How do you change your mindset?

[KateIswell]

Today was my last day on the toxic healthcare megacorp job...I’m not as well off as some who post here but firecalc and my financial planner says we are okay. I’ve been OMY’ing for the last couple of years...but I finally needed to prioritize my mental and physical health.

But tonight, I’m second guessing leaving today. I keep thinking...next week I would have earned X amount of money. Maybe I really could have gutted it out for another week...maybe I could have lasted another month...maybe...maybe...you get the drill.

For those of you who have retired, did anyone have these sorts of thoughts? How did you process the switch from earning and saving to spending?

How long did it take for you to be okay with not having a regular paycheck?

I’ve reframed 2020 as a gap year as an adaptive strategy but it’s unlikely I could return to the workforce at the same compensation level and hopefully I’ll settle in and not return at all.

Gak! I’m such a worrier. Advice please!

49 married female (if that matters).

[Markola]

All I can say as a person still w*rking is, if I’m gutting out my job every day, then I’m gutting out my life every day, and that seems no sane way to live. Sounds like parts of you know you did the right thing for you. Congrats!

[Asher Aion]

I have been working part time for the last few years for a greatly reduced rate mostly to feel as though I am still part of something. More recently I have started some volunteer gigs which will soon take over.

After 25 crazy years as a business owner it wasn’t difficult to see my partners get the fat dividends, as the trade off for the money was time for myself and for my family (married male 53).

Once you have your feet up in the morning with a cup of coffee in your hand watching the rest of the world passing by on their way to work, that is when you don’t miss the money.

[njhowie]

Congrats!

Try not to think about it. For the next few weeks, try to fill it with things to do and not spend much money. Pick up on neglected projects around the house, catch up on a hobby that you haven't had time to devote to, go visit some family/friends that you haven't seen in a while, search out some free/cheap things to do in your area, dream a little and do some research on what you think you might want to do going forward.

Once you're a little more comfortable with your cash flow without your consistent paycheck coming in, then you can let loose on the reigns a little. It may take a couple months to settle in. However, as long as you have things to do, and not become a couch potato, you'll be fine.

[Bryan Barnfellow]

Hello KateIswell. First, not knowing the financial details we none of us can give you anything more than some positive reinforcement. Here's mine:

I think that many of us have had that nagging feeling. I retired early four years ago and sometimes add up what I would have earned and saved and have had some momentary regret for not sticking it out longer. I have found that the feelings of regret and worry about missing out financially have completely subsided over time. Once the worry center in your brain has time to observe that everything is working out well, its voice tends to become faint.

What helps also for me is that I think back to the days, months, and years I've gotten in return (what I purchased); the freedom from a soul-deadening w*rk environment, the ability to decide at bedtime not to turn on the alarm for the morning; the freedom to pursue all kinds of personal projects that have eluded me in the past, READING in serious chunks of time again; doing healthy things; taking up photography; investing my time with good friends, helping others because I have the time to do so; just being still and reflecting. All the joys of being more human again! These things I have purchased!

Most important: I've acquired the TIME my wife and I have gotten to spend together these last four years, traveling more than we ever had before, having drinks together at the end of the day, staying up late to watch a movie, doing simple chores together, meeting for lunch when we have had particularly busy days apart,...a nearly endless list.

I think you should trust your numbers and listen to your heart. One thing my wife told me many years ago as I was packing up my bag to go to work on a Sunday ("to catch up" ha!): "You know, you (and we) will never get these days back from <employer name>". That made me see reality pretty clearly.

Also, someone on this board of very wise people once wrote: "You can add time to the beginning of your retirement, but not to the end." Keep that quote handy in times of doubt.

Stay strong,

-BB

[DrRoy]

Hi Kate. If the $ tests say you are OK, then from the way you describe how you feel about your job, it is definitely time to go. Your well being and the free time are worth more than the paycheck. I was already comfortable to go without the paycheck. I did stay on most of a year for DW to get OK with it. Yes, it does take a while to get used to spending after the long time saving, but it will happen. Time now to just enjoy.

[freedomatlast]

Yes, you could have stayed longer and saved more dollars, but would your standard of living been any different if you stayed longer? Without knowing financial details, I'm guessing no. So relax and enjoy the ER you have earned. In time, you'll probably wonder why you didn't leave sooner.

[The Cosmic Avenger]

You mention Firecalc, which is great, but do you have a monthly budget and have you tinkered with it? I'm very fond of Fidelity's retirement planner, which not only allows you to work out a detailed budget for retirement, but also allows you to mark expenses as essential (or not). I've recently added another $1K per month to our travel budget, and our Fidelity score is still in the 110s. That's what allows me to not worry about our plan, and honestly, even if I retired today (see my sig), we could easily make our essential expenses and have a decent amount of discretionary spending.

Maybe planning out that spending in more detail, including modeling some lower or higher spending options, might help you worry less about the money you're missing out on? To be honest, I look at our projections and sometimes I feel like I'm just running up the score, based on how I grew up.

[Car-Guy]

From my POV it's all about the numbers and lifestyle. When I felt the numbers told me I had enough to live in the lifestyle I wanted, then it was time to go. I still went thru the OMY syndrome for a couple of years and they were the most miserable of my working career. But in my case I was ten+ years older than you when I retied and I had lot of things I wanted to do. (and male, if that matters ) I look back now and wish I could have those OMY's back for retirement days.

I don't recall ever "missing" the regular paychecks coming in. The way I did it was to set aside a minimum investable cash base that I never wanted to go below. (Well at least until my mid 80s', if I should live that long) That money is invested in very conservative investments (no stocks) and along with SS, generates enough to cover my living expense each year without cutting corners. All other savings is for discretionary spending. It's working as planned.

No other regrets here.

[Maenad]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KateIswell ... it’s unlikely I could return to the workforce at the same compensation level

This something people bring up often (I've thought it as well) and after pondering a bit I concluded - so what? If the calculators are saying you're fine already and you just want to go back to work later to pad your numbers some, you don't need to be making the same amount. Sure, it may take longer to get the amount of "padding" you want, but it's all just extra into savings, not money needed for living expenses right now.

[jollystomper]

From a financial perspective, one of things we did was, before I retired, to see what living on our planned retirement income would be like. I withheld from my paycheck and directed directly to my savings/investment vehicles so that what actually was deposit in our checking account was the equivalent of my pension. We then saw how living off of that would be and how much we would have to draw from savings to cover. We did this a couple of months a year, then starting in 2017 did this for the entire year. This helped us get comfortable with the reduced income.

As for sticking in out... while it did cross my mind, I also knew (a) co-workers who had left early and saying how happy they were, and (b) co-workers who stretched the years to get more and ended up dying on the job or retiring only when illness struck and not having an enjoyable retirement. Seeing this helped me determine when time > money. Having whatever years to do what I want while still healthy far outweighed earning more that I would have less time to enjoy.

[Rianne]

Hi KateIswell! Your post indicates wavering. I suggest you dig into the hundreds of posts here. Many of us discuss in minutia detail spending habits, SS, taxes and solutions to $$ issues. I've been RE for ~ 5 years. DH still consults from home, basically on his own time to keep relationships he's developed over the years. I'd say 15-20 hrs/week. Letting go of the paycheck is a big deal. But so is your health, mentally and physically. IMHO, explore your genuine desire to RE. And ask questions, here. This forum is awesome and has saved me in so many ways.

[Teacher Terry]

I retired at 58 and continue to teach one online college class and do a little consulting for the past 8 years. I never regretted retiring.

[Bamaman]

I ER'd at 58, and have never felt guilty about getting up in time to watch Let's Make a Deal and Price is Right. They're good, positive shows to start a day.

I'm also okay staying in the house and going nowhere for a day--or even two. I have enough projects to keep me busy here.

After a career in the high pressure healthcare world, you deserve a break. At 49 years old, you have many different options in your life. That includes starting another career in a different field. Your future's in your hands. Just enjoy life for awhile.

[UnrealizedPotential]

I remember when I retired in 2016. I never once had second thoughts of staying on the job. Was it scary, the thought of not having a paycheck? Yes. But I will tell you the fear vanished very fast. Within the first few weeks after I left my job I knew I would be just fine.

[24601NoMore]

Hi, Kate. If it helps, I ER'd in early January of 2019 (mid 50s), and my wife (early 60s) ER'd in early August. So, we both jumped with both feet into the great unknown.

Fortunately, I'm a (very detailed) planner, so have reasonable confidence that all will be fine financially. That said, it can be VERY hard to make the change from having a regular paycheck to living off your investments.

For me, it's taken a full year to get used to it - and I can honestly say I'm not yet 100% there yet. I still frequently go back and forth on "gee, maybe I should go back.." and it's all purely driven by the desire to get the regular paycheck (and sense of financial freedom) that goes along with it. Then, I think back to all of the friends and family I've known over the past several years that have not made it to their next birthday, or that are battling diseases and illnesses of various kinds. I also think how absolutely grueling my profession was, and how beyond unreasonable and demanding it could be at times and realize that in my mid 50s there's no way I could run at the same insane pace I did in my 30s and 40s. And unfortunately, in my business, if you can't run at the 60-80-100 hour weeks 52 weeks a year, you're not likely going to last in the gig. So, I had a choice - continue to kill myself and basically "spend" my entire life for the company (albeit, with very nice W-2s at the end of the year), or go out and try to start LIVING life once again.

It's been a huge shift, and I'm still not entirely comfortable with the change even a year later..but I will say when I think clearly enough to appreciate what I now have vs the life I was living before, I realize it's also the "right" thing to have done also - hard as it's been to give up the nice regular paychecks and decent W-2s at the end of the year..

Hang in there..it's a huge change but hopefully you'll get acclimated to it quicker than I did!

[KateIswell]

Thank you. I do know if was the right thing; just FOMO going on. I need to FOMO life experiences not $$$!

These responses have been super helpful. I do have some things around the house to do so that will keep us busy for a bit, and I, too, reduced my take home to retirement levels a year ago and have been living off of that without problem.

I will take a look at the retirement budget calculators; having a formal spending plan might give me some confidence.

I am also appreciative of folks who said give it a few weeks and I’d settle in...but I also liked that someone said it has taken them over a year to make this mental transition. Giving myself permission to take as long as I need will be helpful.

Thank you!

[gerntz]

Wish you well. Sounds like you needed to leave more than more you need that money. How does anyone, especially you, argue with that? If money becomes an issue, I'd bet you can find something way less stressful that will help out. Since you said "we", I take there's another still bringing in money.

[NW-Bound]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KateIswell For those of you who have retired, did anyone have these sorts of thoughts? How did you process the switch from earning and saving to spending? How long did it take for you to be okay with not having a regular paycheck?

It has been fairly easy for people who started their retirement from 2009 till now. They just took to it like fish to water.

Why, the market keeps giving more money than they can spend.

[KateIswell]

No, my husband retired three years ago. I have been working and covering health insurance. But I do think we will be ok one day at a time.