Can I Tell My Boss What I Really Think of Him?

[Finance Dave]

Agree with above that exit interviews are useless. Best to bite your tongue and go out on your terms without making those who remain feel awkward, and get on with your life. If you really want an exit interview, write management a letter six months after you leave. My guess is, by then all the gunk will be fully in your rear view mirror and you won’t want to bother.

I advise this as someone who was similarly tempted to “set a few things straight” on my way out, too. I’m so glad I didn’t, because it’s undignified and in the scheme of things, it’s just a job/financial transaction.

+1

I simply don't understand those who want to make a stink on their way out. If it was that important, you should have made a stink already!

 

[travelover]

+1

I simply don't understand those who want to make a stink on their way out. If it was that important, you should have made a stink already!

Well, this is how it works. If you make a stink, you'll get fired. If you still need the money, that can be an inconvenience. If you are already leaving they can't fire you.

 

[Finance Dave]

Well, this is how it works. If you make a stink, you'll get fired. If you still need the money, that can be an inconvenience. If you are already leaving they can't fire you.

Everyone has their own view...but IMO if it's THAT bad, then being fired would be a blessing.

 

[pb4uski]

Corporations are amoral by nature. ...

While I am sure that many here will agree that corporations are amoral by nature, my four large employers over my 34 year career were nowhere near amoral... they sometimes made some stupid decisions but that was because they were occasionally stupid.

For example, at my last employer during the great recession while some of our competitors were laying off staff they made a conscious decision not to knowing that we would need all those people once we emerged from the recession... they were right... when things picked up we had the capacity to take on new clients and projects so it worked out well for them... so in that case a smart business decision that was favorable to employees as well.

 

[Exchme]

For heavens sake, pull the plug, your pipsqueak boss is bad for your health. Telling him off is pointless or even counterproductive - there's always another bad boss, dumb policy or whatever - Dilbert lives!

Once you retire, then there is no reason for you to care about the good or bad there, the only thing that will matter are your memories and any friends you made, so don't spoil that with negativity.

If your old boss is approachable and worth maintaining a good relationship with, then schedule a meeting with him (tell him/his admin that it's personal) and give him your notice of retirement and thank him for all the great years, kindness, mentoring and whatever else is appropriate. You don't need to mention pipsqueak at all.

If the subject of why you didn't talk to pipsqueak first, stay positive, "it just felt right for me to thank you, you helped me develop my career". Any venting puts you into the "whiny employee" category and there's no reason for that. If you stay above the fray, then you are the elder statesman, worth a nice send off and fond remembrance.

 

[SloHan]

You have enough to retire today and leave the job and the narcissistic 20 something boss behind. If your BS bucket is full and DW is onboard I would move on in my life.

 

[travelover]

Everyone has their own view...but IMO if it's THAT bad, then being fired would be a blessing.

I'm not trying to argue, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

[Humbooster]

Looks like you are in a good financial situation to quit, and as others have said if your wife is ok with this then get prepared to walk away. Before you go, you should tell your boss how and why he is being unreasonable. He is just a young guy and maybe there is time for him to learn a little. Let him know that micromanagement is not an acceptable business method. If he react badly, just ignore him completely until you decide to quit.
I worked for two quite miserable bosses but they were both fired before it came to a confrontation. I am sure that you are not the only person in the company that feels as you do about your boss.
As to an exit interview, that is just a complete waste of time in my experience.

Either way good luck and best wishes for a long relaxing retirement, once you are out of this job, you will look back and wonder why you worried about it at all.

 

[PointBreeze]

Here's my advice: Don't tell your boss what you really think of him, until you have already retired. And really, don't tell him then, either. There just isn't an up side to doing something like that.

Very wise advice. The world is too small to burn a bridge like that. Daydream about it for a little bit then expunge the jerk from your memory.

 

[mickj]

Write a paragraph or two to your boss’s boss. Doing nothing is wrong.

 

[GoodLife59]

To answer your question, no. Nothing good will come of it. If HR asks why you’re leaving say something like you don’t feel like your a fit for the direction being set for your department.

I did the same thing as your thinking 6 weeks before my 60th and 3 weeks before the pandemic changed our lives. We live in a tax friendly state so I pulled the trigger on my pension right away and started a monthly draw on my IRA. Our assets were somewhat higher than what you listed. But 3 things that made my change possible, 1. House paid off, 2. $85k in available cash, 3. $48k HSA. My wife continues to work part time because it makes her happy. Next year I’m pulling the trigger on my SS benefits. Why, who knows how long any of us have. Good luck.

 

[FargoI]

I agree with others who said NOTHING good will come of it. Invest your time and energy in discretely refining your resume, building new skills, networking and taking long walks in parks where you can vent frustrations without fear of retaliation.

Take copious notes of conversations, correspondence, and feedback recording details that may indicate threats, discrimination, retaliation, coercion, intimidation, unethical behaviors and/or illegal actions.

If you are fortunate, the unappreciative, immature, inexperienced, young manager may work with HR to offer you a separation agreement, then your financial picture may be vastly improved.

In the interim, take care of your mental and physical health. This is important for you, and your loved ones.

 

[Jakob]

An over-confident boss will make a critical error.

You may consider documenting your bosses comments (if he/she ever refers to age, note the context of these comments) and behavior. They very likely will make a mistake. Your boss is likely to think highly of his/her skills and be over confident. While you keep records, you may be more at ease and this may give you a little more time to consider your situation. If your boss screws-up then you may have some negotiating leverage. I recently had a boss referring to needing “Youngblood” in our office. Me 62y.o. My assistant 65y.o. Then she tried to twist a conversation we had stating I violated policy. When I brought up issues that violated policies and the “Youngblood” comment, everyone appeared to chill. I stood my ground firmly and called it, I apologize in advance as this seems cheap and crass, a witch hunt.
Funny how that works. I’m still working and she tip-toes around me!

 

[NC 57]

Approach to Leaving the Company for Early Retirement

My sister in law was in a similar situation. She was a long term middle management employee with one company (about 30 years), age 62, transferred into a job she didn't like with a new young boss. The boss was increasing her stress level for a variety of reasons. She ran the numbers and determined she could retire comfortably, even with the high cost of private health insurance for the 1 1/2 years after Cobra ended and before Medicare eligibility. She made the decision to leave.

Her approach to informing management worked well for her. Once she made the decision it was time to go, instead of resigning and telling off the boss, she had a polite conversation with the boss. She took the high road stating that she was giving thought to retiring early, for personal reasons, and if the company was considering offering a package deal for early retirement she would be interested in hearing about it. The reason she gave was health concerns (legitimate) and the fact she was about to become a first time grandmother and would like to be free to spend time with her grandchild.

Note she said she was "considering" retirement, not that she was retiring. She hoped her boss would decide with a financial incentive would encourage her to retire so he would not have go through the laborious and difficult process of building a case to dismiss her. The comment about "health concerns" was intentional, large companies are extremely concerned about the legal risk inherent in involuntarily terminating older employees they are aware have health conditions. A few weeks later the boss came back with an offer of a year's severance, and the opportunity to work part time on project work at her convenience as long as it was less than 20 hours per week.

She accepted the offer which was better than she hoped for. She also worked 20 hours a week for the first three months of her severance period, then decided she wanted to cut the cord completely, and told the company she no longer wished to work part time. Three months after ending part time work, she is extremely happy, enjoying her financial independence and the freedom to do what she wishes each day.

While she didn't have the momentary pleasure of telling off her boss, her approach to "retiring" gave her boss the incentive to get her a much better financial deal than she would have received if she had indulged in a few minutes of telling off the boss and then departing.

Taking this approach, even if the company doesn't offer you an early retirement package, you can leave anyway on good terms. You haven't lost anything if your are truly financially and mentally prepared to walk now. Who knows, if you take the high road, six months from now the company may offer some part time or consulting work which at that time might be of interest. By not burning your bridges you may be opening doors that were not visible to you.

Been lurking here for a while and feel like I’ve learned a lot, but I really don’t have a natural aptitude for this stuff.

Recently got a new narcissistic 20 something boss to micromanage me along with a reduced territory/salary and a stress level through the roof. Was planning on retiring at 62, but feel I need to make a change now and hoping that can be retirement.

I turned 60 last fall, DW will be 60 very soon. House is paid, no debt to speak of.


Here are my numbers;

Brokerage/bank accounts $380K
My 401(k) $1,050,000
DW 401(k) $280k
My Roth $190k
DW Roth $115k

SS at 62 $25k, at 67 fra would be $35.5k
DW SS approx $20k @ 62, $25 @ fra

I also have a pension that will provide $32K at 65 if I take 100% coverage for my wife, or $35k with 50% spousal coverage. The payout is reduced permanently by 1/2% for each month if I were to start collecting prior to age 65. Non COLA.
DW will surely outlive me; I have bad genes and have already had couple scares, but currently healthy & active. Her family has much more longevity than mine, so I’d prefer to cover her at 100%.

Did a rough budget, came to about $55K a year not counting taxes or healthcare.
I feel like $100K/year should be my target. Also hoping my allocations would allow me to stay under the ACA cliff when my wife decides to retire in a couple years. I recently got on her company’s healthcare when I saw the writing on the wall. Her salary is approx $70k.
I am a little concerned with how motivated she would be to stay working if I were to pull the plug now, so I’m not sure I’d be comfortable if the numbers don’t work now.

Thanks for reading, appreciate any advice. This is a great group, it brightens my day when I get my weekly email update from this site.

 

[Sconie]

Here's my advice: Don't tell your boss what you really think of him, until you have already retired. And really, don't tell him then, either. There just isn't an up side to doing something like that.

Exactly----no matter how you may feel, "don't burn your bridges." In the long run, it's just not worth it.

 

[youbet]

Here's my advice: Don't tell your boss what you really think of him, until you have already retired. And really, don't tell him then, either. There just isn't an up side to doing something like that.

+1 Absolutely agree W2R. Needing to tell off the boss is just a sign of a personal weakness. Needing to throw your winning hand down on the table and declare yourself is not the sign of a winning poker player.

 

[CP Soon]

Agree with others in that there will be no value, only regrets, with telling your boss off. Leave with professionalism, but no advance notice beyond standard 2 weeks. Let him ask for more time and then gently refuse with a huge smile on your face. If you want to give a little dig on way out, then time the resignation with a big project deliverable and leave him hanging! Let the asshat earn his keep. Okay, not the most professional and maybe a little childish, but what can he do? Fire you? I believe that action will be make you either eligible for severance and/or unemployment. Bonus!

 

[steveark]

I had a rough boss but I left on good terms because that's the class thing to do. Don't be a child about it. In my case it's made me half a million in retirement to do a small amount of consulting for the guy. Never expected that! Wouldn't have happened if I had burned that bridge.

 

[Amethyst]

People are saying "don't burn bridges," which you, by age 60, surely know is good advice.

I will add that nobody, not even you or me, ever really listens when you tell them the Dread Truth About Themselves. Oh, they hear you, and may get angry or feel hurt - but it won't change them one iota.

Especially not if the person is, as you say, a narcissist.

 

[CoolRich59]

Here's my advice: Don't tell your boss what you really think of him, until you have already retired. And really, don't tell him then, either. There just isn't an up side to doing something like that.

Agree 100%. As fun as it might be to tell a boss what you really think, there is no upside. Even if you are retiring, there's still the possibility it could come back to haunt you.

When I pulled the pin, my management wanted me to "tell all". I said, except for the ridiculous staff review system (you're amazing! incredible! the client loves you!! - so we rated you 'meets expectations' ), all was good.

There's nothing to be gained in burning bridges.

 

[Old Microbiologist]

My last boss was even worse and I was comfortable in my being required for the work. I also recognized early his mission was to destroy my department and this is why I retired as early as I did. I was 56 and we pulled the plug with my wife's insistence. But, I enjoyed telling him to go F himself daily (in private) and refused to go to many staff meetings etc. When I did I was always a pain in the butt to him and his agendas. He liked to surf his phone whenever anyone was speaking and I berated him about it in one meeting that if he didn't respect us enough to even listen then I was never going to attend again which I didn't. It was a military organization and we were equivalent ranks (I was a GS-15 and he was a Colonel) but his was an admin only job and I had 5 major research grants in my own name (not the organization) and could walk with them and pull much-needed funding from our organization. Of course, this is what actually happened when I retired and he did destroy my department after I left as the guy who replaced me was on board with it. On the other hand, he was recognized eventually for the fraud he was and was prosecuted for several major crimes and also forced to retire. He should have gone to prison but his daddy was Bush's friend and Secretary Gates as well. My reconciliation is his first wife got 50% of his pension as did his second leaving him with nothing.

That said you can only tell your boss to shove off if you are comfortable with being blacklisted and have zero plans to work again. Ironically, in my case, they needed me to do aerosol exposures and I ended up flying back 1 week a month to do these procedures for other research groups but in my old lab (using the equipment and systems that I designed and built). That went on for another 2 years and I was not all that eager to do high consequence aerosol exposures with biothreat agents that are 100% lethal and no treatment. It gets tough to do that work when you get older and flying back and forth from Hungary got old pretty quick but I had committed to helping my old friends until they could work out a better system. I haven't worked again for 10 years now and don't miss it at all. The good thing is military retirees are on the hook for recall until death and I am such a (famous) pain in the ass I would be the last person ever recalled which seems to be true as no one recalled me for the COVID problems. It would have been a disaster as Fauci, Redfield, Korch, and I are mortal enemies and I would have pointed out the obvious serious problems to the way the government handled the pandemic. I am famous for being very outspoken and truthful with zero sensitivity and zero loyalty to stupid leaders.

 

[meleana]

Been lurking here for a while and feel like I’ve learned a lot, but I really don’t have a natural aptitude for this stuff.

Recently got a new narcissistic 20 something boss to micromanage me along with a reduced territory/salary and a stress level through the roof. Was planning on retiring at 62, but feel I need to make a change now and hoping that can be retirement.

I turned 60 last fall, DW will be 60 very soon. House is paid, no debt to speak of.


Here are my numbers;

Brokerage/bank accounts $380K
My 401(k) $1,050,000
DW 401(k) $280k
My Roth $190k
DW Roth $115k

SS at 62 $25k, at 67 fra would be $35.5k
DW SS approx $20k @ 62, $25 @ fra

I also have a pension that will provide $32K at 65 if I take 100% coverage for my wife, or $35k with 50% spousal coverage. The payout is reduced permanently by 1/2% for each month if I were to start collecting prior to age 65. Non COLA.
DW will surely outlive me; I have bad genes and have already had couple scares, but currently healthy & active. Her family has much more longevity than mine, so I’d prefer to cover her at 100%.

Did a rough budget, came to about $55K a year not counting taxes or healthcare.
I feel like $100K/year should be my target. Also hoping my allocations would allow me to stay under the ACA cliff when my wife decides to retire in a couple years. I recently got on her company’s healthcare when I saw the writing on the wall. Her salary is approx $70k.
I am a little concerned with how motivated she would be to stay working if I were to pull the plug now, so I’m not sure I’d be comfortable if the numbers don’t work now.

Thanks for reading, appreciate any advice. This is a great group, it brightens my day when I get my weekly email update from this site.

I went through a similar situation at age 62. Young, narcissistic boss in his 40's. I tried to fight him, as it was obvious he was trying to make me quit. After 9 months I finally gave notice as I could not take it anymore.


I wanted to badly to tell him off but I played nice, giving a month's notice (when he said I could give 2 weeks) and even training my replacement.It killed me.


But then, just rewards a couple of months later when I found out my replacement quit due to his treatment of her and he called me to ask me to come back! That's when I hung up on him! LOL!


Quit if your wife is ok with it. In my case it was the best thing I ever did, as 9 months from when I quit it led to buying our retirement home in another state and selling our family home, my husband retiring a year earlier than he planned. And financially we have less than you do and no pensions.

 

[brett]

I really do not understand this business of quitting and telling your boss what you think of him. Why lower yourself to that level?

Really...what is achieved by this? You only hurt yourself by doing this. Why on earth would you want to burn any bridges simply to salve your ego. It is more than a little juvenile.

Let it go and move forward. Act like an adult. Resign, give notice, and leave.

This reminds me of the occasional candidate that I interviewed for jobs from time to time.

If a candidate bad mouthed their current/former employer to us they would never be called back for a second or third interview.

 

[Aerides]

For those who missed this update from the OP a while back in the thread:

...I do have a confession, I chose the title mostly as click bait to attract attention to the thread. What I said about him is true, but I really have no intention of confronting him about it.

 

[twigor]

I had a similar experience. I retired at 55 after being passed up for a promised promotion to inherit a immature incompetent boss. The added stress was impacting my health. My wife loved her job and provided health care. She encouraged me to retire. I recommend though you base your decision without your wife's salary and health coverage. Life has a way at throwing a wrench into the best laid plans. Wife became fully disabled 2 years after I retired. Fortunately we had no debt and amble savings to continue our lifestyle without working.

Regarding telling the boss off, I did give constructive feedback to him directly. But took the high road on the way out in case there would be some consulting opportunities. The ironic thing is he left the company after I announced I was leaving. Still loving retirement 10 years later.