Does being good with money have to be a secret?

[Lazarus]

I had a few assignments at the end that were political hot potatoes. I got them because no one could do anything to me. My career was over.

 

[NW-Bound]

I trust that people in this group can find humor at my expense.

To NotMyFault: I scroll up and down this thread and do not see what prompted your post.

But having been here a while, I know that there are people who are pretty quick to poke fun at your mistyping or other errors.

If this happens to you, just know that "it's not your fault". Usually, it's nothing personal. Just laugh along, and patiently wait for your turn to pay back.

 

[REWahoo]

To NotMyFault: I scroll up and down this thread and do not see what prompted your post.

But having been here a while, I know that there are people who are pretty quick to poke fun at your mistyping or other errors.

If this happens to you, just know that "it's not your fault". Usually, it's nothing personal. Just laugh along, and patiently wait for your turn to pay back.

I believe NMF is referring to a series of posts that began with this. If he believes the posts were at his expense rather than simply a good natured attempt at a laugh, he probably needs to lather up with some skin toughener if he plans on hanging around.

 

[NW-Bound]

OK, I did not scroll far enough.

By the way, I have amended my post as shown below.

Just laugh along, and patiently wait for your turn to pay back, or to pay forward.

 

[NotMyFault]

I was not offended. I was going along with it. The humor of this this board is very in line with my own.

Thank for caring anyway.

NMG

 

[youbet]

Why do you care whether they know? Just curious.

I honestly don't care how much $ my considerably older siblings have, as long as their needs are met. I imagine they feel the same about me.

+1

Each to his/her own and all that, but I'm with you Amethyst. I have little interest in knowing details about how friends and relatives are managing their financial lives or that they know my LBYM ways led me to be able to FIRE. And less interest in gleefully basking in the knowledge that "my way" was the best way and they were wrong to live their lives however they did.

 

[NotMyFault]

Removed post

 

[REWahoo]

Removed post

Be sure to fill in the hole.

 

[NW-Bound]

Darn! I just looked away from the thread and missed a post. Don't you just hate it?

Only the hole is left!

 

[haha]

Interesting thread. I think it is very freeing, though at times difficult, to just realize that there are people smarter, richer, bigger, healthier, tougher, better looking, younger, more socially adapted and pretty much superior to me in any dimension that one could name.

As long as I am getting most of what I need, and some of what I want, I hope to be satisfied.

Ha

 

[BizzyC]

We get the opposite from one friend. We've been retired for 4 years and don't get SS, and she is absolutely mystified that we can afford our lifestyle. I tell her it's magic.

If she keeps asking begin slipping subtle hints about your connections to organized crime. . .

 

[scrabbler1]

When I first announced my retirement at my old job, some people wondered how I was able to do it. I told them, "No debts, no kids, and our company's exploding stock value." Some of these same people wondered how I was able to keep reducing my weekly work hours and manage to maintain my lifestyle, too. (I reduced my weekly hours from full-time to 20 and later to 12.)

In my closest circle of people such as my best friend (who works full-time but recently came into a big inheritance), my ladyfriend (who lives paycheck to paycheck and works full-time), and my dad (who has been retired since 1994; my mom passed away in 1995), they have always been supportive. They knew I was wealthy and had heard me planning my early retirement for several years.

I hang with an older crowd in my square dance circles, as most are in their 60s and 70s (and some in their 80s) and are retired, so I fit in well with them. Some of them expressed surprise at my ER but are just glad I am happy and will be able to dance with them more easily and more often. A few of them I discuss finances and investments with in more detail because it is a topic we are both interested in.

The teacher-coaches in my school Scrabble world know I ERed but like the dancers they are just glad it makes it easier for me to schedule events and visit them more often. Two of those teachers retired (early, in their mid-50s) in the last few years but have still visited our tourneys and other events so we have exchanged ER stories. I liked that.

My being ER has arisen in conversations with other acquaintances but not a lot. It is often reacted to with some envy which is fine with me.

 

[W2R]

Hi,
I'm happy to have found this forum where being responsible with money is appreciated and celebrated. As I've moved closer to FI I've started to feel like it needs to be kept very quiet and not shared with people. Family and friends are either jealous or start taking advantage of you. Co-workers who are busy talking about their expensive cars, houses and vacations seem like they would have some contempt as well. Even worse, I've heard comments made about people who are believed to be in good shape financially as being at the bottom of the list for promotions and bonuses with the explanation that they don't need the money. And these were spoken by the people making those decisions (who also complain about not having enough $$).

So it seems like people like us need to live in the FI closet and/or be subject to penalties.

Welcome to the Early Retirement Forum!

Normally I don't bring up the topic of how I manage my money in real life discussion, since I am so old-fashioned. I was brought up to think that politics, religion, and money were not the best topics for polite conversation.

Maybe the penalties you speak of would explain why some don't talk about money very much at work. What we say at work can affect us in the ways you describe, and so we screen what we say accordingly.

On the other hand, the same "rules" don't apply for this forum! Most of us guard our anonymity pretty closely, so we can say more here about money than we might in real life.

 

[Brett_Cameron]

Interesting thread. I think it is very freeing, though at times difficult, to just realize that there are people smarter, richer, bigger, healthier, tougher, better looking, younger, more socially adapted and pretty much superior to me in any dimension that one could name.

As long as I am getting most of what I need, and some of what I want, I hope to be satisfied.

Ha

What a great observation. This applies to me as well, thanks, Ha.

 

[Brett_Cameron]

Back in my twenties ( between 1975-1985), I had made the comment to my last Step-Father that I was going to retire when I was 55. He took my comment with a grain of salt and made no comment. After I retired, he called me (unusual event) and asked me if I had retired and how old I was. I told him 55. He reminded me of what I had told him and told me that he didn't believe it then. His quote was "talk about working the plan". His comment made me feel proud. I am sure I have become a motivational example that he talks about.

 

[CorporateSoldier]

No Middle Ground

What strikes me as interesting with friends and family with money is there seems to be no middle ground in their reactions when you do well. People seem to be genuinely congragulatory or very jealous. Not sure it even falls along the lines of how they are doing financially.

I recently bought a classic sports car. (Paid cash of course and it is unlikely to ever depreciate and fairly likely to increase in value).

The reactions were either very positive or quite negative ("must be nice", "people buy cars like that because they think they are better than everyone else", etc).

People funny.

 

[SecretlyFI]

I agree very much with so many of these comments! People's reactions, what they say or how they treat you, etc... And I have found that it can be quite polarizing. People can be either very supportive (if wired the same I guess) or spitefully jealous. Even when people ask questions I've found that half are genuinely trying to learn and emulate good habits and the other half are being nosy trying to find out personal information to gossip with others. I think I do have some smug moments, but I also find myself thinking (most often) like Ha mentioned that there's always someone in a better boat than me and an equal amount in a worse boat. I'm content as long as I can chart my own course. Glad to have this forum's cloak of anonymity to share within.

 

[travelover]

........ Glad to have this forum's cloak of anonymity to share within.

We know who you are.

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/privacy-redux-64633.html

 

[Lazarus]

What strikes me as interesting with friends and family with money is there seems to be no middle ground in their reactions when you do well. People seem to be genuinely congragulatory or very jealous. Not sure it even falls along the lines of how they are doing financially.

I recently bought a classic sports car. (Paid cash of course and it is unlikely to ever depreciate and fairly likely to increase in value).

The reactions were either very positive or quite negative ("must be nice", "people buy cars like that because they think they are better than everyone else", etc).

People funny.

People that plan are better than people who don't.

 

[old woman]

I am working and had some issues with a coworker, she is gone now. I have told my boss and his boss and one other person I don't need this job I have enough money to retire.

They know I mean it, the women who is gone is on FMLA for being mentally ill. She claims she can't work for me or my boss, I suggested to my boss's boss he fire me and I will get unemployment. He said he didn't think he would fire me or my boss who she also can't work for. We will see in 10 weeks if she tries to come back to work and goes home the minute we ask her to do anything. She will run out of sick and vacation in 6 weeks and assumed she would get industrial insurance and unemployment while she was out but industrial said they don't cover stress and you can't be unemployed if you weren't laid off or let go.

They know I put the full amount in the 401K and since I do accounting and refer to myself and the CFO as money grubbing capitalist they know I like money. I am very frugal and they know my interest on my house is 3.458% so I am not hurting. I have gone months when I got the first 401K putting 100% of my pay in for the rest of the year. Now 10 years on the job and less than 9 in the 401K I have saved over 303K that they know of.

They treat me very well, don't want me to quit. Last bonus was 11K and raises more than other people. They know I am motivated by money so treat me right or I am gone. I will be 65 in April boss is 70 he doesn't want to train a replacement so keep me around until he retires.

I was the first one to ever max the 401K plan now my boss and his boss both do I think they would be ashamed to cut back when an underling is maxing it.

 

[SecretlyFI]

Travelover, wow, thank you for the link to the other thread. Now we're getting down to the deeper levels of my secrecy. Reading the cautionary tales told by imoldernu just confirmed the things I've always been "afraid" of on the internet. Only it's less about hacking and more about being spied on. I'm a very private person and the thought of sharing pictures or personal information identified with my real name on places like fb or linkedin is completely against my hard wiring. I am amazed at how everyone, everywhere seems immersed and maybe even addicted to these sites. But, then again, I've also never seen an episode of American Idol, so I'm used to being the odd man out. Anyway, don't mean to hijack my own thread by commenting on the other thread's topic. For me, I think both are rooted in my same pathology of privacy. Thanks again for the link. I'll have to pop over to "other topics" more often.

 

[Lazarus]

Yes it does. You will make no converts. People have to decide to do it on their own. They will just think you are lucky. It doesn't apply to them.
It is sad that so many people chose to be slaves but that is the way it is.
I am unable to make my children understand even though they can see my results. They would say "It was different back then."

I was different.

 

[Gumby]

I was different.

Well, at one point you were dead. But then you came forth.

 

[NW-Bound]

Funny, but we never feel envy or have to face enquiring questions from our siblings and other relatives. They surely feel that we have quite a bit saved up and that was that.

But then, we are lucky that everybody in our extended family is gainfully employed. My sister and her ER'ed husband are doing pretty well too, and I suspect even better than we do. They have recently spent a lot on travel, and I am happy for them. My brothers also make good money, but they want to spend more and not save as much as we did, and that is their choice.

In my neighborhood, there are some people in their 40s and 50s who do not work, and just putz around during the day. They may wonder a bit about me, and I them, but that was that.

In short, I never felt any envy, and never had to really explain anything to anybody.

 

[youbet]

In short, I never felt any envy, and never had to really explain anything to anybody.

And that's a beautiful thing........