I have Clarity Aloft (
https://clarityaloft.com/pages/products) headsets and in the process of getting them did learn some things.
The first line of defense is the seal between the outside world and the ear. This is where many headsets fall down, leaving various small gaps and not necessarily compressing hair enough. There is a reason ear-cup style sets are often referred to as "head clamps -- more pressure equals a better seal.
The best seals come from compliant materials that plug the ear canal. "Compliant" comes because the ear canal changes with weather, temperature, etc. I have tried to use hard plastic custom-molded shooting ear plugs and they don't work as well as the good (someone mentioned "Comply" already) plugs.
ANR sounds like a really good idea but the fact is that it works best at low frequencies. Clarity Aloft used to have a graph on their web site comparing their sound attenuation with an ANR set (probably Bose). It clearly showed that ANR won the race at low frequencies but then fell behind. In light airplanes there is a sort of high-frequency stall warning buzzer. I can hear the stall warning with head-clamp ANR sets but can't hear it with the Clarity Aloft plugs.
I have a couple of Comply-based stereo headsets that were offered to the consumer market for a while. Not aircraft stuff, no microphone, etc. but I treasure them for commercial air travel. DW has to tell me if there are cabin announcements because I hear nearly nothing. Unfortunately these are NLA.
For the OP, assuming you can tolerate ear plug style sets (some can't I guess) I would head that direction. Start with a good quality set and then experiment with Comply tips to optimize for your ears. Good ear-clamp ANRs will definitely help but my experience is that good ear plug tips trump expensive ANR.
As in many situations, YMMV on this one.
