - I delayed until one day when the pain of walking left me no choice... I'm ready to retire the question is will I walk out or be wheeled out.

God bless the decisive.

 

[target2019]

My wife and I really only started saving saving for retirement a little over 15 years ago (why is another story), when I started with my current employer. I was 40 then (accepted their offer about two weeks before 9/11).
With the recent death of a relative, who left everything to my wife, and the final settling of the estate and transference of all the assets, our invested assets are now in the (very low) 7 figures.
With our current savings rate, which has much improved over the last 5 years after I woke up and stopped wasting money on useless endeavors, I can now actually see a possibility of retiring at 60. Not at all as early as some folks here, but I'm still trying to internalize and process this welcome knowledge.
As for "the problem": I can't get it out of my head and wonder how I'm going to keep my head in the w*rking game for another 3.5 years.
I'm already mentally ready to leave the work force (been working since I was 13). Fortunately my wife has recently returned to work after being a SAHM for 20 years, and she is also going back to school for a teaching certificate (she's a born teacher and is 7 years younger). She sees herself working another 10-15 years. I'd be very content being a house husband...I'm a habitual cleaner and love to cook and love home improvement projects.
I tell my wife my favorite "fantasy" (no, not that kind) is handing her her bagged lunch for work every day and ushering her out the door, and then having her return to a spotless house and a nicely cooked meal on the table.
The recent inheritance has just melted my drive and motivation at work. Can't wait to get out...it can't come soon enough...
Just thinkin' out loud. Thanks for listening.

Thinking out loud works well for me.

We have in common a late start at thinking about retirement - about 12 years ago. Spouse and I are FI, but not in a LARGE way. I've chosen to work FT, as she is several years behind me. Work is definitely a nuisance on most days.

When I set my target as 2019, it gave me a reminder of what I was working towards. I've found that my thinking on a hard date has changed significantly. When I was in a crappy megacorp job, I would count the days. In a simpler, more-rewarding job, I just avoid the uncomfortable. I am ignoring a lot of strongly-worded emails. I avoid the individual who wants to dominate.

It's Friday, I'm home by my own decision. Might even tell the boss.

A crazy thought came to mind yesterday. After raise discussion, it might be a good investment to spend the raise money each week on lottery tickets.

If spouse inherited quite a bit, it would be a problem to draw that down for my benefit. I would look at it more as LTC insurance for her. That's just me, and there are other valid views, I'm sure.

 

[Scuba]

Or me anyway? OP it is very difficult to change what one has been doing for a lifetime. I have never had more than a weekend between jobs. Never had a week where I was not on the job. Yes had vacations but still knew it was just that, a vacation before going back. My only salvation, like you, is that I can stop anytime (even though I don't) and for me it is not that bad.



I am also just plain scared. I am not even sure of what, it is not even the money anymore, since we have plenty. Part of me is worried what I will do. Still I have been posting more and seriously considering it, so one day something will push me over the proverbial edge.



Try to see within yourself and what makes you tick and envision how life will be on the other side. From almost everything I have read no one regrets RE and wants to go back.

You might be surprised and delighted by ER. I also never took a break between jobs and was very career oriented, worked in a C-level job the last 10 years before ER. Retired almost 6 months ago and for me, the transition has been GREAT. I haven't been at all bored; quite the contrary. Been very busy but with activities I want to do rather than commuting and working to satisfy others. While I enjoyed my career, ER at age 56 has made me far happier and relaxed than I ever was at w*rk. Both DH and I are pleasantly surprised as both of us were not sure how quickly I'd adjust.

 

[petershk]

Great discussion.
To the original question. I've had this same experience the last few years. When you have "enough money" (whatever that is for you); every day at work is an opportunity to ask yourself "OK, I don't HAVE to do this... I don't WANT to be in this meeting... am I just an idiot?" Especially if you have friends/relatives that die at young ages (i.e. before 70) you pair that with the silliness of doing something you don't have to or want to do while sacrificing something you can and do want to do.

It's like Alice in Wonderland.

I agree with the "have a plan" post. That helps some.

The other thing I find helpful is to change my attitude to being direct without being a jerk. So if a meeting seems dumb, I'll ask "does anyone find this meeting critical?" Many times everyone else thinks it's a waste too . If processes don't make sense or seem silly, I'll ask the same kinds of questions and then just propose small, simple changes. You can be a force for GOOD for the next group of people coming up!

There are companies, of course, where this won't work... but I think often we victimize ourselves more than reality will impose.

The other thing you can do is "engineer your layoff." So make your plans for leaving well known (including the timeline) and have a plan for how you're going to do that, what you want in return, what is expected, etc. This can also back fire and maybe you get fired; but I find that most employers/bosses appreciate a long heads up with a proactive attitude to help. If the company is trying to save money over the long term maybe they will offer you a reasonable retirement package (if they can show that you are saving them company money long term, etc).

In short, I would try to get control of the situation rather than just feeling bad about it. I still have days where I feel bad, but it's helped some