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papadad111
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Cool study.
new here... 42
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papadad111
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
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- 1,135
I am helping my 79 YO dad die this week. Took the week off to spend Final days of hospice with my sis by my dad's side. Glad we were able to have our last goodbyes with sound mind and clear conscious. Thank technology for a face time chat with him last week that was a deep and important conversation.
Dad and I were estranged for several years - due to his money issues and how that impacted our family. We patched it up the last decade or so. Really for my kids at first. My wife helped us sort things out and am glad we did get back to good terms.
No pain. No disease in fact. Just the past year he wanted to be done. Maybe a bit of dementia or depression but really it was just not wanting any more chapters in his book. I am cool with that ...
So here we are. No tubes. No needles. Just at his own home in his own bed in his small single wide trailer. It's actually damn cool he is exiting this world ... doing it his way.
Reflecting - There was a lot that I did not respect in his life but he has been a good dad - supported his kids endeavors and while the money decisions were lousy at best he always did it with the intention of helping us not hurting us. I get that now. I did not get it then. He has been an awesome grandpa to my kids too. So thanks dad ... And respect all the things you did right or wrong !!
Why this has to do with ER: He is dying completely broke and well in debt. He was the very opposite of what everyone says one should do to plan a retirement future. He had spent down what he had saved and had nothing the last few years aside a low paying job , social security and tiny small pension. His approach to money and to retirement was always the motivator for me to plan mine differently. That said, he was happy in his existence and worked a job nearly full time - one that he enjoyed until he stopped working a year or so ago. I guess some gifts aren't really noticed til later in life.
Maybe he was smarter than us all ... Dying broke that is ... I don't know. It's a bit surreal but I was compelled to post this. Don't know why I am posting other than maybe to let out a little bit of my own sadness and grief.
Mega corp was supportive and I dumped a big project on some colleagues so I could be here. It was of course the right answer.
With his passing at any time now, I am more resolved than ever to retire early. Life is short.
And so I end with a tear in my eye as I say dad's favorite phrase: Life is good !
Peace to all.
Biker4life.
Dad and I were estranged for several years - due to his money issues and how that impacted our family. We patched it up the last decade or so. Really for my kids at first. My wife helped us sort things out and am glad we did get back to good terms.
No pain. No disease in fact. Just the past year he wanted to be done. Maybe a bit of dementia or depression but really it was just not wanting any more chapters in his book. I am cool with that ...
So here we are. No tubes. No needles. Just at his own home in his own bed in his small single wide trailer. It's actually damn cool he is exiting this world ... doing it his way.
Reflecting - There was a lot that I did not respect in his life but he has been a good dad - supported his kids endeavors and while the money decisions were lousy at best he always did it with the intention of helping us not hurting us. I get that now. I did not get it then. He has been an awesome grandpa to my kids too. So thanks dad ... And respect all the things you did right or wrong !!
Why this has to do with ER: He is dying completely broke and well in debt. He was the very opposite of what everyone says one should do to plan a retirement future. He had spent down what he had saved and had nothing the last few years aside a low paying job , social security and tiny small pension. His approach to money and to retirement was always the motivator for me to plan mine differently. That said, he was happy in his existence and worked a job nearly full time - one that he enjoyed until he stopped working a year or so ago. I guess some gifts aren't really noticed til later in life.
Maybe he was smarter than us all ... Dying broke that is ... I don't know. It's a bit surreal but I was compelled to post this. Don't know why I am posting other than maybe to let out a little bit of my own sadness and grief.
Mega corp was supportive and I dumped a big project on some colleagues so I could be here. It was of course the right answer.
With his passing at any time now, I am more resolved than ever to retire early. Life is short.
And so I end with a tear in my eye as I say dad's favorite phrase: Life is good !
Peace to all.
Biker4life.
MRG
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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- Apr 9, 2013
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- 11,078
Biker4life,
Touching tribute to your dad. It's hard to reconnect after a cutoff, you obviously did the right thing.
Accepting your dad's good and not so good attributes is so important. My dad apologized late in life for the things he did wrong. When he said that, he also mentioned 'he did the best he knew how to'. I believe that, he lost his dad at age 11, other than his mom who had to provide for her 3 kids (in 1929), he had no role models. Our last conversation we both admitted to our character defects, and forgave each other.
I hope his journey remains peaceful. Your dad is correct: 'Life is good'
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app
Touching tribute to your dad. It's hard to reconnect after a cutoff, you obviously did the right thing.
Accepting your dad's good and not so good attributes is so important. My dad apologized late in life for the things he did wrong. When he said that, he also mentioned 'he did the best he knew how to'. I believe that, he lost his dad at age 11, other than his mom who had to provide for her 3 kids (in 1929), he had no role models. Our last conversation we both admitted to our character defects, and forgave each other.
I hope his journey remains peaceful. Your dad is correct: 'Life is good'
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app
Biker4life -
I am so glad you were able to reconcile with your dad and spend time with him this week. I hope his passing will be peaceful and as pain-free as possible.
I am so glad you were able to reconcile with your dad and spend time with him this week. I hope his passing will be peaceful and as pain-free as possible.
OP
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papadad111
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2007
- Messages
- 1,135
Update - November 2014. Starting to look at new work assignments - backup plan / OMY syndrome... The contract runs out middle 2015.
Still getting over the loss of my father. The family feels a bit of a void -it's not the big things - it's the little stuff: he was an upbeat person and I keep noticing all the "things that he used to enjoy" .... healing process.... no doubt.
https://www.networthiq.com/people/biker4life
1.94M Stocks -Taxable account
0.40M Cash - taxable account
0.60M Deferred compensation, taxable upon retiremt @ effectively 38% tax
0.57M 401K/IRA/Roth IRA
0.22M house (fully paid)
0.15M DW's retirement IRA/Roth
0.13M DW's investment condo (cash flow neutral)
=========
4.01 M current Net Worth (before taxes)
Others:
Kids college funds: 0.22M
Present value @ lump sum of Megacorp pension: 0.10M
SS @ 67 ~$1500/mth
Still getting over the loss of my father. The family feels a bit of a void -it's not the big things - it's the little stuff: he was an upbeat person and I keep noticing all the "things that he used to enjoy" .... healing process.... no doubt.
https://www.networthiq.com/people/biker4life
1.94M Stocks -Taxable account
0.40M Cash - taxable account
0.60M Deferred compensation, taxable upon retiremt @ effectively 38% tax
0.57M 401K/IRA/Roth IRA
0.22M house (fully paid)
0.15M DW's retirement IRA/Roth
0.13M DW's investment condo (cash flow neutral)
=========
4.01 M current Net Worth (before taxes)
Others:
Kids college funds: 0.22M
Present value @ lump sum of Megacorp pension: 0.10M
SS @ 67 ~$1500/mth
OP
OP
papadad111
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2007
- Messages
- 1,135
Update. Feb 2015. No change in work status. Contract ends mid 2015. Have looked around a bit but nothing certain or cemented.
Two stress points. One is where to tell DS where he/we will be living come fall 2015 when he starts his sophomore year of HS. A move post contract is very likely. Hard to keep him in limbo.
Other concern now is my mom is in assisted living and that's expensive. With the sale of her primary residence, her biggest single asset, along with some investment accounts and IRAs she has enough money for maybe 5 years in AL. She has been in not so good health (C survivor, stroke x2 ). for 2 decades now but is relatively young @ early 70s so could easily outlive what she has. That's really what's driving my OMY. An obligation to help her, And my fire plans do not account for funding my moms retirement care. I have one kid headed for college in September too and another kid 3 years behind - but we saved for college. Did not expect to have to (plan to) help mom with assisted living. I suppose there is eventually Medicare nursing home but she is not yet to that stage and may not be there even in 5 years. She is a survivor. The assisted living seems to be helping her to improve her health and capabilities, which is good. So working a year or two more would help fund her care.
Two stress points. One is where to tell DS where he/we will be living come fall 2015 when he starts his sophomore year of HS. A move post contract is very likely. Hard to keep him in limbo.
Other concern now is my mom is in assisted living and that's expensive. With the sale of her primary residence, her biggest single asset, along with some investment accounts and IRAs she has enough money for maybe 5 years in AL. She has been in not so good health (C survivor, stroke x2 ). for 2 decades now but is relatively young @ early 70s so could easily outlive what she has. That's really what's driving my OMY. An obligation to help her, And my fire plans do not account for funding my moms retirement care. I have one kid headed for college in September too and another kid 3 years behind - but we saved for college. Did not expect to have to (plan to) help mom with assisted living. I suppose there is eventually Medicare nursing home but she is not yet to that stage and may not be there even in 5 years. She is a survivor. The assisted living seems to be helping her to improve her health and capabilities, which is good. So working a year or two more would help fund her care.
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