You would think my nephews would want to build out here and press the issue to keep it and make it their home, but instead they have bought high priced smaller homes in our newest golf community subdivision and paid more for the tiny lot than they did for their house. I guess it's a prestige thing. We made a 4-wheeler/golf cart path thru our woods behind the house that ends up on the 6th hole of this same golf course. So it isn't like they wanted to live across town, lol. I don't get it.
Hello AnnMarie - I'm sorry that your joining the forum coincided with such a tumultuous situation!
I know that a few people are saying some things that might rub you the wrong way. Just realize that the people on this forum - in addition to having crazy senses of humor
- are also highly intelligent, rational people that wouldn't have been able to retire early if they weren't able to step back from situations and see things clearly and not be influenced by corporate marketing (and of course, a decent job doesn't hurt either....)
One note about your above comment - yes, I agree with you that some people are silly when it comes to Jonesism and living the opulent life of luxury that many on this board wouldn't ever be enticed by...but remember: everyone in the world has different priorities, different enjoyments, different pursuits. While I agree with you about not enjoying the life your one in-law is living on the golf course, at the same time I'd NEVER consider living on a huge farm of 160 acres (upkeep/taxes/insurance, being too isolated, would rather travel around and experience the world with the money, etc.). But that doesn't mean that I think you're crazy for wanting to live where you're at.
My point is - remember that although I sometimes go crazy inside when I see my sibling do something stupid or hear my grandmother make some comment about her possessions that makes me pity her values, they have decided what they want to make as priorities in their life. It doesn't make them wrong, or stupid, or less of a person (they might one day "see the light" and value other things differently, however).
So, to echo what TexasProud and a few others have said - remember that your in-laws are just as entitled to the estate/land as your husband is, and that they are free to do with it as they wish. That's part of the beauty of this wonderful country we live in. Sometimes it doesn't always go the way we personally want it, but any other way would likely be less fair.
Now, please don't feel like I'm trying to attack you or add more fuel to the fire, and please don't read my post with an smart-assed/argumentative voice or anything other than a calm, cool, pleasant Fred Rodgers voice
....but I had a few observations from this thread:
(
bold added by me)
My children and I have always thought one day the land would be sub-divided between my husband and his siblings and we'd live here with them building here also. However, his siblings have decided they can make more money selling the land as a whole and refuse to sub-divide which will leave us and one other sibling having our land taken away and us having to live on our 2 acres among a future housing development. Granted the sell of the land would be a lot of money, but I'd rather have my land for my children to build on one day. Of course the ones wanting to sell have never wanted to live on this land and don't. Is there anything we can do? Are we just at their mercy and have to sell?
Believe me if their was any way to buy them out I would. Don't have that kind of money and it is worth quite a bit. I keep hoping I win the lottery and can do just that, lol, but we got an offer this week and I am really upset that soon when I look out my back door I will be watching houses come up on top of me instead of seeing the beautiful green wheat field and small forest my children and I have lived with all these years. It's heart breaking to my children.
I'll read it again and get back with you, but you are correct in the fact I do need a lawyer and unfortunately I don't think I can use the one I'm dealing with now in settling my father's estate.
I do have a clear deed to my 2 acres although that may be an issue as well.
I fully realize that sometimes married people use the singular pronoun when they fully intend to reference their spouse as well..but I get the feeling that there is a little too much "I/me/my" in this marriage and this situation, and the times you use "we/my husband/our", it's mainly for your benefit (as in "our land taken away from us", where "our land" refers not to the deeded land under your house, but the land your husband is receiving in the will). I realize there are many details about your marriage that we're not privy to - and perhaps I'm misreading the post - but when I look at other posts by married people and how they talk about their spouse/family, the above seemed to stand out as I read through the posts.
Also, you start off saying what "my children and I" always thought, but didn't say "my husband and I and my children" or "my family". Perhaps it was intentional, perhaps it was subliminal, perhaps your husband has always clearly said it as well. Either way, you might want to reflect on how you speak of both yourself and your family (including your husband), because your choice of which pronoun to use where seems to indicate a pattern that might be creating some friction elsewhere.
I do know that my mother in law believed we would divide the land up equally as she use to talk to my daughter about her living here all grown up and married, children of her own.
Just consider one thing: say that the other 5 DID want to keep the property and divide it up. Then how would they divide it? You mentioned that some ground is 'less desirable', and that 'you' were willing to take the 'less desirable' ground in order to keep them from selling...then how would you suggest 3 siblings solve the dilemma of "well, your 10 acre tract is more desirable than this 10 acre tract, etc., etc.". When you have 6 people splitting up an estate, odds are it will never be easy or clean or pleasant. (there are actual mathematical proofs on how to guarantee envy-free estate division: see this Wikipedia entry (
Envy-free - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) , with a reference to the book that the mathematicians published)
I say wait until it's built and the land will be worth even more. I guess I'm just trying to delay the inevitable. The thing too is these siblings do not need the money. They are well off and doing fine financially.
...
Shoot, my family needs the money more so than anyone, yet I don't want to sell.
If you really don't want them to sell, then why would you suggest they wait until the interstate is built so they can get more money? Say they did decide to wait - like you said - and sold in 5 years? Would you be happy? If not, then why suggest it? And as for "these siblings do not need the money" - perhaps they are the sick types that simply like controlling people and getting their way. Or perhaps they want to buy a Ferarri with the cash. Either way, they are free to do with the land (or the cash) as they wish. There are many people on this forum that have more money that I probably will ever have - do I say to them "Hey, give ol MooreBonds some of that green you have, you don't need it!" Hell no! (because I know them too well
). And it would behoove you to continue with the mindset of "anyone with more than what I have doesn't really need it" - because none of us truly
need anything that we have (just consider how 80% of the world's population lives). Are you truly certain you know of their financial condition? Maybe you do, or maybe you just suppose based on their spending habits? (you'd be surprised how many people live the life of luxury and have nearly no financial assets to speak of).
Unfortunately, I have been dealing with trying to settle my father's estate. It is only a home and few acres and my siblings and I have worked well together.
...
In my father's case he willed all his assets to be divided equally among his 3 children and the only difference (I think, sorry) is that one of the sons gets the first option to buy. In this case we are working hard, and taking a financial loss, in order to help this brother purchase the property.
Has your husband been as involved in dealing with your father's estate as you have in his mother's estate? If your husband said that he wanted you to simply take the cash from your father's estate so the two of you (or "he") could travel or build an additional house, what would your attitude be? Did your husband have any input on 'taking a financial loss' in order to help your brother?
It's ironic now when I think of when we were first married, or I was first pregnant, no deed to the land, no life insurance and he'd tell me "not a problem".
You didn't mention if you and your husband ever paid your in-laws for the 2 acres. From what you said above, it almost sounds like you and your spouse built on the land for free (I'm assuming that the documents and surveying would have been performed correctly if money changed hands). Did you get it for free, or pay a reasonable price for it?
And all I want is what is fair and right. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.
Again, there are (at least) 6 opinions of what is "fair and right". Going back to the "what if they all kept the land" bit - what if everyone built a home somewhere on the homestead? What if 3 siblings wanted to farm corn, while 3 wanted to raise cattle and turn it into pasture or wanted to sublease it out? Who spends the money to put up a fence? Who decides what land is planted with what crop (if the plots don't line up)? Who decides who has to give up land to build a well for irrigation? What if 3 of your nieces/nephews wanted to build houses that somehow impacted the view or the peace and tranquility?
There are a host of 'other' problems that could easily come up if "your" dream is realized of not selling. How would you handle these problems then? Imagine if you had all of this land around you, but you weren't able to appreciate it because your in-laws had wild parties or played the radio loud or _______ (pick anything).
Like your husband said, perhaps taking the money from the sale and buying somewhere else could be the best thing that ever happened? (and how do you know that what is available is more 'isolated' and worse off without even looking around?) Imagine having your family's own 30 acre spread where you can do whatever.