Elderly Parents/Bad Job - need your opinions!

[Erbragg1]

Maybe you mentioned this in another thread, but does that 104 include healthcare, taxes and infrequent/1x large expenses like a new car/roof?

I agree with others that it’s too soon, but there are alternatives to what you’re doing. As others have mentioned, a part time job, taking leave or just quitting and knowing you’re going to go back to work later. You can always take a lower paying, lower stress position.

Yes, the $104K includes healthcare, taxes, and $5K/yr for a slush fund for misc unplanned expenses. I assumed my car payments go on indefinitely to “force” saving for a down payment for the next car. And, I just replaced my roof a couple years ago! Air conditioner is next big ticket item....

 

[tb001]

In addition the the expenses mentioned above, are you including travel to visit aging parents. Being bicoastal can get expensive.

ETA, personally, what *I* would not do is continue to operate on the same path you have been. You get one life and it sounds like only a limited time left with your parents. If it’s possible to take leave, I would take advantage of that, if it’s enough. If you need to re-enter the workforce, just remember that there’s nothing that says you have to come back as a director or even in the same industry. You don’t need to make the same $—just a job that has healthcare could be meaningful.

 

[Erbragg1]

In addition the the expenses mentioned above, are you including travel to visit aging parents. Being bicoastal can get expensive.

No, I have not, but my parents would insist on them paying for it.

 

[MRG]

Thanks all for the suggestions on FMLA. I need to look into this further as I do not really know how it works on the detail level. I am particularly intrigued by the intermittent FMLA. My parents are on the east coast. DWs parents and we are on the west coast near each other. Travel back and forth for a week here and there over many months to help my parents would be great rather than 12 straight weeks off.

My employer will hate it too though. I think it would increase the likelihood of being laid off. They have already put me in what I perceive to be an expendable position so if cuts are coming, I would certainly be a target. I am not clear on the legality of them laying someone off while on intermittent FMLA. I know they can’t do anything while on normal FMLA. Can anyone shed some light on that?

My understanding is you have the same legal protection as regular FMLA. While I was on it Megacorp was doing RIFs and I never thought it made any difference. I unfortunately wasn't cut.

You need a doctor's recommendation for the process. In my case DW's long term doctor handled it all. Good luck.

 

[Erbragg1]

My understanding is you have the same legal protection as regular FMLA. While I was on it Megacorp was doing RIFs and I never thought it made any difference. I unfortunately wasn't cut.

My confusion with the intermittent FMLA is related to how are you protected when not out of the office between periods of being on FMLA? For instance, say I plan to take 1 week per month, they can’t lay me off while I am out for each week, but could they at any time during the weeks where I am in the office?

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

My confusion with the intermittent FMLA is related to how are you protected when not out of the office between periods of being on FMLA? For instance, say I plan to take 1 week per month, they can’t lay me off while I am out for each week, but could they at any time during the weeks where I am in the office?

We have had some experience with this when my Dad was on his 'final descent'. If you work for a large enough company to have an HR department, I would just give them a call and ask what the policy/procedure is. *If* the company is that big, they generally will tell you what protections you have and they will most likely not run afoul of the law or "try and sneak one over" on you.

Also, the FMLA law is pretty robust. It is conceivable that they *might* try to get rid of you via alternate reasons, but it can be very hard to do when you are taking time off under FMLA.

 

[MBAustin]

OP, you've gotten some very good advice here. You might also call your employer's EAP - they were very helpful to me when my father became ill to point out options and resources I was not aware of. (This was at a megacorp with really crappy HR, so you might do even better.)

I think intermittent FMLA makes a lot of sense to start with. If you do get laid off, how robust is the severance? That could also make a difference.

I ER'd as a director-level and agree with your concerns about trying for new employment in your 50s and being considered overqualified.

 

[gauss]

If I were you, planning to live until age 95, I would certainly reconsider taking SS at age 62 and instead delay until age 70.

Delaying SS can be thought of as the the least expensive annuity out there that you could purchase. Remember that SS is adjusted for inflation also.

-gauss

 

[gauss]

When I was in a similar situation to you, (ie. parents needing much more assistance and deteriorating job environment), I discovered and made use of my MegaCorp's "Dependent Care Leave of Absence" program.

It was like a super FMLA that we have available in our benefit book.

I consulted my trusted former supervisor who assured me that my use of the program was absolutely consistent with the goals of the program.

I was able to take a 12 month leave with no pay, insurance etc, but have a job waiting for me upon my return. Over the course of a year, I decided that I was much happier and decided not to return. MegaCorp froze pension accruals a few years ago so my pension would not be one nickel different if I left "now" vs working another 8 years as originally planned.

It was an excellent program to allow me to transition to RE status which keeping the door open for me if RE did not work out.

You may wish to see if you have similar programs available to you.

-gausss

 

[MarieIG]

No, I don't think you are quite ready, but you have options.

I would take your vacation time in August, and certainly explore/ compare your State and Federal Family Leave Acts. You could then use your FMLA time for during most of the remainder of 2018.


And, should have more available in 2019. (You would have to explore how soon you could take it.)


You might end up getting an offer for a severance package after all, which would give you yet more time off.

 

[Jerry1]

My confusion with the intermittent FMLA is related to how are you protected when not out of the office between periods of being on FMLA? For instance, say I plan to take 1 week per month, they can’t lay me off while I am out for each week, but could they at any time during the weeks where I am in the office?

I don’t understand why you’re concerned about being let go. You’re thinking of leaving, retiring. Wouldn’t being laid off be a blessing? Even with no severance, which seems unlikely, you’d get unemployment. I also think that when you’re on FMLA, you’re on it, regardless of when you’re taking the time off. Not sure if that would protect you, but if they really want to get rid of you, I’m sure you can figure out a financial compromise. Go check on FMLA and also the EAP advice was good. They’re there to help you. Take advantage of it.

 

[Conundrum]

For instance, say I plan to take 1 week per month, they can’t lay me off while I am out for each week, but could they at any time during the weeks where I am in the office?

I don’t feel I am qualified to address your specific question. However, I would get as much free reading material as you can get your hands on from BOLI. That may address some of your questions.

Also, if you are that concerned about it $300 for an hours worth of time with a labor law attorney may be well spent.

 

[ncbill]

Take FMLA.

Even if you don't return, as another poster noted you don't need much income (~$30k/year ) from the next job to make "ER" work for you, even assuming your spouse is not employed.

 

[Conundrum]

My employer will hate it too though. I think it would increase the likelihood of being laid off. They have already put me in what I perceive to be an expendable position so if cuts are coming, I would certainly be a target.

I hate to sound so cavalier with somebody else’s money. However, you have to do what you have to do to protect and look out for your family. Also yourself, if you are not well you can’t help the family like you want to. At the director level you have obviously brought value to the table that benefits the organization. Sadly, unless you are a VP and up we are always expendable.

Work to live don’t live to work

 

[HI Bill]

Expenses have been tracked religiously over the past year based on advice from my first post. From now till house is paid off, I will need $104K/year. Once House is paid in 2028 (10 more years), expenses will drop to $85K/year.

Do expenses include any emergency contingencies, health insurance, and discretionary spending? I'm in nearly your situation (closer to $2.25 invested), but in my retirement budget, half of my spending will be discretionary, which means that in up years, I can travel and spend as planned, and in down years, can cut out the travel or travel more cost-efficiently. If you have no contingencies, and have not accounted for what discretionary items you want ot spend $ on in retirement, then I'd also say you're not ready, from a financial security viewpoint.

 

[Mmm Rrr]

My confusion with the intermittent FMLA is related to how are you protected when not out of the office between periods of being on FMLA? For instance, say I plan to take 1 week per month, they can’t lay me off while I am out for each week, but could they at any time during the weeks where I am in the office?

You actually aren't "protected" from being laid off while you're on FMLA. If they laid you off they would need to be able to prove that you weren't laid off BECAUSE you were on leave. I've been through layoffs where people on leave were laid off, they just made us be extra careful with the decision and documentation of why the person was chosen.

I ERed from a director-level job at 52. I took a few years off, relocated, and then went back to work as a contractor for a while, which turned into a part-time job. In my case I was in IT and was able to "step down" to a gig as a project manager. It enabled me to made enough (and even save a bit more) to get me to a more certain retirement at 59. So if you have a skill that you use in your job, you might be able to take a similar route.

 

[Erbragg1]

Do expenses include any emergency contingencies, health insurance, and discretionary spending? I'm in nearly your situation (closer to $2.25 invested), but in my retirement budget, half of my spending will be discretionary, which means that in up years, I can travel and spend as planned, and in down years, can cut out the travel or travel more cost-efficiently. If you have no contingencies, and have not accounted for what discretionary items you want ot spend $ on in retirement, then I'd also say you're not ready, from a financial security viewpoint.

Yes, my expenses includes unplanned expenses at $3k/yr and it also includes healthcare and $10/yr discretionary expenses.

 

[Erbragg1]

I ERed from a director-level job at 52. I took a few years off, relocated, and then went back to work as a contractor for a while, which turned into a part-time job. In my case I was in IT and was able to "step down" to a gig as a project manager. It enabled me to made enough (and even save a bit more) to get me to a more certain retirement at 59. So if you have a skill that you use in your job, you might be able to take a similar route.

I have a possibility of doing some consulting work, but I am not confident that I could.

 

[Brat]

Another option would be to use 12 weeks of FMLA to care for a family member. Or, take the time to care for yourself but that’s a conversation to have with your doctor. Check your state laws as well. They may give you additional flexibility.

This would at least give you some time to process all the issues on your plate and develop a plan of action.

I agree with this advise. Frings benefits such as health insurance should remain in place. You need to make a plan if you do this intermittently, justify why they need you sporadically.

Read your corporate policies around FMLA, then your state and Federal law. Put together a plan. You likely will need a physician's statements, keep in mind you can often influence what they say.

If you can draw this out you may be RIF'd and receive a severance package. If you resigned you would receive nothing.

Put together contact information that might be useful if you want to do consulting and keep that information at home. You probably want to wait for any consulting until both sets of parents have passed or at least are not in need of your assistance.

 

[indiajust]

If you could pinch expenses just a bit, or sell and downsize the house/lifestyle.... I'd say you are done. Otherwise, you may have a bit more time left on the wheel.

 

[Retired Expat]

You don’t address the parent situation much. Will you need to support them? To be rather harsh what is their financial situation and what condition is their estate planning in? Obviously this is all very private so don’t feel the need to answer.

I only know that I stepped in at the last couple of years of my parents life, fixed a lot of estate planning mistakes they made over the years, saved a ton on their estate and income taxes by listening to very clever lawyers and accountants.

So perhaps taking care of them might bolster your and your wife’s inheritance? Must look at all facets here. State you live in, state they live in, etc.

 

[Erbragg1]

You don’t address the parent situation much. Will you need to support them? To be rather harsh what is their financial situation and what condition is their estate planning in? Obviously this is all very private so don’t feel the need to answer.

Fortunately both my parents and my in-laws are in pretty good shape financially. Both have ample savings, own their houses and have good medical coverage.

The issue is more about them not being able to care for themselves and not having the wherewithal to make good financial/health related decisions.

 

[Oz investor]

Fortunately both my parents and my in-laws are in pretty good shape financially. Both have ample savings, own their houses and have good medical coverage.

The issue is more about them not being able to care for themselves and not having the wherewithal to make good financial/health related decisions.

a power of attorney issue , perhaps

is any of the family of the trust-worthy and diligent type ( including you of course )

this area is very tricky but can be a very prudent option ( plenty of historic examples of how things can go wrong )

 

[Erbragg1]

a power of attorney issue , perhaps



is any of the family of the trust-worthy and diligent type ( including you of course )



this area is very tricky but can be a very prudent option ( plenty of historic examples of how things can go wrong )

My parents have good estate planning. Not so sure about my in-laws. Will have to try to probe into that a bit....

 

[Oz investor]

power of attorney can include financial oversight ( major financial decisions so they are less likely taken advantage of .. stuff like reverse mortgages )