OMG! Happily Retired in OH. Who knew?

[Cassius King]

Oh, and congrats OP. I'm in Ohio as well.

My retirement plans are fairly simple as well. Aside from road tripping across this great country of ours, I'll spend most of my time on my patio, BBQ'ing on my BGE, listening to Duane Allman and Jerry Garcia pick away the days, and a nice adult beverage in my hand. Playing golf whenever I please.

Cheers!

 

[RetiringAt55]

I am content doing exactly what I am doing--crafting, reading, writing, shopping, volunteering, hanging out with friends, bowling, even part-time on line work. I'm doing me. Maybe not the most exciting retiree but this is all that I am.

That sounds so wonderful and it is exactly what I want! I want time to putz around. My exciting retirement plans include making myself a cup of tea and looking out the window in the morning.

 

[LitGal]

Thanks, Everyone!

I now have a nice list of comebacks, headed up by that healthy little word, "No."

Re. the title of this thread, "Happily Retired in OH. Who knew?" I originally read it thinking the OP meant that one wouldn't expect to retire happily in OH. But Co2012 cleared that up.

Still, as a California import to NE Ohio, I have had people suggest that they wouldn't dream someone could retire happily in OH. (This mostly came from our CA friends, and the OH friends here who want to escape the cold.)

Personally, though, DH and I could not be happier here. We moved here on purpose in our '40s, back in 1996. Because our cost of living here has been about half of what it was in the SF Bay Area, we were able to aggressively save for retirement.........and then RE.

We love the seasons, the deer in the forest behind our house, the slower pace, the people. We can still go visit friends and family in CA, FL, and NY; but it is always a thrill to return to OH. (Plus, our CA friends love to visit us here.........so have come to understand why we made our choices.)

 

[Dogman]

The one thing I have learned over time, especially with relatives is even though they know you are right regarding saving and investment or living below you means. They do not want your advise, they just want to envy your lifestyle.

Therefore, just live conservatively and be happy, take a cruise once, twice, or four times a year.

 

[Andre1969]

One thing I've learned when dealing with people asking for money is that "NO" is a complete sentence. And usually an effective one. Whenever I've given an explanation of why I can't lend money, it tends to open up the door for arguments, reasons why they need my hard-earned money more than I do, etc.

 

[Major Tom]

Whenever I've given an explanation of why I can't lend money, it tends to open up the door for arguments, reasons why they need my hard-earned money more than I do, etc.

Such "reasons" often begin with the phrase "It's not my fault.........."

 

[gozer]

So-- again, without hijacking-- do any of the readers/posters here have diplomatic, yet effective, replies for stopping those who hint/request/appeal for $ (or purchases they would like us to make for them)?

"I can't, I'm on a budget. Money is tied up in investments that have financial consequences if I pull it out ahead of schedule."

The details that I don't bother providing are that my wife and I have engineered ourselves into a cost of living that keeps us in the second tax bracket after I RE next January. This situation continues until we start pulling tax advantaged money out of IRAs in 11 years. If we realize too much income in the form of capital gains, "early retired me" would go from paying zero capital gains to paying 15%. On just 50K in gains, this would be 7.5K in extra tax liability. In other words they could be asking me for a lot more money than they realize depending on how close I am cutting it that year.

Of course there is cash on hand that could be used with no tax issues. But that's for my use, not someone else's, so its never even mentioned. When I help extended family, it's advice, support and sometimes access to my network of contacts, it's never money. It's like I used to jokingly tell my brother when we were much younger, "I would be more likely to help you move a body, than to loan you money."

I have only once been directly asked for a large amount of financial support. I get many perceived hints, but have always ignored them. I think I put out a vibe that tells most people to not ask. Most of my family knows I am doing better than they are, but few really know how much better. Having a LBYM lifestyle makes me seem far less affluent than I am. I plan to keep it that way.

I was recently asked to consider mortgaging a house and letting my step-father live in it and pay off the loan. This request was because my credit is so much better than his. I would qualify for a much better rate on the loan. This is the financial support I mentioned above. It was not my step-father asking. I stopped this by mentioning the liability this situation would present. Not to mention the fact that my step-father is one of the least financially responsible people I know. The idea of "Pimping out my credit rating", made me feel a bit dirty.

 

[Options]

Lit Gal,

I make absolutely no attempt to be diplomatic when (on rare occasions) friends or family expect me to pay their way/give them money. IMHO, it is ignorant of them to ask in the first place. My savings are a result of a lifetime of LBYM, while they were spending everything they had and then some.

I go straight for effective - no muss, no fuss - I say the word "NO" firmly.

I have never once had someone ask a second time.

The first time might be hard, but trust me - it gets easier every time. Good luck!

+1. Every word.

 

[Co2012]

Thanks for all of the good suggestions on how to say no. Now I just have to put on my big girl pants and use them. I mean seriously. Believe or not within the last three years I've forked out over $7,000 for family emergencies, which includes funerals, keeping a relative out of jail, etc. At the time, I was told I would be paid back but I have not received one penny. In a way, I'm glad because most of those people will now not dare ask me for money. Also, in a way it's sad because a good cousin borrowed only $50.00 from me about four years ago and never paid me back and now she makes it her life mission to avoid me. I wish she knew it's not that serious. I would rather have the relationship we had than the money back. I miss her.

 

[braumeister]

Obviously, you've figured it out. Congratulations!

I have a BIL who doesn't get it, and consistently refuses any conditions on the help he is always asking for. The result is that he is headed for the grim world of bankruptcy and welfare. Everyone knows this but him. Some people are just un-helpable.

 

[Walt34]

The result is that he is headed for the grim world of bankruptcy and welfare. Everyone knows this but him. Some people are just un-helpable.

I have a nephew like that. There's probably one in almost every family.

 

[Calico]

I have a nephew like that. There's probably one in almost every family.

If the rule is one per family, I am overstocked. Any takers?

 

[seraphim]

If the rule is one per family, I am overstocked. Any takers?

Lol. Put them on EBay...

I am, BTW, happily retired in Ohio and I, for one, figured that would be impossible!

 

[kimcdougc]

I have a son who is 33 and still trying to figure out what he wants to do when he grows up. We gave him a year living with us rent free to find a job and get on his feet. It is now month 10 and he still doesn't have a job, but I reminded him his year is up in two months. He is out then. Push comes to shove...he will get a job. No more free rides from mom and dad. Don't mind helping someone who is helping their selves. Saying NO is getting way more easier the older I get.

 

[CaliforniaMan]

Thanks for all of the good suggestions on how to say no. Now I just have to put on my big girl pants and use them. I mean seriously. Believe or not within the last three years I've forked out over $7,000 for family emergencies, which includes funerals, keeping a relative out of jail, etc. At the time, I was told I would be paid back but I have not received one penny. In a way, I'm glad because most of those people will now not dare ask me for money. Also, in a way it's sad because a good cousin borrowed only $50.00 from me about four years ago and never paid me back and now she makes it her life mission to avoid me. I wish she knew it's not that serious. I would rather have the relationship we had than the money back. I miss her.

In my younger stupider days, I used to get pleasure from "helping" people when they needed money. Not only a few relatives, but sometimes for very poor people and 3rd world countries or the NGOs where I visited. In my mind I was going to be their hero. But I found that in their mind I was their patsy. Easily deceived and swindled whenever the next "need" arose. Ever give to a political campaign or charity? Once they see you are a mark, there never send a thank you, without including another request for money. Has anyone ever been repaid by a relative?

I suspect like me you would love to be the hero to them. But better for them to learn from your example, maybe next time they will try to emulate you. You are never a hero or savior by giving money, always the patsy. Just say no. It gets much easier the second time, if it occurs.

 

[WestLake]

My father taught me that some people make it their life's "work" to skate by and live off others.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

One of my siblings had a habit of asking for "loans" that may or may not ever get paid back. They were a commission salesperson and had more skills in hard pressing me than I had skills at resisting (at the time). For them, for every penny earned a nickel was spent. This was when I was a young engineer making much more than sibling who thought that meant I should be an ATM.

But, one day I firmly said "no," although it had to be repeated several times. "But I'm a drowning man grasping at the last straw, and the sheriff is on his way if we don't pay these bills." "Sorry, it's all tied up in long-term investments." Well, one month later I heard about their new car and bedroom suite from Ethan Allen. That taught me to just let the appeals run off like water on a duck's back.

 

[aja8888]

I did help out a step daughter that was going through a divorce two years ago. I paid for her attorney and FOUND HER A JOB (which she still has). She ACTUALLY paid me back the $3500 attorney fee. She is an exception.

We have had other family members mooch money in the past and not pay it back. So now the party line is:

You want a loan? There are 5 banks within a mile of here. Go see one of them. We are on a fixed income and not operating as a bank these days.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

This thread makes me positively relieved that among my close relatives....son, sister, in-laws, cousins...I am the one who would be considered the least financially well-off!

Friends are a different story but then all of my friends are really sensible LBYM types. By friends I mean about 3 or 4 people to whom I am very close (and I would lend/give them money if they had a catastrophe). The rest are acquaintances really.