Does being good with money have to be a secret?

[PennStateCLJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover Amen to that. Even among people that have seriously asked my advice I've had not a single convert.

I've had the exact opposite experience but its easier because I work for the federal govt and we all make similar amounts. I've had many TSP converts- from "it's awful!" To "it's Awesome!!"

They go from no plan to a somewhat Boglehead plan. I also have my finances as an open book at work, I don't expect to be able to talk to people without showing them that it works through my own accounts. I don't give anyone advice that I don't do myself which helps credibility too.

As for family/friends, they know I'm informed, but not a ballpark net worth or anything.

[BigE]

Welcome SecretlyFI and I like the name. The whole issue of human behavior and the interactions between the LBYM/savers (grasshoppers) and the nonsavers (ants) is pretty interesting and plays out over and over in our society. Using this groups recommendation, I read the Burton Malkiel Random Walk book and this subject reminds me of quote in the book that rings true (he is actually quoting someone elso): "There is nothing so disturbing to one's well being and judgment as to see a friend get rich". My wife and I keep a fairly low financial profile and have a littany of barriers that arise when the ants come sniffing for handouts. I recently had the "wolf at the door" talk with my son who is in college. Something along the lines of...your mom and I have worked hard to move the wolf way down the street, but the wolf is just outside your door son; and I will let the wolf come and eat you!

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PennStateCLJ I've had the exact opposite experience but its easier because I work for the federal govt and we all make similar amounts. I've had many TSP converts- from "it's awful!" To "it's Awesome!!" ........

You are a better man than me.

[PennStateCLJ]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover You are a better man than me.

That's not how I meant it.

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SecretlyFI Have others experienced this?

Occasionally, but we don't talk much about FI except with a very few with a similar outlook. When we all reach an age where we couldn't work even if we wanted to the truths will be self evident. Some will be living in homes and some will be in trailers.

[aida2003]

I'm already considered cheap and misunderstood from the financial perspective. I don't want to exasperate this undesrtanding even more. What annoyed me the most lately, which will be a lesson for the future, was a comment from one of my friends. I told her that I bought a VitaMix blender for $540 (with tax) and I love it since it pulverizes fruit/veggies wonderfully. She said "Wow, you being cheap paid this money for a BLENDER?!! I'll have to tell Andy this (Andy is her new 2nd husband)". I kind of felt hurt later when I thought more about it. I thought we understood each other about saving for the retirement, because she earns much much more than me, but she also saves a lot. Anyway, I should have answered her that we don't have possessions, but we (4 of us) travel to the EU almost every year and it does cost $$ to see our families there.

[bbbamI]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever We get the opposite from one friend. We've been retired for 4 years and don't get SS, and she is absolutely mystified that we can afford our lifestyle. I tell her it's magic.

I have to remember that.

A few people have asked us how we were able to retire early. I start to talk about AA, dollar cost averaging, withdrawal rates...I get this look -->

I think 'magic' will make them feel better.

Oh...and welcome to the forum SecretlyFI.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever We get the opposite from one friend. We've been retired for 4 years and don't get SS, and she is absolutely mystified that we can afford our lifestyle. I tell her it's magic.

When I pull the plug, I plan on telling people I get by on the miracle of the loafs and the fishes:

I loafs and I fishes and its a miracle I get by...

[NW-Bound]

In the song below, covered by Santana, does black apply to the magic or to the woman?

Got a black magic woman
Got a black magic woman
I've got a black magic woman
Got me so blind I can't see
that she's a black magic woman
She's trying to make a devil out of me

Carlos Santana - Black Magic Woman (Studio Version) - YouTube

[Sesq]

I have concluded it must be a secret. I hope (err, plan) to payoff my mortgage next year. Its a big deal to me and at times I think about posting it on FB to mark the milestone.

But I'll never do it, because while I am sure I'd get kudos and well wishes at first from all, I imagine more likely that down the road I'll only get jealousy and resentment from a minority, only some of whom I'd predict.

I'll probably post it here and spark off a debate about whether I should have kept low rate financing and gone long in the markets.

[Zathras]

Reading threads like this makes me incredibly thankful for the friends and family I have.
We never felt we needed to keep FI 'secret'. We don't advertise/flaunt it, but neither to we hide it.
We have had no occurrences of friends or family trying to take advantage of us, or give us any 'grief' over my not working.

We do not proselytize, but I will be happy to discuss finances with people.
If I were going to stress out over secrecy, I think I would rather get a low stress part time job

[T-bird]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sesq I have concluded it must be a secret. I hope (err, plan) to payoff my mortgage next year. Its a big deal to me and at times I think about posting it on FB to mark the milestone. But I'll never do it, because while I am sure I'd get kudos and well wishes at first from all, I imagine more likely that down the road I'll only get jealousy and resentment from a minority, only some of whom I'd predict. I'll probably post it here and spark off a debate about whether I should have kept low rate financing and gone long in the markets.

It is a big deal to get it paid off. DW and I are in the same boat looking to rid ourselved of that expense NLT early 2014 but I feel it will be shortly after my ER the end of March. We are lucky in that many of our close friends are like thinkers and would appreciat that happening just like we have with their significant events. But one must always be ready to confront those folks that go payday to payday when they feel that someone has the means to help them and in their mind should. (family anyone) In that regard we do not think alike. I have offered my suggestions as to what I do and why and what my expectations are but as many have already said that info falls on deaf ears. Oh well we all have to make our own decisions and move forward regardless. I know it feels nice to finally get to the point where this notion of ER is becoming a reality.

T-bird
Class of 2013 (47 W*rking days to go)
DW Class of 2012

[freebird5825]

Welcome

Always play your cards close to the chest.

[imoldernu]

Does being good with money have to be a secret?

No secrets here. We just admit that we're poor. The government pays for our trailer, and the money we get for our thirteen children supplies us with with enough money to pay for gas for the Bentley.

Welcome to prosperity!





... when ya get to the tail end of a thread, you can say almost anything.

[FUEGO]

You have to know your audience. We don't broadcast our net worth. I can probably count on one hand the people that have a fairly good idea of our net worth (or rather the fact that we will probably ER at some point in the next few years while in our 30's). I don't see what good could come of making this a well known fact about yourself.

If someone reveals they are of a similar mindset as us regarding finances, saving, and investing, we might let out a little info. One group I definitely don't want knowing what we have is DW's family. We are constantly being hit up for money (loans), and I imagine to them us having $100k of invested assets would seem "rich". We have more than that and I think the real number, if it were known to them, would make us like lottery winners in their eyes, and every time they wanted a couple thousand bucks for some toy or a house down payment or a new car, etc, we would be hounded for it.

I'm not quite sure how we will explain our ER. I'll probably be a financial consultant or be self employed doing "computer stuff".

And as to the poster that mentioned something about being robbed if you are known as a high net worth individual, that is definitely a concern where we live and with some of DW's family's associates. We have heard enough fishy stories of house burglaries or home invasions where the crooks knew exactly when to strike, and knew where the safe was hidden, etc. We make it a point to mention how we don't have anything valuable in the house and have hardly any cash on hand at any point. And no piles of 24k gold jewelry as is the customary store of wealth among dW's family's native culture. Oh yeah and we drive beat up old honda's, so all the broke folks with the bmws, lexuses, mercedes, etc probably don't pay attention to us, and wouldn't believe we had any money anyway.

[youbet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zathras Reading threads like this makes me incredibly thankful for the friends and family I have. We never felt we needed to keep FI 'secret'. We don't advertise/flaunt it, but neither to we hide it. We have had no occurrences of friends or family trying to take advantage of us, or give us any 'grief' over my not working. We do not proselytize, but I will be happy to discuss finances with people. If I were going to stress out over secrecy, I think I would rather get a low stress part time job

Sounds very much like our situation.

DW and I RE'd at 55 and 58 respectively with no pokes or jabs from friends or relatives. Similarly, no one has ever made an attempt to dip into our hard earned stash despite being aware we had enough that we didn't need to work to support a modest lifestyle.

I have a very small number of folks I talk finances and lifestyles with and I'm glad for that. Outside of that circle, no need to preach.

[obgyn65]

Yes it is my belief that money matters in general, and FI in particular, should be kept secret. This forum is the only place where I feel comfortable discussing money matters and where I feel my views can be discussed openly with people I can trust.

[youbet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by T-bird It is a big deal to get it paid off.

Well, and trying hard not to turn this thread into a "pay off the mortgage" discussion, it might be a big deal to you but not to everybody.

If you have, say, a $1,500,000 RE investment portfolio and a $50,000 residual on your mortgage and you pay it off.......... Now you have $1,450,000 in the RE investment portfolio and no mortgage. If the mortgage was at a low interest rate and your tax situation allowed you to deduct that interest, then yawn yawn yawn, paying off the mortgage was not a big deal.

If it makes you feel better, that's a big deal! So, go for it! When I paid ours off years ago, I didn't even mention it to DW except in passing long afterwards. It just wasn't a very significant event in our march to FI.

[youbet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by obgyn65 Yes it is my belief that money matters in general, and FI in particular, should be kept secret. This forum is the only place where I feel comfortable discussing money matters and where I feel my views can be discussed openly with people I can trust.

Yes, we trust each other so much we keep our identities completely hidden!

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by youbet Yes, we trust each other so much we keep our identities completely hidden!

But it makes sharing much easier, doesn't it?