Maybe I missed it in an earlier post, but when/what age does he think you should retire at?
I have no idea. He would never talk about me retiring. Probably never or at least until I'm 65 or so.
Maybe I missed it in an earlier post, but when/what age does he think you should retire at?
Not to speak for others, but it's starting to sound like a situation that's (far) beyond the pay grade of most anyone here. My 2 cents...
It seems to me that a lot of your stress originates not with your work but with your marriage. Have you considered divorce?
No one is saying anyone is good/bad/right/wrong, but it really sounds like you could use some first hand in person help with your situation. Best of luck...I know. I guess that I'm looking for support to convince me that I can do this. I also feel a little guilty about causing him to do without some of what he is used to having. One time he will tell me to do what I want to and when I start to do it he starts bringing up all the reasons I shouldn't. I can't get a straight answer and it's confusing the heck out of me. This is something we should be discussing together and he hates to talk about it. If it were just me, I would retire in a heartbeat because I am confident that I would be just fine.
All of you have helped more than you know helping me to figure some of it out. He is not a bad person, he's really a good person, and we get along 99% of the time, especially since his wreck. He has mellowed out a lot in the last 20 years. This is the first stumbling block we have had in years but it's important.
You are taking antidepressant medication for stress. Have you discussed with your doctor whether you have a medical justification for retiring? Would this legitimize it for your husband?
Not to speak for others, but it's starting to sound like a situation that's (far) beyond the pay grade of most anyone here. My 2 cents...
You are taking antidepressant medication for stress. Have you discussed with your doctor whether you have a medical justification for retiring? Would this legitimize it for your husband?
I think I just made my decision. Now, I HAVE to make him understand and I need to stop feeling guilty about it.
If he has short term memory loss, just thank him for finally agreeing with your decision to retire (and then give him a BIG KISS!) That is your story and stick to it.
....He just can't understand anymore. His brain injury made him a much nicer person but it also made him incapable of understanding financial matters. He never was very good with money and he is impossible now.
I think I just made my decision. Now, I HAVE to make him understand and I need to stop feeling guilty about it.
....Facts are, I can live on half what my husband can so if something happens to him I will be fine. He likes to spend money eating out almost daily and he likes to drive even if he doesn't have anywhere to go. I like to cook and stay home. At his age, change is going to be hard and he is afraid for me to retire. He retired at 55. Currently, we are spending $1000 a month just eating out and buying gas. That is insane.
I plan to work at something after this summer. Businesses in my area love to hire retirees. I job searched for a month and had three job offers but declined them so I know I can find something. I would also be working much closer to home so less cost for gas......
I currently work for P&G and have been with Duracell for 36 years. Gillette and Kraft both owned Duracell before P&G.
I'm 58, will be 59 this year, and I can't take it anymore. More work, fewer people, and disciplinary action if we can't do it all. I'm better off than most because I do have some management education but what they are demanding is impossible.
I have enough in my 401K and profit sharing to carry me through to 62 for sure and possibly 65 if I'm frugal. I hate to use it but the current conditions at work are forcing my hand. I'm already on medication for extreme stress.
I can draw from it if I keep it in JP Morgan and roll it into their Retirement Plus without the penalty. I can draw a salary from it and plan to draw more the first year while I look for another job. I can work for $10 an hour or less and still make it fine even after I lower my 401K distribution after a year or less, maybe even stop it. My retiree medical from Gillette and P&G is pretty good. I'm embarrassed to say how much I have in my 401K but my calculations say I can make it seven years drawing a decent income. That will take me to 65 or so.
We own a 43 acre farm in a rural area of S. TN. It was worth about $400,000 or more but about half that now. Good thing is, it's paid for. We don't have any car payments. Property taxes are low. I bought my husband a new tractor and that is our only debt and it's down to $3400 left on the balance. My lump sum pension from Kraft will pay it off.
With me commuting 40 miles a day to work and back, my gas bill, including what my husband spends, is $400 a month but usually a little more. We both drive pickup trucks. With me not driving to work it should drop in half. Cost of living here is very low. My husband is 75 and retired. I make $50,000 or more a year and then we have his SS. We can live on half or less of what I make.
We are not wealthy like most people here but we don't do without anything we need. We don't travel. We can't since we are on a farm and have animals to take care of but we don't like to travel anyway. I can grow some of our own food.
Facts are, I can live on half what my husband can so if something happens to him I will be fine. He likes to spend money eating out almost daily and he likes to drive even if he doesn't have anywhere to go. I like to cook and stay home. At his age, change is going to be hard and he is afraid for me to retire. He retired at 55. Currently, we are spending $1000 a month just eating out and buying gas. That is insane.
I plan to work at something after this summer. Businesses in my area love to hire retirees. I job searched for a month and had three job offers but declined them so I know I can find something. I would also be working much closer to home so less cost for gas.
We need to have a balance of spending for me to do this but I think I can if I can get my husband on board. That is my problem. It's not something anybody but me can fix but I just needed to vent and get any input from the group.
You must not be very acquainted with divorce. There is no way that a relatively able bodied spouse is allowed to walk away from a brain injured older person. The spousal support and settlement would make it hard going for OP.Worse case scenario, if you dump him, can you still retire? My gut is that you can but not him.
You must not be very acquainted with divorce.