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Old 12-30-2020, 09:08 AM   #61
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Thank you Amethyst for emphasizing this overlooked point. Female children still remain primary caregivers for their parents AND their in-laws.
Apparently I am an outlier in this area.
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Old 12-30-2020, 09:24 AM   #62
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Thank you Amethyst for emphasizing this overlooked point. Female children still remain primary caregivers for their parents AND their in-laws.
And I guess it goes without saying, but females also receive the majority of eldercare as well as provide it. We're a long way from achieving our goal of a truly unisex life for our citizens in this country.
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Old 12-30-2020, 09:25 AM   #63
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Hi thank you so kindly for the wealth of information. I’m currently on a loooong Roadtrip for work and as soon as I have a free moment I will read each and everyone of the answers. I hope you had wonderful holidays and your friends and loved ones are safe and sound! Happy New Year!


Thank you for checking in. Stay safe!
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Old 12-30-2020, 08:29 PM   #64
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Thank you Amethyst for emphasizing this overlooked point. Female children still remain primary caregivers for their parents AND their in-laws.
And over 90% of workplace fatalities happen to men. That stat is more overlooked, and in fact, one can say it's completely ignored.
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:27 PM   #65
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And over 90% of workplace fatalities happen to men. That stat is more overlooked, and in fact, one can say it's completely ignored.
Dead men tell no tales...
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Old 12-31-2020, 08:18 AM   #66
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And over 90% of workplace fatalities happen to men. That stat is more overlooked, and in fact, one can say it's completely ignored.
Another reason to avoid the workplace at all costs.
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Old 01-01-2021, 02:52 PM   #67
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This is an excellent question, I will have to ask her about a pension. She used to serve herself, years ago, in the army.
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Old 01-01-2021, 02:58 PM   #68
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@Wyniia, every state AFIK has resources specifically targeted at seniors. In our state, DW was vice chair of the Board on Aging for a number of years. One of their most important activities is maintaining a call center staffed with people who job it is to help in situations like yours. It is a sort of one-stop-shop for available resources.

Your profile says you are in NC, so I looked to see what they have. I did not find quite the same thing as we have in our state, but this page looks like a good place to start: https://www.ncdhhs.gov/divisions/daas Among the links there is an "Elder Housing Locator" and a link to regional "area" agencies. I think this is the area agency for Charlotte: https://centralinaaging.org/

I suggest you contact these people for help.
Wow, thank you soooo much! This looks like a great place to get started. If anything they may be able to advise or connect! Happy New Year!!!!
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Old 01-01-2021, 03:03 PM   #69
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This is an excellent question, I will have to ask her about a pension. She used to serve herself, years ago, in the army.
Probably VA health care. Most likely no pension but maybe a service connected disability she might get compensation for.
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Old 01-01-2021, 03:12 PM   #70
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Her best financial move right now would be to get on the waiting lists for HUD senior housing. Check out all of the options . When I did this for my MIL the wait was in months not years. HUD housing is wonderful, they usually have activities, transportation to shopping, The rent is 30% of income. Add to that food stamps, and free government food subsidies, she will be fine. Most seniors in these complexes are very comfortable. My MIL saved so much money while living on a similar income that the complex called and told us to move the excess money out of her account. Then you can "hold" some money for her for emergencies, or whatever. Not all the complexes are equal thou, so check them out. I think once you get her in you can always move her to a better one when an opening comes up. This is not a travesty and there are many many seniors in this situation. i wouldn't worry about the interest or dividends, Just hold some money for her. And FYI, absolutely if her only income is SS, and you pay more than 1/2 of her support, claim her on your taxes, until she moves out. ( only worth $500) unless you are single, in which case Head of Household is a significant tax break. In this situation and at her age, I would not pay back the social security, unless she takes a regular full time job
The way she talks I see old patterns forming, buying this and spending on that. I think I may start charging rent and nudge her into something like this. Should I do this or yes, I am single claim her instead?

I’m hoping she can actually start working again after vaccine come out. Also, how old are seniors usually in these HUD‘s? I will look into being waitlisted as it was suggested quite a bit. Thank you so much for taking your time and suggesting this! Happy New Year everyone!!!!

Wyniia
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Old 01-01-2021, 03:17 PM   #71
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My suggestion is Section VIII housing. If it's unavailable in your community, check out some of the small cities within close proximity of you. Sometimes DHS can make suggestions on what to do too.

Some cities, low income housing is dangerous and they're dumps. But in other towns, they can be quite adequate.

My mother in law was working at Taco Bell until she was in her 70's.
Thank you for the heads up, Can you please tell me what you mean by DHS. Happy New Year!!!!
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Old 01-01-2021, 03:24 PM   #72
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I think that it is too late to invest some of her money and expect a meaningful amount of income to boost her social security. Realistically, that supplemental income will probably have to come from you, I'm sorry to say.

I'm in a similar situation with my mother. She retired with no savings and with a pension of ~1,400 euros per month. At least her home was paid for so her housing costs are relatively low (she still has to pay HOA fees, insurance, property taxes, etc...). She worked a few years as a nanny after retirement, making a few hundred euros a months to supplement her pension, but it still wasn't enough and I've had to help for the past 8 years. Now she's in her 70's and her health has worsened to the point where she can't continue working. So I expect that my contribution will increase in the coming years.
Sorry to hear that your mom’s not well. Where do you live and is there any help front he government? This is exactly what I worry about. And I already had a feeling I‘m going to have to help significantly.
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Old 01-01-2021, 03:29 PM   #73
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OP, This ^^^ is probably the best option for your mother (assuming you intend to pay for all her expenses in the next 1 or more years). Unfortunately, it will involve returning some of the $ she has collected. Investing in bond/CD will yield roughly zero %, and the stock market is high and could drop (no one knows when). Delaying collecting SS should guarantee an increase that no other investment can surely deliver within the short investing period your mother has. Living in some countries (ex-US) could be another option for her given her income. A number of folks have done that successfully.
I spoke with her about this, honestly I also believe it to be the best option and for her to return to the workforce as soon as vaccines come out but she is against it. Golly, she’s soooo stubborn!
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Old 01-01-2021, 03:36 PM   #74
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Gosh, thanks everyone! I tried to talk to her, she thinks I‘m micromanaging her life, lol! Tough love I guess! Think I read somewhere that Assisted Living was cruel for mom‘s, but I do think that everyone‘s situation is different. I travel most of my time for work so will not always be there for her. I don‘t think that my mom understands the gravity of her situation. I like having her around but it is simply not acceptable when she get‘s older that no one is there when she needs something. Or there is an emergency and I happen to be overseas. I will def consider the options laid out for me and look into many of these helpful comments! Thank you sooooo much!
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Old 01-01-2021, 03:37 PM   #75
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It sounds like your mom is in a tough spot right now and fortunate to have you for support. If I were you, I would contact the local branch of the Council on Aging in your area for support. I've also included links for some other programs, too. And I would look at applying for housing assistance, as well as contacting our local Department of Workforce Services. My experience with these different resources has been very good. And don't forget, you can dial the national 211 number, too. And, for what it's worth, try not to get overwhelmed. You and your mom should be able to work things out, but take your time and understand everything will be a process. Good luck!

https://www.211.org/services/essential-needs

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/1...nts-120513.htm

https://acl.gov/about-acl/administration-aging

https://www.ncoa.org/public-policy-a...ederal-budget/
Thank you! Yes! I will get on that!!!
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Old 01-01-2021, 03:39 PM   #76
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there are lots of programs in our area for seniors / low income households. I'm not sure what she would qualify for living with you, but it doesn't hurt to check into all the programs available, now and if she could potentially move out. An older friend of mine just moved into a subsidized senior living center after being on a wait list for 8 years, so the time to get on waiting list is now. We live in an urban area with several senior clubs and they all have resources for help. Most counties or cities have some kind of aging department with social service workers knowledgeable about programs. One of our senior centers has a roommate match program for seniors, where they do the screening and background checks.

Other programs in our state / local area include - snap (food stamps), free lunches at the senior centers, free activities, discount public transportation passes, wholesale produce at the farmer's markets, almost free senior bus service, low income utility programs, low cost internet, free phone service, free uber rides for seniors, free college classes and more. The library has all sorts of free classes and event passes, plus the usual books, streaming services, ebooks, music, etc. (some of these have been suspended during the pandemic.)

i actually sit around and think about this, what would i do if i only had ss to live on, as an interesting math problem. It would cost around $800 here to rent a room golden girls style, but that would be in a nice house on a bus route. (if there wasn't any subsidized housing available). But after rent one could probably live a fairly normal middle class life with all the programs available for help with just the programs and ss. It would probably mean not owning a car, but in the cities here many people don't use their cars much anyway. (one of our adult kids lives in a walkable area and has a car but was happy it started the other day from having it sit so long without needing to drive anywhere.) it is a plus your mom has free medical care. In some cities here college students get free bus passes and seniors in our state can enroll in college classes for free.

For extra income she could probably pick up a few hundred extra dollars with ideas in reddit's beermoney forum. Some people there make over $1k a month. And maybe she could try some gig work like dog walking or pet sitting for extra money.

We've had thread on this before and one solution was to buy the parent a mobile home in an affordable area in a 55+ park. We had retired friends do this in a vacation area and it seemed to work out well for them. They had pretty low overhead. Or maybe if you don't mind her living with you, you could convert a garage or get a backyard cottage for her to live in so your each have your own space. I am not sure why so many posters here are acting like having your mom living with you is so awful. Housing is super expensive in our area and multi-generational households are pretty common. A number of homes in our area have mother-in-law units added on, either parents, adult kids or for extra income. Laws were added last year to encourage people to build more adus to help with the housing shortage.
^^^ all of this!!!
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Old 01-01-2021, 04:08 PM   #77
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I'll be blunt does your DM have any mental issues going on? Because for all these things listed unless she is incompetent she will need some degree of personal involvement.

At some point you need to realize by providing for her you are enabling her. What do you want to happen here? In truth if she doesn't want to work there probably are enough social nets around to get her by, but she needs to engage in the process.

your original question was about investing her SS what purpose does that serve at this point in time?
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Old 01-01-2021, 04:26 PM   #78
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OP, you have received splendid advice and knowledge of resources available to help your mother transition to a retirement lifestyle and live independently in the worst case that she is unable to continue working. Your recent post that she now thinks you are micromanaging her life should be setting off carillons of alarm bells ringing in your head. She, in fact, does have a retirement plan in place. It is you.
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Old 01-01-2021, 04:40 PM   #79
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This is almost unbearable to read. She has almost nothing, relies on you, but is back to spending irresponsibly. Tough love will definitely be in order here.


If you can afford it, you might want to find someone at the Council on Aging (or similar agency) to meet with your mother and you, and enlist their help in giving her the facts of life. If you don't find some way to set boundaries to protect yourself, you have years of resentment and conflict ahead, I fear.


Some hospitals are "FQHC" - Federally Qualified Health Centers. At the FQHC where I worked, there was a strong social service department that did exactly this sort of intervention. Check around, and the very best of luck to you in this difficult situation.
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Old 01-01-2021, 08:28 PM   #80
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OP, you have received splendid advice and knowledge of resources available to help your mother transition to a retirement lifestyle and live independently in the worst case that she is unable to continue working. Your recent post that she now thinks you are micromanaging her life should be setting off carillons of alarm bells ringing in your head. She, in fact, does have a retirement plan in place. It is you.
Exactly. I said it way back in beginning of this thread. Your mother has no right to be retired and living off you. Her retirement plan is you, and only you can change that.
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