Hi advice on dating

[Surfer]

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Originally Posted by SheitlQueen Which may not mean a whole lot. I have a friend who had his wife sign a prenuptial before they got married. She absolutely agreed to sign, she even took it to her attorney who advised her to sign it. But when they got divorced, she decided she no long liked it and dragged it through the court system who decided it wasn't "fair". It was set aside and the guy lost a lot of money.

That is really bad. I guess you can never really know what someone will do after breaking up.

[NW-Bound]

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Originally Posted by tuckeverlasting Happiness is being single.....(sample size of one)

The sample size has been many singles.

China has been celebrating Singles' Day on Nov 11 (11/11) for many years. They use this day to shop for themselves, and the recent one brought more than US$30 billion of sales.

I learned of this day when shopping on AliExpress, and saw it mentioned in conjunction with sales run by many vendors.

See: https://www.cnbc.com/2018/12/04/how-...g-holiday.html

[FLD3C]

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Originally Posted by flyingaway What would be the advices for an old rich man to date a young poor woman?

Or even middle class man:
Philippines

[chris2008]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheitlQueen Which may not mean a whole lot. I have a friend who had his wife sign a prenuptial before they got married. She absolutely agreed to sign, she even took it to her attorney who advised her to sign it. But when they got divorced, she decided she no long liked it and dragged it through the court system who decided it wasn't "fair". It was set aside and the guy lost a lot of money.

Her lawyer probably told her that she can sign it BECAUSE it was not enforceable and would be overruled in case of divorce...

[John Galt III]

Any chance of an Australian politician or two running on the promise to change these (imo absurd) laws ? I dunno, did Australian voters even want these laws? Just curious.

[Surfer]

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Originally Posted by John Galt III Any chance of an Australian politician or two running on the promise to change these (imo absurd) laws ? I dunno, did Australian voters even want these laws? Just curious.

De facto relationships were included under the Australian Family Law Act in 2009 by the federal government at the time, thus affording them the same property rights as married couples. I have heard the odd minor political party campaign against some of the elements of family law.

The “de facto by distance” concept is the one that doesn’t seem to make any sense to me at all and once that I think stifles the development of some relationships - particularly those where there is an imbalance of assets. Unfortunately, if you are in a relationship for more than two years here, but you don’t live together, then you break up, if your relationship is deemed “de facto by distance”, the other party to the relationship can make a claim against you.

[ER Eddie]

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Originally Posted by Surfer She is a bit over 10 years younger than me.

Oh, just 10 years. I thought it was more like a 50 vs. 25 thing. 10 years isn't that big a deal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheitlQueen Which may not mean a whole lot. I have a friend who had his wife sign a prenuptial before they got married. She absolutely agreed to sign, she even took it to her attorney who advised her to sign it. But when they got divorced, she decided she no long liked it and dragged it through the court system who decided it wasn't "fair". It was set aside and the guy lost a lot of money.

Yup. I've heard many similar stories. It happens all the time.

[CaliKid]

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Originally Posted by gerntz Don't know Oz laws, but here you could put assets in trust that go to beneficiaries designated vs. widow.

This would likely work at death but not divorce. At divorce a separate trust could definitely be attacked. Also, I have seen after death cases that are somewhat like a divorce where the surviving spouse attacks to try and get something. I would say your statement is definitely not accurate at least in my state.

[akrono]

I was once in a similar situation to you. I was involved with a woman who had little in the way of assets and three children. I,on the other hand, was 45 years old with a career, home, pension, IRA's and investments. I was concerned that if the marriage didn't last I would lose much of what I had worked my whole life for. My desire was to protect what I came into the marriage with. My fiancee agreed to a prenuptial and my attorney drafted one reflecting the protection of my assets. When her attorney explained to her what she would NOT be getting in the event of a divorce she went ballistic and the claws came out! The end result was the engagement was terminated and we broke up.
That document revealed what she was really all about and saved me from an ugly future divorce. I would recommend anyone in later life to insist on a prenup.
The rest of the story was I later met a wonderful lady and have been happily married now for 21 years!

[Amethyst]

With, we presume, a prenuptial agreement in place?

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Originally Posted by akrono The rest of the story was I later met a wonderful lady and have been happily married now for 21 years!

[Aerides]

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Originally Posted by ER Eddie Oh, just 10 years. I thought it was more like a 50 vs. 25 thing. 10 years isn't that big a deal.

At 50, a "bit over 10 years" is a creative way to say she's in her 30's. 10 years in general I agree, not a big deal. 60 yo dates a 50 yo, nbd.

But 50 vs 37/8/9 means she's in a completely different place in her life. Most likely (and the OP hasn't said otherwise) still wanting to start a family, and running out of time.

OP also mentions online dating with girls in their 20's. IDK about you, but when I did online dating I set my profile to an age range for potential matches. I didn't stray out of it because that would have been silly. I wasn't looking for dates but for a partner, and I'm firm believer that having more in common than not, is more helpful for long term success, including approximate age. (YMMV, annecdotes and exceptions can and do prove me wrong all the time)

[Calico]

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Originally Posted by Aerides At 50, a "bit over 10 years" is a creative way to say she's in her 30's. 10 years in general I agree, not a big deal. 60 yo dates a 50 yo, nbd. But 50 vs 37/8/9 means she's in a completely different place in her life. Most likely (and the OP hasn't said otherwise) still wanting to start a family, and running out of time. OP also mentions online dating with girls in their 20's. IDK about you, but when I did online dating I set my profile to an age range for potential matches. I didn't stray out of it because that would have been silly. I wasn't looking for dates but for a partner, and I'm firm believer that having more in common than not, is more helpful for long term success, including approximate age. (YMMV, annecdotes and exceptions can and do prove me wrong all the time)

In an earlier post the OP said his partner doesn't want children.

In an earlier post the OP said the 20-somethings were seeking him out to pay their bills, and he shut them right down. He wasn't seeking them out to date.

[ER Eddie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aerides At 50, a "bit over 10 years" is a creative way to say she's in her 30's. 10 years in general I agree, not a big deal. 60 yo dates a 50 yo, nbd. But 50 vs 37/8/9 means she's in a completely different place in her life. Most likely (and the OP hasn't said otherwise) still wanting to start a family, and running out of time. OP also mentions online dating with girls in their 20's. IDK about you, but when I did online dating I set my profile to an age range for potential matches. I didn't stray out of it because that would have been silly. I wasn't looking for dates but for a partner, and I'm firm believer that having more in common than not, is more helpful for long term success, including approximate age. (YMMV, annecdotes and exceptions can and do prove me wrong all the time)

Well, if the scenario is what you're painting -- a late 30 year old with a hunger, maybe desperation, to marry up and have kids -- then you're right, he needs to be very careful about that aspect.

As for the younger ages ... as you probably know, men tend to look for younger women, whereas women generally tend to look for men in their age group. When I'm engaged in my annual fruitless ritual of checking out an online dating site, I'll search for women down to 10 years younger (I'm 58). It's a vast wasteland out there, at least afaic, so I lose interest after a week and forget about it.

I'm not going to go younger. Other men sometimes encourage me to, but I'm just not interested in chasing younger women. It feels kind of pathetic to me. I'd find it socially and personally embarrassing, to be dating someone in their 20s. Everyone (including me and her) would know what the exchange is -- my resources for sex with her (which often isn't that great anyhow, more packaging/promise than real). Plus with younger women you can get the ideological craziness and the higher risks of false allegations, etc., that come with it. There is also of course the higher risk of pregnancies, "accidental" or otherwise. And the "baby rabies" you mentioned, in those 28-35 or so.

One of the advantages of being 58 is that sexual desire isn't in the driver's seat anymore. It's not that big of a motivator. If I want sex with a young woman, I'll just get a prostitute like other 50 year old guys do, lol. It's not worth all the time, trouble, expense, headache, risk, energy, and embarrassment of trying to date and establish a relationship with someone in their 20s. At least that's my view.

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Originally Posted by Calico In an earlier post the OP said his partner doesn't want children. In an earlier post the OP said the 20-somethings were seeking him out to pay their bills, and he shut them right down. He wasn't seeking them out to date.

Ah, good. Thanks for the clarification.

[Chuckanut]

The financial things I look for in a potential relationship is financial independence and financial responsibility.

That means:

1.) She should be able to live without needing money from me. I may decide to open my wallet to pay for both of us to have an upgraded experience, but she can pay for her own basics.

Edited to add: If she has the cash and wants to pay for an upgraded experience, that's OK too.

2.) She handles money well. Bills are paid on time. She has not bet the farm on her SS check or inheriting money from her Uncle Milton. Investments are in things like index funds and maybe a balanced fund like Wellesly. No money in get rich quick schemes like cryptocurrencies, and she is not in love with a high fee FA.

[Chuckanut]

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Originally Posted by Calico In an earlier post the OP said his partner doesn't want children. In an earlier post the OP said the 20-somethings were seeking him out to pay their bills, and he shut them right down. He wasn't seeking them out to date.

I was online for a while. It's amazing the number of 20-something hotties in Asia and Eastern Europe who are just dying to get their hands on my 60-something body. Alas, I had to disappoint them. I don't want some wet-behind-the-ears inexperienced woman as my partner. Give me a knowledgeable 50-60 year old gal any day over these foolish kids.

[JustCurious]

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Originally Posted by Aerides 10 years in general I agree, not a big deal. 60 yo dates a 50 yo, nbd. But 50 vs 37/8/9 means she's in a completely different place in her life. Most likely (and the OP hasn't said otherwise) still wanting to start a family, and running out of time.

What if the 37/8/9 year old woman does not want to have kids?

[Aerides]

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Originally Posted by JustCurious What if the 37/8/9 year old woman does not want to have kids?

If she doesn't, that's probably better, and I didn't see where he said she doesn't. Still, seems like a bit of a big gap and that they'd be in different places in their lives. And since financial independence (or, more specifically, a lower likelyhood of paying support) is a concern, it makes sense to seek out someone more similar to start with.

[kgtest]

Happily married for about 7 years now after DW said no to a prenump. BUT I got married in my early 30s and I don't think either of us knew what the other had in terms of assets...
DW thought I had "nothing" and I thought she had "nothing" turns out we both had "something" and she didn't want to manager hers, so I grow it for her and manage both after 7 happy years LOL

[guitarguy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut The financial things I look for in a potential relationship is financial independence and financial responsibility. That means: 1.) She should be able to live without needing money from me. I may decide to open my wallet to pay for both of us to have an upgraded experience, but she can pay for her own basics.

I couldn't agree more. But first, the legal issues... Surfer, you have a big problem, given the laws in your country. I did the same thing as you, although here in the USA I didn't have the potential legal problems you have. Even without the legal issue, it was all a huge mistake. At this age, we need to be smarter... financial means ARE important, and it's not shallow to consider that as a deal breaker. You're courting disaster by staying with this woman.

After divorce, I was in a 9 year relationship with a woman who had few assets, and no hope of retiring (although she was my age... late 40's at the time). She definitely was not a gold-digger, and was content with her life, and it was good. It didn't bother me for many years, but after I retired, I began to feel like my retirement dreams were limited by her financial situation and the fact she'd be working forever. We couldn't travel, if we did I paid for everything, and since I was home all day most chores fell to me. I finally realized that at this age, love isn't enough, and I broke it off. While I realize this was simply a part of "My Path" and I don't regret it, I sometimes feel like I wasted 9 years of my life. Oh well, live and learn.

I'm now in a committed relationship with a woman whose financial situation and age is very similar to mine, and I'm loving life, her, and my retirement. We travel, we dine out, we're renting houses for a month at a time in sunny climates, we're buying a house together, etc. Granted, it's hard to find women at our age who are financially secure, but they are out there. And it doesn't have to be exactly equal, but you want her to at least be on the same page in terms of retirement, paying bills, debt, etc. Don't settle... determine characteristics you need and then go looking for that. Be creative in how you evaluate a potential partner... don't just say "I need someone who's financially responsible", because many will attempt to be whatever you say. Be a little crafty in finding out the truth.

While it may cause a little short term pain, in the long term you'll be much better off in finding the right person for you. Best of luck!

[JustCurious]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aerides If she doesn't, that's probably better, and I didn't see where he said she doesn't. Still, seems like a bit of a big gap and that they'd be in different places in their lives. And since financial independence (or, more specifically, a lower likelyhood of paying support) is a concern, it makes sense to seek out someone more similar to start with.

Not trying to argue, but you said a 10 year age difference is not a big deal, so a 50 year old dating a 39 year old is only 11 years, that shouldn't be a big deal either.