children

[AV8]

There is a lot of passion in this "Hi, I am..." thread. * *I don't think anyone is going to convince anyone else that they have made the wrong choice. *Nor do I think anyone is trying to do so. *I'm not out to change anyones minds either, but I'll add my positive thought to raising children...

My house is total chaos all of the time. *With a 5, 3 and 1 year old we are constantly moving. *Trying to get the 3-year old to wear something other than shorts and tee-shirt when it's 50 degrees outside and blowing 15 knots ("I won't get cold!"). *Making sure the youngest doesn't fall down on the tile and hurt himself (he's been walking for a week). *Trying for the millionth time to teach sharing. *Handling the inevitable colds and flu bugs that come with that petri dish they call school. *Trying to tell my 3-yr old to stop trying to fly from the couch to the chair while wearing the cape on his shoulders and wielding the toy sword. *Helping my daughter play dress-up and set up her tea set (who'd of thought I'd be doing that!). *

Then there was 2AM this morning when the oldest woke me up to remind me that I didn't give her the Cambells soup I promised her for lunch..."you ate at your friends house"..."Oh, right"..."Go to bed"..."Okay"...

But its a funny thing. *On the occasion when I come home to an empty house it is so uncomfortably quiet. *I so much prefer the yells of "DADDY!!!" as I approach the door and enter the chaotic realm. *I watch the oldest read and I'm uterly amazed at how well she does for a 5 year old. *I watched the youngest walk for the first time last week. *And the three year old...well, as he's flying through the air to land on the couch (again) and I start punishing him for doing it I'm saying to myself "wow, he can really jump!" * I obviously wouldn't trade them for anything. *And as Maximillion said "Renting" your friends/relatives kids for a week is definitely not the same thing. *

Financially they are expensive, but I'm not altogether convinced that it is "my life costs this much, but if I had kids...Wow would that be expensive!" *I'd just have more (costly) hobbies and things to keep me entertained. *So would DW. *I know we'd travel more, etc. *We still plan to RE. *Maybe a few years later than a couple in our shoes that didn't have kids, but that's the type of choice that everyone makes along the way.

Kids to me are not about "the experience" as if they are something to check off a list of things to do. *They are about life and living and are absolutely fantastic (to DW and I at least). *If somebody makes the decision to forego having children then that is their choice, but I'd never go back.

Oh, and if you are being told that 35 is supposed to be a magical cut off point for not having children don't tell my wife. *She'd go ballistic.

AV8

[LRS]

I hear you about the chaos. There are days when I think I'm either going deaf or cracking up or both. Then there are the days when both kids are out of the house (more frequently now that they are ages 12 and 17), and I think how much I'll hate it when the they are grown and gone. They have become such terrific people--not strangers, by the way, but individuals.

People who are wise enough to know they do not have the temperament for child-rearing should exercise their right to remain child-free. A no-brainer, in my opinion.

But about that Ann Landers survey from the "70s ... I remember my dad, of all people reading it, and saying "I love my kids and I don't regret a single moment I spent with them." This after yelling at me and my sibs for the duration of my childhood. Who knew?

[Maximillion]

My Youngest Son was about 7, I opened up my Attache Case on the plane, there in Dymo tape he had printed "Have a safe flight Daddy".

That tape is still there.

[Outtahere]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tawny Dangle People who are wise enough to know they do not have the temperament for child-rearing should exercise their right to remain child-free. A no-brainer, in my opinion.

That's exactly the way it should be. I knew from the time I was a kid that I didn't want children, I don't know why, it was something I just knew. I definately don't have the temperment or desire.

[Sheryl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outtahere That's exactly the way it should be.* I knew from the time I was a kid that I didn't want children, I don't know why, it was something I just knew.* I definately don't have the temperment or desire.

Same here. It's all about the "road not taken" discussion. Make a decsion, embrace it, and move on. You can second guess forever but it's a pointless endeavor.

Once you've got a kid or kids, you've got 'em, you're a Mommy - so love them like crazy and be the best mommy you can be.

Gia brought up all the abused and abandoned kids our there - with parents that obviously shouldn't have been parents. The real problem in that situation is that those "parents" were to stupid, uninformed or psychopathic to even consider childbearing a conscious decision, much less to make a different decision.

JMHO.

[yakers]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tawny Dangle I hear you about the chaos. There are days when I think I'm either going deaf or cracking up or both.

Younger son is a Mohawk haired rock drummer. Maybe some hearing loss by other than aging on my part and a few dead grey cells but I wouldn't have *it any other way.

[Jarhead*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tawny Dangle But about that Ann Landers survey from the "70s ... I remember my dad, of all people reading it, and saying "I love my kids and I don't regret a single moment I spent with them." This after yelling at me and my sibs for the duration of my childhood. Who knew?

I don't either, but not sure that (at least in my case) it would be representative of the current climate re: raising children.

My wife was a stay at home mother. My job (in the mid sixties) was to "bring home the bacon".

My wife had the "easy" job. (Eye roll).

I don't think I changed their diapers, (maybe 3 times, when I couldn't locate Mrs. Jarhead).

I was always their "hero", that showed up to take them fishing, and generally to get them away from "mean mom".

Have no idea what raising children are with both husband and wife with outside jobs, but I'm sure the husband is more involved in "process" than I was. 8)

[Jay_Gatsby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by grumpy No grandkids yet.* Our son is 31 and just broke up with his girlfriend after 2.5 years.* No near term prospects there.* Our daughter (28) works in the theater ("forget it dad, all the unmarried men I meet are gay!").* Raising kids was* both the most difficult and the most rewarding thing we have ever done.* I have to bite my tongue to keep from reminding my son that he is the only male on my father's side of the family who can carry on the family name.*

Grumpy,

Don't worry too much about your son. One would think a 31-year old might have his head on straight at that age, but it's been my personal experience that is typically NOT the case. It's comfortable to be in a relationship, but when you are forced to think about the next step (marriage), you often question very seriously whether the person you're currently dating is someone with whom you WANT to spend the rest of your life. Fortunately, a breakup at that point is often followed by a relationship within six months to a year that often blossoms into marriage. Put differently, the early-30s breakup is often a watershed moment -- deciding on what you DON'T want, and the almost immediate development of a laser-like focus on finding what you DO want.

As for your daughter, I'd be concerned once she passes 30 years old, since it's been my experience that such age is often a panic point.

[laurence]

Some of you know the challenges I've faced with my daughter, 18 months old now. Down Syndrome, heart defect, 911 calls, etc. Just this morning the eye doctor told me she may need surgery to correct wandering eyes/ weak eye muscles, but that we were going to work to avoid it. It's been tough. Despite all that, I wouldn't trade her for the world. I've experienced the greatest joy in this past 1.5 years. She is the love of my life. I always knew I wanted kids though, so I don't know what to say to those of you who are on the fence.

[Maximillion]

jarhead, my edxperiance is almost identical to yours, the only differance is that my wife returned to work after 8 years and for a few years we had a German Hause Frau to watch the kids until one of us got back.

The Canadian Government recognises the contributions of stay at home Mothers and allows them to claim up to 8 years of Social Security for the time they stayed home.

Laurence, our community is active in Special Olympics, amazing what those kids can do and the sports manship they exhibit.

A recent movie was made about a non challenged individual pretending to be so he could compete in the SO, I thought it was the worst example of bad taste.

[eridanus]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maximillion A recent movie was made about a non challenged individual pretending to be so he could compete in the SO, I thought it was the worst example of bad taste.

The Special Olympics didn't think so. They assisted in the movie's creation.

[Cool Dood]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eridanus The Special Olympics didn't think so. They assisted in the movie's creation.

Ah, but I'm sure Maximillion knows better than they do.....

[Maximillion]

Why?

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Because you're a jerk.

[laurence]

I heard a brief blurb on this movie, they sent around literature to all the Down Syndrome support groups (including mine) talking about how they consulted on it, not disrespecting, blah blah. *We all just shrugged our shoulders. *The bad old days of DS kids and adults being shunned and made fun of seem to be behind us, all the parents we talk to say their kids are doing quite well, mainstreamed in regular schools, they have friends both with and w/o DS, and as they become adults, they get jobs, move out, heck, lots of parents could only hope for so much! *

This is not to in any way gloss over the challenges and difficulties, but things are better than they were. *We can't get out of the store or resturant without a small crowd, everyone saying things like, "my sister/cousin/uncle/neighbor has DS and he/she is the most wonderful person!" and share a personal story. *

[Maximillion]

CFB, does your wife give you an allowance or does she just let you use her Credit Card

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Saw one of your kids today. Gave him a buck to buy a new cardboard sign. Took it out of my allowance.

[HFWR]

Children...

Appropriate thread name...

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurence This is not to in any way gloss over the challenges and difficulties, but things are better than they were. *We can't get out of the store or resturant without a small crowd, everyone saying things like, "my sister/cousin/uncle/neighbor has DS and he/she is the most wonderful person!" and share a personal story. *

Laurence, do you guys appreciate this sort of thing as support/friendliness, or do you feel like people are pointing you out, albeit politely? I try really hard not to make a big deal out of or even acknowledge anyone's developmental/physical/mental disabilities, since I think I would want to be treated just like everyone else if I were in their shoes.

[Maximillion]

CFB, I would do the same for your Children, if you ever had any