What issues arise when one spouse keeps w*rking?

[samsterdog]

DW is actually 7 months older than I, and is still happily w*rking. I've been ER'd for 4 1/2 years. She was - and is - fully supportive of my ER. The keys to our successful arrangement.

• Notwithstanding her expressed support, for the 6 months or so prior to my ER I brought up the topic numerous times. Being supportive in the abstract might be one thing, but I wanted to be sure she would be in the real world.
• Yes, I keep the house neat and duly fulfill any honey-do chores she assigns (they are never too many, or onerous).
• If she asks I will tell her what I did that day (i.e., my various recreational pursuits). If something special happened, I will tell her. But otherwise I don't go out of my way to discuss my life of leisure. She knows what I am doing most days, and like I said she is supportive. But still, I don't want to belabor the I'm-not/you-are working thing,

A close friend of mine retired over his wife's objections,and it hadn't gone well. Make sure you and your DW are in agreement.

I try similar keys, and they help, but there is still resentment.

I picked up a part-time j*b two evenings a week which helps by showing my attempt, and even more importantly, getting me out of the house at least those two evenings thereby allowing "her" time.

Regardless, I'm glad that I pulled the trigger. My stress level is virtually non-existent (besides the resentment ), I've lost 10 pounds (not that I really needed to) and gotten into better shape.

While I believe we both could ER with a somewhat reduction in our lifestyle, having DW work provides enough to cover all annual expenses as well as health insurance coverage. I'm appreciative of her sacrifice.

Good luck!

 

[doneat54]

LOL, I am living this right now. My DW heard me talk about retiring at 55 for the last 30 years and this last Jan I did just that. 8+ years ago, she conceded that she "wanted to" work for 3-4 more years beyond me. Since Jan, there have been issues. SO my short answer is this:

Set expectations very, very low, and then over deliver.

I made it clear that because of my commitment, which she always agreed with (until Jan this year!) , my w*rk time, when I was retired, became MY time to do what I want and NOT do be a house cleaner, cook, etc. That being said, I do housework every day, cook meals, and have her come home to a poured glass of wine at least once a week and "sit down, I'll serve dinner" ( I DO like to cook). It's a balance, and of course every relationship is different. But setting the expectation low, and over delivering at least a little bit, has worked well for me.

Also, I have found that you don't actually have to vacuum, you just have to move the vacuum cleaner around each day to get credit. ;-)

 

[traineeinvestor]

For us the key is to talk about things before they happen.

DW took time off work when we had our second child, went back to work part time after the younger one started primary school and has recently started a full time job which she enjoys. Somewhere in there, I quit my full time job and went very part time and the part time is becoming less and less. DW was fine with me FIREing since we were okay financially - her concerns were more about whether I would be bored and sit around at home all do doing nothing and not contributing to the family in non-financial ways.

The fact that she doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to is a big factor as is the fact that I was fully supportive of her not working at all when she wanted to focus on the children.