Does being good with money have to be a secret?

[Alan]

I do not discuss details of our finances with anyone. But I get a kick disclosing that we are debt free. This bit of information alone is often greeted with surprise and disbelief. I can only imagine what people's reaction would be if they were presented with the whole picture.

Same here. Last week a friend at the gym asked how we managed to retire so early with enough money to go on such long vacations. I just said "pensions".

I really don't want to get into details with anyone, except our children.

 

[NW-Bound]

At the next economic down turn, the workers will be shaking in their boots fearing a layoff.

Good point!

There have been quite a few recent threads about fear of the unknown in the future. I figure that fear is overrated, as I have been through a few scary episodes early in life that I cannot see how it can be worse than that. That is unless I get caught in a natural disaster like Katrina or a tsunami. So, I have decided to party and not to worry anymore.

 

[Walt34]

I'm not quite sure how we will explain our ER. I'll probably be a financial consultant or be self employed doing "computer stuff".

You could tell them you got FIRED, or injured and went on welfare. Then they'll think you're worse off than they are.

 

[Midpack]

Same here. Last week a friend at the gym asked how we managed to retire so early with enough money to go on such long vacations. I just said "pensions".

I really don't want to get into details with anyone, except our children.

We won't even share our details with family. My Dad asked me (via email) if I had a pension after I retired, I just didn't answer...

 

[Amethyst]

I guess my workplace must be unusual, since talking about net worth, investments, and LBYM isn't really "done." Saying you are FI would be regarded in the same light as bragging about how fit and shapely you are, and wanting to share your workout routine, diet, etc so that others can improve to your level.

The one exception seems to be real estate - people used to brag a lot about making money there. I don't know why that one financial topic would be OK; that is just my observation.

Amethyst

 

[truenorth418]

Years ago, when I first began planning for early retirement, I told a couple of friends of my intention to LBYM and hopefully retire in my late 40s. They both got hostile! And this was at a point in my life when I had very little money to my name, nothing to e jealous about. I never understood these reactions, but I never forgot.

Now that I am FIRE I keep quiet about it. If anyone asks how I can afford to not work I avoid discussing my net worth and instead focus on the spending side. I just say things like "oh I live very frugally, you know, I have a small apartment, I have that crappy old car, etc". That seems to work.

it's a shame. I love talking about finance, investing, saving, SWR, and the like, but I don't have anyone in my everyday life to talk about that stuff with me. One of the reasons I like this forum so much.

 

[Lazarus]

Years ago, when I first began planning for early retirement, I told a couple of friends of my intention to LBYM and hopefully retire in my late 40s. They both got hostile! And this was at a point in my life when I had very little money to my name, nothing to e jealous about. I never understood these reactions, but I never forgot.

Now that I am FIRE I keep quiet about it. If anyone asks how I can afford to not work I avoid discussing my net worth and instead focus on the spending side. I just say things like "oh I live very frugally, you know, I have a small apartment, I have that crappy old car, etc". That seems to work.

it's a shame. I love talking about finance, investing, saving, SWR, and the like, but I don't have anyone in my everyday life to talk about that stuff with me. One of the reasons I like this forum so much.

I can't hear hostile co workers anymore. They are still at work!

 

[Aiming_4_55]

Interesting thread - I generally don't say much about $$ except in this forum. Several neighbors see me loading up the van with tools, etc. for the investment properties. I just tell them, it's my part time job and say hopefully it'll pay off in 20 years They assume the properties have a mortgage, but they don't.

I have one very close friend, college buddy and groomsman in my wedding. When we were 20 years old or so, I was exhausted from full time student and full time work, he asked me what my options were? I said, plow thru this sh*t and retire around 40.

Last year we had a mini-reunion since we live in different States and he ribbed me about working still at age 43. I had a huge grin and said, I left megacorp this year and started contracting which I view as a first step of semi-ER.... fist bump and back to our beer and Cubs game.

 

[brewer12345]

I have a small circle of former coworkers at my old shop (before the transfer) with whom I discuss specific investments, macroeconomic topics of the day, and have comfortably mentioned in passing that when I get to the magic number I am gone. But...this was a job where we are all finance people and it was in what Ambrose Bierce referred to as the "most holy city" of Mammon (NYC). Here in the heartland people at work who I consider friends are a bit more guarded and they expect me to be as well. So aside from one person with whom I am especially close, I have not talked about money much and I have mentioned to nobody that I am pretty much independently wealthy already.

 

[Alan]

We won't even share our details with family. My Dad asked me (via email) if I had a pension after I retired, I just didn't answer...

I should have been more specific. Our kids don't know quantities, but they know the mechanisms of how we made it to ER. We believe it is important that they have a plan or system in place to save for their own retirement, particularly since their companies don't have pension plans other than 401k's.

 

[Sesq]

As I said before I am guarded with finances. I will talk finances with lots of folks, and people know I like to talk about it. For me though, I have to hold the line on disclosing any of the big-building blocks of our personal situation. Because I have an inflated job title most assume that we live comfortably, and we do. They just don't know about all the squirreling going on behind the curtain.

 

[healthyandfun]

It has been my experience that those who are uncomfortable with their money situation are the ones who are hostile, lash out, or criticize. LBYM seems to be either something you either get or you don't. When a new assistant starts in an entry level position that I supervise, I always encourage them to contribute to the 403b. (Advice i received when i started.) They never do. One not-so-young gal took the job to get out of debt and told me two years later when she left that her family owed more than when she started. Only one friend knows my situation and she is the one that got me reading Your Money or Your Life back in the 90's. As my net worth has grown, I say less and feel good about it.

 

[Rustward]

This is way long.
My boss fired me in 2008 by telling me I had to go to w*rk somewhere else. My first thought was "Obviously I know something that he doesn't ". He is a few years older with a negative net worth and a "property" that consumes all his free time and money, is still slaving away, and a recent ownership change in the business means he might be in jeopardy himself.

We have been thinking of increasing our WR from 1.5% to just under 2%. We had a CFP review our portfolio last week. 69 years old, quiet and mild mannered, very experienced, well credentialed. He said he could give us his opinion in one sentence: "This portfolio ROCKS!" We weren't expecting that.

My siblings:
#1 - professional with a few letters after the name making big bucks in academia.
#2 - retired from a very modest job, but generally satisfied with life.
#3 - high tech manager/professional in a megacorp with a real bad case of "just one more year".

They are 13, 9, and 5 years my senior.
#1 is always talking about how much they make and how important the j*b is.
A few years ago #1 survived a very large layoff, and as a result had to pick up a few new responsibilities along with some lofty sounding titles. This gets couched into something like "I am so good and so important, I have all these added responsibilities and titles", when, in fact, the place just needs a body they can call the director of such-and-such, and the coordinator of this-and-that and the manager of so-and-so. . . I'm guessing they plan to put real people back under those titles when conditions improve.

#2 just gets by, not having a lot, but having everything they need. #2 believes all the bullsh!t coming from #1.

#3 makes a bundle, but spendarina keeps it from accumulating too fast. They have at least one (and in some cases, more than one) of every current Apple product. They change furniture and appliances just to get new colors --- you get the picture, there. Because of a decade old family feud the #3's and the #1's do not talk. Frankly, I limit my contact with #1 because of all the bragging and stuff I have to listen to.

#1 and #2 believe that #3 is rich, when in fact, they just spend a lot, and it may look like they are rich. I have no clue what they might be worth but I believe it is substantial. I would bet it is not as much as #1 and #2 think -- not that they are incapable of accumulating a lot, but because of their spending.

Here's the deal:
#1 and #2 think I am still between jobs and we are living on Fancy Feast. No sh!t. #3 gets that we are FI but probably doesn't have a clue of the degree of FIness we have achieved, not that I would ever disclose details. We have a very modest lifestyle, 9 and 15 year old vehicles that were considered modest when they were new, and not a lot of "stuff", and we don't replace "stuff" until it is no longer usable, or no longer meets our needs.

I would like #1 and #2 to know that we are FI, but I do not know how to tell them without revealing too much. Even if I just told them directly, I seriously doubt they would believe it. If I showed them the statements, they would probably say I just made that up on the computer.

Thanks for reading.

 

[heeyy_joe]

This is way long.

You only need to convince #2. #1 and #3 would find out soon enough.

 

[Amethyst]

Why do you care whether they know? Just curious.

I honestly don't care how much $ my considerably older siblings have, as long as their needs are met. I imagine they feel the same about me.

Amethyst

I would like #1 and #2 to know that we are FI, but I do not know how to tell them without revealing too much. Even if I just told them directly, I seriously doubt they would believe it. If I showed them the statements, they would probably say I just made that up on the computer.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Rustward]

Why do you care whether they know? Just curious.

I honestly don't care how much $ my considerably older siblings have, as long as their needs are met. I imagine they feel the same about me.

Amethyst

We don't see the extended family very often and I have reason to believe they are telling everybody how destitute we are when in fact, our net worth is at an all time high. It is easy to say "Why do you even think about it?", but it is different when it is you.

Now, if we went on a mad spending spree, that would get the message across, but that is not an option as far as I am concerned.

 

[pletal]

It has been my experience that those who are uncomfortable with their money situation are the ones who are hostile, lash out, or criticize. LBYM seems to be either something you either get or you don't. When a new assistant starts in an entry level position that I supervise, I always encourage them to contribute to the 403b. (Advice i received when i started.) They never do. One not-so-young gal took the job to get out of debt and told me two years later when she left that her family owed more than when she started. Only one friend knows my situation and she is the one that got me reading Your Money or Your Life back in the 90's. As my net worth has grown, I say less and feel good about it.

LBYM , hard to teach or explain to those who think I am a trust fund baby. My friends have no clue of what my wife and I have, they probably would not believe it. We now earn enough to buy a house like will live in every four months. Have a cheap home and my siblings would freak out if they knew how much we have saved. Yes it has to be a secret, if you are good with money, or have money, it's a dark secret that cannot be told without serious issues arising. I once bought a sports car and had to tell my siblings it wasn't mine.

 

[Gumby]

My family members all assume that I am rich . . . and frugal. I have never said a thing to them about our actual finances.

 

[NW-Bound]

Rich + Frugal = Scrooge?

Just joking. The state of scroogeness has to do with how one treats others. Frugality is how one treats oneself.

 

[Gumby]

Rich + Frugal = Scrooge?

Possibly they think that, although not likely. They just know that I have always been a Goodwill shopper at heart. Even as a boy, I saved my money. I can say with a good conscience that I have always been generous with them, and I think they appreciate that, although it's not something I would ever discuss with them.

 

[Meadbh]

We don't see the extended family very often and I have reason to believe they are telling everybody how destitute we are when in fact, our net worth is at an all time high. It is easy to say "Why do you even think about it?", but it is different when it is you.

Now, if we went on a mad spending spree, that would get the message across, but that is not an option as far as I am concerned.

What is the reason? Have they offered you a handout?

 

[luckydude]

While I don't make a habit of bragging at work about having achieved FI, I have found that a "strategic slip of tongue" can do wonders to ward off office politics and avoid that general crap that prevail at a workplace.

A couple of years ago I had a real a**hole for a boss. He was the worst kind: all-knowing, abusive, demanding, and condenscending. But he left me alone because one time I let it slip "by accident" how much DW and I are worth, and jokingly said that he needed me more than I need him (which was true). After that he treated me with kids' gloves and saved his venom for my other, less fortunate colleagues.

I did the same "slip of the tongue" with another hot-shot colleague who was hard-driving for bigger titles and bigger pays and looking down at folks like me who were coasting. He treats most people like crap but is surprisingly always nice to me. I guess he must really like me .

It's funny how people treat you differently when they realize that you're not financially beholden to them, and that they don't own you and can't do anything to do you because, at the end of the day, you can afford to just walk away.

Jealousy I can put up with any time, but I don't put up with crap---except from DW .

 

[Amethyst]

Truer words were never spoken...about everything! I just have the kind of mind that thinks "the joke is on them if they think that. What fools they are making of themselves."

but it is different when it is you.

I was just thinking that you are obviously well in control of your own doings, yet other folks' freedom of speech can be very annoying.

Take care,

Amethyst

We don't see the extended family very often and I have reason to believe they are telling everybody how destitute we are when in fact, our net worth is at an all time high.
Now, if we went on a mad spending spree, that would get the message across, but that is not an option as far as I am concerned.

 

[cinman2000]

I like your approach luckydude. I am going to use that more often. Last week bossman was trying to get me to do some stuff to impress the top brass. I suggested he give the assignment to someone else as I was in the twilight of my career. He looked surprised. He is the age as me

 

[Rustward]

I was just thinking that you are obviously well in control of your own doings, yet other folks' freedom of speech can be very annoying.

Thanks. I'll try to keep this in mind.