Emotional Train Wreck...

[Cobra9777]

Quote:

Originally Posted by O2Bfree ...My DH retired 3 years before I did. He cooked some, but not all nights, which was great, and did most of the regular housework, which freed up my time during the weekend. He also started shuttling my mom around for shopping and appointments after she stopped driving. That earned him major points in my book. A retired DH can be a wonderful thing for a working DW!

Similar story here. I retired 3 years before DW. The original plan was to both retire at the same time. We had our financial ducks in a row to do that. But she decided to keep working. She didn't really have a vision for her life after work. She always liked the daily routine and the interaction with her coworkers. Her job was low stress and she enjoyed it. Mine was like what OP describes. I had to get out ASAP.

In many ways, I think we were both a lot happier during those 3 years than we have been since. I made her coffee in the morning before work. I had dinner ready when she got home. I took care of everything around the house, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, errands. I even took her parents to their doctor appointments and helped them in other ways.

Since she retired, things are different. I still make dinner every night and most of the other house stuff as well. But DW misses the interaction with her coworkers and is still struggling to find a rhythm after 3 years. I'm as happy as a pig in slop just doing little projects around the house, riding my bike, playing guitar, watching YouTube... whatever I feel like doing at the moment. She wants us to do more organized social activities together and have a "plan" for every day.

So yeah... we now sort-of drive each other a little nuts from time to time. But we're finding a way to make it work for both of us. She spends a lot of time with her Mom who is now 86 and lives alone since DFIL died last year. She also babysits the grandkids a lot. I'm learning to squeeze in some social activities between woodworking projects. It's all good.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erbragg1 I worry about our friends’ reaction to the news. Do I tell them or do I fib about it and say I am going to do consulting work?

Some good advice I got years ago: Never complain, Never explain.

Why would you fib to your friends? My guess is you don't want to, so don't.

[HadEnuff]

When your friends give you some grief, good natured or not, just let them know how awful it is to retire, and advise them in the strongest language that they should never consider it.

[Erbragg1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rianne OP, start planning a big vacation. Do it yourself. Discover the destinations you want to visit, research hotels and activities. This will take your mind off your worries and guide you towards the real meaning RE. Plan, plan, plan. Take in on like a project. My .02.

I am already on the vacation planning! We are having a big family vacation planned for July in Hawaii.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HadEnuff When your friends give you some grief, good natured or not, just let them know how awful it is to retire, and advise them in the strongest language that they should never consider it.

+1

An excellent idea. Somebody has to shore up the SS trust fund.

[travelover]

I retired 9 years before my DW. I took over meal prep on weekdays and most of the housework. It was no big deal for me and DW loved coming home to a hot dinner after a challenging day at work. I loved all the freedom and actually worried more about the relationship when she retired, too. As it turned out, she took to retirement like a duck to water and we have reestablished our roles. I do stuff outside and she does stuff inside, unless help is needed on either end.


Everyone is different, but my advice would be to quit worrying so much and recognize that you have worked hard and earned this, so enjoy it without guilt. Aside from your spouse, it is no one's business. Make your spouse happy and all will be well.

[RobbieB]

Sounds like there should be no problems with wife. Go retire yourself!

[O2Bfree]

Regarding friends, you'd hope that true friends would be glad for you; however, there may well be some unspoken envy or resentment as well. But fibbing about it may cause even more hard feelings later if they discover the truth. Then they may wonder why you weren't upfront. Did you not trust them to react in a civilized manner? Did you think they'd hit you up for money? Honesty is probably a better way to go.

[Mdlerth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nancyfrank232 You’re in your 50s and you’re worried about what other ppl think? Seriously?

In OP's defense, this is a normal part of being human. Throughout our lives, we will always feel a natural inclination to seek the approval of others.

I'm not saying this is conducive to optimum decisions. Not "keeping up with the Joneses" is likely a crucial factor in many people reaching R at all, to say nothing of E-R.

But as social animals, peer pressure is always gonna be there. Grit your teeth and fight it.