To the OP - I agree with the others that you need to take a hard look at your expenses and start tracking them. However I'd like to add that if you want to maintain (or increase) the income part of the equation, I strongly recommend staying competitive and increasing your knowledge in the current "hot" IT technologies as much as you can, even if you must do it on your own time and dime. Not just programming languages, but things like virtualization, cloud computing, containers, etc. and see how you can relate your current work effort to them. You likely need to work at least another 12-15 years given your current financial situation, and you want to increase the odds of doing that.
I have been in IT 37+ years (longer if you count that I started learning programming in high school and majored in Computer Science in college). For relative comparison purposes: at 40 I was making $130K yearly, DW and I had savings/investment retirement of $500K, of which $184K was retirement accounts, and our network was around $370K. Our oldest child was still 5 years away from college, so we had a little more runway at that age than you. My primary skills at the time were mainframe based - though I did know something about UNIX, and I was just hearing about these "new" things like Linux, HTML, Java, etc. I decided that the best way to increase the odds of increasingly my salary was to understand these new technologies and figure out how to use/integrate them with my past skills. I saw many who did not attempt this, but still expected to work to their early 50s, get laid off well before then.
So really make an effort to learn. You will be surprised at what you can still pick up. There are some sacrifices - for example, I am a hands-on learner. When Megacorp wasn't providing us with systems powerful enough for these technologies (or worse, when some uninformed management said "you work with mainframes, why do you need PCs?") I bought my own hardware and software and started building a home lab (which 18 years later has become a home data center
). So I did the majority of learning and making mistakes on these new areas on my own time. By the time Megacorp recognized that "legacy" employees needed to understand these new areas, I was ahead of the game in many areas.
Even thought I plan to retire in a year, I still try to keep current or a little ahead. It has made a HUGE difference in the salary/bonuses over the years and in surviving layoffs that have hit the older crowd more heavily.
So... focus on both the income and expense side of things if you want to retire early. DW and I were also motivated to see our kids through college and give them the gift of "no debt" upon graduation. We have been able to do that. Even with doing that, our net worth has increased over six fold since we were 40. Which, given our current expenses, suits us fine.
I understand everyone's situation is different, so I'm just sharing some of mine since perhaps we were at a similar place. And this is a great place to learn - I joined this site about 4 years ago and have learned a lot.