Retired husband and working wife

[arebelspy]

I have no advice for you, but I wish you the best of luck.

I hope you are able to work everything out and find peace, one way or another.

 

[chris2008]

Sorry to say:
Cut your losses, get a lawyer and get out.
If not, your life can only get worse.
Imagine your situation in 10, 20 or 30 years...

 

[Arnie]

It's easy to agree with the "get out" sentiment ... at least from this distance.

 

[Walt34]

Sorry to say:
Cut your losses, get a lawyer and get out.
If not, your life can only get worse.
Imagine your situation in 10, 20 or 30 years...

I concur. It's difficult to know when to "cut your losses" (that's why so many people hang on to declining stocks) but something needs to change and quickly or you will be in debt for the rest of your life.

My divorce happened when the ex wanted to take out a loan to go on a trip. I don't even know where the trip was going to be to - the discussion never got that far. As I put it then "I am NOT making payments on a dead horse!"

At the time we had a 20-year-old house with original appliances, a questionable septic system, and slightly curling shingles on the roof. Nothing was critical, but there was no way I was going to put myself in a position where I had to beg relatives for money for something as basic as a furnace or roof, or refinance the house for something that basic or readily foreseeable.

I was just not going down that road.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Your situation will only worsen as time goes on and you realize how manipulative he has been during the marriage. Cut your losses and get the best lawyer you can afford, while you can still afford one.

 

[Bestwifeever]

... I've invested $130,000 of my own money into this recently acquired home and would be awfully upset at losing all of my hard earned income. My husband did not put a penny into any home we ever owned....

The longer your situation goes on, the more of your hard earned income will be at risk (as he accumulates more debt, you put more $ into the house). You could do the old "am I better with/without him" lists for comparison.

 

[52andout]

What do you want for yourself in one, five, ten, twenty years? What do you need to do to get there? Do you want to stay where you are? If so, live with it. If not, formulate a plan to change your life.

Then start taking steps forward one at a time to reach your goals instead of continually taking steps backwards into more financial trouble.

 

[REWahoo]

The OP hasn't been back to read responses for more than 24 hours. Must be tied up at the lawyer's office...

 

[OrcasIslandBound]

Hello mwojdyg1. My heart goes out to you. I don't know what I would do, except follow ladypatriot's advice. This situation looks really bad, and probably is even worse than it looks. We all wish you the best in getting out of this mess.

 

[kombat]

I sincerely believe that you are headed for either bankruptcy or divorce. The choice is yours, but I'm very confident that those are your only 2 options.

 

[Webzter]

I sincerely believe that you are headed for either bankruptcy or divorce. The choice is yours, but I'm very confident that those are your only 2 options.

it doesn't have to be an either/or... could be both!

 

[haha]

it doesn't have to be an either/or... could be both!

And of course against all odds we might once more have been played.

 

[spirit]

My situation is similar in spirit

I have been married for over 30 years and have 2 wonderful sons, a career I love, money in the bank, friends......but I have lost my soul mate, again, to the hell that is the aftereffects of alcohol abuse. My husband retired 20 years ago when the economy of Alberta tanked (could it be the water?) I was fortunate to get a part time teaching job and my husband learned to love cooking, cleaning etc. Honestly he was a former farm boy, grew up to be a tradesman who always took pride in doing a good job and was happy to leave a very physically demanding job as he was getting older. Even when the economy improved we were both happy with the quality of life having a stay at home partner and I worked part time (which eventually became full time). To be fair he found part time work which lasted until he turned 65. But over the years he grew more dependent on alcohol and was very good at hiding it. 6 years ago he could no longer hide it, we got through it together and he was alcohol free for 5 years. (2 short relapses) But this New Years we went to a wedding and he had "just one drink to celebrate" . The last few months have been filled with tears, fights, AA meetings and finally a family intervention this weekend. He is now in a 5-7 day detox facility where he will get the help he needs to clean his body from a physical addiction. He will need the rest of his life to fight the emotional reasons he give himself to continue wanting alcohol. He was honestly in hell and could not find a way out.
3 years ago I started attending Al Anon and learned how my behaviors were contributing to this situation, but more importantly it taught me how to put my life back together and learn to deal with his addiction. I learned how to live MY values. My husband is a wonderful man who became controlling, manipulative and very much in denial over how much his illness was affecting our lives. Thank god for my boys who were able to help me do what needed to be done. But I know I could not have done it without the love we shared becoming important enough for him to want to keep it. I wish you luck with your situation but more importantly please consider councelling with or without him. It will give you the tools you need to get your life back together. There is no value higher that that of serenity. Don't equate money with the ability to be happy. No matter the financial cost it is only money and can be earned again. Your life cannot. God bless.

 

[REWahoo]

It has been more than three days since the OP checked in to read this thread. Looks like we're all talking to ourselves on this one...

 

[tmm99]

It has been more than three days since the OP checked in to read this thread. Looks like we're all talking to ourselves on this one...

I wonder if we scared her off or what (we were all suggesting to face her situation and act on it...)

 

[haha]

Maybe, but more likely is that she was a troll.

Ha

 

[Sarah in SC]

here is no value higher that that of serenity. Don't equate money with the ability to be happy. No matter the financial cost it is only money and can be earned again. Your life cannot. God bless.

Thank you for sharing this, Spirit. I appreciate your courage and willingness to stand by your husband while he sorts out his demons. I wish you the best.

 

[youbet]

I have just now read this thread for the first time. It does seem that the thread title "Retired husband and working wife" isn't what the thread is about. Although many conservative proponents of the "olden days" might think that a retired hubby with working wife is wrong, I think in todays modern society it's just as appropriate to have hubby home and the wife working and the other way around.

Just the same, OP and her SO do seem to have some serious issues and the advise given by members is excellent.

 

[Andre1969]

My Granddad on my Mom's side of the family retired in 1971, at the age of 55. Grandmom didn't retire until 1980, at the age of 56 (Granddad was 64 by then), but then went back to work part time.

But, Granddad didn't sit around on his ass all day making a mess and spending money, either. He'd keep the house clean, tended to a huge garden, worked on cars as sort of a shade tree mechanic (until they started getting more complicated with emissions controls and such), would usually cook lunch and dinner, and when I was a little kid, often watched me. And, he was also getting a gov't pension, which was pretty nice.

So, they both pulled their weight, just in different ways.

To the OP, aren't those railroad pensions pretty generous? My other Granddad, on my Dad's side of the family, worked for the Pennsylvania Railroad for about 35 years. I have no idea how much he actually gets, but I've heard mention that it's pretty good, and I think exempt from taxes, as well!

 

[bizlady]

RUN my dear friend, life will not be easy, but better.
I would make an appointment with a lawyer and see what you might be entitled too. The move on with YOUR life, you are stuck in his right now- and from what it sounds, not very happy.

 

[brewer12345]

Sounds sweet. "A working wife is like owning a pumping oil well."