Can I Tell My Boss What I Really Think of Him?

[FreeBear]

Quote:

Originally Posted by roh3 ... DW will surely outlive me; I have bad genes and have already had couple scares, but currently healthy & active. Her family has much more longevity than mine, so I’d prefer to cover her at 100%. Did a rough budget, came to about $55K a year not counting taxes or healthcare. I feel like $100K/year should be my target. Also hoping my allocations would allow me to stay under the ACA cliff when my wife decides to retire in a couple years. I recently got on her company’s healthcare when I saw the writing on the wall. Her salary is approx $70k. I am a little concerned with how motivated she would be to stay working if I were to pull the plug now, so I’m not sure I’d be comfortable if the numbers don’t work now. Thanks for reading, appreciate any advice. This is a great group, it brightens my day when I get my weekly email update from this site.

Forget about the boss and I agree with that consensus that $$ is not a big problem, assuming your budget is accurate. I'd be more concerned about health insurance given your history and the 5 year span to Medicare. Sounds like ACA is the backup plan if your wife stops w*rking before 65, regardless of the reason. I'd carefully check into coverage. Most ACA plans are HMO. Even the PPO plans tend to be quite limited in who takes them compared to decent corporate PPO ("Cadillac" plans) or traditional medicare. The last thing you want is to lose access to doctors you need and trust.

[CuriousJoe]

I tend to agree with the above.


If I felt that I was mistreated, with or without justifications, and I didn't react but

simply walk away, the anger and helplessness can last throughout my life time.


As long as your DW is FULLY on-board with your retirement, why not tell your boss, and his boss, what you think of him. If it jeopardizes your job, you can walk away 'victoriously'.


On the other hand, if your boss's job was jeopardized, you can have an even bigger smile!


Revenge can be a sweet thing

[CuriousJoe]

Sorry, mine was in response to #21

[LarryMelman]

If you have decided you can leave and want to leave, then waiting till the exit interview to air your concerns accomplishes nothing. Because everyone complains in their exit interview, but does anything ever come of it? You know it doesn't.

You can certainly go to your HR and ask non-specific questions about taking medical (FMLA) leave and dropping hints (of whatever degree you think appropriate) as to why you are asking. By law they cannot retaliate if you follow proper process.

You can drop similar hints in the management chain. If anyone in the company has a soul and actually cares, maybe some good can come of it. If not, you had decided to leave anyway.

The question is, do you want to slink away with your tail between your legs? Others in this thread would describe it as "holding your head high" but I disagree.

I survived a toxic boss situation a couple years ago. After 5 years of stellar reviews and bonuses, my (younger) (foreign) boss started making wild allegations of poor performance and financial threats. He even directly contradicted his past reviews of me. It had started to affect my health. But it also became clear that the corporate culture was spineless - multiple managers told me that it was a shame how I was being treated, and it was not in the company's best interests to treat people that way, but no one would intervene. One higher-up told me to wait for my idiot boss to complete the HR paperwork (which would be full of lies that I could easily disprove, but it wouldn't matter) for a "performance improvement program" which would offer me a small package to leave the company instead. Had he not told me that, I would have left with nothing. But at least I got paid to leave. A year later, I heard that the idiot's local staff had shrunk from 8 to 1, but he was still there. So either he moved on to other victims, or his other staff saw what happened and got out while they could. Don't know, don't care.

I considered ER at that point and wrote about it here. But within 3 months, I was recruited for a better job which I took and enjoy as much as any in my career. That's another story however.

[Markola]

Agree with above that exit interviews are useless. Best to bite your tongue and go out on your terms without making those who remain feel awkward, and get on with your life. If you really want an exit interview, write management a letter six months after you leave. My guess is, by then all the gunk will be fully in your rear view mirror and you won’t want to bother.

I advise this as someone who was similarly tempted to “set a few things straight” on my way out, too. I’m so glad I didn’t, because it’s undignified and in the scheme of things, it’s just a job/financial transaction.

[Brat]

I agree that sharing your thoughts about the new boss is fruitless.

1: Bring your contact list home.

2: Organize your desk so that if anyone goes through it there is nothing interesting.

3: Ask for a copy of your personnel file which should include any agreements you signed as there. If there is such an agreement have your attorney review it.

4. Give notice.

Don't utter the word retirement, you owe them no reason. It is possible that someone on your contact list will reach out to you for a project.

[HI Bill]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KrisQuit Be gracious, don’t burn bridges, don’t harm your reputation on the way out.

+1. I'm at T-5 days from FIRE. I'm trying my best to work hard until the end, and leave my projects in good shape for the incoming managers, whether I like them or not. While I don't ever plan to un-RE, you never know. I'd like to think that my coworkers see me leaving as a good person and manager, and not a bitter, complaining, lazy jerk (or anything along those lines). I live in a small set of islands, and I know people on Maui, Oahu, Hawaii Island, Lanai, Kaho`olawe, and Kauai. Just too small of a place to really burn bridges.

[street]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HI Bill +1. I'm at T-5 days from FIRE. I'm trying my best to work hard until the end, and leave my projects in good shape for the incoming managers, whether I like them or not. While I don't ever plan to un-RE, you never know. I'd like to think that my coworkers see me leaving as a good person and manager, and not a bitter, complaining, lazy jerk (or anything along those lines). I live in a small set of islands, and I know people on Maui, Oahu, Hawaii Island, Lanai, Kaho`olawe, and Kauai. Just too small of a place to really burn bridges.

Yep, I agree also. Living in an small rural area you get to know so many people from surrounding communities also. Everyone knows someone that knows you for one reason or another. Nothing good has ever come from burning bridges.

[cyber888]

I forgot to ask if you have kids or grandkids that depend on you And is your area a high cost area ? $2 mil may be fine in low cost area, but a challenge in high cost area.

[Blue531]

Leaving them in the dust (retiring asap) is the best way to tell them off. They'll be so envious (that's the narcissist in them) as they watch you quietly, confidently walk away. My boss and the assistant mgr. were both narcissists and it was a very toxic environment for me. I probably owe them a bit of thanks for motivating me to put urgency and focus into my financial situation so I could get away from them. My favorite day was when I told him he could take me off the payroll, that I didn't need the money. I said it quietly and nonchalantly with a friendly smile. Now, whenever I go shopping there and happen to see one of them, they're busy working and I'm not! Best to you in your retirement! If they really are narcissists, just you leaving will be enough to show them!

[Finance Dave]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Markola Agree with above that exit interviews are useless. Best to bite your tongue and go out on your terms without making those who remain feel awkward, and get on with your life. If you really want an exit interview, write management a letter six months after you leave. My guess is, by then all the gunk will be fully in your rear view mirror and you won’t want to bother. I advise this as someone who was similarly tempted to “set a few things straight” on my way out, too. I’m so glad I didn’t, because it’s undignified and in the scheme of things, it’s just a job/financial transaction.

+1

I simply don't understand those who want to make a stink on their way out. If it was that important, you should have made a stink already!

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Finance Dave +1 I simply don't understand those who want to make a stink on their way out. If it was that important, you should have made a stink already!

Well, this is how it works. If you make a stink, you'll get fired. If you still need the money, that can be an inconvenience. If you are already leaving they can't fire you.

[Finance Dave]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover Well, this is how it works. If you make a stink, you'll get fired. If you still need the money, that can be an inconvenience. If you are already leaving they can't fire you.

Everyone has their own view...but IMO if it's THAT bad, then being fired would be a blessing.

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr._Graybeard Corporations are amoral by nature. ...

While I am sure that many here will agree that corporations are amoral by nature, my four large employers over my 34 year career were nowhere near amoral... they sometimes made some stupid decisions but that was because they were occasionally stupid.

For example, at my last employer during the great recession while some of our competitors were laying off staff they made a conscious decision not to knowing that we would need all those people once we emerged from the recession... they were right... when things picked up we had the capacity to take on new clients and projects so it worked out well for them... so in that case a smart business decision that was favorable to employees as well.

[Exchme]

For heavens sake, pull the plug, your pipsqueak boss is bad for your health. Telling him off is pointless or even counterproductive - there's always another bad boss, dumb policy or whatever - Dilbert lives!

Once you retire, then there is no reason for you to care about the good or bad there, the only thing that will matter are your memories and any friends you made, so don't spoil that with negativity.

If your old boss is approachable and worth maintaining a good relationship with, then schedule a meeting with him (tell him/his admin that it's personal) and give him your notice of retirement and thank him for all the great years, kindness, mentoring and whatever else is appropriate. You don't need to mention pipsqueak at all.

If the subject of why you didn't talk to pipsqueak first, stay positive, "it just felt right for me to thank you, you helped me develop my career". Any venting puts you into the "whiny employee" category and there's no reason for that. If you stay above the fray, then you are the elder statesman, worth a nice send off and fond remembrance.

[SloHan]

You have enough to retire today and leave the job and the narcissistic 20 something boss behind. If your BS bucket is full and DW is onboard I would move on in my life.

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Finance Dave Everyone has their own view...but IMO if it's THAT bad, then being fired would be a blessing.

I'm not trying to argue, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

[Humbooster]

Looks like you are in a good financial situation to quit, and as others have said if your wife is ok with this then get prepared to walk away. Before you go, you should tell your boss how and why he is being unreasonable. He is just a young guy and maybe there is time for him to learn a little. Let him know that micromanagement is not an acceptable business method. If he react badly, just ignore him completely until you decide to quit.
I worked for two quite miserable bosses but they were both fired before it came to a confrontation. I am sure that you are not the only person in the company that feels as you do about your boss.
As to an exit interview, that is just a complete waste of time in my experience.

Either way good luck and best wishes for a long relaxing retirement, once you are out of this job, you will look back and wonder why you worried about it at all.

[PointBreeze]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R Here's my advice: Don't tell your boss what you really think of him, until you have already retired. And really, don't tell him then, either. There just isn't an up side to doing something like that.

Very wise advice. The world is too small to burn a bridge like that. Daydream about it for a little bit then expunge the jerk from your memory.

[mickj]

Write a paragraph or two to your boss’s boss. Doing nothing is wrong.